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Power Couples

6 Scientific Things You Never Learned in Sex Ed

February 9, 2019 No Comments

Written by Aubrey-Dawn Palmer

Heads up – this article was written to benefit adults. What I am about to tell you is academic information about sex, and I have not sugar-coated it. This is helpful and important information, but it may need to be reframed to be more appropriate for children/youth education.

When you were an adolescent, sitting in sex ed class had a completely different purpose than what I want to teach you. This is adult sex ed – what you need to know now that you’re a grown up with sexual needs who has graduated to a bigger bed (and hopefully a hot spouse to go with it!).

1. The “good enough” sex model.

Thanks to the porn industry, media, poor sex education and high school locker rooms, many adults (and adolescents too) think that sexual compatibility is a must for a relationship checklist. And to be sexually compatible, they must be having mind-blowing sex all the time. False. According to a study done in 2007, couples reporting extremely high levels of sexual satisfaction report that they have average to good sex 40-60% of the time, and exceptional sex only 20-25% of the time. And guess what? Even happily married couples report having unsatisfactory or even dysfunctional sex sometimes (Metz & McCarthy, 2007). But it doesn’t matter because, for the committed couple, sex isn’t about the orgasm (as great as that is) so much as connecting with your partner. That’s why it’s called intimacy.

relationship-863443_1920 — Photo from pexels.com

2. Having an orgasm and being sexually satisfied are not the same things.

Most couples including men reported that having an orgasm was not always necessary to be able to be sexually satisfied (Basson, 2000; Georgiadis & Kringelbach, 2012). So chill out. You don’t need to be a sex god or goddess. Because news flash – it isn’t about you. It’s about the relationship. And if sex doesn’t play out the way you want every time, it doesn’t mean you aren’t compatible. It means you’re human. Having said that, if there is a pattern of dysfunctional or unsatisfying sex, communicate with your partner about the needs each of you has and how you can better meet those needs. If there continue to be problems, consult a therapist or physician.

3. Men and women need sex for biologically different reasons.

Though men and women seek sexual satisfaction differently and have different expectations surrounding sex, they seek the same benefits from intimacy. Men generally pursue emotional intimacy through physical means, while women tend to pursue sexual intimacy through physical means and seek emotional intimacy in other ways. While this sounds oppositional, it is, in fact, complementary (Metz & McCarthy, 2007; Barlow, 1995). Men often use physical means to be able to connect emotionally and women often need to connect emotionally to be able to connect physically (Barlow, 1995). Also bear in mind that women focus on feeling attractive and wanted, while men focus on being “invited” to engage sexually. Men’s sexual confidence lies in functionality, while women’s lies around trust and emotional connection and safety. Again, these are complementary, include much overlap, and evolve over time (Metz & McCarthy, 2007). So ladies, if you are feeling sexually frustrated, make sure you’re inviting your husband to be intimate with you. Men, make sure that emotional connection is part of your intimacy.

adult-art-beautiful-1670467 — Photo from pexels.com

4. Women take longer to become fully aroused than men do.

Men are much more easily aroused than women, requiring only a few minutes to become fully aroused (Miyagawa, et al. 2007). Women take an average of 19 minutes to become fully aroused (Huberman & Chivers, 2015) and are aroused less by visual means (as men tend to be), and more by context, environment, intensity, and other senses (Fisher, et al., 2012). This is useful information! Understanding the physiology behind your partner’s arousal patterns can help you make sure that both of you are getting what you want and need out of sex. For example, remembering that your wife takes a little longer to become fully aroused and is responding to cues like the environment and context can inspire you to slow down and engage in more foreplay. You may also consider using candles, music, more talking during sex, romantic texts throughout the day, weekend getaways, etc. to increase arousal.

5. Commitment increases sexual pleasure.

Generally, healthy couples have sex for 5 reasons: 1) reproduction, 2) tension and anxiety reduction, 3) sensual enjoyment, 4) confidence, and 5) high relational closeness and satisfaction. Understanding that people have sex for a host of reasons and to fill a variety of needs develops partner congruence which aids relationship and sexual satisfaction (Metz & McCarthy, 2007). But what’s really interesting (at least to me) is that those who focus on themselves during sex experience the least amount of pleasure. Those who focus on the other person experience a deeper level of pleasure. But those who focus on unity or the “us” during sex experience the deepest levels of sexual pleasure and satisfaction (Mosher, 1980). Men and women in committed relationships generally report higher sexual satisfaction than those having casual sex (Birnbaum, et al., 2006).

affection-couple-embrace-1822500 — Photo from pexels.com

6. Expect the sexual relationship to change over time.

Because we as individuals change over time, and because our relationships change over time, we must also expect that our sexual patterns within that relationship will change (Basson, 2000). As life happens, what we need and want from sex is different. Because of these changes, it is crucial that couples communicate consistently about what they like, want and need in intimacy. Communication is necessary for balancing the two people in a relationship (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007).

Find a way to incorporate one or more of the above principles in a planned intimate night this week!

References

Barlow, B. A. (1995). Worth waiting for: Sexual abstinence before marriage. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book.

Basson, R. (2001). Using a different model for female sexual response to address women’s problematic low sexual desire. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 27(5), 395–403. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1080/713846827

Birnbaum, G. E., Reis, H. T., Mikulincer, M., Gillath, O., & Orpaz, A. (2006). When sex is more than just sex: Attachment orientations, sexual experience, and relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 929–943. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.929

Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., Mashek, D., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2002). Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction and Attachment. Archives of Sexual Behavior,31(5), 413-419.

Georgiadis, J., & Kringelbach, M. (2012). The human sexual response cycle: Brain imaging evidence linking sex to other pleasures. Progress in Neurobiology, 98(1), 49-81. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pneurobio.2012.05.004

Huberman, J. S., & Chivers, M. L. (2015). Examining gender specificity of sexual response with concurrent thermography and plethysmography. Psychophysiology, 52(10), 1382–1395. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1111/psyp.12466

Metz, M. E., & McCarthy, B. W. (2007). The “Good-Enough Sex” model for couple sexual satisfaction. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 22(3), 351–362. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1080/14681990601013492

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. New York: Guilford.

Miyagawa, Y., Tsujimura, A., Fujita, K., Matsuoka, Y., Takahashi, T., Takao, T., Takada, S., Matsumiya, K., Osaki, Y., Takasawa, M., Oku, N., Hatazawa, J., Kaneko, S., & Okuyama, A. (2007). Differential brain processing of audiovisual sexual stimuli in men: Comparative positron emission tomography study of the initiation and maintenance of penile erection during sexual arousal. NeuroImage, 36(3), 830-842. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2007.03.055

Mosher, D. L. (1980). Three dimensions of depth of involvement in human sexual response1. The Journal of Sex Research, 16(1), 1-42. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224498009551060

Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.

Project Parent

The #1 Thing Parents Forget When Talking to Their Kids About Sex

February 2, 2019 No Comments

Written by Rian Gordon

Let’s be honest, talking to kids about sex is hard! It can be awkward, and tough to know how to handle a topic that some couples aren’t even comfortable discussing with each other (if this is you, we need to talk). We’ve previously posted some guidelines to help you have healthier conversations with your kids about their bodies and sexuality, but today, I’d like to focus on one essential point that we often forget to mention when we are talking to our kids about this topic:

SEX IS GOOD.

Let me say that again – sex is a wonderful, helpful, beautiful, GOOD thing that should be a regular part of our marriages! Sex gives committed couples the opportunity to get to know each other better, to connect physically, emotionally, and even spiritually, and to have fun exploring and deepening their relationship. Not to mention, it has the amazing power to bring children into the world!

When we fail to help our kids understand the positive power of their sexuality and how it can benefit their committed relationships, we run the risk of them missing out on all of the amazing things that a good sexual relationship can bring to their lives.

Many parents hope that their children will wait until marriage to become sexually active. To be honest, this is what I hope for my kids! There are so many emotional and physical benefits to sexual exclusivity (lower risk for STD’s, deeper trust and connection over time, emotional safety, even better sex). But unfortunately, this hope can often skew a parent’s view on how they should talk with their kids about sex. Parents often either heavily emphasize the “don’ts” associated with sex, or they avoid discussing anything but the bare minimum when it comes to their children’s bodies. They think that if they talk to their kids about the good side of sex, it will make them just want to go out and have sex with everyone. But research has actually shown the opposite. When parents have healthy discussions about sexuality with their kids, and put that sexuality in the context of healthy committed relationships, kids are actually more likely to value sex and the power that it can have in their relationships, as well as make healthier sexual decisions. On the other hand, avoiding the topic, or only focusing on the negative consequences of premarital sex only creates fear and shame surrounding anything connected to sexuality – something that can seriously hinder a person’s ability to perform sexually later on in an appropriate setting.

For parents who aren’t as concerned about their children waiting for marriage, talking about the context of healthy committed relationships is still vital. While consent, safe sex, and gender identity are all important parts of conversations regarding sexuality, helping children understand the positive power that sex can have in strengthening their relationships will help set them up for sexual success.

adults-blur-couple-888899 — Photo from pexels.com

So how do we help our kids understand that sex is good without encouraging them to be promiscuous? Context is the key. If we talk to our kids about how sex is a wonderful and powerful thing that can really benefit and enhance our marriages, and help them to understand why they should wait to have sex, they are far more likely to want to make that choice themselves.

So whenever you discuss sex with your children (which should be frequently as they mature physically and emotionally), make sure that they know that sex is a positive thing! It can express deep love and commitment, and can bring you so much closer to the person you choose to spend your life with. As you help them to know that their bodies are beautiful and powerful, you empower your children to make wiser choices about their personal sexuality. And when the time comes for them to share that part of themselves with someone they love, knowing that sex is a good thing will make those experiences all the more meaningful for them.

Think about and write down a few of the reasons why sex is important to you. How can it strengthen your own relationship? Developing in your self a belief that sex is positive is the first step to helping your children have a healthy relationship with their own sexuality.

References

Brotherson, L. M. (2015). And they were not ashamed: Strengthening marriage through sexual fulfillment. Boise, ID: Inspire Book.

Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2016). The man’s guide to women: Scientifically proven secrets from the “love lab” about what women really want. New York City, NY: Rodale Books.

Guilamo-Ramos, V. (2018, October 24). How Parents Shape Teens’ Sexual Decision-Making for the Better. Retrieved from https://powertodecide.org/news/how-parents-shape-teens-sexual-decision-making-for-better

Perel, E. (2007). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. New York City, NY: Harper Paperbacks.

Shoop, D. M., & Davidson, P. M. (1994). AIDS and adolescents: The relation of parent and partner communication to adolescent condom use. Journal of Adolescence, 17(2), 137-148. http://dx.doi.org/10.1006/jado.1994.1014

Stone, N., & Ingham, R. (2002). ‘Factors affecting British teenagers’ contraceptive use at first intercourse: The importance of partner communication. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 34(4), 191–197

Wellings, K., Nanchahal, K., Macdowall, W., McManus, S., Erens, B., Mercer, C. H., et al. (2001). Sexual behaviour in Britain: Early heterosexual experience. The Lancet, 358, 1843–1850.

Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.

Power Couples

Power Couples – The Power of Two

January 12, 2019 No Comments

Written by Shirley Anderson

As human beings we collectively share the intrinsic desire to be close – to love and to be loved. Here at the Healthy Humans project, we are especially passionate about partner relationships as it is the foundation for a strong family unit as well as happiness and satisfaction throughout the life course.

Whether you are just wading into the waters of courtship, waist deep in the dating scene or have been married for decades, we’ve got you covered! Below are a few of the MANY topics we’ve discussed in the past for whatever stage of life you are in.

Making the Dating Scene More Meaningful

Dating can be both daunting and exhilarating. Remember to be courteous, be yourself, be creative and be kind and especially be patient! Love is spelled T-I-M-E and building a relationship that will last takes a lot of W-O-R-K. Take the time to truly get to know each other as you commit yourselves to one another.

woman holding black pocket watch at 5:30 — Photo by Rachael Crowe on Unsplash

Fun Fact: Did you know that the timing of sexual involvement in romantic relationships matters? Although 30-40% of couples report having sex within the first month of their relationship, researchers at Cornell University found that couples who were sexually involved early on in their courtship reported lesser relationship quality (Sassler, et al.,2010).

“Help! I’m New at This!” (For Newlyweds)

From the moment you say, “I do,” remember that you are creating something brand new. Your marriage is completely unique and you get to decide what it will look like. Avoid the pitfalls of comparison, and unrealistic expectations as they are both thieves of happiness! Although the honeymoon must end, the thrill of growing in love does not.

Fun Fact: Did you know that how you respond to your new spouse predicts both your immediate and future marital happiness? When newlywed conversations commence with anger and resentment, research shows strong correlations for future marital conflict and higher divorce rates. However, when discussions are met with kindness and understanding, your new marriage relationship will flourish as will your happiness and satisfaction.

casual-couple-cute-773124 — Photo from pexels.com

Strengthening my Marriage

Remember that “falling out of love” is a myth! Love is a choice and we need to choose our spouse every single day. Often times the necessary tasks of daily living can distract us from what is most important- our marriage! Finding the balance between our relationship and other responsibilities can be challenging. A great place to start is by deliberately making time for each other to strengthen your relationship. When you are together, be sure to turn off autopilot and give your marriage the time and attention it deserves.

Fun Fact: Did you know that people with strong partner relationships actually live longer and have healthier lives? (Gallagher & Waite, 2000). In addition to increased longevity, married couples typically have more wealth and economic assets and have more satisfying sexual relationships than single or cohabiting individuals (Olson & Olson, 2000).

Read a “Power Couples” article with your partner to help you jumpstart a meaningful conversation. Identify a few ways you can strengthen your relationship! Set some goals and check in with each other periodically to evaluate how you’re doing.

References

Gallagher, Maggie., Waite, Linda. (2000) The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially. New York City, Doubleday.

Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(1), 5. doi:10.2307/353438

Olson, D. H., & Olson, A. K. (2000) Empowering couples: Building on your strengths. Minneapolis: Life Innovations Inc.

Sassler, S., Addo, F. R., & Lichter, D. T. (2012). The Tempo of Sexual Activity and Later Relationship Quality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74, 708-725.

Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.

Love, Me, Power Couples

The Two Things That Helped Me Forgive

October 27, 2018 No Comments

Written by Allie Barnes

At the beginning of 2017, I finally walked away from a chaotic on-again off-again relationship that had left me living in trauma for those past three years. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. It was a long time coming, but it was still so difficult, and so painful. One of the things that actually brought me a good laugh was when close friends of mine offered to prank my ex, or mess with him in whatever way— even though I knew I’d never take them up on the offers. It was comforting to know that I had friends who had my back in that way, and who knew how to give me a good laugh. It was also a bit awesome to imagine my ex spending days trying to figure out, for example, why his car smelled like a rotting fish! (Again, I never did any of the recommended pranks, but I still think of that particular recommendation with a laugh!)

I chose to approach the breakup—and my trauma recovery—with firm boundaries and with kindness, and I truly believe that this is how I was able to heal and find personal resolution and forgiveness toward my ex.

Boundaries

When we finally parted ways, I set a boundary of ZERO communication with my ex. This was hard—he had been my best friend for years and someone I still connected with in a lot of ways—but because of both his past patterns and my own, I knew that ZERO contact was the only way for me to move forward.

Boundaries will definitely look different for individuals actively in relationships—both romantic and platonic. Each person’s individual boundaries reflect their needs and values. I love how psychologist and researcher Brené Brown defines boundaries: “Boundaries are a clear understanding of what is okay for you and what is not okay for you.” She continues (and this ties into my next point), “There is no way that you can be deeply compassionate towards somebody if they are violating your boundaries at the same time.”

apply-blue-brush-221027 — Photo from pexels.com

Boundaries can be anything from a parent enforcing a bedtime, to a young adult maintaining work hours even if a social event conflicts with those hours. In a romantic relationship, boundaries could be anything from requesting a few minutes to decompress after work, to not performing certain sexual acts. Boundaries can be emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, or sexual. Of boundaries, author Melody Beattie elaborates, “We need to be able to be honest and direct in our relationships. One area we can be honest and direct about is the parameters of our relationships. …We can tell [a] person what to reasonably expect from us, because that is what we want to give. How the person deals with that is his or her issue. Whether or not we tell the person is ours.”

My boundaries with the people around me are constantly evolving as I learn more about myself and my own needs. In that moment with my ex, my immediate need was no contact at all for the foreseeable future. That gave me the space to not only move forward, but to begin to heal.

“Information is a powerful tool,” Beattie states, “and having the information about what a particular relationship is—the boundaries and definitions of it—will empower us to take care of ourselves in it.”

Choosing Kindness

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”

-Brene Brown

Toward the end of that relationship, as things were falling apart and trauma was building up, I remember driving through the mountains of Utah listening to a woman named Nicole share her story on the LifeBeats Project podcast. Nicole’s husband of nearly a decade had first asked for a divorce, which was painful enough alone, but later also admitted infidelity. Nicole then shared of her immediate decision to choose to be kind instead of cruel toward him. The whole interview was so, so good, and I highly recommend you listen to it! But the point is, it resonated with me. Nicole gave words to some of the feelings I had been experiencing. I felt pain and grief, but I could still choose kindness.

blowball-dandelion-dandelion-seed-54300 — Photo from pexels.com

I chose to be kind to my ex, but this does not mean that I was always perfect at it. I still felt hurt, and I felt frustrated as I experienced lingering trauma and triggers. I’m sure I badmouthed him too many times to friends of mine, and I do feel sorry about that (live and learn). But when a negative feeling came, I always aimed to redirect it to a neutral feeling—and eventually those neutral feelings became positive feelings.

Above everything else, I know that I never stopped caring about him. That care and seeking for kind thoughts and feelings eventually led me to peace.

Eventual Forgiveness

In time, the triggers and trauma from that relationship decreased. Life continued on. Thoughts of my ex caused less pain than before, and gradually I found peace with the situation. I remember the day I saw him drive by me as I sat in my car at a red light, and I felt no trigger, stress, or fear. I merely laughed. I finally, finally found the forgiveness and peace that I had been seeking.

Part of this healing came from simply living my life and seeking new experiences, including growing through new relationships. But I believe a big part of that forgiveness came from those base choices that I made from the beginning— to set and maintain my personal boundaries, and to consciously choose kindness. Forgiveness didn’t come overnight, but it came, and with it came the peace I had been craving for years.

Option 1: Identify a need you feel in your life— whether your need is being met or not. Create a boundary to help ensure this need is met. Share your need and boundary with someone close to you, ideally someone involved in helping you meet that need. (Example: You recognize that checking your work email in the mornings upon waking stresses you out, so you set a boundary to not open your email until you get into the office. You share this with your boss or a co-worker).

Option 2: When a negative thought toward someone comes into your mind, notice it, and consciously let it go. Perhaps think of a positive aspect to that individual, or ponder a way to give that person the benefit of the doubt. Consider writing these thought processes down.

References

Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency. “August 20: Honesty in Relationships,” 232-233. Hazelden Publishing.

Brown, B. (2015). Rising strong. New York: Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House.

Johnson, B. (2007, February 14). Learning that kindness is a strength and not a weakness, especially when you are hurt by others | with Nicole Hudson of Bot Communications. [Audio Podcast]. Retrieved from https://www.thelifebeatsproject.com/nicole

Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.

Power Couples

When Partners Disagree: Navigating Differing Core Beliefs

August 25, 2018 No Comments

Written by Allie Barnes

A few weeks ago I asked my mom probably one of the most vulnerable questions I have ever asked her to answer: “Do you ever regret marrying dad?”

The question sounds far more dramatic than it is: I am not aware of any earth-shaking quarrels, abuse, heartache, or what have you in my parent’s relationship. They have been pretty happily married for over 30 years.

The question came about because of one simple fact: my parents do not hold the same religious beliefs.

person wearing white band ring — Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Has this difference brought regret to my parents’ marriage? Can two individuals with differing core beliefs make a relationship last? And is it even worth it?

In the article “Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate”, Dr. Ted Hudson of the University of Texas answers this question simply, “…a successful relationship does not hinge its posterity on how alike you are, instead it hangs on by the sheer will power and want to stay in a relationship.” The author elaborates further by saying, “…it’s not who you are or what you do that will prolong or help you find the perfect mate. It’s how you speak to each other, how well you get along, and how you move through time together.”

My mom answered similarly. While she acknowledged that the difference in religious beliefs has sometimes been difficult, she loves my dad, and she loves the good man he is. She also noted that while she chose to marry someone who didn’t share her same religious convictions, she has seen other couples begin their marriages with mirrored beliefs, only to have one change their beliefs later. As Dr. Hudson said, relationships last through “the sheer will power and want to stay in a relationship” more than through shared core beliefs—though that certainly may help.

people-2561578_1920 — Photo from pexels.com

There are countless other core beliefs that partners could disagree on, including beliefs about politics, finances, parenting, and more. One of the most important ways to approach these differing beliefs is simply through respect—and that includes accepting your partner’s viewpoints and beliefs without trying to change them (for other ideas on how to approach the topic of core beliefs, read Aubrey-Dawn’s article here).

Regarding couple communication in the midst of conflict, Dr. Marni Feuerman states that couples should consider how “each partner may be able to find a way to honor their partner’s dreams, which often amounts to fulfilling a core need regarding the issue at stake. Those couples who successfully navigate a recurring problem in their relationship [or, I might add, an enduring difference in core beliefs] have learned to express acceptance of their partner’s personality, and they can talk about and appreciate the underlying meaning of each other’s position on the issue.”

Approaching differing core beliefs with respect, communication, and even curiosity creates an opportunity for greater understanding and empathy in any relationship, and can particularly foster greater emotional attachment within the couple relationship. What are some ways that you’ve grown closer in your relationships (friendship/dating/marriage/etc.) despite —or even because of— differing core beliefs?

References

Borbón, L. R. (2018, April 14). Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/psychology-finally-reveals-the-answer-to-finding-your-soulmate/

Feuerman, M. (2018, February 15). Managing vs. Resolving Conflict in Relationships: The Blueprints for Success. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships-blueprints-success/

Kelley, H. H., Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2020). Uniting and dividing influences of religion in marriage among highly religious couples. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 12(2), 167–177. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/rel0000262.supp (Supplemental)

Toglia, M. (2018, April 25). Can Couples Who Don’t Agree On Politics Last? Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/articles/191881-can-a-relationship-work-if-you-dont-agree-on-politics-5-tips-for-interpolitical-couples

Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.

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