“I don’t want to go to school! I hate school! Do I have to go? Can I just stay home with you?”
These were frequently uttered phrases in my household. And by frequently uttered, I mean I chanted them every morning before being carted off to school. Over time, my mom became concerned with how much I hated school and thought a temporary change in pace might help, so she pulled me out of fourth grade to homeschool me for a year instead.
Like my mother, other parents have turned to homeschooling their children, and the choice to homeschool has become increasingly popularin recent years (Williams, 2018). The National Household Education Survey has shown that parents homeschool for different reasons, including education styles, religious purposes, or moral character development (Montes, 2006; Ray, 2015). Other factors may be concern for long hours at school, bullies, and overcrowded classrooms.
However, with the COVID-19 pandemic, parents no longer had the luxury of choosing between public and home education with schools shutting down and classes moving online. Faced with this new reality, many parents have become more active in their children’s education to help their kids become lifelong learners.
For parents thrown into the new world of distance learning, the newness has been understandably overwhelming. Because I only had one year of homeschooling experience myself, I interviewed Jennifer Hunt, a working mom with two homeschooled kids, to gain perspective on the benefits and challenges of learning from home.
Jennifer started homeschooling her kids long before the COVID-19 outbreak, and for her, the decision to homeschool came from the needs of her children, especially her concerns about their small size and emotional sensitivities. Jennifer’s background as a schoolteacher helped her feel comfortable trying this new role of teaching at home. When she eventually went back to work, her husband took on the role of homeschooling the kids by using online programs. These decisions helped Jennifer’s family grow closer together and placed her children in an already familiar and comfortable learning environment.
While homeschooling and home-centered learning are certainly different, these words of advice for homeschooling parents can also apply to parents who are teaching from home and continuing educational experiences for their children in the summer months. Here Jennifer offers five pieces of advice to help parents feel more comfortable with home-based schooling:
1. “Learning from home and public school are different. You don’t need to replicate the school experience and school activities.” Experiment to find curriculum, activities, and a pace that maximizes your child’s learning of various subjects.
2. “If homeschool doesn’t work for you, you can change your mind. Your decision to teach from home or not isn’t permanent.” As in the case of COVID-19, teaching from home is not forever! However, if you like it, it is an option.
3. “You do not have to know everything before your kid learns it. You’ve been teaching your kids their entire lives already. If you taught them their colors, sang songs, read stories, and used crayons, you’re already a teaching parent, and you can learn along with them.”
4. “You’ll almost certainly gain confidence. It will likely feel weird at first, but home-teaching is new, and anything new has an adjustment period.” Greater confidence in your teaching skills will come over time.
5. “You can always ask for help. You’re not alone in this, and homeschooling parents love to share resources and ideas. Trust yourself— your family is your own.” Whether you seek resources from friends who homeschool or fellow parents doing home-based schooling, connections are always there!
Jennifer also noted five perks she’s found in learning together from home in her own experiences with homeschooling:
1. “Students can take longer breaks from academic subjects and come back to them later. For instance, our son was having a really hard time learning how to read words that were ‘ce’ words (like nice or face). We stopped practicing those reading lessons for a few weeks, and then came back to them later when he was ready.”
2. “You can extend learning to meet the child where they’re at. Sometimes children will be very advanced in a subject, and you can move them forward at a faster pace. Other times, they may be further behind and you can take things a little slower in order to solidify their learning.”
3. “You can follow your children’s interests and design a curriculum around them. For instance, if your child finds a fascination with polar bears, you can go in-depth using polar bears to teach various subjects.” Using an integrated curriculum, you can include polar bears in teaching math, science, and reading skills, for example.
4. “You can make small adjustments to their learning environment that make a big difference. One of our children needs headphones to concentrate and needs to sit on the floor. Another child needs to work very hard in the morning and then take a long physical break before getting back to academics.” Recognizing and accommodating learning styles and needs can help children advance in their studies.
5. “You can learn so much more in a shorter amount of time. You can connect their learning to everyday life more easily, especially through field trips and hands-on learning experiences. After academics, our kids also have time to learn to cook, build, explore, and spend more time in elective-type activities.”
After several years of homeschool, Jennifer’s kids tried public school for a year, but ultimately decided to return to homeschooling. As Jennifer put it: “Your kids change and their needs change. You can keep making the same educational decisions or you can switch.” This new home-centered learning has been an interesting experimental phase for parents to discover what types of teaching best help their children, and how their children respond to both public and home education.
For me, my “gap year” out of the system proved to be critical for my personal development and growth. After a year of learning at home, I had learned to self-regulate my emotions and was prepared to brave the school system again. My new personal resources and abilities led me to enjoy my public school experience again.
This sudden shift to home-based schooling has been jarring for many, but it may help your child in unexpected ways like it did for me. Take these sensitive decisions case by case, considering each individual child’s needs and developmental level. In that way, you’ll discover much in the process, like Jennifer did with her kids, and my mother did with me.
Take one of these quizzes to learn more about either your child’s learning style or your own learning style! Understanding how your child learns will help you to make more informed decisions about what learning settings may work best for them.
Montes, G. (2006). Do Parental Reasons to Homeschool Vary by Grade? Evidence from the National Household Education Survey, 2001. Home School Researcher, 16(4), 11-17. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED573485
Talking to your kids about sex is important, and it is not a one-time conversation. Discussing sexuality with your kids should be a relatively frequent conversation because the development and needs of children change as they mature. Growing up can be confusing, and talking about sensitive material can make parents uncomfortable. But as a parent, you are your child’s primary educator. What you say and what you don’t say teaches your children about sexuality, body image, and romantic relationships. Reflect: How do you approach touchy topics? What could you be verbally and nonverbally teaching your children? Here’s a crash course to help you guide your child through all the emotions and hormones and questions and relationships.
1. Remove the culture of shame.
Remember that as the parent, you are their number one resource for messages about sex. Like I said, what you say and what you don’t say communicates a lot to your kids. And kids are smart. If you are uncomfortable talking about sex, your kids will sense that. If you freak out when your kids ask questions, they will stop asking and instead will turn to answers from Google and the locker room. My guess is that you don’t want that. There’s a lot of inaccurate information out there. The way you approach sexuality must be natural and comfortable to prevent kids from feeling ashamed of their questions and completely natural feelings changes in their bodies.
2. Answer questions honestly.
Provide age appropriate, honest, and medically accurate answers. In this climate, professionals agree that children should know the basic process of sex and its function by the time they are eight years old. When I tell parents this, some agree and some panic. That’s understandable. But the world is become hypersexualized. And remember, the average age of first exposure to pornography is age ten. If your child saw pornography, but had never had a conversation about healthy sexuality with you, their reaction to that stimulus could be negative and even damaging. By being honest about where babies come from, you remove shame and awkwardness as well as confusion and curiosity.
Photo from pexels.com
If you are uncomfortable answering a question, practice in the mirror. Children hear some crazy things at school, and they are going to ask. Elementary school kids are hearing about R-rated topics from their peers. If you can’t answer their questions in the moment without losing your mind, thank your child for asking you. Then tell them that you want to talk to their other parent and/or do some research on how to answer their question. Give them a specific time in which you will follow up. Answer the same day if possible. For example, “Thank you for coming to me with that question. That’s a tough one. I would like to talk to your dad/mom about how to answer that question. I will come and talk to you about it after dinner tonight.” Then go practice giving your answer in the mirror until you are completely comfortable saying it and showing no degree of shock or anxiety. And follow up on time! If you don’t follow up, you may demonstrate to your child that you are afraid to have tough conversations, and that can close down that communication that is so essential.
3. Get comfortable using correct medical terminology.
It’s that simple. Penis and vagina are not dirty words. They are medical terms to describe parts of the body. Imagine if you called your elbow a hoohah. You’d probably be ashamed of it. Referring to parts of the body accurately helps to prevent shame and keeps things clear.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Uterus is not a dirty word either! We need to stop saying, “the baby is in Mommy’s tummy”. It’s not. When I was a kid and my mother told me this, I was so confused. I pictured a little baby floating around in all of this digested food. I also knew that food turned to fecal matter, and so the picture of babies floating in fecal matter confused me even more. It didn’t make sense. A parent once insisted that it was impossible to explain a uterus to a young child. Watch this: “The baby is growing in Mommy’s uterus. It’s a warm place just for the baby to grow.”
4. Remember that sexuality is an important part of human life and is normal.
Again, this is pretty simple. As your kids grow and develop, they can be confused by the messages about sex that the world sends, images they see, things their peers say and do, and the way their bodies change. Be prepared to face these issues with them. They are growing, and their developing sexuality is a good thing. Help them see their sexuality as normal and teach them to make healthy decisions about their sexuality.
5. Talking about Sex is less about ‘plumbing’ and more about relationships and decision-making.
Most of us understand the basic anatomy and physiology of the digestive system. But does that keep us from downing too much sugar and ignoring the salad on the table? Sometimes. Apply this to sex. Just because you can identify the parts of the body does not mean that you are able to make healthy decisions about that body. Teaching kids – and especially adolescents – the basic process of sex and anatomy of reproductive organs is just not enough. Teaching kids how to make healthy decisions about their relationships and sexuality will make a difference. Help kids understand why and how to make healthy decisions. Help them learn to communicate, withstand peer pressure, advocate for themselves, and understand that actions have consequences, good and bad.
Photo from pexels.com
6. Having these conversations early will help keep communication open through adolescence.
The earlier you begin, the earlier your children will trust you with sensitive topics. By openly communicating with your children early, you build a relationship and your children learn that they can rely on you to help them. Building that trusting relationship before your kids start dating and going through puberty will help that communication be easier when sexuality becomes more important than ever in your child’s life. If your children trust you, they will be more likely to talk to you about the good and the bad. And we need our kids to talk.
7. Be on the same page as your spouse.
Don’t leave it to the other parent to have the difficult conversations. These conversations do not need to be gendered. Mothers can talk to their sons; fathers can talk to their daughters. And mothers and fathers need to talk about their game plan together. How do you feel about dating? Modesty? Sex? What guidelines and boundaries will you set for your children?
Photo by CDC on Unsplash
By being on the same page and presenting a united front, your children will see you as a family they can turn to if things go wrong, and will trust you to help things go right. Parents who are on the same page and have a plan create an environment of consistency, safety and trust for their children.Start talking!
References
Brotherson, L. M. (2015). And they were not ashamed: Strengthening marriage through sexual fulfillment. Boise, ID: Inspire Book.
Hall, C. P., Ph.D. (2016, August/September). Teaching about Sexual Education. Lecture presented at Sexuality Education in the Curriculum in Brigham Young University, Provo.
Hill, T., LMFT. (2013, September 27). Sexual Intimacy. Lecture presented at Strengthening Marriage and Families Class in Brigham Young University, Provo.
Talking With Kids: A Parent’s Guide to Sex Education[Pamphlet]. (2006). Chicago, IL: National PTA.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
Take one of these quizzes to learn more about either your child’s learning style or your own learning style! Understanding how your child learns will help you to make more informed decisions about what learning settings may work best for them.
Anna Mader is an undergraduate student from Houston, Texas is a Family Studies major at Brigham Young University.
