Cover photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Written by Anasteece Smith and Rian Gordon
Suicide.
Hearing the word may make you uncomfortable but we need to talk about it.
Scratch that, we HAVE to talk about it.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the world for those between ages 15-24 (SAVE, 2020) and the tenth leading cause of death in the United States for all ages. This means that the majority of people will in some way be touched by suicide in their lives. Yet, many are unsure of how to talk about suicide or how to get help if they become suicidal.
Myths and Facts
Myth #1: Talking about suicide causes suicide
Fact: Talking about suicide opens the conversation and can be a preventative measure. Having these sometimes difficult conversations allows the person struggling to talk about what they are going through and can help them to see things from an outside perspective. It’s okay to ask questions and to be specific about those questions. It’s okay to share your own experiences with suicide or suicidality because sharing helps us know we’re not alone, and helps to fight shame and stigma. (Nevada Division of Public and Behavioral Health, 2019)
Myth #2: People who are suicidal want their life to end
Fact: People who are suicidal usually don’t want to end their lives, rather they want to end their suffering. They are often in such a dark, hopeless place that they feel there is no way to end their suffering other than by taking their own life. (Fuller, 2018)
Myth #3: Suicide only affects those who have a mental disorder(s)
Fact: While mental disorders can be a risk factor for suicide, that does not mean that everyone that has one has suicidal thoughts, ideation etc. You also do not have to have a mental illness to feel suicidal. Often there are other stressors such as relationship problems, abuse, illness, crisis, etc. that can lead to suicide. (Fuller, 2018)
Myth #4: Most suicides happen suddenly
Fact: Rarely does suicide happen suddenly. Usually the person who is suicidal shows warning signs. These signs are often shown to those who are closest to them, and those people may not recognize that these are warning signs. It’s important to know the signs so that we can help those who may be at risk for suicide. (Fuller, 2018)
What we need to change when we talk about suicide
Using the Word – We need to use the word suicide rather than beating around the bush or using other terms. It’s okay to say the word suicide, and it’s okay to say that you’re suicidal. It’s important that we use the word because the more that we talk about it, the more we can end the stigma around it. (Roe, 2019)
Change the Language – We need to be careful about what words we use when discussing suicide. We partitcularly need to stop using phrases like, “Successfully committed suicide,” or, “Failed suicide attempt”. Words like “successful” and “failed” can carry other meanings, some with positive implications, like “successful”, or negative, like “committed”, which makes it sounds like a crime has taken place. Rather, we should use phrases like, “Died by suicide,” because it’s more accurate and less emotionally charged. It is important that we talk about suicide respectfully because we are all human and vulnerable. (Roe, 2019)
What to do if you’re suicidal
1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help – You do not have to face this alone. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or thinking about taking your own life, PLEASE reach out to someone you trust. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or you can chat online at this link here. If you feel more comfortable texting, you can text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. If you are part of the LGBTQ Community, you can call the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or visit their website for options to chat and text. (LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth.) (The Trevor Project, 2017)
2. Make a safety plan – Having a plan in place for when you are in a suicidal mindset can take away some of the pressure of having to think critically when you are in a state of overwhelm.
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What you might include in your plan:
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Warning signs to watch for (thoughts, images, mood, situations, behavior, etc., that indicate a crisis might be happening)
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Ideas for how to help yourself (self-soothing techniques, positive distractions, etc.)
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People you can ask for help (include names and contact information)
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Ideas for how you can make your environment safe for you
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A list of things that are important to you and/or worth living for
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3. Remember, feelings are temporary – No matter how hopeless things may seem, you are wanted and needed on this earth. Do not make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. You can and will get through this.
How to help someone who is suicidal
1. Watch for signs – If your friend is feeling suicidal, it may be difficult for them to reach out and ask for help. Here are some signs to look for that can help you recognize that they may be struggling:
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Verbal Signs
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Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
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Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
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Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
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Talking about being a burden to others
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Behavioral Signs
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Increased drug or alcohol abuse or relapsing after being in recovery
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Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online, buying a gun, stockpiling pills
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Unexplained anger, aggression and irritability; behaving recklessly
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Sudden interest or disinterest in religion
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Giving away prized possessions
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Getting personal affairs in order
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Sleeping too little or too much
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Withdrawing or isolating themselves
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Extreme mood swings
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Previous suicide attempts
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Situational Signs
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Fired of expelled from school
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Unwanted move
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Loss of major relationship
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Death of someone by suicide
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Diagnosis of serious or terminal illness
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Other life events or changes
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2. Ask, and then listen with empathy – It’s important that you ask the question directly–are you thinking about killing yourself? Are you suicidal? Do you have a suicide plan? It may come as a natural flow of conversation or you may just have to ask out of the blue. When you ask, make sure it is in a private setting, and give them the time that they need to talk. However they respond, listen with empathy and avoid reacting with shame or judgment. Don’t feel like you have to present a solution or fix it for them right then and there. Just let them know that you care about and are there for them.
3. Take their thoughts and feelings seriously – Remember, when someone says they are suicidal, it’s important to believe them and not assume they are just being dramatic or seeking attention. Regardless of whether or not you feel your friend’s situation is truly as hopeless as they feel, if someone is thinking or talking about suicide, you should always take them seriously.
4. Get help – Encourage your friend to seek help, and don’t promise to keep their struggles a secret. Neither of you has to bear this burden alone. Help your friend identify others who can also be a part of their support system and help them get through this difficult time.
5. Know what resources are available – Your friend may be overwhelmed and not know where to go to get help. If you are on a college campus, find their counseling and psychological services as well as their after-hours line. If your friend is an immediate danger to themselves, call 9-1-1. Do a quick Google search or refer to the previous section about help lines you can contact or direct them to. If your friend protests and gets upset that you have contacted someone, don’t worry. It’s ALWAYS better to have an angry, alive friend.
Suicide is painful and tragic, and also one of the only causes of death that is 100% preventable. We have the power to stop suicide by talking about it, fighting shame and stigma, and by empathizing with and being there for one another. For the sake of ourselves, and our loved ones, we HAVE to change the conversation.
Share one of the facts about suicide from this article on social media or with a loved one.
References
Fuller, K., M.D. (2018, September 6). 5 Common Myths About Suicide Debunked. Retrieved September 12, 2020, from https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/September-2018/5-Common-Myths-About-Suicide-Debunked
Nevada Division of Public and Behavioral Health. (2019). The Myths & Facts of Youth Suicide. Retrieved September 12, 2020, from http://suicideprevention.nv.gov/Youth/Myths/
Quinnett, P., Ph. D. (2016). Ask a Question, Save a Life [Pamphlet]. QPR Institute.
Roe, T, (2019, May 24), Suicide. Podcast Therapy Thoughts. Retrieved from https://anchor.fm/therapythoughts/episodes/Episode-27-Suicide-Thoughts-from-a-human-therapist-e44t2t
SAVE. (2020). Suicide Statistics and Facts. Retrieved September 12, 2020, from https://save.org/about-suicide/suicide-facts/
The Trevor Project. (2017, September 20). Facts About Suicide. Retrieved September 12, 2020, from https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/
Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
