Think of a great day you’ve had recently. What activities and tasks did you do that day? What made it great? Why did you enjoy your day, or feel fulfilled?
I did this exercise a couple years back and was surprised to find I could narrow my very good day down to three factors:
Creativity, Connection, and Movement.
I remember going for a run that morning. Later, in the middle of running errands, I had the thought to check in on a friend at work. We had a great conversation during her lunch break. Later in the day, I spent time on a creative project. By the time I was in bed that night, I felt fulfilled, satisfied, and whole. I had filled my cup.
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While I encourage you to find your own components of a great day, I want to share more about mine–specifically tying them to research already found in articles on the Healthy Humans Project website. As you browse the articles that stand out to you, I encourage you to look at the “Related Articles” at the bottom of each page. As you start defining your own components of a great day, I encourage you to search for those topics on the sidebar. We have so many great resources here, and this is how I’m learning more about the things that I love!
Creativity
Creativity can mean a number of things–from singing in the car to writing in your journal to doodling, learning calligraphy, playing guitar, and more. I’ve always been creative, but as I’ve gotten out of the habit, I’ve had to be more intentional about making time to create. Right now, that looks like playing guitar on Sunday nights before bed. I also attended my first Paint Night recently, which destroyed my long-time limiting belief that I couldn’t paint! From the time I was a little, creativity has brought me so much joy. Research also shows that creativity can help manage stress, decrease symptoms of depression, and help individuals manage chronic illness, among obviously countless other benefits. A particular study a few years back examined the “relationships between creative activity, affect, and flourishing.” Researchers asked participants to keep a 13-day journal where they recorded their creativity throughout the day, how they were feeling at the end of the day, and if they felt like they were “flourishing.” Results showed that on days they practiced creativity, participants felt more “enthusiastic” and “energized.” Those results don’t surprise me at all.
Photo from Unsplash
For me, it’s well worth the time and effort tokeep creativity in my life.
Here are some articles on Healthy Human Project that talk about the value of creativity in our lives:
I recently moved to a new town and for the first time, knew no one around me. Despite chatting with friends from back home on the Marco Polo app every day, I still didn’t have anyone beside me, in person, supporting me through this hard transition. At one point, I realized it had been a week since I had hugged anyone, or had any physical contact–and physical contact is SO good for us. It took weeks until I finally started to connect with people in my new town–I just needed to find that right person to reach out to for help.
Healthy Humans Project is FILLED with wisdom on finding and strengthening our relationships, both platonic and intimate. Here are just a few articles about the power of connecting with others:
Exercising has saved my life, both by temporarily and regularlyincreasing endorphins in my brain, but also by giving me purpose–I have to be committed if I’m going to wake up for early morning runs with friends, or train for and complete races. In the article “For Depression and Anxiety, Running Is a Unique Therapy” on the Runner’s World website, additional benefits of being physically active are highlighted. They include creating momentum and physical energy, providing space to process thoughts and clear brain fog, and increasing the production of beneficial chemicals in the brain. Here are some articles on Healthy Humans Project that highlight the benefits of movement and spending time outside:
The things that fill my cup may not be the things that fill your cup, but I hope my insights help you consider your own! Life is hard–and for every article about joy I’ve shared, I can share a billion more about grief, resiliency, and more. But it’s worth finding that joy in the everyday, and holding onto it. What are you going to do today to feel joy?
Find out what your favorite days are comprised of, and start doing more of those things every day. Be intentional about your happiness.
Bonus: Browse through Healthy Humans Project to learn more about the things that matter to you, the healthy habits you want to develop, and the topics you want to learn more about.
References
Conner, T. S., DeYoung, C. G., & Silvia, P. J. (2016). “Everyday creative activity as a path to flourishing.” The Journal of Positive Psychology, 13(2), as cited in Gregoire, C. (2016 December 2). Why Finding Time Each Day For Creativity Makes You Happier. Huffpost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/creativity-happiness psychology_n_58419e0ce4b0c68e0480689a
Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
Last year an acquaintance expressed a beautifully comforting sentiment: “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be ideal.” This person had been battling for over thirty years, what I have been battling for only three. He inspired me to learn to thrive within my pain rather than waiting to be happy.
Last week’s article addressed why happiness is not a viable goal, and how our lives can change when we replace a life goal of finding happiness for creating meaning. Today I want to provide some education on HOW to create meaning.
I have heard many people say that they don’t know where they are going in life. When we lose the things or people that bring us the most meaning in life, it can cause us to question everything. Some lose loved ones, fulfilling careers, are faced with infertility, serious medical illnesses, trauma or abuse. Our earth shatters and sometimes with it our sense of meaning. Some worry that they have never had a truly meaningful life and wonder where to even start. And some struggle to find meaning because mental illness or serious challenges cloud their view. They wait for the clouds to clear and the sun to come out before the meaning will present itself instead of learning to THRIVE WITHIN the storm.
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As Alan Watts put it, “There’s no point in going on living unless we make the supposition that the situation of life is optimal. And it makes you realize how great things are.”
Emily Esfahani Smith (a researcher and journalist) studies meaning. She has an awesome Ted Talk that you can listen to here, among many other great resources. She outlines 4 pillars for a meaningful life: belonging, purpose, transcendence and storytelling. I will briefly go over each, but I recommend looking into each pillar in more depth.
Belonging
Belonging is all about being valued for who you are intrinsically and valuing others equally. Remember that cultivating belonging is a choice (Smith, 2017). Belonging is not about having a whole group of people to run around with, or a ton of friends. “Belonging is being a part of something bigger than yourself, but it’s also the courage to stand alone and to belong to yourself above all else. …The opposite of belonging is fitting in because fitting in is assessing a group of people and thinking, who do I need to be….and changing who you are and true belonging never asks us to change who we are, it demands that we be who we are” (Howes & Brown, 2017). Lead with love to lift both yourself and others. Brené Brown described the ideal in an interview: “I belong everywhere I go no matter where it is or who I’m with, as long as I never betray myself. And the moment I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me is the moment I no longer belong anywhere” (Howes & Brown, 2017).
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Purpose
Finding your purpose is less about what you want and more about what you give. It is about more than just a job that makes you happy. It’s about using your strength to lift others. “Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder” (Smith, 2017). Increase the number of worthwhile things you do each day. This can be as simple as taking extra time to show affection to your partner or reading to your children. It can reach beyond you too – being more innovative to solve problems at work or home, volunteering in your community, learning something new that improves your sense of value, etc. (Barron & Barron, 2012).
Transcendence
Moments of transcendence are rare states when your sense of self dissipates and you can connect to a higher reality (Smith, 2017). Transcendence provides clarity of mind and soul, rejuvenation, and an expanse of one’s perspective. These moments can occur through art, religion, writing, music, dance, outdoor exploration, etc.
Photo by Aliaksei Manlyx on Unsplash
Storytelling
Storytelling is increasing an awareness of the narrative of your life. Remember that you are the author. How are you editing your story? What do you want to change, and how do you use the previous chapters of your story to increase growth, purpose, healing and love? This can be about learning to thrive within the pain and struggle that life holds and doing something with it, instead of waiting for the moment when the storm will pass and we can be happy (Smith, 2017).
Try New Things
In addition to Smith’s four pillars, research demonstrates the importance of trying new things. In a recent (and very awesome) symposium I attended, Troy Faddis, LMFT shared with us, “Meaning is passion plus expertise plus your story” (Faddis, Barlow & Daley, 2018). So look inward. What are you passionate about? What is your story? What is your expertise? And when you add those up, you can find things that give you meaning. For example, I am passionate about helping others, learning and teaching. My expertise lies in family life, romantic relationships, and healthy sexuality. I have a complicated family life and my story is one of trauma, healing and adventure. When I blend the three, I see very obviously areas of my life in which I have created meaning: The Healthy Humans Project, volunteering as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, cultivating a beautiful home with my husband, etc.
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Life really doesn’t need to be perfect to be ideal. By creating meaning in our lives, we create a beautiful, ideal life worth living. We thrive within all of the pain and challenges that occur instead of putting our lives on hold and waiting for everything to be over. Because it will never be over. Life is about growth, and although moments and trials will pass, our journey towards becoming is a life-long one. So we ought to make something really beautiful out of all the loss and pain and struggle. Creating meaning out of the good and the bad makes it all worth it.
Write out the meaning equation discussed above (Meaning = Passion + Expertise + Story) within each of your roles. How does this equation look in your romantic relationship, as a parent, at work, and in your community?
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References
Barron, C., PhD, & Barron, A., MD. (2012). The creativity cure: A do-it-yourself guide to happiness. New York: Scribner.
Esfahani Smith, E. (2017, September 26). There’s more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith. Retrieved August 4, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Trdafp83U
Faddis, T., LMFT, Barlow, R., & Daley, D., SUDC. (2018). Nine lifestyles habits that lead to recovery. In Wilderness Therapy Symposium. Park City, UT: Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare Council.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
Find out what your favorite days are comprised of, and start doing more of those things every day. Be intentional about your happiness.
