In a world filled with media, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed. There are so many options for what to watch, listen to, or read, and technology allows for so many different ways to access those options. Media and technology are also constantly evolving. The internet, smartphones, tablets, internet-connected televisions — none of these options even existed just a few decades ago. As a parent, it can feel like a daunting task to both keep up with the changes and to help children navigate the media world safely.
Media usage has both benefits and risks. It can be a great way to connect with friends and get needed support when you are struggling. It can be used to raise awareness of important issues around the world. It also allows for new ideas, research, and other information to be shared between millions and even billions of people.
On the other hand, overuse has been linked to obesity and poor sleep. Preoccupation with media usage can lead children to disengage with real-life, with regards to both in-person relationships as well as responsibilities like schoolwork. There are also the online dangers of cyberbullying and sexting, which can have severe consequences for a child’s mental health.
So parents, where do you even start? Here are some tips on how you as a parent can help your children get the best out of media:
1. Awareness of content.
There is both good and bad content available in all forms of media. Rating systems exist, but let’s be realistic here: they’re confusing. They aren’t standardized across different types of media, and it’s not always clear what a specific rating means. This means you need to be familiar with exactly what your child is being exposed to, not just what the rating is. One website that makes this easier is Common Sense Media: You can get details on educational value, positive messages, positive role models and representations, violence and scariness, sexual content, language, consumerism, and drinking, drugs, and even smoking. You can read reviews from parents and children including age suggestions. My favorite part about this site is that it includes all media types – movies, TV, YouTube, books, games, apps, and websites – some of which don’t even have official rating systems.
An extra tip for when ratings actually do come in handy: For TV shows, every episode is rated separately. So while you might approve of a show in general, there might be an episode or two you would want to avoid. To know which ones, it’s useful to know what the content labels mean for TV shows:
2. Limits for children ages 0-5 years old.
While the growing brains of this age group makes it so they may learn how to use smart devices (perhaps even quicker than you did), they also don’t have the ability yet to tell the difference between the real world and the digital world. And so, the American Academy of Pediatrics has very specific recommendations for technology use:
Limit screen use to video-chat only for children under 2 years old.
Limit screen use to 1 hour a day of high-quality media for children 2-5, and watch with your children to help explain things and apply it to the real world for them. They still don’t know a lot about the world, so while the connections may seem obvious to you, they could use some explanations. One particularly good program for this age is Sesame Street – they use research to make sure their episodes are developmentally appropriate!
Photo from pexels.com
3. Limits for children age 6 years old and up.
For older children and teenagers, it is important to have consistent limits for time spent on media and the types of media used. When in doubt, make sure kids have enough time for sleep, physical activity, schoolwork, chores, etc. and then let media fill in the gaps. When media goes first, you risk not having enough time for the things important to health and real life responsibilities. Also, know how to use the parental controls on your devices and streaming sites, like Netflix, to limit exposure to inappropriate content. If you’re unsure how to use them, try Googling it – you are most likely not the only one who has had that question.
4. Media-free zones and times.
Media is pervasive and can be invasive. Help your children by providing times and spaces for them to disconnect. There are different options for how this can look in your family, such as phone-free family dinners or a TV-free playroom. In particular, devices and TVs should be kept out of bedrooms when children should be getting ready for bed and sleeping. This will help limit how media use impacts sleep and decrease unsupervised/unmonitored media use.
Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash
5. Social Media.
Facebook is just the beginning. There are new social media sites and apps popping up every day, with varying degrees of popularity. Know which ones your child is using. Make sure the privacy settings are such that strangers won’t be able to track or target your child. Explain the safety concerns with using social media and the importance of not connecting with people they haven’t met before in real life. And equally important, teach them how to behave online. It is easy to be rude online when you can’t see the other person’s face. A good standard to set is if you wouldn’t say or do it in person, you shouldn’t do it online either. Teach them that they’re never really anonymous and what they say online can last forever — so make sure it’s something that they want to stick around or it might end up haunting them.
Bonus Tip: Using the same social media that your child does can help you to understand what it is and what it can mean to them. And it can encourage them to think twice before posting something if they know you’re going to see it.
6. Above all, teach your child how to judge media for themselves.
You’re not always going to be able to protect them from the negativity that is out there. Start when your kids are young with age-appropriate conversations. If they see something on TV that you don’t want them to copy, use it as a conversation-starter, an opportunity to talk about why what they saw was wrong and how they should behave instead. Teach them to be active consumers – questioning and critiquing what they see, not just absorbing it.
Photo from pexels.com
There you have it. Six practical tips for parenting in the digital age. Just remember, these tips aren’t always easy to implement. No parent is perfect, and children love to push limits. You may not always be doing as well as you’d like with limiting and monitoring your children’s media usage, but you can always start again tomorrow.
And for those of you who may be wondering where to start with implementing these tips, check out the Family Media Use Plan from the American Academy of Pediatrics. You enter how old your children are, and it will walk you through the steps of deciding what boundaries you want to set for your children’s (and your own) media usage.
Mariah Ramage was born and raised in Bellevue, Washington with two older brothers. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development, and she is currently living in the Seattle area. Mariah is currently experiencing the joys of being a nanny to three-year-old boy-girl twins while she prepares to pursue graduate work in Human Development and Family Studies. She is passionate about mental health, abuse recovery, purposeful parenting, and healthy media usage.
“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take the time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
–Eleanor Brown
Many of us are serving from empty vessels on a daily basis.
A Gallup news poll from December 2017 indicated that on average, 44% of Americans feel stressed. That number increases to 49% if you are female. If you have a job and a child, that number goes up to 59%. And people ages 18 to 49 experience the most stress at 54 and 56%. For most of us, life moves quickly and there are many demands on our time, energy, and mental load. Many of us feel overloaded. The effects of this are bigger than just feeling unhappy.
Stress can cause a myriad of issues, resulting in depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, irritability, and general unhappiness. Our bodies often will manifest our stress as well. Our emotions play a role in many types of chronic conditions — in how they progress or how we experience the illness. Reviews of the research have indicated since the 1970’s that 60-80% doctors’ visits are stress related. Many of our common chronic physical complaints (i.e. chest, heart and abdominal pains, headaches, gastrointestinal issues) have been showed to be affected, caused or made worse by stress. This is not new information, yet we still aren’t taking it seriously.
Running on Empty
The analogy of a car can help us visualize why self-care is important and what kinds of self-care we need.
Our cars take a certain amount of attention to keep functioning. If we ignore the “E” light on our gas gauge or neglect regular maintenance, there are consequences. Not taking care of our vehicle means that it may stop running properly and it is no longer able to help us.
Our bodies and our minds also need attention. Eventually, neglect catches up. We may experience physical or emotional breakdown. To prevent that, we all need to have activities that maintain and repair.
A literature review of research studying the effects of self-care on those in caregiving professions (such as hospice workers and social workers), found that self-care was helpful in reducing burnout and symptoms of secondary trauma, and that it improved happiness. The review also showed that engaging in several types of self-care is more effective and protective than just doing one type of self-care. It would seem logical that what helps professional caregivers would be worth keeping in mind for all of us.
So What Is Self Care?
Self Care isn’t just bubble baths and chocolate. It isn’t just exercise and eating healthy. It isn’t just vacations or walks in the woods. It can be those things. And a hundred others….
Self Care isn’t one specific thing……..
It’s many habits, big and small, which together soothe and make sure we are functioning at our best — emotionally, mentally and physically.
Why is developing a habit of self-care important?
Your health and happiness depends on it.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
Martyrdom is overrated. We don’t have to suffer and sacrifice our happiness and wellbeing for the sake of others. What good are we then?
You are worth it.
Self-care needs to reflect and be flexible to our specific circumstances. Both our all-caps CIRCUMSTANCES — which are things not easily changed like your life stage or physical limitations, and our lowercase circumstances — which are things that change more frequently like if your kids are sick, if you have a really busy week. What you can do for self-care today may not be the same as what you could do last year, or even what you will be able to do next week.
Recognize You Need and Deserve It
“Taking care of your self doesn’t mean me first. It means me too.”
-L.R. Knost
Self-care isn’t selfish. Self-care doesn’t mean neglecting other people. Self-care allows you to have the emotional and physical resources to do all the things you want to do in your life.
If this is a hard idea, perhaps start thinking about the reasons to engage in self-care, about what it will do for you.
Still too hard?
Maybe all you can do is think about what you HOPE it will do. That’s a good enough place to start.
Then think about what is getting in your way. Do you need permission? Consider this your permission!
What else is in the way? Time? Money? Feeling unworthy of it?
Problem solve with someone who loves you and supports your efforts to care for yourself. It is possible to find things that refuel and renew with any budget and any time frame.
Make Time
“When you discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”
– Jean Shinoda Bolen
Identify what refuels, rejuvenates and refreshes you. A self-care assessment can clarify what you are already doing and where gaps are in your self-care practices. Click this link for a self-care-assessment that identifies different kinds of self-care.
If you haven’t done anything for yourself in a while, you might have forgotten what you like!
Now build your self-care plan. Click here for a worksheet that will help you in creating your own personal self-care plan. Once you’ve identified a variety of activities that might work for you, it’s easier to schedule them into your day and your life.
Self-care can be big or small. Try to do something every day that is enjoyable for you. It may be a small thing, like savoring your favorite cold drink. It may be bigger like hanging out with a friend. You might already do something enjoyable every day, but not be aware of it. Bring your awareness to it, tell yourself “This is for me.” This acknowledgment increases your enjoyment, and increases its power to refresh you.
Self-care is by nature kind and self-compassionate. Be gentle to yourself as you try to learn this new habit. Anything you do is better than nothing. Start where you are. Make one small change, then another. And as you make those small changes, like adding coins to a pile, the effects of them grow. Soon you will find that your ability to handle stress increases, your tension is reduced and your love and appreciation for yourself grows. And that’s a nice way to live a life.
Reva Cook grew up around the world as an Air Force brat, gaining an appreciation and love for people of all walks of life. She received her BS degree from Brigham Young University and her MSW from the University of Utah. She has many years of experience working with those who are finding life hard to navigate. She has worked for Intermountain Healthcare as an ER crisis worker, and as Utah Valley Live Well Center’s LCSW. She is a therapist with The Healing Group, specializing in maternal mental health, motherhood, anxiety, and life transitions. She preaches the message of learning to love your real, imperfect, complicated life as a reoccurring guest on KSL’s Studio 5, in FB Live interviews with the baby cubby and Intermountain Moms, and on FB as Reva Cook and Instagram as @revacooklcsw. In her spare time, she juggles life with her husband Clint and their 4 kids and 3 cats.She enjoys funny memes, Diet Coke, and planning home DIY projects that occasionally actually happen.
My interest in childhood eating began during my freshman year of college sitting in a beginning level nutrition class. That interest has grown over the last few years as I’ve worked to teach my almost two-year-old girls how to eat and encouraged them to gain a taste for healthy foods. Breastfeeding was incredibly difficult for me, as it is for many, and my concern for proper feeding has not gone away. And now, instead of breastfeeding, I am faced with teaching them to eat solid foods, how to manipulate a spoon, and instilling in them a desire to make nutritious choices as they age. I am going to bet that I am not the only one who has ever had questions or concerns regarding how, when, and what to feed their child.
So….how do we teach our children to have a healthy relationship with food? Can we prevent picky eaters? Is my child getting the right nutrition to meet their bodies’ needs? Here I present a few tips I have gathered from my favorite nutrition professor, pediatricians, current research and my own experiences.
1. When beginning to offer solid food the main goal is to create a positive and enjoyable experience with your baby.
In early infancy all of the body’s nutritional needs are met with breast milk or formula, so we do not need to worry about how much food our infants consume, although we will see an increase in ounces of food consumed as the child gets closer to 12 months.
Photo by Rainier Ridao on Unsplash
2. Children may need to be exposed to a food up to 15 times before developing a taste for a certain food.
I will never forget feeding my daughter peas for the first time and about five minutes later watching her throw them all up. Is she allergic? Is it a texture issue? Does she simply just not like them? These are all thoughts that ran through my head. If it is clear your child has a distaste for a specific food, or it causes vomiting episodes like above, many nutritionists and doctors suggest taking a break from the food and reintroducing it at a later time. I gave my girls scrambled eggs about 10 times before they started enjoying them instead of simply using them as projectile weapons. It was very frustrating and a lot of work, but now I can confidently say it was definitely worth it and I am happy my girls can now get protein from eggs. Just a personal tip, try mixing up the texture. My girls actually really liked hard boiled eggs right off the bat.
In an article published by the British Journal of Nutrition, we read interesting information regarding children’s taste for foods. “Food preferences develop from genetically determined predispositions to like sweet and salty flavours and to dislike bitter and sour tastes. There is evidence for existence of some innate, automatic mechanism that regulates appetite. However, from birth, genetic predispositions are modified by experience. There are mechanisms of taste development: mere exposure, medicine effect, flavour learning, flavour nutrient learning.” There is the possibility your child may never like brussel sprouts because genetics are in charge, however, I feel that as parents we sometimes have a tendency to say our children are picky eaters when the reality is we have not been putting enough effort in helping them explore the many different tastes and textures.
3. When your child is repeatedly asking for a certain food, say yes.
Caveat: this applies to foods under your established parameters of nutritious options! Many children have different tastes and will want meat, milk, a vegetable, etc. and will often ask for this item repeatedly, perhaps even as a snack. I like to think of this as their bodies telling them what they are lacking. Around 18 months one of my girls asked for bread during dinner time every night for a week and I gladly gave it to her knowing that she probably needed some extra calories. Even if your child is requesting the same food item over and over I do suggest offering it with other options so the child can see the variety of food available to them.
4. Offer a few healthy options you would be pleased with your child eating each meal.
Perhaps one meal I offer black beans, broccoli, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich all on the same plate. This allows me to give my girls options that I would be happy with them eating (giving me some control) while still allowing them to choose from the options (giving them some control). As to what those foods are and what you decide to offer your children, that is totally personal and up to you. My belief is moderation is all things, but I know many people who successfully feed their children on vegan, vegetarian, ketogenic, and paleo diets. The idea here is that you are in control and would be happy with what they choose from the choices you present, yet they have some personal freedom over their eating
5. Children are intuitive eaters and we need to trust their ability to know what their body needs.
As mentioned above, one important part of developing healthy eating habits is giving your children freedom to make choices, and whatever they decide to eat from their plate is up to them. When your child signals or tells you they are done…they are done. Many times my girls have told me they are done after only eating a few bites and I don’t worry, because I know they will make up the calories at another meal. Children typically eat two good meals a day- so don’t stress when they don’t want lunch one day. It is important to offer two regulated snacks throughout the day as well as children have a greater need to eat more frequently and the American Academy of Pediatrics Handbook recommends 3 main meals and 2 snacks in between meals.
6. Children are far more likely to accept new foods, and even eat foods they have been given many times, if family and friends are eating with them.
Unfortunately we can’t expect our children to be happy about eating broccoli while we are eating a doughnut. It just isn’t going to work. I try to eat as healthy as I can and almost always feed my girls whatever I am eating. In addition to eating with your child, sit them at the table or in their highchair every time they eat so they can associate eating time with sitting down in that manner. Snack times should typically occur in this place as well. Allowing our children to graze and eat at their own leisure leads to unhealthy snacking habits.
7. Whether or not a child can eat dessert should not be determined by how much dinner they eat.
CRAZY RIGHT?! The control that comes from “eat 4 more bites” or “no dessert until after dinner” creates unhealthy pressure for your child. Eating a dessert or treat should be an enjoyable activity for your child with no strings attached and should not be associated with good behavior. We will be far more likely to see an appropriate relationship with eating sweets if there isn’t unneeded control over eating them. The previously mentioned British Journal of Nutrition article also comments on this issue, saying, “Parents play a pivotal role in the development of their child’s food preferences and energy intake, with research indicating that certain child feeding practices, such as exerting excessive control over what and how much children eat, may contribute to children being overweight.”
Photo from pexels.com
I’m assuming your goal is like mine, to help your child create a healthy relationship with food as well as a desire to eat nutritious foods. Childhood body dysmorphic disorder rates are increasing and body image ideas related to eating is a concern for children at younger and younger ages. One way to combat this issue is to help create positive eating experiences throughout infancy and toddlerhood, offer healthy choices repeatedly, and do not put undue pressure on your child to eat a certain amount of food. The human body is incredibly designed and, especially during childhood years, is extremely efficient in self-regulating needs for nutrients. Helping our children to develop healthy relationships with food and eating can often be difficult and trying, but in the end we are teaching them skills and habits that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
***From a medical standpoint as a nurse with pediatric experience I want to add that there are extenuating circumstances and medical situations that will call for parents to regulate food intake for their child. The information I have already shared will be most effective with healthy children who are growing steadily.
References
American Academy of Pediatrics (2018). Infant Food and Feeding. Retrieved from https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/HALF-Implementation-Guide/Age-Specific-Content/Pages/Infant-Food-and-Feeding.aspx
Scaglioni, S., Salvioni, M., & Galimberti, C. (2008). Influence of parental attitudes in the development of children eating behaviour. British Journal of Nutrition, 99(S1). doi:10.1017/s0007114508892471
Wadhera, D., Capaldi Phillips, E. D., & Wilkie, L. M. (2015). Teaching children to like and eat vegetables. Appetite, 93, 75–84. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.appet.2015.06.016
Elisabeth Gray is from Orem, Utah, but she is currently living in Tulsa, Oklahoma while her husband attends medical school. Betty graduated from Brigham Young University in April of 2016 with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and is a Registered Nurse. She has experience with pediatric home health patients, but she currently works from home so she can be with her two-year-old twin girls.
