Written by Anasteece Smith

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the acronym PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? When they hear this term, most people tend to think of veterans and soldiers. For me, that misconception changed the day my mom came home from an appointment with a therapist and told my family about her PTSD diagnosis. In that moment my perceptions about PTSD began to change. My mom was suddenly someone who had never served in the military but now had a diagnosis common to many veterans. I started to see that PTSD wasn’t limited to just the veterans, but that it is possible for anyone to end up with PTSD (Van Der Kolk, 2015).

What is PTSD?

PTSD is a mental illness caused by exposure to trauma. However, not everyone who is exposed to trauma will end up with PTSD, only about 7-8% of the population in the United States will have a PTSD diagnosis at some point in their life. Some populations such as women, military veterans, those who were/are abused, and rape and sexual assault survivors are all more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD. Other risk factors for PTSD include long-lasting trauma, early childhood trauma, holding a job that you are more likely to see traumatic events, lack of social support and having a history of mental illness in your family. Although we know of all these risk factors, medical and mental health professional don’t actually know what causes PTSD.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

PTSD has a variety of symptoms including the following (please note this is not a comprehensive list):

• Avoidant behavior: This could include avoiding certain places, people, or objects that are or could be associated with the trauma.

• Reliving the traumatic event: This includes, nightmares or flashbacks where you feel like you are back in the traumatic event and reliving it. Triggers can include sights, smells, or sounds that take you back to the event.

• Negative thinking and moods: This includes feeling hopeless about the world, feeling down or depressed, forgetting pieces of the traumatic event, detachment from relationships and feeling emotionally numb

• Hyperarousal sometimes described as being on edge: This includes being startled at loud noises, having a hard time sleeping, overwhelming guilt or shame, trouble concentrating, and anger or aggression

Note: PTSD can definitely be hard to understand especially when you aren’t the one directly experiencing it. I would highly recommend watching the show Lie to Me episode “React to Contact” (Season 2 Episode 14). This episode follows a veteran returning home and struggling with PTSD. It’s a great example of what PTSD is like and uses a unique form of treatment that someday may be a reality.

Treatment for PTSD

There are a variety of treatments used to treat PTSD, however, there is no permanent cure so treatment is more to help those who have PTSD live their day to day lives with fewer symptoms. Treatment for PTSD includes some sort of trauma-focused therapy such as EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) or cognitive behavioral therapy along with some sort of medication, usually an antidepressant. So far these are the only forms of treatment that are research-proven, but activities such as yoga and mindfulness exercises may also be beneficial.

Relationships and PTSD

Now that I’ve talked about the more technical side of PTSD and what it is, I want to talk about the relationship side of PTSD. I have many incredible people in my life who have been diagnosed with PTSD from both military and non-military related trauma. However, I want to focus on those who I am closest to, and their PTSD has been a result of non-military related trauma.

The Parent-Child Relationship and PTSD

I’ll start first with my sweet mom. Her PTSD diagnosis came when I was a teenager and it had a large impact on my family. The first thing was that it gave her a diagnosis other than depression and anxiety (which she had been dealing with from the time before I was born). This new diagnosis meant she could start finding a treatment that would help with the memories, dreams, and flashbacks she would experience. In a lot of ways it was a huge relief because even though I didn’t understand 100% what it was, it seemed that she could now get the help that she needed.

I do remember times where I struggled to connect with her because she was emotionally distant. This was especially true on days when she had had therapy and she was processing. Research has shown that this is actually common; a parent that has PTSD may be distant from their child, especially when they are processing a memory. I also remember having to adjust and avoid doing things that may be triggers for her. If something triggered her PTSD, I learned to leave her alone and let her come down from the trigger, another common experience among children who have parents or parental figures who have PTSD.

Marriage Relationships and PTSD

What I learned from my experience with my mom came into full force when I met and married my sweet husband. He also has PTSD, and being married to someone with PTSD has been another learning curve and experience. There are days when things are good and the PTSD symptoms are low and manageable, and there are other days that are filled with anxiety, weighted blankets, rough nights of little sleep, and minimal functioning. Each day is different and unique but it’s always worth the fight to stand next to him and help him through whatever he is dealing with that day. Some days it does take a toll on me and I have to take a break and take care of myself so that I can be a support for him, and sometimes it means I don’t get done what I want or need to because taking care of him is more important and I need to put him first.

What You Can Do To Help

While writing this article, I asked both my mom and my husband what advice they would have for someone who is a spouse of a PTSD warrior or who knows someone who has PTSD. I’ve chosen four things that they’ve suggested to help:

1. Educate yourself about PTSD – Education can help a partner to understand what is going on when the person is struggling with symptoms of PTSD. It can also help them to know what to do to help the person because sometimes what we think is helpful to someone isn’t always helpful, especially when it comes to PTSD. Also be aware of where they can get help and when to get them help (Bressert, 2018).

2. Understand there are going to be things that are hard for the person with PTSD – Some triggers may make certain aspects of relationships difficult. The most common aspect of relationships affected by PTSD is the sexual aspect. People who have PTSD related to sexual trauma may have triggers that come from certain types of touch or may lose interest in sexual activity. This may mean sex happens less than one partner would like. If this is the case, communicate with your spouse, and be patient. Getting help from a professional can be an important resource for this particular difficulty.

3. Don’t take things personally – This was a huge one that my mom emphasized. Don’t take things personally. Sometimes the partner with PTSD is feeling disconnected or doesn’t want to be touched because of the trauma and so it’s best for the non-PTSD partner to not take it personally.

4. Be loving and patient with them – This is the biggest one for my husband. Some days the person with PTSD is struggling and they need their partner to be patient with them and let them know that they are loved. This includes not trying to fix the problem but rather be there with them while they go through it.

Option 1: If you have PTSD or know someone with PTSD talk about your experience or ask them about their experience. Talking about it helps to #endthestigma

Option 2: Watch this video (Trauma and Addiction: Crash Course Psychology #31) on YouTube to learn more about PTSD, and then share it! 

References

Bressert, S., Ph.D. (2018, December 26). How Does PTSD Affect Relationships? Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/ptsd-and-relationships/

How Common is PTSD in Adults? (2018, September 13). Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_adults.asp

NAMI Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (2017, December). Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/posttraumatic-stress-disorder

PTSD Basics. (2018, August 07). Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/what/ptsd_basics.asp

PTSD Treatment Basics. (2018, August 08). Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand_tx/tx_basics.asp

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). (2018, July 06). Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

Van Der Kolk, B., MD. (2015). The Body keeps the score brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma. New York, NY: Penguin Books.

When’s A Child’s Parent Has PTSD. (2007, January 01). Retrieved May 16, 2019, from https://www.ptsd.va.gov/family/effect_parent_ptsd.asp

Anasteece Smith is a Utah Native with dreams of becoming a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She recently graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.