It started with a thought: I should write my story. And so I wrote my story. I started with one defining moment, then another. When the milestones were recorded, I started filling in more details and emotions. I took some things out. I edited it.
And when it finally felt complete, I felt a relief—a freedom—I never knew I needed.
I have since published my story as a paperback book, but the feelings of relief and freedom came even before that point. I could have kept my story private and still benefited substantially from writing it.
There is no one right way to write your story. You can use a journal, an app, or a planner. You can write once a day, once a week, once a month, or once ever. Regardless of the format or schedule you choose for writing, journaling offers noteworthy benefits, including a reduction of stress and a healthy way to manage anxiety and depression. Research by psychologist and researcher Dr. James Pennebaker suggests that journaling can even alleviate physical symptoms of conditions such as asthma and rheumatoid arthritis by acting as a stress management tool.
According to an article by Harvard Medical School, in at least one study by Pennebaker, he
“…asked 46 healthy college students to write about either personally traumatic life events or trivial topics for 15 minutes on four consecutive days. For six months following the experiment, students who wrote about traumatic events visited the campus health center less often, and used a pain reliever less frequently, than those who wrote about inconsequential matters.” (Harvard, 2020)
To demonstrate the immediate benefits that journaling can offer, researchers at the University of Chicago “found that anxious test-takers who wrote briefly about their thoughts and feelings before taking an important exam earned better grades than those who did not.”
How can you put this to the test? In your next stressful moment, I invite you to pause and take a few minutes to write about the situation and how you are feeling. Does your stress level increase, remain steady, or decrease? Did the exercise help you find additional solutions or insight into the situation?
Here are some other creative ways to start journaling:
Create a private Instagram just for family photos and captions. If you want a physical copy, you can subscribe to a service like Chatbooks, which will automatically send you a book of your Instagram photos after every 60 posts.
Download the Day One app to start keeping a journal on your phone. The app is free, though you can subscribe if you want to keep more than one journal on the app.
Start gathering your family members’ stories first. Interview any living grandparents or great-grandparents. Interview your parents. Interview siblings. Not only will you create a beautiful record for your family, you may find yourself inspired as you begin writing your own stories.
I am not great at traditional journaling, but I recently found several notebooks and planners where I have kept notes and records over the past several years of my life. These, along with my Instagram page and other digital platforms, have offered an non-traditional but natural way for me to keep a journal of sorts.
How have you benefited from journaling in your life? We’d love to hear from you this week on Instagram @healthyhumansproject!
Choose one way to start recording your story this week!
References
Alt, D., & Raichel, N. (2020). Reflective journaling and metacognitive awareness: Insights from a longitudinal study in higher education. Reflective Practice, 21(2), 145–158. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1080/14623943.2020.1716708
Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
Hearing the word may make you uncomfortable but we need to talk about it.
Scratch that, we HAVE to talk about it.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the world for those between ages 15-24 (SAVE, 2020) and the tenth leading cause of death in the United States for all ages. This means that the majority of people will in some way be touched by suicide in their lives. Yet, many are unsure of how to talk about suicide or how to get help if they become suicidal.
Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels
Myths and Facts
Myth #1: Talking about suicide causes suicide
Fact: Talking about suicide opens the conversation and can be a preventative measure. Having these sometimes difficult conversations allows the person struggling to talk about what they are going through and can help them to see things from an outside perspective. It’s okay to ask questions and to be specific about those questions. It’s okay to share your own experiences with suicide or suicidality because sharing helps us know we’re not alone, and helps to fight shame and stigma. (Nevada Division of Public and Behavioral Health, 2019)
Myth #2: People who are suicidal want their life to end
Fact: People who are suicidal usually don’t want to end their lives, rather they want to end their suffering. They are often in such a dark, hopeless place that they feel there is no way to end their suffering other than by taking their own life. (Fuller, 2018)
Myth #3: Suicide only affects those who have a mental disorder(s)
Fact: While mental disorders can be a risk factor for suicide, that does not mean that everyone that has one has suicidal thoughts, ideation etc. You also do not have to have a mental illness to feel suicidal. Often there are other stressors such as relationship problems, abuse, illness, crisis, etc. that can lead to suicide. (Fuller, 2018)
Myth #4: Most suicides happen suddenly
Fact: Rarely does suicide happen suddenly. Usually the person who is suicidal shows warning signs. These signs are often shown to those who are closest to them, and those people may not recognize that these are warning signs. It’s important to know the signs so that we can help those who may be at risk for suicide. (Fuller, 2018)
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels
What we need to change when we talk about suicide
Using the Word – We need to use the word suicide rather than beating around the bush or using other terms. It’s okay to say the word suicide, and it’s okay to say that you’re suicidal. It’s important that we use the word because the more that we talk about it, the more we can end the stigma around it. (Roe, 2019)
Change the Language – We need to be careful about what words we use when discussing suicide. We partitcularly need to stop using phrases like, “Successfully committed suicide,” or, “Failed suicide attempt”. Words like “successful” and “failed” can carry other meanings, some with positive implications, like “successful”, or negative, like “committed”, which makes it sounds like a crime has taken place. Rather, we should use phrases like, “Died by suicide,” because it’s more accurate and less emotionally charged. It is important that we talk about suicide respectfully because we are all human and vulnerable. (Roe, 2019)
1. Don’t be afraid to ask for help – You do not have to face this alone. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or thinking about taking your own life, PLEASE reach out to someone you trust. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or you can chat online at this link here. If you feel more comfortable texting, you can text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor. If you are part of the LGBTQ Community, you can call the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or visit their website for options to chat and text. (LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth.) (The Trevor Project, 2017)
2. Make a safety plan – Having a plan in place for when you are in a suicidal mindset can take away some of the pressure of having to think critically when you are in a state of overwhelm.
What you might include in your plan:
Warning signs to watch for (thoughts, images, mood, situations, behavior, etc., that indicate a crisis might be happening)
Ideas for how to help yourself (self-soothing techniques, positive distractions, etc.)
People you can ask for help (include names and contact information)
Ideas for how you can make your environment safe for you
A list of things that are important to you and/or worth living for
3. Remember, feelings are temporary – No matter how hopeless things may seem, you are wanted and needed on this earth. Do not make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. You can and will get through this.
1. Watch for signs – If your friend is feeling suicidal, it may be difficult for them to reach out and ask for help. Here are some signs to look for that can help you recognize that they may be struggling:
Verbal Signs
Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Behavioral Signs
Increased drug or alcohol abuse or relapsing after being in recovery
Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online, buying a gun, stockpiling pills
Unexplained anger, aggression and irritability; behaving recklessly
Sudden interest or disinterest in religion
Giving away prized possessions
Getting personal affairs in order
Sleeping too little or too much
Withdrawing or isolating themselves
Extreme mood swings
Previous suicide attempts
Situational Signs
Fired of expelled from school
Unwanted move
Loss of major relationship
Death of someone by suicide
Diagnosis of serious or terminal illness
Other life events or changes
2. Ask, and then listen with empathy – It’s important that you ask the question directly–are you thinking about killing yourself? Are you suicidal? Do you have a suicide plan? It may come as a natural flow of conversation or you may just have to ask out of the blue. When you ask, make sure it is in a private setting, and give them the time that they need to talk. However they respond, listen with empathy and avoid reacting with shame or judgment. Don’t feel like you have to present a solution or fix it for them right then and there. Just let them know that you care about and are there for them.
Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels
3. Take their thoughts and feelings seriously – Remember, when someone says they are suicidal, it’s important to believe them and not assume they are just being dramatic or seeking attention. Regardless of whether or not you feel your friend’s situation is truly as hopeless as they feel, if someone is thinking or talking about suicide, you should always take them seriously.
4. Get help – Encourage your friend to seek help, and don’t promise to keep their struggles a secret. Neither of you has to bear this burden alone. Help your friend identify others who can also be a part of their support system and help them get through this difficult time.
5. Know what resources are available – Your friend may be overwhelmed and not know where to go to get help. If you are on a college campus, find their counseling and psychological services as well as their after-hours line. If your friend is an immediate danger to themselves, call 9-1-1. Do a quick Google search or refer to the previous section about help lines you can contact or direct them to. If your friend protests and gets upset that you have contacted someone, don’t worry. It’s ALWAYS better to have an angry, alive friend.
Suicide is painful and tragic, and also one of the only causes of death that is 100% preventable. We have the power to stop suicide by talking about it, fighting shame and stigma, and by empathizing with and being there for one another. For the sake of ourselves, and our loved ones, we HAVE to change the conversation.
Share one of the facts about suicide from this article on social media or with a loved one.
Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
You are not alone. We are living in unprecedented times, and that tends to stress us out. A lot of the outlets that we may normally use to cope with our stress have been restricted or taken away and that makes it harder to maintain fluctuating levels of stress.
Let’s talk about some ways you can better manage your stress, because, as a professor of mine would so lovingly remind me, “stress management is life management.”
Prioritize
When we’re stressed, it can be really hard to figure out what we need to do and how to accomplish it. What things absolutely have to get done and what things can wait? There is a wide variety of resources out there to help answer this question, such as the Covey Quadrant Method, the prioritized to-do list, Productivity Boot Camp, etc. My personal favorite is the sticky note method, which essentially gives you a visual representation of what you’ve accomplished.
The sticky note method goes like this (Wheeler, 2019):
Get a pad of sticky notes
Write down what you need to get done, one task per sticky note
Make sure that when you write the task you are specific. For example, “spend 30 minutes trimming the bushes” instead of “yard work”
Once you have the tasks you need to get done written out, take the sticky notes and put them somewhere you can see them in order from most important to least important
When you finish a task, take the sticky note off and throw it away
If you don’t finish all of the tasks by the end of the day, that’s okay! Rarely do we finish everything we intend to accomplish all in one sitting. Leave the sticky notes up and then keep working on them the next day.
We have talked a lot about self-care here at the Healthy Humans Project, and that’s because it is so important! Being stressed out all the time often leaves us feeling like we don’t have the time or energy to take care of ourselves, but it’s absolutely vital that we do. It may seem more important to get those dishes done or disinfect the high-touch services for the third time this week, but this will ultimately leave you feeling tired and even more exhausted than before. Make the time each day to take care of yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to take three hours for self-care! Your self-care is going to look different depending on your current level of stress, and on your needs for that day (Gordon, 2019). One day it may be taking 20 minutes to watch an episode of your favorite show, doing a face mask, or even taking a nap. Other days you’ll have more time to take that bubble bath or watch that movie on your watch list. What matters is that you are taking the time to take care of yourself.
Exercise
Exercise is one of the best forms of stress relief. The type of exercise you choose doesn’t really matter, what matters that you move your body on a daily basis. Find what makes you feel good! Moving your body can mean dancing in the kitchen to blasting music, going for a run, doing a workout video from YouTube, or going to the gym (if, you know, that’s an option). Exercise has many benefits for stress. When you exercise your body naturally releases endorphins (sometimes known as a runner’s high), which makes you feel happier. When you exercise consistently it can boost your mood and help with mild depression and anxiety (Exercise and Stress, 2018).
Additionally, exercise is great for helping ease the body’s response to stress. Our bodies have two major nervous systems that govern a wide variety of physiological responses, known as the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous systems. The parasympathetic system is commonly referred to as the “rest and digest” system, and the sympathetic as the fight, flight or freeze response. When we are stressed, our body triggers the sympathetic nervous system, causing muscle tension, a racing heart, and adrenaline release throughout the body to prepare for fight, flight or freeze. As we exercise, our body is able to use this stress response to actually benefit our body by building muscle and strengthening our cardiovascular system. It also helps to regulate our body’s stress response. Check out this video here, and this one here if you would like to learn more.
Sleep
Stress can impact our ability to sleep, which is problematic because we also need sleep to help combat stress! While we sleep, our bodies do maintenance to repair and heal our bodies, as well as helping with memory consolidation (Stress and Sleep, 2013). When we are stressed, we often don’t get enough sleep, leaving us tired or even more stressed (anyone else stress how much sleep they aren’t getting??). Most often, stress leaves us unable to get high-quality sleep, which then affects our mood and our ability to cope with life.
We need to make sure that we are getting at least 8 hours of sleep at night regardless of age (kids, babies and teens are in the group that needs more than that). Thankfully, there are some things we can do to help us sleep better. First, establish a routine around bedtime. For example, take a shower, brush your teeth, read for 30 minutes, and then go to sleep. Sticking to a routine signals to the body that it is time to go to sleep. Second, turn off electronics two hours before bedtime. Blue light is notoriously known for interfering with the ability to sleep. Or, if you have to use a device, switch it to night mode where it turns down how much blue light your screen emits. Third, save the bed for sleeping and sex with your partner. The less we do in bed, the more the brain will associate it with sleeping, making it easier to actually get sleep. (How to Sleep Better, 2020)
Mindfulness—Breathing
Mindfulness and its various practices have endless benefits. But I want to talk specifically about breathing because it’s one of the most underrated stress management techniques. As we all know, we have to breathe in order to survive. But our breathing has a greater effect on our bodies than we sometimes realize. Our breathing has the ability to help calm the sympathetic nervous system (remember that fight, flight, freeze response?) by lowering our heart rate, relaxing our muscles, and helping us get back to our thinking brain.
Here is an easy breathing technique you can try, taught by LMFT Tammy Hill:
Close your eyes and sit comfortably
Inhale for three counts
Hold at the top for three counts
Exhale for three counts
Repeat as needed
Connect
“We are neurobiologically hardwired for connection with other people. In the absence of connection, love, and belonging, there is always suffering.”– Brené Brown, Netflix Special The Call to Courage
We are hardwired for connection, and that connection helps us to deal with our stress. We need other people to talk to, to vent to, to support, and to support us. Being around others and interacting with others helps to ease the stress of everyday life. When we feel we have people we can turn to, or know that we have people supporting us, we can get through difficult times because we know we are loved regardless of our personal successes or failures. While it may not be possible to connect with people in person right now, we can video chat, text, call, write letters, etc. to keep connected with others.
For me personally, it has been so hard to not have in-person interaction with people outside of my spouse. Yes, I have been able to video chat and text, but it’s not the same as sitting down with friends at a restaurant or participating in in-person church services. It feels isolating to sit behind a screen and not be able to give someone a hug or be there for them when it feels like everything is falling apart for them or to be able to celebrate a graduation or marriage. Just know that if you are struggling too, you are not alone.
Gratitude
Sometimes in the mounds of stress, it’s easy to forget that there is more to life than just getting our to-do list done. Being grateful doesn’t take a lot of time,. It can simply be saying, “Today I am grateful to be alive,” or “I’m grateful that I got out of bed today.” It can be sitting down at the end of the day and writing down three things you’re grateful for in a journal. These few moments may seem insignificant, but they can literally re-wire our brains. Research has found that people who keep a gratitude journal see a decline in perceived stress in as little as two weeks, meaning that when we are grateful we see things more as they truly are rather than just what we are stressed about (UC Davis Health, 2015). As we look for things to be grateful for, our perspective shifts and it makes it easier to cope with our day-to-day lives. So, right now, pause to write down three things you’re grateful for, send a text saying thank you to someone, and remember that life won’t always be like this!
Finally, when we are stressed, one of the most important things we can do is to remember to have compassion for ourselves. Often, we won’t get everything done that we would like to, and that’s okay! Some days we won’t get anything done because stress, mental health etc. require us to step back and take a do-nothing day to take care of ourselves. When those days and moments come, it’s imperative that we have compassion for ourselves. It’s okay to step back and say, “I’m struggling right now and so are others. I can be mindful of my emotions and acknowledge them without being consumed by them. I can be kind and understanding to myself regardless of whether I got everything done that I would have liked.” Self-compassion is a powerful principle! If you’d like to learn more about it, I would recommend checking this Ted Talk by self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff.
Don’t let your stress get the best of you. Take things a day at a time, don’t give up, and be kind to yourself. We’re all figuring this out, and we’ll make it through together!
Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
Losing a loved one can make you yourself feel lost. Experiencing such a profound loss not only impacts us emotionally but physically as well (Casarett, Kutner, & Abrahm, 2001). The response to losing a loved one is what we know as grief.
Grief is of course not limited to the death of a loved one. Any loss can cause grief, such as:
Divorce or relationship breakup
Loss of health
Losing a job
Loss of financial stability
A miscarriage
Death of a pet
A loved one’s serious illness
Loss of a friendship
You need never feel ashamed of how you react to loss. Fortunately, there are healthy ways to cope with the feelings that come with grief.
Photo by Toimetaja Tolkeburoo on Unsplash
Turn to friends or family members.
Something that I’ve learned in my own grief journey is how important it is for me to talk about my loved ones that I’ve lost. I don’t want people to be afraid to bring them up. It’s helpful to hear memories of the one(s) you’ve lost. Confiding in and discussing with friends and family who knew your loved one can help you remember the positives, and honor their legacy. Furthermore, telling the story of your loved one in a variety of ways can help you to cope with the loss, and find healing and meaning as you work to make sense of the loss and ensuing grief (Bosticco, & Thompson, 2005).
Find comfort in your faith.
Faith can keep you grounded when life feels chaotic and out of your control. Additionally, having some belief about what happens to us after we die can provide comfort and hope when we experience a deep loss. Research shows that “People who profess stronger spiritual beliefs seem to resolve their grief more rapidly and completely after the death of a close person than do people with no spiritual beliefs” (Walsh, King, Jones, Tookman, & Blizard, 2002). This is not to say that if you do not have spiritual beliefs that you need to find some during bereavement. Rather, if you had spiritual beliefs prior to your loss, it’s helpful to lean onto your faith during the grieving period.
Photo by Billy Pasco on Unsplash
Talk to a therapist or grief counselor.
Mental health professionals receive thousands of hours of schooling and hands-on training to help people cope with the fear, guilt, anxiety, and other difficult feelings that come with loss. Grief counseling, in particular, has been shown to be just as effective as other forms of counseling and psychotherapy (Larson, & Hoyt, 2007), and you may find that a therapist who has been specifically trained in dealing with grief is the best equipped to help you work through yours. Because everyone’s grief journey is different, it’s best to consider your options and see what works for you. Be patient with yourself and others as you find your own path to healing. Maybe therapy isn’t the best way for you to cope and feel. Maybe you need to be alone, maybe you need to be with friends. Surviving grief can be a trial-and-error process, and it may take time to find what works for you.
Thoughts on Time
Here’s the bad news: time does not heal all wounds. At least not completely. Time merely provides the means by which you become used to your new life. Maybe your boyfriend of two weeks dumped you or maybe your sister died. Maybe you gave a child up for adoption or maybe you dropped an ice cream cone. More often than not, time will not erase your feelings of loss and emptiness. It just gets you used to living with those things and finding a way to endure despite them. It helps you get out of bed every day, even when you’re in pain. It helps you put a bandaid on your soul, but the scar is still there. It helps you find your new “normal.”
Photo from pexels.com
The good news? Time can still be your friend. Time can help you hear a song your sister used to blast in the car and not have a complete and total mental breakdown. Time can help you to not have to take the day off of work when her death anniversary rolls around. Time can help you to smile when an old truck drives by, reminding you of the one your dad taught you how to drive. Don’t get me wrong: the pain is still there. It always will be. Slowly but surely, however, you’ll get used to your new normal. You may have lost something, but you’re still here.
For those already struggling with their mental health, facing grief on top of that can seem unbearable. Time is not going to solve your problems. Good people, finding hope in a Higher Power, therapy, and laughter will help you get closer to healing. You are here on this earth. Learn, grow, and love. Your heart will always have something missing, but your life can still be full.
If you are currently dealing with loss, reach out to a loved one who can remember with you.
Not currently dealing with loss yourself? Reach out to someone who is, and share your love! We all need each other.
References
Bosticco, C., & Thompson, T. L. (2005). Narratives and Story Telling in Coping with Grief and Bereavement. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying,51(1), 1-16. https://doi.org/10.2190/8tnx-leby-5ejy-b0h6
Casarett, D., Kutner, J. S., & Abrahm, J. (2001). Life after death: a practical approach to grief and bereavement. Annals of internal medicine, 134(3), 208-215.
Larson, D. G., & Hoyt, W. T. (2007). What has become of grief counseling? An evaluation of the empirical foundations of the new pessimism. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 38(4), 347–355. https://doi.org/10.1037/0735-7028.38.4.347
Smith, M., & Robinson, L. (2019, November). Coping with Grief and Loss. Retrieved May 9, 2020, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
Walsh, K., King, M., Jones, L., Tookman, A., & Blizard, R. (2002). Spiritual beliefs may affect outcome of bereavement: prospective study. BMJ (Clinical research ed.), 324(7353), 1551. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.324.7353.1551
McKay Strong is from Texas. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. A super experienced wife of a year, McKay works full-time at a local nonprofit and has more side hustles than she should (she still doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life). She is a proud Ravenclaw and an even more proud cat mom. McKay is passionate about self-love, body positivity, healthy sexuality, and breaking the stigma against mental illnesses. Also, Harry Potter.
Mental illness is no easy feat. It’s a long battle but it’s so worth it because you and your mental health are worth it. I write this from a place of someone who has her own struggles with mental illness and who loves many people who are struggling with a wide variety of mental illnesses. When I started my mental health journey, I felt so alone and didn’t know where to start. I had friends and family support but I still felt so alone. So today I’m writing to you to tell you 10 things I wish I would have known when I started my own mental health journey.
1. There is always hope.
It’s so easy to fall into feeling hopeless especially in the thick of depression or in the worst days of anxiety when it never seems to ease. It’s easy to want to run and hide and stay in bed for days on end because facing the world seems like a monstrous task. And some days, moving from the bed to the couch is better than nothing at all. It’s okay to feel lost and unsure. One thing that I did to help me have hope was to follow accounts on social media that were uplifting to me including therapists and organizations that focused on health. Some of my favorites include To Write Love On Her Arms, Brene Brown, therapist Tiffany Roe, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Photo by Raphael Renter on Unsplash
2. Get educated.
Educate yourself about mental illness especially the one(s) that you may have or have been diagnosed with (Understanding your Diagnosis, 2020). Education is one of the best things you can do to better understand yourself and what you are experiencing. Research can also help you know what may be the most effective treatment for your specific mental illness. As you research, remember that each of us is unique, and someone else’s mental illness (even someone with the same diagnosis) may look a little different than your own.
3. Seek support.
Seek out support from friends and family (Social Support: Getting and Staying Connected, 2020). One of the things that I quickly learned after receiving a soft diagnosis, was that I needed a social support system. The person that stayed at the forefront for me was my mom. She went with me to countless therapy appointments and would lend a listening ear when I was having a bad day or just needed to talk. I also grew to have many other friends whom I knew that I could count on and whom I could reach out to when I needed someone to listen to. Having social support gives you a safe place that you can turn to when you are struggling.
There are so many different kinds of therapy and so many different practitioners that it can be an overwhelming task to find a therapist. There are a couple of places you can start. First, ask around; see if there’s anyone that your friends or family may recommend. Word of mouth can be one of the best ways because many people go to therapy for a wide variety of reasons. Another way to find a therapist is by visiting https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists. On this website, you can type in your zip code and specifics including insurance, preferences, etc., to locate therapists in your area. It’s also another great place to start, especially if you live somewhere where you don’t know the area or what’s available. For more help on choosing a therapist, check out this article here. Also, remember that it’s okay to shop around for therapists! I wish I would have known this so I could have explored all my options and found someone who did more of what I needed.
Photo from pexels.com
5. Let’s talk medicine.
Some people will need medication as part of their treatment plan to help them manage their mental illness and that is okay (Mental Health Medications, 2016). There is NO SHAME in using medication to help. Some mental illnesses are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, and medications are used to help balance out these chemicals. Throughout the course of treatment, you may have times when you don’t need meds, or you may need them throughout its entirety. Your therapist will often refer you to a psychiatrist who will help you figure out the best options for you, or family practice doctors can help with this as well.
6. Stick to your treatment plan.
It seems weird to say this, but it’s necessary. If that means therapy once a week for you and taking meds daily, stick to it. The more consistent you are, the better off you’ll be. No two people’s treatment plans are the same and so it’s important that you stick with the one that is best for you. Also, don’t be afraid to speak up if it doesn’t seem to be working for you. Part of figuring out a treatment plan is adjusting and trying new things to help you.
7. Get enough sleep.
I can’t say this enough. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Getting enough sleep is vital to your mental health (Harvard Health Publishing, 2018). Lots of mental illnesses come with a side effect of either having a hard time falling asleep, insomnia, waking disturbances while sleeping, or just wanting to sleep all day, but getting the right amount is important. I found for myself personally that on the days I didn’t get enough sleep, my anxiety was 10,000 times worse. As you go through your journey you’ll learn how much sleep you need and how much is not enough or too much. Be aware that your needs may fluctuate from time to time.
Photo from pexels.com
8. Take care of your body.
I feel like a total hypocrite even writing about this to y’all because it’s one of the things I struggle with the most. Do the best that you can to take care of your physical body (Tartakovsky, 2018). Get moving whether it is having a living room dance party, going for a walk, or playing an active video game – just do something to move your body. Some days it may not happen and that’s okay. Also, do your best to eat food that fuels your body. I’m a big fan of intuitive eating, and for every person that will look different. Check out this article for more info on that subject.
9. Suicidality.
This is definitely one of the things that I wish I had been told about when I began my mental health journey. While you are learning how to deal with your mental health, you may have times when you experience suicidal thoughts or ideation. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but you may experience it. Please please please reach out for help if you are feeling suicidal. I myself have been in that place – it’s dark, and it’s awful, and reaching out was the best thing I did. Reach out to your support system, call your therapist, do whatever it takes. If you don’t have those things you can call 1-800-273-8255 or you can chat online with someone at suicidepreventionlifeline.org. There is also a specific suicide hotline for the LGBTQ+ community through the Trevor Project that you can call at 1-866-488-7386. Please stay with us. You are needed and you are loved.
10. Self-care.
This is something that I didn’t really learn how to do until later on in my mental health journey because at first, I felt like I was in survival mode. Do something to take care of yourself every day whether it’s taking a bubble bath, reading, meditating, just do something to help you take care of yourself. If you want to learn more about self-care check out these articles here, here, and here.
Photo by drop the label movement on Unsplash
I hope that something in this letter sticks with you as you go through your mental health journey whether you are in the middle or just beginning. There is no shame in struggling and there is no shame in reaching out for help. You are needed. You are loved. You are worth it.
Love,
A girl who’s been there and is still there.
#endthestigma by sharing your journey with mental illness or share this letter on your social media. You never know who may need it.
Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
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