Written by Aubrey Dawn Palmer

In the summer with kids home from school, it can be easy to let phones, gaming and social media become easy babysitters. Sometimes parents let kids play for hours on end. I have met kids so obsessed with their game consoles that they pee into empty Gatorade bottles and put off eating, showering, and completing other basic functioning tasks. Excessive or pathological gaming is associated with increased mental illness, impulsivity, social phobias, poor social skills, and lower school performance (Gentile, et al., 2011). Adolescents who consume games excessively report less life satisfaction and more symptoms of depression and anxiety (Rune, et al., 2011).

Don’t get me wrong, gaming is not all bad, and does have some positive effects like increasing the ability to switch between multiple tasks and improved eye tracking and attention to detail (Dunifon & Gill, 2013). But as with many things, moderation is important.

Requiring kids to spend time outside is essential for physical, emotional and mental development (Burdette & Whitaker, 2005). Part of this was discussed in last week’s article, “Go Outside – Your Mental Health Depends On It”. Offsetting gaming use with outdoor play is important. Research has shown that kids who report spending more time outside also report spending less time gaming (Dunifon & Gill, 2013). Here are some ways to help you manage your kids’ gaming.

Monitor, or even turn off the console.

Some parents say that they cannot get their kids away from video games. But here’s the deal – you’re the parent, and that makes you the boss. If you pay for the internet, bought the console, pay for your kid’s phone, computer, the electric bill, etc., you control the gaming. And if you are a parent, you are responsible for teaching your kids to manage technology responsibly. You can turn off the console, set limits, and have standards and expectations surrounding tech use. You are also responsible for understanding and monitoring gaming ratings.

Teaching 10-12-year-olds 12 sessions of the Strengthening Families Program (to date) I have met way too many kids whose parents 1) buy games that are age-inappropriate, and 2) do not set limits for the amount of time their kids are plugged in. The kids whose parents monitor gaming consistently are generally most able to focus. They ask good questions, are respectful, and are the most emotionally mature of our clients. (This was not an official study; these are just observations I have made over the last 4 ½ years. Please do not regard this as official research.)

If you haven’t set limits, it will be an uphill battle at first. Enforcing a new plan is usually met with some push-back. But have courage, and be consistent. When your kids see how serious you are, and that you are going to enforce the standards you have set up consistently they’ll eventually stop giving you grief.

Tips for limiting gaming (can apply to other things like internet/social media/desktop/phone as well).

1. Set a time limit. You may consider the ability to earn extra time as well. For example, if one of my boys wants extra gaming time, I expect that they will do something to earn it – wash walls, vacuum the stairs, etc. I “check off” this extra job, to make sure it was done properly. The job is done when I feel that it has been done properly.

2. Do your research to ensure that games (and apps) are age-appropriate and more importantly, that they fit moral and/or spiritual standards you have for your family.

3. Make outdoor play an important part of your kid’s life. I know of a family who requires their kids to be outside for at least 2 hours each day before video games are even an option. Other families expect their kids to spend time outside after 30 minutes of video game time. Some families have their kids do yard work for 30 minutes in the morning and then play for at least 30 minutes in the afternoon. However you do it, spending time outside is important for physical and mental development (Bowen & Neill, 2013; Palmer, 2019).

4. Enforce appropriate consequences that you can follow through with when standards and expectations surrounding gaming are not followed.

5. Be consistent. Consistency is the key. It’s no surprise that kids freak out when they lose their phone/console/computer when parents do not consistently enforce the same consequences for the same poor choices/behaviors.

6. Keep consoles/computers out of kids’ bedrooms. Gaming should be done in a family space, not a private one to help kids maintain appropriate standards for gaming: sending appropriate messages, playing age-appropriate games, being honest about the amount of time they are playing, and speaking respectfully and appropriately if using a headset. Consoles in bedrooms also increase the likelihood that a child will become addicted to gaming (Burdette & Whitaker, 2005).

Developing boundaries around gaming helps keep kids safe, teaches self-discipline and self-regulation, and makes room for more open parent-child communication. Setting boundaries like those above also guards against gaming addictions and other addictive behaviors. Setting limits like these can be hard at first, but have courage, and be consistent. While hard at first, it will get better.

Create boundaries around gaming use in your home. Be willing to make tough calls. Explain these new standards to your kids in a family meeting. Be sure to explain the WHY behind your new boundaries. Being open and helping kids understand WHY rules exist, even if they don’t agree with them, and exactly what consequences will be if broken helps them take ownership and be more open with you.

References

Bowen, D. J., & Neill, J. T. (2013). A Meta-Analysis of Adventure Therapy Outcomes and Moderators. The Open Psychology Journal,6(1), 28-53. https://doi:10.2174/1874350120130802001

Burdette HL, Whitaker RC. Resurrecting Free Play in Young Children: Looking Beyond Fitness and Fatness to Attention, Affiliation, and Affect. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2005;159(1):46–50. https://doi:10.1001/archpedi.159.1.46

Dunifon, R., & Gill, L. (2013). Games and Children’s Brains: What is the Latest Research? Retrieved May, 2019, from https://www.human.cornell.edu/sites/default/files/PAM/Parenting/FINAL-Video-Game-Research-Brief-5.pdf

Gentile, D. A., Choo, A., Liau, A., Sim, T., Li, D., Fung, D., & Khoo, A. (2011). Pathological Video Game Use Among Youths: A Two-Year Longitudinal Study. Pediatrics, 127(2). https://doi:10.1542/peds.2010-1353d

Palmer, A. D. (2019, June). Go Outside: Your Mental Health Depends On It. Retrieved June, 2019, from https://www.healthyhumansproject.com/go-outside-your-mental-health-depends-on-it/

Rune Aune Mentzoni, Geir Scott Brunborg, Helge Molde, Helga Myrseth, Knut Joachim Mår Skouverøe, Jørn Hetland, and Ståle Pallesen.Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.Oct 2011.ahead of print http://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2010.0260

Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.