My name is McKay, and I am a self-proclaimed self-love enthusiast:
I spent approximately two decades of my life hating just about every piece of me, and that was two decades too many. I always focused on what others were doing better than me; I thought I wasn’t doing enough for the people in my life, but the reality was that I wasn’t doing enough for myself.
As we approach the winter holidays, we seem to be surrounded by choruses of “serve others” and “it’s all about giving, not receiving!” Everyone — myself included — seems to get bitten by the giving season bug, and I often have to remind myself that you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Photo from @revelatori
Genuine, healthy self-esteem is powerful:
In the times when I struggled most to love myself, I tried my best to serve other people. I was taught at church and in school, after all, that it would make me feel better. But every time I took time to give, I ended up feeling even more empty inside than I had before. I began to resent service, and therefore, to resent myself. I should be doing more for my fellow man! And I should like it! Right?
Wrong. I was at a point in my mental and physical health where I literally could not give any more. I wasn’t meeting my own needs, and with a budding hatred for who I was and how poorly my life seemed to be going, I hit rock bottom.
Then I decided I had had enough. I looked around myself and began to rebuild. I wrote down the nice things that people said about me when I couldn’t think of anything nice to say about myself. I painstakingly wrote out body-positive quotes and covered my mirror in them. I focused on myself and my needs for once, and things started to get better.
“Cultivate the habit of checking how full your cup really is. You might be surprised by how low your reserves have gotten – far better to realize and remedy this now, than later.”
– Dr. Susan Biali
As I made the very conscious decision to change my view of myself, things throughout my life began to drastically improve. Now, I’m able to build closer relationships with those around me. I am able to recognize what friendships in my life are healthy, and how to maintain and grow those relationships. I have had more success in my career. I have increased my love of my God and built upon my relationship with Him. My positive view of myself has helped to bring positivity to every aspect of my life!
Photo from pexels.com
The most important relationship:
One study by Cheng & Furnham (2003) found that high self-esteem was directly linked with happiness, whereas low self-esteem was directly linked with depression. These correlations with self-esteem were higher than with any other factor, such as personality traits, like extraversion, or even “aspects of life”, like romance (Cheng & Furnham, 2003). Simply put, how you feel about yourself greatly reflects onto your life as a whole, particularly when it comes to mental health, and your capacity to share yourself with others.
The truth is that the most significant relationship that you will have with someone on this earth is the relationship that you have with yourself. In society today – especially among women – we aren’t taught to put ourselves first. This desperately needs to change! Your needs are as important as another’s, even if it’s easy to forget. Loving yourself can bring light, strength, and love for others into your life. So many of my problems can be traced back to my battle with low self-esteem. I know that loving myself is something I’ll have to intentionally work towards my entire life, but I am working on it, and so can you. When all seems lost, research shows that having self-esteem can help you persist.
Write down five things that you like about yourself. They can be physical or not, just whatever comes to mind easiest! If you honestly cannot think of five things, ask a friend. Physically write them down and put your list somewhere you can look at throughout the week to remind yourself of some of the reasons you’re great!
Cheng, H., & Furnham, A. (2003). Personality, self-esteem, and demographic predictions of happiness and depression. Personality and individual differences, 34(6), 921-942. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0191-8869(02)00078-8
Leveto, J. A. (2020). Exploring the relationships between discrepancies in perceptions of emotional performance among college students on self-esteem and psychological distress. Current Psychology: A Journal for Diverse Perspectives on Diverse Psychological Issues, 39(5), 1661–1673. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s12144-018-9857-z
Mruk, C. J. (2006). Self-esteem research, theory, and practice: Toward a positive psychology of self-esteem. Springer Publishing Company.
McKay Strong is from Texas. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. A super experienced wife of a year, McKay works full-time at a local nonprofit and has more side hustles than she should (she still doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life). She is a proud Ravenclaw and an even more proud cat mom. McKay is passionate about self-love, body positivity, healthy sexuality, and breaking the stigma against mental illnesses. Also, Harry Potter.
