Cover photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels

Written by Kjirsten Keetch of Teeny Talkers

“Communication is your ticket to success, if you pay attention and learn to do it effectively.” – Theo Gold

We all know that communication is vital in relationships.  But have you ever considered how this applies to the parent-child relationship? When children can’t properly communicate and when parents don’t know how to help, that relationship suffers. 

Now, we know that no child (or grown person!) is perfect at communication, but helping our children learn language, including the ability to ask for what they want, say whether or not they like things, and label items, can be vital in reducing frustration in the home.

So what are some of the best ways to help your child learn and use language?

Play with your child

A clinical report from the American Academy of Pediatrics states that play with parents and peers promotes brain development and “the formation of the safe, stable, and nurturing relationships with all caregivers” (Yogman, Garner, Hutchinson, Hirsh-Pasek, & Golinkoff, 2018). So it’s a double whammy! You get brain development in almost all areas and improved relationships. 

Play is the modality through which our children learn. So if we want our children to learn language, we need to incorporate language into play. Start by sitting on the floor with your child. Then either initiate a fun sequence or watch what your child does and imitate them. Then, find a way to incorporate language. 

For example, say your child is playing with a car. Take another car, and play alongside them. Depending on their age, you could say something like, “Vroom!” or “Go car!”.  Then repeat, repeat, repeat!

If your child is at the imaginative play stage, the possibilities are endless! Just play with them and add language (preferably 1-2 words they haven’t yet mastered) to whatever you’re doing.

Read with your child

This study found that children who were read to daily (about 5 books) were exposed to over a million more words by kindergarten than children who were not read to.  What does this mean? Well, we can’t expect our children to learn language when they’re not exposed to language.  Books contain words that we don’t usually experience in our daily lives. They also help our children learn sentence structures, rhyming, and the basic structure of stories.

Is it ever too early to read to your children? No. It will never be harmful to include books with play. Just remember to keep reading a positive experience. So don’t push your children past their attention span. If your child is young and you can’t read many books at once, don’t worry! Just try to include stories in a few parts of your day.

Reading with your child does not always mean just reading the exact written words on each page! You can skip words, stop and talk about a page, or skip whole parts. Just stay at your child’s language and engagement level.  If you have a young child, it can help them stay more engaged if you sit across from them and hold the book in front of you so that they can see both you and the book at the same time.

Sing with your child

Did you know that using melody is part of a therapy technique for helping stroke patients regain language abilities? Pretty cool, huh?  The connection between music and language isn’t fully understood, but music can be a great tool for including language in your daily routine.  Melody, rhyming, intonation, and grammar are all aspects of music that translate to spoken language as well.

I like to break music up into two categories: fun songs, and soothing songs. Fun songs are songs like “5 Little Monkeys” or “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” that we use when it’s play time. Including actions is a great way to tap into visual learning and highlight certain words.  Soothing music is used at bedtime or other times your child needs calming.  These don’t need lots of facial expressions or actions.

I often come across parents who are hesitant to sing with their child. They think that a YouTube video here and there is sufficient music exposure. But human interaction is key here! I’ve never met a child who was critical of their parent’s voice, and nobody is recording you. So put your pride aside, be a little goofy if you must, and sing!

Be mindful of your own communication

Remember how much communication impacts relationships? Well, as a parent, you are one half of that vital relationship. As important as it is for your child to learn language, remember that it takes time. While your child is learning to communicate with you, be very mindful of your own communication. Make it as kind and respectful as possible. You are the constant language model for your child, and the learning that your child does while they are just observing (called incidental learning) is so powerful!

Whatever you do, remember that nobody knows your child better than you! Use that knowledge to play to their strengths and help them in the ways you know are best.  If you lead with love, you can’t go wrong.

Write out your child’s daily routine. Find a way to incorporate a few minutes of any of the above activities into your day. Write it down and commit to including it in your day with minimal distractions.

References

Brandt, A., Gebrian, M., & Slevc, L. R. (2012). Music and early language acquisition. Frontiers in psychology, 3, 327. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2012.00327

Hulstijn, J. H. (2001). Intentional and incidental second-language vocabulary learning: A reappraisal of elaboration, rehearsal and automaticity. Dans P. Robinson (Ed.), Cognition and Second Language Instruction (p. 258-286). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. 

Logan, J. A., Justice, L. M., Yumuş, M., & Chaparro-Moreno, L. J. (2019). When Children Are Not Read to at Home. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, Publish Ahead of Print. doi:10.1097/dbp.0000000000000657

Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. Pediatrics, 142(3). doi:10.1542/peds.2018-2058

Kjirsten Keetch is a pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist based in Utah County. She and her husband, James, have been married for 3 years, and they have one perfect little boy. Her job titles include full-time mom, cheer coach, owner of Sunrise Speech Therapy, and writer of the blog Teeny Talkers.