Summer is here and with that comes a host of fun trips and vacations with the people we love most- family! These travel plans while providing a break from the mundane, can also play a central role in increasing long term familial quality of life and relationship satisfaction.
Experiencing events together as a family facilitates collective memory creation, familial bonding and creates ‘we-relationships’ which form the basis of family identity and culture (Jepson, 2019). Family travel has been found to improve communications, reduce the possibility of divorce, strengthen family bonds, and increase a sense of well-being in persons of all ages (Durko & Petrick, 2013). However, to enjoy these many benefits, a certain degree of preparation is required. Here are three essentials of family travel to help you get the most out of your next trip.
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If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail
The success of your trip is largely determined by your preparation. Planning ahead is crucial and helps avoid unnecessary stress. Whether you are a self-proclaimed “planner” or a “wing-it” kind of person, it’s important to know the basic outline of your travel itinerary and goals. Often one person is left to do most of the planning but this responsibility can and should be shared with other family members to ensure everyone is on the same page and individual needs and expectations are met. Planning together can be a fun way to bond as you create opportunities to make collective memories.
You’re Still You When You Travel
As comically said in a recent SNL skit, “you’re still you when you travel.” I think we often forget that when we travel, we are still the same people, just in a different place. So if you don’t enjoy hiking at home, you likely won’t enjoy it abroad. Similarly, If your family dynamics are strained at home, you can expect them to be strained while you travel as well. Time away from our day to day lives can be rejuvenating and serve as a needed ‘reset’ but unfortunately our problems and worries may very well accompany us on our adventures. Understanding this will help you tailor your travels to your family’s specific situation.
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Disconnect to Connect
My little family and I lived in Europe the last few years and found time and time again that the most meaningful experiences we shared were the ones we never took a picture of or even had our phones with us. We’ve been shocked to visit some of the world’s most beautiful sights and cities only to find a lot of people staring at a screen or seeing life through a lens rather than connecting with those around them. We often spend so much time trying to capture the perfect photo for our instagram feeds that we completely miss out on the lasting benefits of family travel. Of course, taking occasional photos can be a fun way to capture moments to look back on, but if there are no family memories to accompany them, the photos are ultimately worthless. Frequently disconnecting from technology will open the door to family connection and improved communications.
Putting these three family travel essentials in practice will prepare you for a summer filled with family fun and most importantly, strengthen your most valued relationships.
Sit down with your family and review your summer calendar with these essentials in mind!
References
Agate, J. R., Zabriskie, R. B., Agate, S. T., & Poff, R. (2009). Family leisure satisfaction and satisfaction with family life. Journal of Leisure Research, 41(2), 205–223.
Dolnicar, S., Yanamandram, V., & Cliff, K. (2012). The contribution of vacations to quality of life. Annals of Tourism Research, 39(1), 59–83. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.annals.2011.04.015
Durko, A. M., & Petrick, J. F. (2013). Family and Relationship Benefits of Travel Experiences: A Literature Review. Journal of Travel Research, 52(6), 720–730. https://doi.org/10.1177/0047287513496478
Jepson, A., Stadler, R., & Spencer, N. (2019). Making positive family memories together and improving quality-of-life through thick sociality and bonding at local community festivals and events. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tourman.2019.05.001
Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.
In the summer with kids home from school, it can be easy to let phones, gaming and social media become easy babysitters. Sometimes parents let kids play for hours on end. I have met kids so obsessed with their game consoles that they pee into empty Gatorade bottles and put off eating, showering, and completing other basic functioning tasks. Excessive or pathological gaming is associated with increased mental illness, impulsivity, social phobias, poor social skills, and lower school performance (Gentile, et al., 2011). Adolescents who consume games excessively report less life satisfaction and more symptoms of depression and anxiety (Rune, et al., 2011).
Don’t get me wrong, gaming is not all bad, and does have some positive effects like increasing the ability to switch between multiple tasks and improved eye tracking and attention to detail (Dunifon & Gill, 2013). But as with many things, moderation is important.
Requiring kids to spend time outside is essential for physical, emotional and mental development (Burdette & Whitaker, 2005). Part of this was discussed in last week’s article, “Go Outside – Your Mental Health Depends On It”. Offsetting gaming use with outdoor play is important. Research has shown that kids who report spending more time outside also report spending less time gaming (Dunifon & Gill, 2013). Here are some ways to help you manage your kids’ gaming.
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Monitor, or even turn off the console.
Some parents say that they cannot get their kids away from video games. But here’s the deal – you’re the parent, and that makes you the boss. If you pay for the internet, bought the console, pay for your kid’s phone, computer, the electric bill, etc., you control the gaming. And if you are a parent, you are responsible for teaching your kids to manage technology responsibly. You can turn off the console, set limits, and have standards and expectations surrounding tech use. You are also responsible for understanding and monitoring gaming ratings.
Teaching 10-12-year-olds 12 sessions of the Strengthening Families Program (to date) I have met way too many kids whose parents 1) buy games that are age-inappropriate, and 2) do not set limits for the amount of time their kids are plugged in. The kids whose parents monitor gaming consistently are generally most able to focus. They ask good questions, are respectful, and are the most emotionally mature of our clients. (This was not an official study; these are just observations I have made over the last 4 ½ years. Please do not regard this as official research.)
If you haven’t set limits, it will be an uphill battle at first. Enforcing a new plan is usually met with some push-back. But have courage, and be consistent. When your kids see how serious you are, and that you are going to enforce the standards you have set up consistently they’ll eventually stop giving you grief.
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Tips for limiting gaming (can apply to other things like internet/social media/desktop/phone as well).
Set a time limit. You may consider the ability to earn extra time as well. For example, if one of my boys wants extra gaming time, I expect that they will do something to earn it – wash walls, vacuum the stairs, etc. I “check off” this extra job, to make sure it was done properly. The job is done when I feel that it has been done properly.
Do your research to ensure that games (and apps) are age-appropriate and more importantly, that they fit moral and/or spiritual standards you have for your family.
Make outdoor play an important part of your kid’s life. I know of a family who requires their kids to be outside for at least 2 hours each day before video games are even an option. Other families expect their kids to spend time outside after 30 minutes of video game time. Some families have their kids do yard work for 30 minutes in the morning and then play for at least 30 minutes in the afternoon. However you do it, spending time outside is important for physical and mental development (Bowen & Neill, 2013; Palmer, 2019).
Enforce appropriate consequences that you can follow through with when standards and expectations surrounding gaming are not followed.
Be consistent. Consistency is the key. It’s no surprise that kids freak out when they lose their phone/console/computer when parents do not consistently enforce the same consequences for the same poor choices/behaviors.
Keep consoles/computers out of kids’ bedrooms. Gaming should be done in a family space, not a private one to help kids maintain appropriate standards for gaming: sending appropriate messages, playing age-appropriate games, being honest about the amount of time they are playing, and speaking respectfully and appropriately if using a headset. Consoles in bedrooms also increase the likelihood that a child will become addicted to gaming (Burdette & Whitaker, 2005).
Developing boundaries around gaming helps keep kids safe, teaches self-discipline and self-regulation, and makes room for more open parent-child communication. Setting boundaries like those above also guards against gaming addictions and other addictive behaviors. Setting limits like these can be hard at first, but have courage, and be consistent. While hard at first, it will get better.
Create boundaries around gaming use in your home. Be willing to make tough calls. Explain these new standards to your kids in a family meeting. Be sure to explain the WHY behind your new boundaries. Being open and helping kids understand WHY rules exist, even if they don’t agree with them, and exactly what consequences will be if broken helps them take ownership and be more open with you.
References
Bowen, D. J., & Neill, J. T. (2013). A Meta-Analysis of Adventure Therapy Outcomes and Moderators. The Open Psychology Journal,6(1), 28-53. https://doi:10.2174/1874350120130802001
Burdette HL, Whitaker RC. Resurrecting Free Play in Young Children: Looking Beyond Fitness and Fatness to Attention, Affiliation, and Affect. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2005;159(1):46–50. https://doi:10.1001/archpedi.159.1.46
Dunifon, R., & Gill, L. (2013). Games and Children’s Brains: What is the Latest Research? Retrieved May, 2019, from https://www.human.cornell.edu/sites/default/files/PAM/Parenting/FINAL-Video-Game-Research-Brief-5.pdf
Gentile, D. A., Choo, A., Liau, A., Sim, T., Li, D., Fung, D., & Khoo, A. (2011). Pathological Video Game Use Among Youths: A Two-Year Longitudinal Study. Pediatrics, 127(2). https://doi:10.1542/peds.2010-1353d
Palmer, A. D. (2019, June). Go Outside: Your Mental Health Depends On It. Retrieved June, 2019, from https://www.healthyhumansproject.com/go-outside-your-mental-health-depends-on-it/
Rune Aune Mentzoni, Geir Scott Brunborg, Helge Molde, Helga Myrseth, Knut Joachim Mår Skouverøe, Jørn Hetland, and Ståle Pallesen.Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.Oct 2011.ahead of print http://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2010.0260
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
This summer your challenge is to go outside – a lot. Hike, swim, read on your porch, camp, fish, practice yoga in the backyard, kayak, go to the park, have a picnic, garden, ATV, and experience a number of other outdoor adventures. Feel the sun and the wind on your face. Bring your family with you. Leave your phones in the car.
Getting outdoors, whether just to sit on a park bench or free climb a cliff, has been shown to improve mood and mental health, having both short- and long-term effects (Bowen & Neill, 2013).
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Mental Health
Wilderness Adventure Therapy (WAT) has been used for some time to treat mental health, substance abuse, neurodiverse diagnoses, and behavioral issues among adolescents and young adults. WAT generally consist of bringing a group of these adolescents/young adults into the middle of nowhere where they hike a significant number of miles each day, carrying all their gear on their backs, sleeping either under the stars or in shelters they’ve made themselves, learning to light a fire without matches, living on beans and rice, with no access to modern technology, having no way to shower or do laundry for an average of ninety days. During this strenuous experience, clients also work with a therapist. These intense WAT programs have significant success rates, 80% of parents and 90% of adolescents reporting WAT as effective (Aldana, 2000). WAT has been shown to be as effective as traditional psychotherapy in clinically symptomatic patients (Bowen, et al., 2016).
Most of us will never attend a wilderness adventure therapy program, but WAT relies on something very important. Being outdoors does much for our bodies, brains, behaviors and mental health. Spending time outdoors, immersing ourselves in nature restores our sense of self (Pearson & Craig, 2014) and promotes mental health (Bowen et al., 2016).
Less intensive adventure therapy (which would include kayaking, rappelling/rock climbing, hiking, ropes challenge courses, etc.) also provides significant short- and long-term improvements in anxiety, depression, stress, other mental health diagnoses, and emotional and behavioral issues (Bowen & Neill, 2013). Adventure therapy also helps participants develop self-efficacy, mastery, mindfulness, and problem-solving skills (Bowen, et al., 2016; Mutz & Muller, 2016). Participants are required to face their anxieties head on. Some of us may never participate in organized adventure therapy, but these are activities that many of us can participate in, and still feel the effects of.
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WHY is being outdoors therapeutic?
Studies have shown that being outdoors in green spaces decrease levels of stress and depression, and improves cognition in kids with attention deficits. Natural environments can also restore directed attention, executive functioning, and improve emotional regulation (Pearson & Craig, 2014).
The beautiful thing about nature (aside from it being beautiful) is that is has a restorative, healing quality that, at least for me, broadens my perspective to help me realign goals, grounds me, relieves stress and anxiety, and re-energizes me. And though these might not be as scientific as research findings, my experiences align with research, and the reports of many who find the outdoors to be a perfect environment for self care.
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How much do I need to interact with nature to reap the benefits?
So, being outside helps us be more emotionally and mentally healthy. But not everyone loves high outdoor adventure. So how adventurous do we have to be to reap the reward?
The passive observer still can undergo a restorative process from just sitting outside, but the more dynamic and physical one can be outside, the more potent the benefit. Immersion is an important part of benefiting from being outside (Pearson & Craig, 2014). Even so, in one study, those who took a 90 minute walk in nature experienced less rumination and improved cognitive processes including decreased depressive symptoms, increased problem solving and self-regulation, whereas those who took a 90 minute walk in an urban area did not report any of these findings (Bratman, et al., 2015).
This summer, get outside. Go have adventures. Your mental health depends on you taking care of yourself, and out in the sunshine, in the woods or on the water, is the perfect way to do it. Besides, it’s good to try new things.
Set aside specific time to be outside this week. Notice how it makes you feel!
References
Aldana, S. (2000). An Analysis of the Effect of the RedCliff Ascent Wilderness Program. Retrieved May, 2019, from http://www.wildernesstherapy.org/ Research/RedCliffResearch.htm
Bowen, D. J., Neill, J. T., & Crisp, S. J. (2016). Wilderness adventure therapy effects on the mental health of youth participants. Evaluation and Program Planning, 58, 49-59. https://doi:10.1016/j.evalprogplan.2016.05.005
Bowen, D. J., & Neill, J. T. (2013). A Meta-Analysis of Adventure Therapy Outcomes and Moderators. The Open Psychology Journal,6(1), 28-53. https://doi:10.2174/1874350120130802001
Bratman, G. N., Hamilton, J. P., Hahn, K. S., Daily, G. C., & Gross, J. J. (2015). Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences,112(28), 8567-8572. https://doi:10.1073/pnas.1510459112
Mutz, M., & Müller, J. (2016). Mental health benefits of outdoor adventures: Results from two pilot studies. Journal of Adolescence,49, 105-114. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2016.03.009Pearson, D. G., & Craig, T. (2014). The great outdoors? Exploring the mental health benefits of natural environments. Frontiers in Psychology,5. https://doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01178
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
Sit down with your family and review your summer calendar with these essentials in mind!
