Guest Writers, Love, Me, Mental Notes

Supporting a Loved One with an Eating Disorder

No Comments

Cover photo by Liza Summer from Pexels

Written by Rebecca Zundel, Brigham Young University
I’ll never forget the moment when Brooklyn turned to me and said, “Becca, I have something I’ve been needing to tell you.” 
First, I felt relief. Brooklyn was finally opening up to me about her nearly year-long challenge with an eating disorder. Then came hope—maybe this was the beginning of recovery. Next, love and a desire to protect my friend flowed out in the form of tears and hugs; I would do anything for Brooklyn. But finally, fear presented itself. Eating disorders were new territory for me. 
Although they were new to me, eating disorders are not uncommon. For every eleven Americans, one will face an eating disorder at some point in their life (Arcelus et al., 2011). That one in eleven may be a friend or family member, and watching them suffer with an eating disorder can be discouraging and frightening. However, you can support your loved one by learning how to approach them, seeking to understand eating disorders, and finding ways to assist in their recovery. 
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Approaching Your Loved One

I’ve often wondered what would have happened if Brooklyn had not told me that she was struggling with an eating disorder. I now understand that speaking up may, in a very literal sense, save a life. Brooklyn came to me before I ever built up the courage to talk to her about the changes I had noticed, but your case may differ. The following points may help if you find yourself needing to approach your friend or family member about an eating disorder (National Eating Disorders Association, 2013):
  • Be prepared. Realize your purpose in approaching your loved one, then set up a private time to speak with them. You may even consider rehearsing what you want to say. 
Photo by Keira Burton from Pexels
  • Honestly express your concerns. Explain your concerns in an open and caring way without condemning or judging your loved one. One way to do this is to avoid “you” statements like “You’re not eating enough!” Instead, use “I” phrases like “I’ve noticed you are eating less.” 
  • Refrain from “simple” solutions. Avoid suggesting “simple” solutions to their trial. Telling someone struggling with an eating disorder to “just eat” is rarely, if ever, helpful.
  • Avoid stigmas and encourage professional help. Help your loved one understand that having an eating disorder and getting necessary help is not shameful. Assist them in getting professional help.
These suggestions can help you lovingly approach your friend or family member. However, they may react negatively at first because mental disorders affect your thinking (Zaitsoff et al., 2020). Brooklyn explained it this way: “While I was in the depths of an eating disorder, I didn’t want help because I knew that ‘help’ would mean potentially giving up everything that my disordered mind considered important in life.” Fear of receiving a negative reaction is understandable. I was afraid. But I now understand that I would rather face my fear than lose my best friend. 
Photo by fauxels from Pexels

Understanding Eating Disorders

After our first conversation, I realized that I had much to learn about eating disorders. While Brooklyn’s health was suffering, she didn’t have what I originally thought of as an eating disorder. Her eating and exercise habits were definitely disordered, but Brooklyn ate. Understanding Brooklyn’s experience with an eating disorder was my first step in supporting her, and the following steps can help you on your path to understanding: 
  • Do your research. Accept that multiple variations of eating disorders exist, and eating disorders are more complex than simply not eating. Eating disorders include any condition involving eating and other behaviors that negatively affect physical, emotional, and functional health (“Eating Disorders,” 2018). While Brooklyn ate, her obsession with healthy eating and exercise was still an eating disorder.
  • Listen to your loved one. One of your best resources for understanding eating disorders may be the person you know who is actually suffering with an eating disorder. Sometimes, their current mindset may not elicit helpful comments, but when they do open up to you, be ready to listen and learn. 
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
  • Seek the help of medical professionals. If a medical professional is assisting in your friend’s recovery, then seek the professional’s advice. They likely have insights on how you can personally help your friend. 
  • Apply what you are learning. As you better come to understand your loved one’s trial, be willing to adjust and apply the strategies provided by the medical professionals.
With the help of these steps, I learned that multiple factors affect the formation of eating disorders. Brooklyn’s eating disorder actually stemmed from struggles with perfectionism and anxiety. When I finally understood this, I was better able to support my friend in the ways that she personally needed. 

Assisting in Recovery

Later in the recovery process, Brooklyn helped me understand that having support in recovery is extremely beneficial, even for someone as strong and determined as she is. The following are a few of the best ways to support loved ones through recovery (Fleming et al., 2020):
  • Listen. Whenever your loved one talks of their experiences with an eating disorder, listen intently. This is not the time to discuss your own difficulties with body image or dieting. Doing so may actually discount your loved one’s struggles or trigger a relapse (Saxey, 2020). Instead, when they talk, simply listen and love.
Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels
  • Show loving determination for accountability. Some days, the love you show will simply include providing company or understanding. Other days, however, your love may need to consist of firm accountability. Help your friend or family member keep their commitments to steps of recovery, and do not enable self-destructive behaviors.
  • Remind your loved one of the joys of life. Brooklyn explained that an eating disorder is “completely mind-numbing. Life became bland and full of numbers and checklists, rather than the spontaneity and excitement that should encompass it.” Help your friend or family member enjoy different activities so that they can remember the joy of life.
  • Remain hopeful. Most individuals recovering from an eating disorder will relapse, face emotional days, and experience other challenges along their road to recovery (“Relapse and Reoccurrence”). This does not mean that hope is lost. Remain hopeful and encourage them to do the same.  
Recovery is different for each individual, but having support is actually one of the most consistent helpers (Linville et al., 2012). To support Brooklyn, I became more educated about nutrition and intuitive eating. I accompanied her to joyous activities and helped her navigate her eating disorder triggers. As determined as Brooklyn is, she needed support and so does your loved one. 
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Overcoming Their Challenge

The day Brooklyn told me about her struggle with an eating disorder was years ago. The Brooklyn I knew then was not the bubbly, care-free, and healthy Brooklyn that I know now. She still has her difficult days, but with the support of friends and family, Brooklyn recovered. Approaching your friend, understanding their experience, and assisting in their recovery can help your loved one as they face their own challenge with an eating disorder. 
One of the best ways you can help a loved one with an eating disorder is by getting informed about them. Check out the link from the National Institute of Mental Health to read about different kinds of eating disorders, the signs and symptoms associated with them, and what treatment options might be available for your loved one.

References

Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality Rates in Patients with Anorexia Nervosa and Other Eating Disorders. Archives of General Psychiatry, 68(7), 724. https://doi.org/10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2011.74 
Fleming, C., Le Brocque, R, Healy, K. (2020). How are families included in the treatment of adults affected by eating disorders? A scoping review. International Journal of Eating Disorders. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1002/eat.23441
Linville, D., Brown, T., Sturm, K., & McDougal, T. (2012). Eating disorders and social support: Perspectives of recovered individuals. Eating Disorders, 20(3), 216–231. https://doi.org/10.1080/10640266.2012.668480
Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2018). Eating disorders. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/eating-disorders/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20353609
National Eating Disorders Association. (2018). How to Help a Loved One. NEDA: Feeding Hope. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/help/caregivers
Relapse & Recurrence. National Eating Disorder Collaboration. https://nedc.com.au/eating-disorders/treatment-and-recovery/relapse-and-recurrence/
Saxey, M. (2020). Empathy v. sympathy: Are my attempts really helping others? Family Perspectives, 2(1).
https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/familyperspectives/vol2/iss1/7
Zaitsoff, S. L., Pullmer, R., & Coelho, J. S. (2020). A longitudinal examination of body‐checking behaviors and eating disorder pathology in a community sample of adolescent males and females. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 53(11), 1836–1843. https://doi.org/10.1002/eat.23364

 

Rebecca Zundel was born and raised in a small, Midwestern town with her three older brothers. She now studies human development and editing at Brigham Young University and recently married her best friend. She loves traveling, trying new foods, and is constantly craving a big bowl of ice cream.
Continue Reading

Guest Writers, Love, Me

3 Principles to Help You Become the Expert on Your Own Body

No Comments

Cover photo by Megan Markham from Pexels

Written by Kylee Marshall, Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
Let’s reflect on the week, shall we? How many comments have you heard this week moralizing food? (“I’m so good, I just ate half of my meal.” “Ugh, I’m so bad for eating this, but it’s so good.” “Cheat day!”) How many comments have you heard this week about weight loss? How many comments have you heard about hunger/fullness (“I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten all day.” “I ate way too much.” “I can’t believe she ate all that.”) If you’re like me, I often found myself surrounded by comments about body and food that I didn’t like, and at times even participating myself. What if I told you it didn’t have to be this way? What if I told you that research actually promotes a different, more peaceful way of relating to yourself and your food choices? In this article I’m going to share a few principles that will help you find more food and body freedom.

Your Body Isn’t the Problem. 

So often people that have a rocky relationship with food and body work tirelessly to fix this by changing their bodies. People spend precious time, money, and mental/physical energy into shrinking, toning, morphing, shaping, etc. their bodies into something else. This makes sense; most people do this because they want to fit in and feel like they belong. Adjusting their body seems like it would be a way to get to this goal. However, not only is this not a very helpful goal in terms of getting to a place of peace with food and body, but changing one’s body doesn’t need to be the goal at all. This might sound too good to be true, but what if your body isn’t the problem? What if the way you THINK about your body is the problem? Stick with me here. 
Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels
Many people hope that if they lose weight, their negative body image will be lost with it. However, studies on weight loss and mental health have concluded that calorie restriction can lead to unplanned side-effects that are damaging to mental health, such as mood swings, increase in preoccupation with food and hunger, anxiety, social isolation, and emotional deadening (Dirks & Leeuwenburgh, 2006; Stice, Burger, & Yokum, 2013). Even those who participated in plastic surgery as an unrealistic method of feeling better about themselves often fared worse in the long run (Honigman, Phillips, & Castle, 2004).
Photo by Tim Samuel from Pexels
Instead of focusing on changing our bodies, it might be more important for us to work on our mental health. Eating disorders are highly correlated with mental health disorders. In fact, some studies show that as many as 97% of individuals with severe eating disorders have one or more co-occurring mental health conditions and around 66% of people with anorexia showed signs of anxiety several years before the start of their eating disorder (Tagay et al., 2014). Spending time with some of the mental health difficulties, emotional pain, and cognitive distortions that have contributed to the development of eating disorders and disordered eating patterns will be significantly more helpful for overall well-being than simply changing our bodies. 
I would argue that losing weight or changing our bodies is our way of attempting to fix deeper issues such as a desire to fit in, be accepted and loved, and to feel good enough. However, I would suggest that we need less fixing and more healing. We don’t need to fix ourselves or our bodies, we need to heal our relationship with ourselves and our bodies. This is not always a quick fix, but the results and peace are much more long-lasting.
Photo by Charis Gegelman on Unsplash

Learn to Reconnect with Your OWN Body.

Have you watched a toddler eat? It is so fun to watch littles be presented with many options and move through them eating what tastes good at the time. They typically finish eating when full and do not know principles of restriction, so simply eat what their body is asking for. We are all born intuitive eaters! As we age, we disconnect more and more from our bodies as we learn what we “should” and “shouldn’t” take into our bodies, what food is “good” or “bad” and learn rules about when to eat, how much to eat, etc. In my field as an eating disorder therapist, I see so many people who are looking to outside sources for how to control their bodies better. However, I would make a radical suggestion that our bodies are wise and we can trust them. It is the factors in society that have disconnected us from our bodies that we need to combat! From toddlerhood to old age, our bodies have built in systems to help us feel our hunger and fullness, ask for nutritious food that we need, and move in ways that feel beneficial and energizing. 
Photo by sklei from Pexels
Becoming the expert on your own body means taking time to get to know and understand it. Dieting is unhelpful in this process because it moves you away from connection and towards an arbitrary set of rules. Research has found that 95% of dieters will regain their lost weight within five years (Grodstein et al., 1996; Neumark-Sztainer, Haines, Wall, & Eisenberg, 2007). There are many potential reasons as to why this is. One might be that our body fights hard to keep us safe and healthy, meaning that it is hard to ignore and pacify our body’s natural signals for more than a short period of time. 
Instead of viewing your body as something to control and fix, try approaching your body and its signals with curiosity. My husband and I just had a conversation as I was writing this article about our day old Chip cookies on that counter. We talked about how sometimes we would walk by and eat a piece of cookie even though they were stale and hard just because they were there. This is a conditioned response to want cookies because they’re a “yummy treat” even though in that moment they were not so tasty. We can use this experience as information when making food-related decisions moving forward. I’ve also been on the opposite side of the spectrum, wanting to eat cookies but being governed by the idea that cookies are “bad,” and then getting very psychologically wrapped up in the cookie! Instead, if my body is asking for a cookie, perhaps I eat the cookie and move on. If my body is not asking for the stale, hard cookie on the counter, I can practice mindfulness and tap into my body’s signals and leave the cookie in its box. It’s not about food rules or dieting here, it’s about listening to my body and trusting what it is saying.
Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels

All Foods Fit!

As you begin the journey of listening to your body, try adopting the mindset of “all foods fit.” All foods can be enjoyed when our bodies ask for them! Food is neutral and has no moral value and so we don’t need to avoid it unless it is actually harmful for our bodies because of disease or allergy. If we purposefully cut out or restrict certain types of food, our bodies and minds go into deprivation mode and the scarcity mentality kicks in, leaving us wanting those foods even more! This is why dieters are 12 times more likely to binge than non-dieters (Neumark-Sztainer, 2005). When we allow all foods to be a part of our daily eating patterns we are able to better tap into our body’s signals, free of shame. In fact, being more intuitive and allowing all foods to fit actually has been linked to less disordered eating, better body image, and greater emotional functioning (Bruce & Ricciardelli, 2016). What does it look like for all foods to fit for you? What foods do you have rules around? How can you listen to your body as you allow them to more fully “fit” into your lifestyle?
Photo by Ella Olsson from Pexels

Conclusions + Application.

Woah, this is a lot of information! You might feel like you’re unsure how to apply some of these ideas. Start now by becoming the expert on your own body/food through one of the following:
  1. If your eating patterns are disordered or you recognize eating disorder symptoms in your own life, seek some outside professional help. These issues are really painful and often difficult (and potentially dangerous) to manage on your own. You are not alone. Find a therapist trained in eating disorders and reach out for one-on-one assistance A helpful website to find those who are best suited to help with your specific case is PsychologyToday.com. Feel free to reach out to me directly as well and I’ll do my best to get you connected to the resources you need.
  2. Allow all food to fit this week. Listen to your body. Does a burger sound good? Let’s do it. Are you feeling salad for lunch? Fabulous. Does pasta sound like it’ll really hit the spot? Let it hit the spot. Notice what your body asks for and honor it! Take note of how your body responds and what it asks for as your own personal research for becoming more in-tune with your body and its signals. Begin breaking away from the scarcity mentality. Let your body be the guide. Eat like a toddler this week.
  3. Read Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole or More Than a Body by Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite
  4. Pay attention to your thought patterns. Recognize and question your unhelpful thoughts about food and your body. Where did those thoughts come from? Are they true? Do they fit with your value system? Do they help promote your becoming the expert on your own body? Be mindful and remember that your thoughts are not always true!
  5. Open up with someone you love about struggles you may have in these areas. See if you can work together to better your relationships with food and body.
  6. Unfollow accounts on social media who do not promote healthy relationships with food and body; follow accounts who do. Here are some suggestions:
    • @diet.culture.rebel
    • @no.food.rules
    • @evelyntribole
    • @chr1styharrison
    • @balancehealthandhealing
    • @beauty_redefined
Choose one of the above applications to begin becoming an expert on your own body and developing a healthier relationship with food!

References

Tribole, E., & Resch, E. (2012). Intuitive eating. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin.
Kite, L., & Kite, L. (2021). More than a body: Your body is an instrument, not an ornament.
Tagay, S., Schlottbohm, E., Reyes-Rodriguez, M. L., Repic, N., & Senf, W. (2014). Eating disorders, trauma, PTSD, and psychosocial resources. Eating disorders, 22(1), 33-49.
 Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2005). I’m, Like, SO Fat!.New York: Guilford.
Dirks AJ, Leeuwenburgh C. Caloric restriction in humans: potential pitfalls and health concerns. Mechanisms of ageing and development. 2006 Jan 1;127(1):1-7.
Stice, E., Burger, K., & Yokum, S. (2013). Caloric deprivation increases responsivity of attention and reward brain regions to intake, anticipated intake, and images of palatable foods. Neuroimage, 67, 322-330.
Honigman, Roberta J. B.Comm., B.Soc.Work., A.A.S.W.; Phillips, Katharine A. M.D.; Castle, David J. M.Sc., M.D., M.R.C.Psych., F.R.A.N..C.P.
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery: April 1, 2004 – Volume 113 – Issue 4 – p 1229-1237 https://doi.org/10.1097/01.PRS.0000110214.88868.CA
Grodstein, F., Levine, R., Spencer, T., Colditz, G. A., &Stampfer, M. J. (1996). Three-year follow-up of participants in a commercial weight loss program: Can you keep it off? Archives of Internal Medicine 156(12), 1302.
Neumark-Sztainer D., Haines, J., Wall, M., & Eisenberg, M. ( 2007). Why does dieting predict weight gain in adolescents? Findings from project EAT-II: a 5-year longitudinal study. Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 107(3), 448-55

 

Kylee Marshall is a licensed associate marriage and family therapist at Balance Health and Healing in Lindon, UT where she primarily sees clients who struggle with eating disorders, body image issues, anxiety, relationships issues, and depression. She is also an adjunct faculty instructor at Brigham Young University in the School of Family Life. She was married last week and is enjoying life with her husband and mini-golden doodle pup, Frodo. She is passionate about floral and home design, ice cream, hand-lettering, lifting weights, social justice, acai bowls, and promotes healthy relationships with others, yourself, food, and body. She could also probably make you the world’s best chocolate chip cookie. 
Continue Reading