New Year – Healthy Humans Project

Hit The Ground Running: Bringing Resilience into 2021

December 26, 2020 No Comments

Cover photo by RF._.studio from Pexels

Written by Allie Barnes

In 2002, Robin Arzon was in a bar when a gunman entered. He took Arzon as his main hostage, using her as a human shield between himself and the NYPD outside. While everyone made it out of the ordeal physically safe, Arzon began running to deal with the emotional trauma she was experiencing. “It was in the run that I found my strength again,” Arzon stated in a 2018 interview on the Rachael Ray Show.

Arzon is now an author and the Vice President of Fitness Programming and an Instructor at Peloton. She has dedicated her life to not only fitness, but cultivating excellence in all she does and helping others do the same. Arzon took one of the most traumatizing moments of her life and allowed it to shape her for the better.

Robin Arzon – Source https://www.runnersworld.com/runners-stories/a24851187/robin-arzon-running-transformation/

By utilizing self-awareness and healthy coping mechanisms, Arzon began developing resilience.

The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.” Various studies have identified different attributes and characteristics of resilient individuals, including:

Another study shows that resilience comes from “developing attributes such as vigor, optimism, and physical robustness,” “improving socialization practices,” and “building self-efficacy and self-esteem through interpersonal relationships and experiences” (Resnick, 2011, as cited in Lohr, 2018).

You can even narrow it down to the well-known sentiment, “turning lemons into lemonade.”

If this past year hasn’t been traumatic for you, it has at least been unexpected. You may be looking forward to 2021 with hope, dread, or a mix of the two. We may not be able to anticipate everything that the next year will hold, but each of us has the opportunity to look back with self-awareness, develop healthy coping mechanisms, practice self-care, and move into 2021 with greater resilience.

In January 2020, I moved alone to a new town knowing no one. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, most of my work was done virtually. I was alone most of the time, and quickly fell into a deep depression. It took weeks of tears, loneliness, grief, and trying various coping mechanisms to finally begin feeling better. I wrote about this season of my life in my book, Not According to Plan. You can read that full chapter for free on my website.

Every attempt to get back up helped me become a little more resilient. When the pandemic hit a few weeks later I found myself again alone–but this time I was more prepared. I still experienced low points, but I was able to adapt more quickly. Through experience and self-awareness, I knew how to get back up.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Through my experience this year, I’ve further developed the following resilient attributes: rebounding, self-determination, flexibility, optimism, faith, adaptive coping, and more. These attributes will surely help me as I experience other difficult situations in the future.

There is no one right way to begin feeling better. Different things work for different people, and different things have worked for me at different times. However, by actively practicing self-awareness and different coping mechanisms, individuals can develop resilience–and that resilience will make a positive impact, no matter what the new year brings.

Develop greater self-awareness by journaling daily.

Choose an attribute of resilience (from the above chart) to practice daily

Begin practicing healthy coping mechanisms and self-care.

Read my article on another similar topic, the growth mindset.

References

Ackerman, C. E. (2020, November 17). Coping Mechanisms: Dealing with Life’s Disappointments in a Healthy Way. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/coping/

Lohr, K. D. (2018). Tapping Autobiographical Narratives to Illuminate Resilience: A Transformative Learning Tool for Adult Educators. Educational Gerontology, 44(2–3), 163–170.

Ray, R. [Rachael Ray Show]. (2018, January 19). She Started Running After Being Held at Gunpoint — Now Instagram-Famous Trainer Inspires Thousand… [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjWCEV49OAg

Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.

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#RelationshipGoals – Working on Your Relationships

January 4, 2020 No Comments

Written by Rian Gordon

Have you ever seen someone else’s relationship and thought, “I want that”? Whether it’s another couple’s look, the fun they have together, how they serve each other, the love they have for each other, etc., it’s easy to compare yourself and your relationship to what others have. It’s also easy to feel discouraged and think that your relationship will never get to that point.

Knowing what you want in a relationship is an important part of finding a good match for you, as well as creating your dream relationship. However, making positive change requires more than just knowing what you want. Being willing to WORK for what you want is just as critical to molding your relationship into everything that you and your significant other want it to be. The good news is, each of us has the power to work on our relationships and help them move in a forward and upward direction.

s-o-c-i-a-l-c-u-t-6iYb1BWWbV0-unsplash — Photo by socialcut on Unsplash

In 2020, we at The Healthy Humans Project want to challenge you to make your relationships a priority. Regardless of what your relationship looks like now, you have the power to make some #relationshipgoals that will help you work on connecting with those you love! Here are a few different types of goals you can include as part of your New Year’s Resolutions to work on your relationships!

P.S. These specific goals are written in a way that applies specifically to romantic relationships, but each of them can be modified to fit any important relationship in your life!

#1 – Create A Couple Motto

An important part of relationships is creating a shared identity and defining who you want to be as a couple (Maniaci, 2009). Working together with your significant other to write a motto (“a short sentence or phrase chosen as encapsulating the beliefs or ideals guiding an individual, family, or institution”) can help you identify what is important to you, and what you are working towards creating together! Your motto could just be for this year, or it could be for your relationship as a whole – you get to decide! Be sure to write down your motto and display it somewhere where you and your partner will both see it.

man-and-woman-wearing-jackets-near-seaside-under-cloudy-sky-704962 — Photo from pexels.com

#2 – Set a Healthy Boundary

Healthy boundaries are critical for healthy relationships (Strong, 2019). Ensuring that your romantic relationship is a safe space (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.) both for you and for your significant other can be a determining factor in achieving your #relationshipgoals. Consider sitting down with your significant other and discussing boundaries in your relationship. How can you increase physical, emotional, or mental safety for one another? What other outside relationships affect the safety in your relationship, and what changes need to be made to increase that safety? How can you work to protect each other and put each other first? When you work on defining and setting healthy boundaries together, it shows your commitment, love, and respect for one another.

#3 – Sweat the Small Stuff

While large gestures of love and commitment are nice, the quality of your relationship is primarily defined by the small things you do every day to re-commit to each other. Sit down with your partner, and write down a few things you can do every day to check-in and connect. Having a meaningful routine or simple ritual when you part ways in the morning and reunite in the evening can natural times to fit in moments of connection (Gottman, 2015). Physical touch like kisses or hugs and verbal check-ins are examples of small and simple things you can do every day to let your partner know that they matter to you.

couple-holding-each-others-hands-2914629 — Photo from pexels.com

#4 – Dream Together

Research has shown that dreaming about your future together strengthens the chances that you actually WILL have a future together (PREP Inc., 2015). If you want to protect your relationship from falling apart, dream together about what you want to be! What do you want your life together to look like in five, ten, or twenty years? What dreams do you each have as individuals, and how can you support each other in those dreams? What hopes do you have for your family and the life you create together? Set goals for things you can do NOW to help those dreams come to pass.

A final note:

Remember that relationships are two-way efforts! The most effective way to improve your relationship is to work on things together as a couple. If that is not possible for you at this moment, take comfort in knowing that you have power over yourself, and you CAN choose to work on your relationship as an individual.

Choose a goal that you would like to incorporate into your New Year’s Resolutions that focuses specifically on improving one of your relationships!

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.

Maniaci, M. (2009). Couple identity. In H. T. Reis & S. Sprecher (Eds.), Encyclopedia of human relationships(pp. 336-337). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. https://doi/10.4135/9781412958479.n111

Prep Inc.. (2015). PREP 8.0 Leader Guide, Version 1.3. Greenwood Village, CO: Author.

Strong, M. (2019, November 9). Boundaries: Why You Need ‘Em, and How You Set ‘Em. Retrieved from http://www.healthyhumansproject.com/boundaries-why-you-need-em-and-how-you-set-em/

*The Healthy Humans Project is an Amazon Associate and earns from qualifying purchases. Thank you so much for supporting our efforts to improve relationships!

Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.

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New Year, New YOU – Who Am I Really?

January 5, 2019 No Comments

Written by Allie Barnes

In the “Parks and Recreation” episode “Halloween Surprise” (S5 E5), character Ann Perkins shows up to a charity auction with a number of boxes of things to sell, each box with a different ex boyfriend’s name on it and very distinct items inside. Ann states:

“Recently, Leslie pointed out that sometimes when I date someone, I kind of adopt that person’s personality. The evidence is fairly damning. Chris Traeger: exercise phase. Andy Dwyer: my grunge phase. Tom Haverford: my needless shopping phase. Also, credit card debt phase.”

Ann had realized that she essentially becomes each of the guys she dates. While Ann’s situation may be a slight exaggeration, I can easily name my own ex boxes, containing items related to things like scuba diving, anime, kung fu movies, ultra running, Thai food, sports, what have you. Learning new things and acquiring new hobbies is never bad, but am I holding onto my own hobbies, pleasures and personality?

If you don’t have ex boxes, you may have other boxes: parenting boxes, work boxes, friend boxes, travel boxes, hardship boxes, etc. These boxes aren’t bad—they can be helpful, and are very normal! But are we taking time to connect to our core selves?

…Do we even know who our core selves are?

woman standing wearing black tank top during daytime — Photo by Timur Romanov on Unsplash

At the very core of who we each individually are, we find our values. Values, according to a recent article by clinical psychologist Steven C. Hayes, are “expressions of what you care about …profoundly inform what you pursue day to day, year to year. …They give life direction, help us persist through difficulties. They nudge us, invite us, and draw us forward. They provide constant soft encouragement.”

Of values, author Mark Manson writes, “What are we choosing to give a [expletive] about? What values are we choosing to base our actions on? What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life? And are those good choices—good values and good metrics?” Regardless of how you say it, choosing our values, and remembering and consciously living your values each and every day, can help you stay more connected to your core self, no matter what life brings.

You’ll then have one primary box: YOUR box with YOUR name on it.

My box has evolved over the years, but it currently looks something like this: I value physical activity—primarily running, hiking, and yoga—because they help me feel good physically and emotionally. I value creativity because creating things helps me feel happy and fulfilled. I value building a relationship with God through study and prayer because that relationship is steady, and brings me purpose and hope. I value serving others and being mindful of others because those acts help me feel closer to God.

It’s taken me years to define those values, and they will surely continue to evolve over time as I continue to grow as well, but there you have it: The Allie Box as of December 2018.

I love the “Love, Me” section on the Healthy Humans Project website. It’s all about refocusing our relationships with ourselves—remembering who we are at our core. These are things I want to remember as we begin the new year.

Start the new year by writing your personal manifesto or mission statement. Declare your values and beliefs. Share your interests and passions. Take 5 minutes to write it all down, then refine it from there. Keep this file on your computer, or print it out and hang it somewhere you can read it often.

References

Halloween Surprise [Television series episode]. (2012, October 25). In Parks and Recreation. CBS.

Hayes, S. C., Ph.D. (2018, September 4). 10 Signs You Know What Matters. Retrieved December 28, 2018, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201809/10-signs-you-know-what-matters

Manson, M. (2016). The subtle art of not giving a #@%: A counterintuitive approach to living a good life. New York: Harper, an imprint of HarperCollins.

Additional Recommended Reading:

Letting Go of Leo by Simi Botic

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck* by Mark Manson (*Okay, there is a lot of profanity in this book, but Manson offers some great insight on values!)

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.

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