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Written by Aubrey-Dawn Palmer
Mental health among adolescents is a serious concern to many parents and professionals. Many of those who are now raising and training teenagers had a very different experience in their own adolescence. With social media, texting, school, and extracurriculars, today’s teens are never really “off”. The pressure to be seen as good enough, as belonging, but also as a distinct individual, is strong. How are we supposed to help teens balance all of this?
How prevalent is mental illness and risk-taking among teens?
We know that 50% of mental illness sets in by age 14, and 75% sets in by age 24. 40% of teens have had sex. We also know that about 10% of high school females report being coerced into having sex, and about 43% of sexually active teens report that they did not use a condom last time they had sex, and 1 in 4 female teens is infected with an STD, but most don’t even know it. Over 20% of teens report having binge drunk (having 5+ alcoholic beverages within a 2-hour span), and about the same number report having been passengers of an intoxicated driver. 10% report that they have driven under the influence. A third of freshmen report that they have tried marijuana, and we know that 90% of those using marijuana used alcohol and/or nicotine first. And here’s the really scary part: 20% of high schoolers say they have seriously considered a suicide attempt, 1 in 7 has developed an actual plan to end their lives, and 1 in 12 teens has attempted suicide.
With all of these terrifying statistics, how do we keep teens physically and mentally safe and healthy?
We know those fear tactics don’t work. We know this from plenty of research. They. Just. Don’t. Work. So what do we do?
Why do teens take risks?
The teenage brain is wired to take risks and to seek social acceptance and belonging. The need to be accepted by their peers is more than just “being a follower”. The teenage brain processes being socially adept and accepted as a survival skill. And when teens feel excluded or ostracized, their brains literally perceive that as a life or death situation. That’s why your teen absolutely freaks out if you take their phone away – you’re igniting their survival system. I’m not saying phone use should not be regulated – addiction to phones and social media is a very real thing, and we know that the more time people spend on social media apps, the more likely they are to experience low self-esteem, symptoms of depression, and to feel inferior to their peers. But when we are aware of how significant this disconnection is to the teenage brain, it helps us respond with more empathy, explaining the “why” and giving our kids other opportunities for connection.
Understand too that these risks are a part of why teens engage in risky behaviors. The need for peer approval is a survival need. When we help our teens surround themselves with peers that are good influences, and cultivate good relationships with parents, teachers, coaches, and other trustworthy people, we foster positive connections, fulfill that survival need, and mitigate the necessity to take risks.
We can help teens take healthy risks!
The reward system in teenage brains is also more sensitive – everything literally feels better to them: fries taste better, roller coasters are more thrilling, and winning feels even better. This is because the teenage brain releases more dopamine than the adult brain. Rewards – good things – just feel better! This is another part of why teens are driven to take risks. Surges of adrenaline and dopamine feel so good to the teenage brain. If we can help kids find positive ways to get these hormone surges, we again mitigate risk. Trying new things, developing talents, sports, dancing, performing, amusement parks, hiking, etc. When we find positive ways to trigger the reward center, we limit the need for risk-taking behaviors.
Teens with mental illnesses and traumatic experiences are more likely to take risks. Our awareness of these needs can help them participate in activities that will not only allow them to get these dopamine surges in other ways, but that will also teach them skills, boost their confidence, help them connect with good people, and encourage things like responsibility, work ethic, motivation, self-efficacy, sportsmanship, and emotional regulation. Activities like sports teams, dance, theatre, or a part-time job are just some examples. If you want more information on adolescent risk-taking, read Born to Be Wild: Why Teens Take Risks, and How We Can Help Keep Them Safe by Jess P. Shatkin.
Our teens need to get enough sleep!
Our teens also need more sleep. Studies show that schools that delay their start time by sixty, or even thirty minutes, have students with lower rates of depression, better grades, and better decision-making. Their students also get in fewer accidents. Teens also often fall asleep to blue light – their phones, TVs, laptops, or tablets. Viewing blue light less than sixty minutes before falling asleep disrupts REM sleep, leaving people feeling less well-rested.
We need to be emotion coaches for our kids.
One of the most important parts of supporting our teens is through being an emotion coach. While most often we think about emotion coaches within the context of effective parenting, teachers, coaches, and other adults who work with youth can also be emotion coaches. Emotion coaching is essentially setting aside our own agendas to help children identify, understand, and process their emotions in a way that will improve their decision-making, relationships, and resilience. Emotion coaching does not mean we remove boundaries or discipline, but it does mean that our priorities shift from behavior correction to helping kids understand how their emotions and behaviors coincide, and how they can use their emotions as tools. Emotion coaching parents empower their kids and help them take ownership over their emotions and experiences, without dismissing or shaming them. Kids who are emotion coached have better social skills, are more resilient, are better at making and keeping friends, participate in less risky behaviors, have better mental and physical health, better immune systems, better relationships with their parents, are better able to resolve conflict, and are more successful academically. You can check out a few of our articles on emotion coaching and emotional intelligence here and here, but I would also recommend Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.
Don’t delay getting professional help.
At the end of the day, if you think your teen needs clinical/professional intervention, don’t wait. A good therapist or behavior coach can go a long way. Some teens require more intensive treatment programs, even residential treatment. This does not mean that you have failed as a parent – sometimes our kids have clinical mental illnesses or traumatic experiences that are beyond our control. Whatever the issue, if you think your child may need intervention, don’t wait. Teenagers are so close to being adults – and if they don’t resolve some of these issues before reaching adulthood, it can mean lasting problems with their adult relationships, higher education, and/or career pursuits. When we delay in helping our kids manage their mental health, they take scripts into their adulthood of maladaptive ways to manage or not to manage that health. Taking further steps may sound intense, but it gives our teens a better chance as adults. We all know that it can be so much harder to manage our trauma, mental illness, ticks, and struggles as adults, now that the expectations and stakes are so much higher. Normalize conversations about mental health in your home. It matters! Normalizing these kinds of conversations can help our kids feel less shame about their struggles, feel supported, and take more ownership over their own mental health.
1. Have a non-judgmental conversation with your teen about their mental health. Practice listening, and avoid lecturing.
2. Find a way to engage in a positive risk-taking behavior with your teen. (In other words, get their dopamine and adrenaline up!)
References
Gottman, J. M., Declaire, J., & Goleman, D. (2015). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. New York, N.Y: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
Sellers, C. M., Díaz-Valdés, A., Porter, A. C., Glenn, C. R., Miller, A. B., Battalen, A. W., & O’Brien, K. H. M. (2021). Nonsuicidal self-injury, suicide planning, and suicide attempts among high-risk adolescents prior to psychiatric hospitalization. Research on Child and Adolescent Psychopathology, 49(11), 1503–1511. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s10802-021-00830-z
Shatkin, J. P., (2018). Born to be Wild: Why teens take risks, and how we can help keep them safe. PENGUIN Books.
Stevenson, S. (2016). Sleep smarter: 21 essential strategies to sleep your way to a better body, better health, and bigger success. New York, NY: Rodale Books.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer
