In 1938, George Vaillant produced an unprecedented, monumental study on what brings happiness in life. Over the course of 70 years and with 800+ participants of men and women, his study analyzed every possible happiness variable from education and health to wealth and prominence. The final consensus? “Happiness equals love—full stop” (Vaillant, 2009). Perhaps this study simply emphasizes what we already know—beyond feeling rich, powerful, popular or even healthy, the most basic need we have is to feel loved. Romantic relationships provide a unique opportunity to know one another and to provide that need. As relational expert John Gottman put it, “Simply put, successful couples are attentive” (Fenske, et al. 2017).
Being an attentive couple usually comes easily in the first stages of dating, but if that love and attention is not cultivated and couples are not careful, when stress hits—and it always does—much of the love and affection couples once so easily gave can dissipate. A good question to ask yourself is, how can you continue to be attentive and affectionate even when the pressure mounts? Here are just three ways that can make a world of difference to you and your significant other.
1. Date night
Cliché, I know, but taking time to get away, just the two of you, is a huge statement. Date night is your time to say, “I see you. I care about you. You matter to me.” It can provide a much-needed break from the monotony of life and allow time to reconnect and stay current in each other’s lives. Research has shown that husbands and wives who engaged in couple time with their partners at least once a week were approximately 3.5 times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriages, compared to those who enjoyed less quality time with their spouse. This practice must be allowed to continue for couples to thrive (Wilcox & Dew, 2012).
Photo provided by the author
2. Physical touch
As simple as it may sound, small simple gestures of affection can go a long way in a relationship. Small acts of physical affection—such as holding hands in public, giving back scratches, and tousling their hair—remind your partner that you are there, you are real, and that you have their back. It also shows the rest of the world that you claim them as your own. Obviously, the importance of physical intimacy cannot be overstated here—but often it’s the small gestures of love that keep the fire burning.
3. Communication
Take some time to talk every day. When couples spend long hours apart, the time they spend alone goes unknown unless they take the time to share about it. Your partner is your outlet, your confidant, your cheerleader, therapist and companion all wrapped into one. Talk about a gift! So take the time to be present with the one you love and connect on an emotional level. Communication is one of the most powerful tools in breaking down the wall between you two and allowing you to become one.
Think of all the time, attention, and conversation couples create during their first stages of dating. Knowing all the joy that stage of life can bring, it only makes sense that couples work to recreate those same intimate moments and work over a lifetime to help their partner feel loved.
Perhaps Susan Sarandon said it best in her classic movie Shall We Dance:
“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet…I mean, what does one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things…all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’” (Shall We Dance, 2004).
Choose at least one of the following to do this week:
Surprise your partner with a date night! Bonus points if you can base your activity on something they enjoy doing.
Give your partner a nice back massage. Maybe they’ll even return the favor!
Schedule some time to talk about your day. Ask your partner how they are really doing and make sure you put your phones away and make eye contact! You might find it’s one of the most enjoyable parts of your day.
References
Fenske, S. R. (2017). John M. Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams. (2016). The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the “Love Lab” About What Women Really Want. New York: Rodale, Inc. $22.99. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 16(1), 77–78. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2017.1270673
Shall We Dance? (2004) | ‘Witness to Your Life’ (HD) – Susan Sarandon, Richard Jenkins | MIRAMAX. (2016, April 13). [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FfW5iTe61k
University of Virginia, & Brad Wilcox and Jeffrey Dew, U. (2012). The Date night Opportunity What Does Couple Time Tell Us About the Potential Value of Date Nights. University of Virginia. http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf
Katrina Louise Voorhees is an undergraduate student at Brigham Young University where she studies relationships, family and art. She has a beautiful family and an outstanding extended family. She recently married her best friend, Paul Voorhees, who makes her laugh every day. Besides writing and romance she is also crazy about painting, singing, deep conversations, good books and ice cream.
The rush and excitement that comes from being in love is nothing short of euphoric. The only way to describe it? Heaven on earth. But contrary to popular belief heaven is not found, it is made. In America, we use the phrase falling in love to describe the act of loving, but as John and Julie Gottman explain in their book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, “Happily ever after is not by chance. It’s by choice” (Gottman, et. al, 2019).
While choosing in love instead of falling in love may not sound as romantic, it is certainly more reliable. If a person were liable to fall out of love as quickly as they fell in it, marriage would be nothing more than a temporary arrangement, a fragile compromise based on feelings of ecstasy and novelty which new romance provides but cannot maintain. No love, no matter how fierce, can survive that. For love to be maintained it must be fostered, nourished, and expanded on a daily basis.
Said Susan Lyman-Whitney in an article published in the Deseret News, “A second paradigm is ripping through our culture like wildfire—if you don’t feel the love anymore, then why stick around? As a therapist, I hear it all the time: “We just fell out of love.” While love (the noun) may initially bring two people together, it is love (the verb) that makes it last” (Lyman, 1995).
What does love the verb look like? While there is certainly no end to the amount of marriage and love advice out there, here are just eight of the ways to choose love on a daily basis that will bring to pass the kind of happily ever after that couples yearn for.
Humans are creatures of connection. Bids for love and affection come in many forms, if we learn to pay attention. They can be as simple as a touch, laughter at a joke, a knowing look, or a pat on the shoulder. If your partner is telling you a story, look them in the eyes and give them your undivided attention. Ask them how their day went and then look for cues about how they really feel. Show them that you really care by being ever-present and anxiously concerned about their wellbeing. If they are hurting, find ways to show empathy. If they are excited, find joy in their joy. When they need love, do not hesitate to fill that need for them (Hildebrand, 2020).
2. Choose to be kind, patient, and forgiving.
Social scientists have found that successful marriage comes down to a few key attributes. Although it may surprise you, kindness takes the lead for the most important factor in any successful marriage. Not far behind come the vital characteristics of patience and forgiveness. That is to say that when we choose in love, we must also choose to give the benefit of the doubt, to look past weak moments and to love in spite of ourselves. Just as doctors treat patients when they are sick and injured, we must treat frailties of the ones we love with patience, realizing that at times the cure they so desperately need is love and kindness (Smith, 2020).
So much of life has to do with our perspective. There are no flawless soulmates, however, as beauticians know, beauty is not found in perfection but rather in the accentuation of positive attributes. Besides that, there is beauty in the resilience that is born of failure. When a child is learning to walk, we do not criticize them for falling, we praise them for getting back up and trying again. Gottman put it this way in his interview with Atlantic: “There’s a habit of mind that the masters have, which is this: They are scanning the social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes (Smith, 2020).
How then, we think, can we ever help our spouses to improve in this life if all we ever do is point out what they are doing right? The principle of lived invitation beckons us to lead by example as we strive to master ourselves first. When a person tells their spouse to live a healthier life, they may feel criticized and hurt, and struggle knowing how to improve. A better tactic would be to live a healthy lifestyle, in which case a spouse will see the desired benefits and know exactly how to follow suit. If the desire to do the same is not inherent, it is not likely that criticism will push them in that direction anyway. If, on rare occasion, criticism is needed, it should be done in private, along with an offer of support and commitment to uphold the same standard of living (Marks, et al. 2016).
5. Focus on filling their needs and your needs will be filled.
When we show love to our spouse, they will likely reciprocate our actions and we will also feel the joy that comes from giving, one of the sweetest aspects of romance. The ideal relationships occur when both individuals make the wellbeing of their spouse their highest priority (Hildebrand, 2020).
6. Continue courting one another after marriage.
Don’t stop dating one another. Don’t stop flirting. Make your partner feel desired by you. Don’t stop getting to know them. Continue to make them feel special and spend time with them. Don’t stop dressing up for your spouse. Make an effort to let them know you desire them! Your spouse needs to be held and loved. They need to know that you respect them and that you admire them. They want to know that you are excited to be with them. They need to know that they are successful in their attempts to love you (Bradley, 2014).
So much of the bliss found in relationships is found in working together towards a higher goal than self. Best-selling author Stephen Covey defines interdependence as people, “combining their efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.” Covey states that, as an interdependent person, “I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings” (Covey, 1999). People who work interdependently contribute equally so that a much larger goal is accomplished by the team than would be possible by any one team member alone. Happiness may be found in the expansion of self, but joy is found in the expansion of others, in true teamwork.
8. Lower your expectations.
This last one may surprise you, but it is nonetheless true. Any business professional will teach you to under-promise and over-deliver. This is because when we expect perfection, we will ultimately be disappointed. If, on the other hand, we expect to love and be loved in return, we can almost always meet that expectation.
Most of the best things in life come not by chance, but by choice. Love is no exception, although the concerted effort marriage takes will last a lifetime, unlike other pursuits which come and go. For those of you who are single, I invite you to choose now to love those around you, to choose to see the best in others and to practice giving others the benefit of the doubt. And for those who are married, my invitation is to wake up every morning and choose your spouse. You chose them once, choose to remember why. You fell in love once, allow yourself to do it again, because as John Gottman (2019) put it, “Love is a choice that you make every morning when you wake up. It’s the decision to choose to cherish your partner, especially when you don’t feel like it. It’s in these times, in particular, that your partner likely needs your love the most. In truly healthy marriages, each partner wakes up in the morning, and makes the decision to purposefully practice and cultivate more love for their spouse.”
Pick one of these ways to “choose in love” this week:
– Figure out a way to serve your spouse every day, make them smile.
– Listen to understand, ask questions that let your spouse know you care about how they feel
– Find room for uninterrupted quality time together every day this week – even if it’s just 15 minutes
– Stop with the comparisons – choose your love and love your choice
References
Bradley, J. F. (2014). Courtship Must Continue After Marriage (Make Your Marriage Work, Solve Your Marital Problems, Add Spice To Your Marriage & Live A Happy Married Life) (Volume 3) (1st ed.). CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform.
Covey, S. R. (1999). The 7 habits of highly effective people. London: Simon & Schuster.
Gottman, J. M., Gottman, J. S., Abrams, D., & Abrams, R. C. (2019). Eight dates: Essential conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Workman.
Katrina Louise Voorhees is an undergraduate student at Brigham Young University where she studies relationships, family and art. She has a beautiful family and an outstanding extended family. She recently married her best friend, Paul Voorhees, who makes her laugh every day. Besides writing and romance she is also crazy about painting, singing, deep conversations, good books and ice cream.
“Love is the strangest, most illogical thing in the world.” -Jennifer E. Smith
Love is my middle name. No, seriously. I’ve always felt weird admitting that, because it seemed cheesy and somehow presumptuous. But, I’ve gained an appreciation for my name now. It is a reminder of the most important human capacity: to love. A lot has been written about love. It’s all conflicting and cliché, but true. This new year is a chance to bring what we’ve learned from 2020 into the present, and live truer, more beautiful lives. If you have any resolution, let it be love.
Poets and artists have described love in many ways. There is great love, brotherly love, true love, unrequited love, good love, passionate love, platonic love, real love, parental love, etc. A person’s feelings are real and their own. No one else can claim or define them. It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. So, if you feel an emotion other than apathy, perhaps it’s love. Rather than asking ourselves what is love, ask what feels real and true for me? (Doyle, 2020).
Some loves we have no control over; our love is taken from us. Like a pet, high school sweetheart, or new born baby. And others we choose and keep choosing, like a spouse or long time friend. Does love at first sight exist? Maybe. Can you be in love and not know it? Perhaps. Do kindred spirits, soul-mates and bosom friends exist? It’s possible. Understanding love isn’t what matters. What matters is that we don’t let the mystery and uncertainty of our feelings keep us from living and loving.
Don’t Stop It…
I recently read the following from the novel Possession which said, “My Solitude is my Treasure, the best thing I have. I hesitate to go out. If you opened the little gate, I would not hop away – but oh how I sing in my gold cage” (Byatt, 2012). Sometimes we put ourselves in cages, because it feels safer. We keep ourselves from feeling as a way to avoid future disappointment. Brené Brown calls this “foreboding joy” (Brown, 2015). Joy might be the most vulnerable emotion we experience because of the underlying dread that those feelings will end. We were never meant to feel good or safe all of the time. Most of us know this, but we tend to forget when the fear is intense. Stop trying to beat vulnerability to the punch, and be present. It’s okay to be deeply disappointed, just as it is okay to be wildly in love.
Have you ever stayed in a romantic relationship because it “made sense”? Your family loved them. You had a lot in common. Or, you just couldn’t think of a “good enough” reason to part ways. Maybe you’ve maintained friendships based on history, or you felt you’d be a bad person if you allowed yourself to drift apart. Sometimes we force love and relationships because we are too afraid to be alone or worried about what others will think. Don’t allow shame and insecurity to call the shots anymore. Because love makes no sense, it’s important to listen to your gut. Intuition is the best guide through the magical mess of love.
It was William Goldman who said, “Love is many things, none of them logical.” Love lies in the mystical, magical and creative realm. It is not born from or found among the critics or analysts. That’s not to say logic and reason are invalid. In fact, they help us make meaning and can improve our dysfunctional relationships. I mean love itself cannot be measured, replicated, collected, bought, controlled, analyzed or fully understood. Let go and embrace the beautiful ambiguity that is loving.
Let go of fear and doubt. Inhibition just slows us down. Choose to believe that people are naturally good and believe in love. Stop over-thinking and perfecting, and just enjoy your life. Be so intoxicated with living, and in love with who you are. Give that joy to others, and love without condition. Then notice the colors that fill in the cracks as you watch your life transform.
1) When you forebode joy, breathe and remind yourself that you want to live big and claim your life; you will no longer be controlled by scarcity and fear.
2) Say “I love you” more often.
3) Get creative. Paint, write, dance, etc. Express yourself. Do more of what you love.
4) If you have your life all planned out, be flexible and let go of the parts that keep you from enjoying the present.
References
Brown, B. (2015) Rising strong. Random House.
Byatt, A. S. (2012) Possession: A romance. Random House.
Doyle, G. (2020). Untamed. Belichi Ogugua.
Dray Salcido is from Elkridge, Utah. She is the youngest of seven and enjoys close relationships with her siblings. She graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work from Utah Valley University. She works at a law firm and volunteers with various populations. She enjoys researching and writing about the human experience, and hopes to make that her creative life’s work.
Has your partner ever done something that reminded you of a bad experience from a past relationship?
I can probably guess the rest of the story. You felt your nervous system kick in. You put your walls back up. Your partner got confused. You didn’t know how to talk about it. You both went to bed upset.
I know this story too.
We all have emotional baggage, whether it’s from our parents or romantic relationships. Negative experiences in past relationships can really mess us up.
Relationship researchers have a consensus that most people with negative past relationship experiences fear that they will never feel close enough to their new partner while simultaneously fearing getting too close in the same relationship.
How interesting is it that what we desire most (emotional closeness) we also fear the most?
This fear comes from those negative relationship experiences. In my interpretation, the fear of vulnerability is born of a broken heart.
We create core issues from negative relationship experiences. Core issues can be fears, insecurities, unhealthy expectations, assumptions, trauma, unmet needs, or betrayed values.
At the beginning of my relationship with my husband, we argued almost every day thanks to my fragile ego and his limited experience with healthy love. It took time for us to work through our core issues which, surprise surprise, had nothing to do with each other and everything to do with our own emotional baggage. All of our arguments were rooted in the fact that I had a laundry list of insecurities shaped by my past and my husband kept getting triggered by his relationship trauma.
So if you’re feeling fragile, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about what we can do with that heavy baggage you’re carrying.
5 Tips to Not Let Past Relationships Affect New Ones
Realistically, unresolved wounds from past relationships just take time to heal. We can’t make them disappear at the snap of our fingers, but here’s how we can get started:
1. Acknowledge your contribution to failed relationships
Be curious about the past. There are two sides to every story. Recognize your past toxic behaviors.
What behaviors of yours seem to be a pattern in your relationships?
What things did you do in your past relationships that you don’t want to repeat?
Become an observer. Objectively, was your partner’s behavior mean-spirited?
What behavior or comment specifically started up your nervous system?
How can you process this trigger in a healthier way?
3. Get to your core issues
Reflect on your trigger. Was it shaped from a past relationship?
Reflect on your pain. Why did it hurt so much?
Reflect on your resentment. Which of your values did their/your behavior go against?
Reflect on your fear. What are you really afraid of?
Therapy is an awesome tool for this. Therapists can teach you the right questions to ask yourself and guide you down a path of self-awareness and self-reflection.
4. Learn what a healthy relationship can look like
We consciously and subconsciously allow our past relationships to shape our expectations for new ones. We start accepting unhealthy behaviors or we start expecting perfection from ourselves and our partner. We can combat this by:
Regularly seeking out relationship education opportunities
Research shows that couples who learn healthy relationship expectations and skills are less likely to divorce and have higher marital satisfaction
Regularly challenge your expectations. Are they healthy? Are they realistic?
Ask yourself, “What kind of love do my partner and I deserve?”
Very important! Your partner should not be your replacement for a therapist. If you feel like you’re putting that pressure on your partner, see a therapist!
These tips can change the trajectory of your relationship. Here’s how:
A conversation without using one of the 5 tips
Your partner walks in the room and becomes “overly loving” with you, in your definition. They’re complimenting you, hugging and kissing you. Your first thought is, “What are they keeping from me?”. You suddenly feel sad, hurt, and even angry. You push your partner away and roll your eyes.
They ask you what’s wrong. You don’t know what to say, you just feel overwhelmed. Instead you say “Is there something you want to tell me?”. They say, “No, why?”. You don’t believe them, and it’s downhill from there.
But here’s how it would go using tips 2 and 4:
Your partner walks in the room and tells you that you look amazing. They give you a hug and kiss. You think, “I feel like they’re keeping something from me”, but you don’t react to the thought. You smile and say thanks.
They turn on the TV and you start thinking “Why did I get skeptical when my partner was being loving toward me? Have they given me a reason to mistrust them? No. Is there an experience from my past that has given me a reason to mistrust someone who shows me love? Yes, but I’m not in that relationship anymore. I’m safe. In healthy relationships, partners are loving toward each other. That was normal behavior. I’m safe.”
I know, this makes it look easy. It’s not as simple when it’s you! Healthy partners challenge their beliefs and own up to their unhealthy behaviors.
But you can do this. You know how I know? You read this far, and that means you care.
Healthy relationships aren’t perfect, they’re just committed to creating healthy love, just like you. Challenge your beliefs, own up to your unhealthy behaviors, and confront those relationship wounds head on.
This week, write in your journal when you react to a trigger. Write down what triggered you, how it made you feel, what past experience(s) may have formed this trigger, and brainstorm healthier ways you can respond next time it comes up.
References
American Psychological Association. (2004, October 8). Marital Education Programs Help Keep Couples Together. Retrieved December 15, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/research/action/marital
Camilla Rees is the founder of The Love Brain blog and podcast and a program director for the non-profit organization, the Utah Marriage Commission. After earning a degree in Marriage and Family Relationships from BYU, Camilla has committed herself to providing meaningful knowledge about healthy relationships to as many couples as she can possibly reach. Camilla lives in Utah and enjoys spending time with her husband, Sabe, baby girl, Janie, and little dog, Bowie.
One of the main things that attracted me to my husband when we first started dating was that I felt so SAFE around him. Not only was he incredibly respectful and sweet in a way that helped me feel physically safe, he also did things that helped me feel safe to share my whole self with him — my thoughts, my weaknesses, my worries, my love, my everything! This has been a crucial piece in the health of our relationship over the years and research supports the importance of creating safety in our relationships in order for them to thrive and last (PREP Inc., 2015).
Here are three critical types of relationship safety and how you can foster them in your relationships:
Physical Safety
The most basic form of safety that is important for healthy and happy relationships is physical safety. While this type of safety requires an absence of physical abuse, I would argue that there is more to building a physically safe relationship than that alone. Real relationship satisfaction is developed when a couple actively works to show love to one another, not just when they don’t hit each other.
Create a physical sanctuary: If you live together, you can increase the felt physical safety in your relationship by making your home a place where both of you can feel safe and at peace. Clean together, decorate together, make the space yours!
Emotional Safety
Emotional safety is just as crucial in a healthy and happy relationship as physical safety. Partners can act as a safe space for each other to share feelings, thoughts, hopes, dreams, and vulnerabilities. The strongest relationships are those where partners feel safe bringing their whole self to the table – the good and the bad – and can trust that that whole self will be respected and validated, even when their partner disagrees.
Respond positively to emotional bids: “Bids” are a call for connection in your relationship (you can read more about them here). Relationships thrive when both partners are frequently seeking out ways to connect with each other and are responding positively to each other’s bids for connection. Responding positively to bids does not mean that you always have to say “yes” to your partner. It just means that you acknowledge their bid and follow through with taking time to connect – whether in that exact moment, or setting aside intentional time later!
Ex. Partner 1: “Hey honey, how was your day?” “Hey babe, I’m in the middle of sending this text right now, but I’d love to talk about my day with you and hear about yours. Can we talk as soon as I’m done?”
Keep confidences: Part of creating emotional safety in your relationship involves sharing parts of ourselves that we might not be so proud of. We are all human, and our relationships need to be a space that allows for us to make mistakes, disagree, struggle, and grow together. When your partner shares something with you, don’t go telling the rest of the world (or your mom!). If it is something you need to share in order to get help, talk with your partner about who they are comfortable sharing the information with. This will do wonders for building trust and safety in your relationship.
Practice sharing your emotions: Sharing how we are feeling is not always easy. The good news is, it’s a skill that we can practice! Be intentional about being vulnerable and sharing how you feel with your partner. Especially with difficult or uncomfortable feelings. Consider writing them out first to help yourself identify and process what you are feeling before you approach your partner. Mutual sharing and showing empathy and respect for one another’s emotions will help you build trust and increase closeness in your relationship.
Commitment Safety
Commitment safety is all about knowing that your partner will fight for your relationship, and that they are committed to making things work. When we believe that a relationship is going to last, we are far more likely to be willing to invest time and attention into that relationship. A relationship with strong commitment safety is more likely to last because partners trust in their love for each other and are not afraid that their significant other will bail out at the first sign of trouble.
Dream together: Dreaming about your future together is a great way to work towards actually having a future together! When you dream and set goals together as a couple it deepens your commitment to each other and to your relationship.
Constraint Commitments: Constraint commitments refer to “forces that constrain individuals to maintain relationships regardless of their personal dedication to them” (Stanley, Rhoades, & Whitton, 2010). These can be things such as buying a home together, having a joint bank account, building mutual friendships, having children together, social pressure to remain together, etc. “Constraint” sounds like a negative term, but these types of ties in our relationships can actually be really beneficial in strengthening our commitment (Stanley, Rhoades, & Whitton, 2010). The more you have tying you together, the less likely you are to leave the relationship when you encounter disagreements or difficulty* (things that come to every relationship).
* This does not include abusive relationships. If you are in a relationship with abuse of any kind, you have the right to leave regardless of any existing constraints!
Continue investing in your relationship: Commitment and love are both built and maintained over time. The more effort we continuously put into our relationship, the stronger it will grow, and the more likely we are to stay committed to our partner! Investing in your relationship looks like frequent date nights, staying curious and continuing to get to know each other, nurturing your emotional and physical connection, communicating openly and honestly, intentionally connecting throughout the day, etc. Remember that commitment fosters love, not the other way around — the more our actions reflect commitment to our partner and to the relationship, the deeper our love and commitment will actually become.
Working to increase each of these aspects of safety will strengthen your relationship with your significant other in critical ways. As you seek to become a safe place for your partner physically, emotionally, and for the long-run your connection with each other will deepen, and you will be making an important investment in the health and longevity of your relationship.
Take time to think about the current level of safety in your relationship. Do you feel safe with your partner? Does your partner feel safe with you? Why or why not? Choose one of the strategies above to help you foster either physical, emotional, or commitment safety in your relationship this week.
Johnson, S. (2013). Love sense: The revolutionary new science of romantic relationships. New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company.
Prep Inc.. (2015). PREP 8.0 Leader Guide, Version 1.3. Greenwood Village, CO: Author.
Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). Commitment: Functions, Formation, and the Securing of Romantic Attachment. Journal of family theory & review, 2(4), 243–257. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1756-2589.2010.00060.x
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Choose at least one of the following to do this week:
Katrina Louise Voorhees 
Dray Salcido
Camilla Rees is the founder of The Love Brain blog and podcast and a program director for the non-profit organization, the Utah Marriage Commission. After earning a degree in Marriage and Family Relationships from BYU, Camilla has committed herself to providing meaningful knowledge about healthy relationships to as many couples as she can possibly reach. Camilla lives in Utah and enjoys spending time with her husband, Sabe, baby girl, Janie, and little dog, Bowie.
