Exploring Racism, Unconscious Bias, and Systemic Racism

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Written by Allie Barnes
We’re publishing this article during Black History Month, though it is not specifically about the holiday. If you’d like to learn more about Black History Month, here is a video by PBS Kids to explain the significance of the month.
The Healthy Humans Project Mission is “to empower individuals and families by helping them develop skills to create and maintain personal wellness and healthy relationships.” To create truly healthy relationships, we sometimes have to face difficult truths. That’s what we’re doing today.
Let’s talk about racism.
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In 2020, racism came to the forefront of everyone’s minds in the United States—reflecting what many people already knew to be true: entire groups of people are experiencing discrimination. At this suggestion, a lot of other people—myself included—became defensive. Reactions included, “Black Lives Matter!” “All Lives Matter!” “Blue Lives Matter!” “I’m not racist!” and “#blackouttuesday,” amid a wave of “cancelling” people who perhaps were not responding as their followers had hoped they would.
I absolutely had a view on the matter, but mostly observed and listened—I knew I didn’t have the understanding or eloquence to say what I’d hope to say. I still don’t. But I do have a better understanding, and a lot of definitions!
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The Oxford Languages Dictionary defines racism as “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.” I used to view racism in a very clear cut way: Someone is either racist, or they are not. But as with many things, it’s not quite that simple.
I have since learned to break down racism into two categories: individual and systemic.
From there, I break down the “individual” category into two levels: racism, and bias. We’ve already touched on racism, so let’s look at unconscious (or implicit) bias.
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Individual Implicit Bias

At the 2021 Davis County 3rd Annual Community Resilience Symposium, Dr. Susan Madsen offered the following definitions:
Unconscious: “Occurring below the level of conscious thought; not intended, planned, or realized.”
Bias: “A tendency, preference, opinion, or inclination that results in judgement without question (prejudice, stereotyping).”
Unconscious Bias: “Mental connections or associations without awareness, intention, or control.”
Implicit Bias: “A generally understood, implied, unconscious, and typically unspoken prejudice.”
*(I tend to use these terms interchangeably, but I believe that “implicit bias” assumes that there is at least some level of understanding, whereas unconscious bias is “without awareness.”)
As a human being, I have unconscious biases. WE ALL DO. Biases are often influenced by media, culture, or upbringing. We are influenced by what we see and consume, and often there is little we can do to completely control this influence—but we can practice awareness. When we recognize our biases, we can be more aware of them in our interactions with others in our families, communities, workplaces, and in any of our other relationships. When we are aware of them, we can also work to counter those biases (more on that later in the article).
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Systemic Racism

At a systemic level, racism is built into the systems, organizations, and traditions that make up our society. This is often influenced by the bias—and sometimes blatant racism—of individuals. The book How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi specifically focuses on countering racist policies, otherwise known as “systemic racism,” “institutional racism,” or “structural racism.” He offers the following definitions:
Racist: “One who is supporting a racist policy through their actions or inaction or expressing a racist idea.”
Antiracist: “One who is supporting an antiracist policy through actions or expressing an antiracist idea.”
Racial Inequity: “When two or more racial groups are not standing on approximately equal footing.”
*“Inequity” is defined by Oxford Language Dictionary as a “lack of fairness or justice.” To demonstrate racial inequity, Kendi shares the statistic that “71 percent of White families lived in owner-occupied homes in 2014, compared to 45% of Latinx families and 41 percent of Black families.”
Racist Policy: “Any measure that produces or sustains racial inequity between racial groups.”
Kendi continues, “By policy, I mean written and unwritten laws, rules, procedures, processes, regulations, and guidelines that govern people. There is no such thing as a nonracist or race-neutral policy. Every policy in every institution in every community in every nation is producing or sustaining either racial inequity or equity between racial groups.”
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In a Kennedy Center Lecture through Brigham Young University on February 3, 2021, Lori Spruance, an assistant professor of Public Health, stated that she takes time to research each policy before she votes on it, both at the local and national level. Many policies, she notes, do not seem blatantly racist, but still have aspects that may disadvantage certain groups. She shared about such a circumstance in Provo, Utah:
“In 2019, there was an item on the local ballot about passing a bond for the school district. The bond had several components to it but one included rebuilding [a local middle school] in a new area of town. The current [middle school] sits in one of the most resource-poor areas of the city, and the population of the middle school is 44% black, indigenous, and people of color, compared to the 26% statewide average. I could not in good conscience vote for this bill that would further divide inequities related to education… I spent time advocating against the bond and trying to educate some of my neighbors, who would have greatly benefited from the bond, about its possible effects on other communities. I encourage you to get involved, email your elected officials often, and let them know what racist policies you do not support. I think that is a great way to take action with Dr. Kendi’s words from [How to Be An Antiracist].”

What We Can Do

Racism can be subtle. Having not been affected by it, and having not been aware of it (both due to privilege), it can be easy to miss altogether. While much of the conversation has focused on the black community (and it is Black History Month, so we are also focusing on that today), many other minority populations are affected by racism, unconscious bias, and systemic racism. Recently, for example, there has been an increase in violence against the Asian American population. This is not okay—and I hope you already know that.
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Here are some ways to begin unraveling your own unconscious biases:
  1. When someone shares about their personal experience or feelings, believe them. Just because you haven’t experienced racism or noticed it in your community, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If someone tells you they have been affected by racism, believe them.
  2. Educate yourself. Seek to learn more about different communities and the issues that affect them. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, as long as you are sincere—and don’t be offended if their answers or responses go against your current understanding or experience. Seek to increase your “pool of understanding” (as the book Crucial Conversations calls it). Here are a couple short YouTube videos to learn more about privilege and social inequalities:
  3. Create change in your home, community, and nation. Professor Spruance gave a great example of how to be involved in your community. For much more information on systemic racism, I recommend How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi.
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We cannot change the world in a day. But by increasing our awareness and our ability to love and support our neighbors more fully, we can begin making meaningful change in our own spheres of influence.
*Note: In the original article, we recommended readers take the Harvard Implicit Associations Test (IAT). We have since removed that recommendation. We are grateful to a reader for informing us that there is a lot of criticism toward the IAT, even by the creators themselves. While incredibly popular (according to an article on The Cut, millions of people have taken the test since 1998), the IAT has been found to be unreliable and inaccurate. The test can still be used as an educational tool, but should not be considered a diagnostic test. It is still important to be aware of racism and bias—two very real issues in our society.
Choose one of the action items found above to incorporate into your week!

References

Kendi, I. X. (2019). How to Be An Antiracist. Random House.

 


Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
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More Than 50/50 – Striving for Equal Partnership in Romantic Relationships

Cover photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash

Written by Rian Gordon
You’ve most likely heard the idea that a marriage requires a 50/50 effort from each partner. In theory, two halves make a whole, and yet, healthy, happy, and strong relationships require more than each person committing a “one half” effort. Many people will say that instead of 50/50, partners should be giving 100/100. But what does that look like? And is it actually possible for partners to be giving 100% equal effort and to be equally all in all the time? 
The short answer is… not really. But striving for equal partnership is still an important part of building a healthy and happy marriage. Here are a few ways that you and your partner can work towards creating an equal partnership in your relationship:
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Don’t Keep Score

Can I let you in on a little secret? Creating equal partnership in your marriage isn’t actually about making everything exactly equal. In fact, trying to do so by keeping score for who does what, how often, how much, etc. can be really detrimental to your relationship (Benson, 2020)!
A healthier approach would be to talk together about your individual needs, and work together to make sure those needs are met. If you feel like the balance is unfair or isn’t working, talk about it! Each partner’s needs, level of effort, and capacity will fluctuate and change based on what is happening in your lives at the time. 
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For example, one partner may be less able to help with house work while they are working towards an advanced degree, or the other partner may help with the children in the evenings while the other takes some much needed time for self-care. Struggles with illness or mental health could also require one partner to step in and give more than their “fair share” for a time (I know that my husband has pulled WAY more than his weight when I’ve been struggling mentally or physically). 
What shouldn’t change (unless it’s increasing!) is your commitment to love, serve, and help one another. Take responsibility for your own efforts, and consistently work to lift each other and to show appreciation for each other’s contributions. 
Try this: Talk with your partner about your current needs and capacity to contribute to the relationship. Be open and honest with one another. Make a game plan for dividing responsibilities in a way that will enable you both to get what you need and to make sacrifices to serve each other. 

When it Comes to Roles, Find What Works for You

Over the centuries, society has accumulated plenty of expectations for the division of responsibilities and roles in our relationships. Historically, many of these expectations have been dictated by gender — something that has become less and less helpful as relationships and roles have continued to change and evolve. Getting stuck in these traditional boxes can leave both men and women feeling unfair and unhealthy amounts of pressure to provide, maintain the home, raise children, sacrifice identity, etc. (Ciciolla & Luthar, 2019; Goldberg & Perry-Jenkins, 2004; Hanks, 2015; Harryson, Novo, & Hammarström, 2010).
It is important for couples today to examine their own needs and the needs of their families, and to shape their division of roles and responsibilities based on those needs. Think outside the box, and don’t feel like you have to adhere to prescribed societal expectations! Consider your own individual strengths and weaknesses, and use the unique makeup of your partnership to help you find the best fit division of responsibility for your relationship. 
Photo by Anne Healey @annehealeyphoto
I would also recommend that you extend this same “outside the box” thinking to the sharing of emotional responsibilities. Traditionally, women have acted as the caretakers of the relationship, carrying the majority of the responsibility to maintain connection (Gaia, 2002). We desperately need more men who are willing to share in the responsibility of maintaining and fighting for emotional connection and intimacy in their relationships, and it is up to us to change societal patterns and expectations that make it difficult for them to do so. 
Try this: Think about how your parents divided up roles and responsibilities in their relationship. What do you think worked well for them? What would you like to imitate in your relationship? What would you like to do differently? Discuss together. 
Bonus Challenge: Work on being more conscious of the language you use surrounding roles and responsibility in your relationship. Check out this instagram post by Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks for some suggestions! 

Make Decisions Together

A crucial element of equal partnership involves both partners feeling like they have an equal amount of decision-making power for the relationship. When both partners know that their opinions, thoughts, and desires matter, it increases the amount of satisfaction in their relationship (Knudson-Martin, 2012; Willigen, & Drentea, 2001) .
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Making decisions together does not mean that you have to ask your partner permission before you make any and every decision. What it does mean is that you communicate and work together to make big decisions, like where you will live together or what job you will decide to take, as well as get on the same page about your core values that often determine your everyday decisions. How do you envision disciplining your children? When it comes to money, are you a spender or a saver? What religious or spiritual practices do you hope to participate in together? As you work to align your core values, it will be easier to move in tandem with the decisions that shape your relationship and your lives. 
Try this: Have a discussion about your core values and how you want them to influence the decisions you make together. Check out one of our very first posts here for some ideas of topics you can discuss together.

Ask for Each Other’s Help and Support

Finally, knowing that you are needed by your partner can increase your personal commitment and confidence in the relationship. 
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Reaching out to your partner for help, whether it’s help killing a hairy spider, help processing your emotions, or help studying for a test, lets them know that you need them, and develops a pattern in your relationship of relying on one another. It requires vulnerability, but asking your partner for help, and responding positively when they ask you for help, can take you one step closer to building an equal partnership together. 
Check out this article here for more information on how asking your partner for help can improve your relationship! 
Try this: Ask your partner to help you with something you are currently working towards. Their support could be practical or emotional, the point is that you let them know you need them! 

More Than 50/50

Our marriages certainly require more than a 50/50 effort from each partner. However, a 100/100 effort isn’t necessarily what we are striving for either. What we strive for is a marriage where both partners feel equally loved and cared for, and where they feel equally responsible for the success of the relationship. 
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P.S. A great way to assess the strengths and weaknesses in your partnership is by taking the RELATE Assessment! This is a research-based questionnaire that can help you and your partner analyze your individual strengths and weaknesses and make a game plan for how you can improve together. Check it out here, and use our special HHP discount code RELATE50 for 50% off!
Choose one of the above ways to work on building equal partnership in your relationship this week.

References

Benson, K. (2020, September 04). 4 Marriage Myths That Cause Divorce. Retrieved September 30, 2020, from https://www.gottman.com/blog/4-marriage-myths-cause-divorce/
Ciciolla, L., & Luthar, S. S. (2019). Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households. Sex Roles, 81(7-8), 467-486. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-018-1001-x
DiDonato, T. (2014, October 31). Does Your Partner Need You? Retrieved October 02, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201410/does-your-partner-need-you
Gaia, A. (2002). Understanding Emotional Intimacy: A Review of Conceptualization, Assessment and the Role of Gender. International Social Science Review, 77(3/4), 151-170. Retrieved October 3, 2020, from http://www.jstor.org/stable/41887101
Goldberg, A. E., & Perry-Jenkins, M. (2004). Division of Labor and Working-Class Women’s Well-Being Across the Transition to Parenthood. Journal of Family Psychology, 18(1), 225–236. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.18.1.225
Hanks, J. (2015). 8 C’s of Partnership Families. Retrieved October 1, 2020, from http://www.partnershipfamilies.com/8cs 
Harryson, L., Novo, M., & Hammarström, A. (2010). Is gender inequality in the domestic sphere associated with psychological distress among women and men? Results from the Northern Swedish Cohort. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 66(3), 271-276. https://doi.org/10.1136/jech.2010.109231
Knudson-Martin, C. (2012). Why Power Matters: Creating a Foundation of Mutual Support in Couple Relationships. Family Process, 52(1), 5-18. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12011
Van Willigen, M., & Drentea, P. (2001). Benefits of equitable relationships: The impact of sense of fairness, household division of labor, and decision-making power on perceived social support. Sex Roles, 44, 571-597.

 

 


Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
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