Morrie Schwartz, the subject of Mitch Albom’s award-winning novel Tuesdays with Morrie, states that he truly didn’t learn to live until he was dying of the fatal illness amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, i.e. Lou Gherig’s Disease. As I stayed up one night unable to put the book down I came across the following thought-provoking passage, “The truth is, when our mothers held us, rocked us, stroked our heads- none of us got enough of that. We all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of- unconditional love, unconditional attention. Most of us didn’t get enough.”
The more I ponder this statement the more I have to say I agree. Even as a 25-year-old there are many times I simply want to be held, to feel that closeness that comes from the tight embrace of another human being. I suspect this is a desire that never leaves us, one that is part of our deeper nature and desire to connect with others, and I believe we need it even more than we realize. Do we have “enough” affection and physical touch in our lives as is stated by Mr. Schwartz? In our day and age, I don’t think so.
Photo from pexels.com
The moment that physical touch becomes vital actually begins at birth. Physical contact (i.e. skin-to-skin) after birth and throughout infancy has been proven scientifically to have beneficial physiological effects on the infant. This even goes a step further where the skin to skin contact after birth aids in activating maternal attachment (Phillips, 2013).I have personally felt this in my own life when my daughters were in the NICU for days before I was able to hold them and then the moment to hold them finally came and I instantly felt a motherly connection.
As infants develop the benefits of physical touch are numerous. In one of my favorite parenting books, Super Baby by Dr. Jenn Burman, an entire chapter is devoted to the importance of touch along with references to current research. Based on the current body of literature eight benefits of touch for children have been listed (Berman, 2010) and they include:
Smarter children.
Healthier digestion.
Improved weight gain.
Improved immune system.
Better sleep.
Enhanced muscle tone and coordination.
More developed sensory awareness.
Better ability to handle stress.
As we develop over the years from infant to adults our desire to be touched and loved never goes away, in fact, it matures as we mature. Personally when I have moments where the worries of life bring me anxiety I often find that the best cure is simply to be held. My breathing slows, my chest relaxes, and my thoughts focus. As I feel compassion and connection from the person holding me, the mental and physical grip of anxiety loosens and melts away.
Dacher Keltner, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California Berkeley, conducted an experiment in his lab asking if humans can communicate compassion through touch. In one particular study, he built a barrier that separated two strangers from each other. One person would stick their arm through a barrier and a person on the other side of the barrier would try and convey an emotion from a list they were given in one-second increments of touch. The other person would have to try and figure out which emotion was being conveyed. The results were remarkable. In describing the results Dr. Keltner states, “Given the number of emotions being considered, the odds of guessing the right emotion by chance were about eight percent. But remarkably, participants guessed compassion correctly nearly 60 percent of the time. Gratitude, anger, love, fear—they got those right more than 50 percent of the time as well.” (Keltner, 2010)
Photo by Candice Picard on Unsplash
Once we realize the extent of how necessary physical affection and connection with other people is, the question then becomes, why do we sometimes go out of our way to avoid it? As I’ve pondered this conundrum I’ve had a few thoughts that I will share. One reason I’ve found to be a common theme amongst myself and those I’ve discussed this with is a lack of vulnerability. Physical touch requires two people, it’s inviting another person to share our moment of happiness, contentment, sorrow, pain or grief. Simply put, it exposes our most raw selves to someone else. This can lead to another reason we might attempt to shy away from physical touch: fear. We might fear that the other person will not respond appropriately, maybe misread intentions, or perhaps even reject us entirely. Despite these valid fears or concerns, we must overcome them. Our emotional health depends on it.
Just as there is a multitude of different emotional states, so too are there varying types of appropriate physical touch, and all of them are vital to human connection. Think of the emotional benefits you have personally derived from receiving a hug, someone rubbing your feet after a long day, an embrace from a lover, or even a simple hand on the shoulder after a job well done. It makes us feel good. It connects us. In our day and age of social media, Skype, and other impersonal electronic modes of communication I daresay Mr. Schwartz is right, we don’t get enough physical touch. We don’t get enough connection. I challenge each of us to ponder how we can develop more meaningful relationships through physical touch.
This week, look for opportunities to engage in appropriate, consensual physical touch.
Phillips, R. (2013). The Sacred Hour: Uninterrupted Skin-to-Skin Contact Immediately After Birth. Newborn and Infant Nursing Reviews, 13(2), 67–72. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/ 10.1053/j.nainr.2013.04.001
Widström, A., Brimdyr, K., Svensson, K., Cadwell, K., & Nissen, E. (2019). Skin‐to‐skin contact the first hour after birth, underlying implications and clinical practice. Acta Paediatrica, 108(7), 1192–1204. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1111/apa.14754
*The Healthy Humans Project is an Amazon Associate and earns from qualifying purchases. Thank you so much for supporting our efforts to improve relationships!
Elisabeth Gray is from Orem, Utah, but she is currently living in Tulsa, Oklahoma while her husband attends medical school. Betty graduated from Brigham Young University in April of 2016 with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and is a Registered Nurse. She has experience with pediatric home health patients, but she currently works from home so she can be with her two-year-old twin girls.
Thud! I closed my eyes and took a breath, hoping the glass bowl would still be sitting on the shelf. I opened my eyes and to my horror, it was shattered in a million pieces on the floor.
Just moments before, I was casually pushing my son in the shopping cart through a crowded store. Other shoppers lined the aisles looking for the best after Christmas deals. As I found some items I was interested in, I stopped the cart and beginning rummaging through the table of things. With people all around, I noticed my son pulling a glass bowl off the counter. Quickly I turned around and caught his arm. “You weren’t fast enough this time!” I said, laughing. He shot me a wicked smile as I placed the bowl back on the table. I then grabbed the handles of the cart and began to push him away. With lightning speed he shot his hand back towards the bowl and knocked it off the table. Thud!
Embarrassed, I quickly got on the ground and started to pick up the pieces. Pausing momentarily, I looked around hoping that someone would come to my aid. To my dismay, the other shoppers that were just feet from me a few seconds before had completely vanished. I tried to gather as many pieces as I could and then quickly found some workers, who told me not to worry about it.
One of the benefits of living in our day and age is the way technology allows us to be connected with people everywhere. In the 21st century, you can call someone across the globe and speak in real-time. Social media, hashtags and optimized search engines help you find thousands of people with similar interests to you in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, this boom of technology has also contributed to decreasing connectivity in our real life, face-to-face communities. I’d like to think that many of the people in the store that day might have shared one of those “feel good stories” that often find their way onto our Facebook news feeds… but when it came down to it in the real world, every single one of them walked away from an opportunity to reach out and serve a total stranger. Have we forgotten what it actually means to be a part of a community?
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A Thought from the Ancients
Aristotle begins one of his most famous books with an account of how communities developed among our ancestors. First, he claims that individuals combine into pairs because they cannot “exist without one another”. These pairs then reproduce and create households for the purpose of sustaining daily life. As the family expands, multiple families join together into villages. Because the group is now larger, people can specialize in their abilities (cooking food, killing animals, medicine, etc.) and life becomes more comfortable. The most important change, however, is when several villages come together and form a city:
“(The city) reaches a level of full self-sufficiency, so to speak; and while coming into being for the sake of living, it exists for the sake of living well” (Aristotle).
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What does it mean to live well? For many of us, that means having a modest home, professional success, and satisfaction in family life. To Aristotle, however, it meant fulfilling our telos, or purpose. What is our purpose as humans, then? I won’t go into all the political theory that Aristotle would want me to, but he basically argues the purpose of our life is eudaimonia (happiness) through the constant, active pursuit of virtue. Aristotle goes onto say,
“Any polis [city with government] which is truly so called, and is not merely one in name, must devote itself to the end of encouraging goodness. Otherwise, a political association sinks into a mere alliance… otherwise, too, law becomes a mere covenent… ‘a guarantor of men’s rights against one another’ – instead of being, as it should be, a rule of life such as will make the members of a polis good and just.”
Do our communities and governments encourage goodness? Do our current community cultures, standards, and laws help to make all of us better and more honorable people? I’d like to think in many ways they do, but personally I’ve noticed a disturbing trend of selfishness among citizens, politicians, and laws alike.
According to Aristotle, it is our privilege and responsibility to encourage goodness, fight for justice, and partake in the happiness of life with the members of our community. While Aristotle was focusing on the political nature of communities, his words apply to nearly any way you think about the people around you. A community can be as small as the people who live on your street, attend your church, or live in your neighborhood. They can also be as large as your state, country, or even planet. As you think about community, I hope you realize the impact you can have on it, and the impact it can have on you.
CommUNITY: Part of a Healthy Routine
Did you know that time and time again, research finds various health benefits to community belonging? People who feel connected to their community are more likely to report more positive mental health (Palis, Marchand, & Oviedo-Joekes, 2018). Not only that, but they are also more likely to report better physical health (Ross, 2002). Even after taking other variables into account, researchers find that people who report ties to the community actually experience lower rates of disease and death than those who don’t (Berkman & Syme, 1979).
Photo by Daan Stevens on Unsplash
These benefits only come as you put yourself out there. In 2019, it’s easier than ever to hide away from the world and live in social isolation. Being a part of your community requires branching out. Sometimes it requires sacrificing the easy, comfortable, and routine for the difficult and unfamiliar. But like Aristotle said, the end goal is happiness. By being an active member of your community, you can help others find happiness and experience it for yourself along the way. How can you be a better member of your community? A few simple examples:
*Neighborhood/apartment complex: It’s as easy as a smile or wave. Reach out, get to know the people around you! Go to neighborhood events and say hello to others. You might be wishing someone would say hello to you… but turns out, that’s what everyone is actually hoping for!
*City/State: Find groups or clubs that meet for things you enjoy, like choir, dancing, babywearing, basketball, etc. Support local farmers markets or trade shows.
*Political: Get informed about the candidates, laws, etc. VOTE. Share your beliefs and ask others about theirs.
*Online: Support a friend’s new blog. Like, subscribe, and share posts of a growing community page (like ours :D).
Be the hero in someone else’s shopping cart tragedy. For the next week, look for small ways to serve others, especially those you don’t know. Put yourself out there! If you are intentional about serving others, opportunities will arise. Strive to meet them instead of running away! We can’t wait to hear about your experiences.
References
Berkman, L. F., Syme L. (1979). Social networks, host resistance, and mortality: a nine-year follow-up study of Alameda County residents. American Journal of Epidemiology, 109, 186-204.
Palis, H., Marchand, K., & Oviedo-Joekes, E. (2018). The relationship between sense of community belonging and self-rated mental health among Canadians with mental or substance use disorders. Journal of Mental Health, 1-8.
Ross, N. (2002) Community belonging and health. Health Reports, 13(3).
Hunter Tarry is from Gilbert, Arizona. Hunter graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development with a minor in psychology. Married for just over three years, Hunter and her husband Joseph recently became a family of three. Hunter currently cares for her son, Joseph, full-time. Her research interests include all things political, the impact of law on marriage, families, and children, aging across the lifespan and families during transitory periods. Hunter enjoys photography, volleyball, trying new restaurants with her husband, watching Jeopardy, and finding new ways to make her son laugh.
It has been said that “it takes a village to raise a child.” However, as it turns out, it also takes a village to raise, nurture, and mold an adult! The communities to which we belong throughout our lives have a vast impact on how we connect and relate to those around us. We NEED to feel like we belong to some sort of community in order to thrive as healthy humans. That is why we have decided to create this new category as a place to focus on how we fit into our larger community, how our communities impact us, and how we can strengthen our relationship with our “village”.
How do I fit into my community?
Reflect. Do you take your children to school every day? Are you involved in volunteer work? Do you affiliate with a political organization? Everyone’s place within their community is different, and sometimes within our large community, we belong to religious communities, support groups, volunteer organizations, etc. If you don’t feel that you have a place in your community, then now is a perfect time to start working on it.
What can I do to connect with those around me in a more meaningful way?
Lots of things! There are so many volunteer opportunities in your area. Guaranteed. Sometimes you just have to know where to look. Foster care and children’s homes, soup kitchens, hospitals, and nursing homes are great places to start. More simply, the person bagging your groceries, the banker and the mailman are all people that inadvertently impact your life. When was the last time you had a real conversation with one of them? Connecting with people is simply to choose to see them as people with feelings, problems, talents, hopes and fears as real as yours and then taking action.
Richard and Aubrey Dawn Palmer making dinner at the Ronald McDonald House in Salt Lake City, UT.
Why it is important to have a sense of community?
Taking action can be so small. It really is just about brief moments of connection. Those brief moments add up to change the lives of others, but also to change our own lives. They result in a greater sense of self worth and efficacy, a decrease in loneliness, depression and anxiety, and a more positive outlook on life. Connecting with others helps us look beyond ourselves.
More than that, the world is a place full of beauty, but also with a great deal of pain and loss. Everyone is fighting a battle and has a unique story. On an individual level, we all need to feel loved and appreciated, and connecting with people in our community contributes greatly to that. On a larger scale, community outreach and service creates a healthier, safer environment for children to learn and grow, the economy to survive, and families and individuals to succeed and thrive. It also increases personal accountability. When we each take accountability for the part we play in our community, we become a strong, unified group that can be an incredible force for good. I have seen this time and time again in my own life.
The world, and maybe even my immediate community, is a messed up place already. Why even bother?
That attitude contributes to the ‘messed up’ parts of the world! We ARE our community. Our community is a reflection of who we are, and we are a reflection of what our community looks like. A community that does no good, is filled with people who are unwilling to step up and do good. A community that is unified is full of people who strive for unity and contribute something of themselves in order to bring that about. Communities that promote change are filled with courageous people willing to step out of their comfort zones and do something for the greater good; not only for themselves but also for others. We “bother” because we care. We “bother” because if we believe that something is wrong, we take the initiative and work to change it. If something remains broken or messed up, it is only because people will not rally together and take the time and care required to fix it.
Photo from pexels.com
So where do I start?
Well, the beauty is that we will be addressing this topic periodically in the future in this new commUNITY category. For now, think about what kinds of things you love to do. Maybe you love to cook, or you love yard work. Perhaps you love to talk with people. What kinds of skills you have? Maybe you have medical training, or maybe you are a good listener. Perhaps you are great at persuading others to contribute or step up to the plate. Then, think about how your passions and your skills can combine to make a difference in your community. And maybe while you’re thinking about that, you can donate blood. Or even do a Google search on volunteer opportunities in your area. Perhaps you can take a walk and get to know a neighbor, and help her clean out her flower bed, or offer to take a busy dad’s kids for a couple of hours so he can clean his kitchen and get a good nap. The possibilities are endless. The skill is learning to SEE the need, and then using that skill to reach out and connect.
This week, reach out in some small way to your community. Check out the suggestions above if you need ideas! You can also click here to search for current service opportunities in your area.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
Think of the last time you felt lonely. Now think of the last time you were isolated. Did you think of the same time for both? Or were you isolated and not lonely, or lonely but not isolated? For me, the last time I felt lonely was when I was in a crowd – lonely, but not isolated. When I missed church due to illness, I appreciated the break from people – isolated, but not lonely. The second week in a row that I missed church due to illness, I’d had my break and I wanted to see everyone again – isolated and lonely.
Do you see the difference now? In regular life, we often don’t differentiate between feeling lonely and being isolated. In research, these are distinct concepts that must be defined: Isolation isn’t about feelings. It’s when you have few social relationships or do not have frequent social contact. Loneliness, on the other hand, is the feeling you get when you have less social connection that you want to have.
Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash
And so it is that being isolated is not inherently unhealthy, but loneliness is. Of course, everyone feels lonely now and again. That’s perfectly normal. It is in excess when loneliness becomes dangerous. An article that looked at data from 148 different studies on social connection and mortality found that loneliness is as damaging to physical health as smoking and alcohol and is more damaging than obesity and lack of exercise.
Feeling lonely most of the time isn’t just unpleasant– It can actually shorten your lifespan.
So what do you do if you are both isolated and lonely? Start by decreasing your isolation:
Attend a creative class: Your local YMCA, community center, or craft shops likely offer classes for different creative activities – cooking, crafts, etc. You may never get good at whatever it is, but it will still give you the chance to meet people and bond over your mutual inability to make a clay mug that actually looks like a mug.
Join a local sports team or club: Explore the options in the community for competitive or recreational adult sports. If you’re into team sports, join a team – it’ll get you out of the house, get you exercise, and give you the opportunity to bond with your new teammates. If you’re into solo sports like tennis, you still need someone to play against – join a club where you can regularly find opponents, and reach out to the other players you regularly see there.
Make an effort at work: Spend time in the common areas at work, especially while those areas are being used for lunch – the more you eat lunch and make conversation with your coworkers, the more likely that you will start spending time with them outside of work too.
Volunteer: Pick a cause that means something to you and find a place nearby where you can volunteer – you’ll be making the world a better place and meeting new people at the same time.
Attend community events: Find inexpensive or free events in your community that interest you and make the time to attend some of them. While you’re there, don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger – the fact that you both thought the event was worth attending means you already have something in common (even if you’re both just there for the free food).
Photo from pexels.com
Now raise your hand if you’ve tried all these things and you’re still feeling lonely. If this is you, think about this:
“In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”
This idea of allowing ourselves to be seen – that is vulnerability. It is taking the risk, exposing ourselves to another person, not knowing how they are going to react. It is being courageous – telling “the story of who you are with your whole heart” (Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability).
Brené Brown’s research tells us that those who are courageous, those who are whole-hearted, “They [have] connection… as a result of authenticity. They [are] willing to let go of who they [think] they should be, in order to be who they [are].”
They allow themselves to be seen.
It is the quality of connection that matters, not the quantity. And to truly create quality connections with others, we must be authentic. We must have the courage to be vulnerable, to open up, to share things that matter deeply to us. Vulnerability is not comfortable, but it is necessary. It is fundamental to building connections with others – the connections we need in order to not feel lonely whether we’re in a crowd or staying home tonight.
Photo from pexels.com
“Vulnerability is … the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”
-Brené Brown
When you dare to be vulnerable, you don’t just open yourself up to deeper social connections. You also open yourself up to all the positive emotions — from not having to hide who you are for fear of judgment; from allowing yourself to really be seen and having someone accept you for who you are in your entirety. That can change your life, if you let it.
Embracing vulnerability takes time, but you can take the first step on that journey now. This week, pick one person in your life with whom you would like a deeper connection. Think about everything that person doesn’t know about you, and pick one of those things to tell that person this week. Try to not pick a safe option, something that you can predict their response to. Try to pick something to share that you aren’t sure will garner a positive reaction. See how your connection can deepen as you allow yourself to be seen.
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Med 7(7), 1-20. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
Koyama, Y., Nawa, N., Yamaoka, Y., Nishimura, H., Sonoda, S., Kuramochi, J., Miyazaki, Y., & Fujiwara, T. (2021). Interplay between social isolation and loneliness and chronic systemic inflammation during the COVID-19 pandemic in Japan: Results from U-CORONA study. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, 94, 51–59. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.bbi.2021.03.007
Mariah Ramage was born and raised in Bellevue, Washington with two older brothers. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development, and she is currently living in the Seattle area. Mariah is currently experiencing the joys of being a nanny to three-year-old boy-girl twins while she prepares to pursue graduate work in Human Development and Family Studies. She is passionate about mental health, abuse recovery, purposeful parenting, and healthy media usage.
Type the word Empathy into Google Scholar, Wikipedia, any library search function, or scholarly works database and I’ve found that you can access enough information to spend the rest of your life studying the topic. Empathy, as well as compassion and connection, are heavily studied topics in today’s society and skills that are slipping away from a very disconnected and “plugged in” people. My purpose in writing this article is to help us all improve our ability to respond empathetically to those we associate with and in so doing increase satisfaction with our relationships.
So why is it important to have empathy, and not just sympathy for others?
In Brené Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, she illustrates beautifully how compassion and empathy work together to create connection and understanding. Brené shares an experience where she felt embarrassed and mortified in front of a crowd and how she then turned to her sister, Ashley, as a listening ear to share her feelings with. “Ashley was amazing. She listened and responded with total compassion. She had the courage to tap into her own struggles with worthiness so that she could genuinely connect to what I was experiencing. She said wonderfully honest and empathetic things like, “Oh man. That’s so hard. I’ve done that dance. I hate that feeling!…Ashley was willing to be in my darkness with me. She wasn’t there as my helper or to fix me; she was just with me – as an equal – holding my hand as I waded through my feelings.”
Where empathy creates and fuels connection, sympathy actually causes disconnection. Having sympathy for others rather than empathy automatically places them on a lower level than us. It drives us to try and “fix” the problem (or even the person!) rather than helping us meet them as an equal to share in an experience of feeling together.
We’ve shared this video before, but I think it is an excellent explanation of the differences between sympathy and empathy.
Pema Chodron (an American Tibetan Buddhist, ordained nun, acharya and disciple of Chögyam Trungpa) states beautifully, “Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” I feel that to really empathize best, we have to cast aside our pride and our desire to gain any advantage in the conversation and then be willing to put ourselves in a vulnerable place. A stumbling block for me when trying to respond empathetically has been the fear of feeling vulnerable and taking on someone else’s emotions. Maybe some of you reading this have the same fears. Take comfort in the fact that vulnerability and the possibility of rejection is scary for everyone, and the fact that someone is opening up to you most likely means that they trust you and are willing to offer you the same grace that you extend to them.
I like lists and I like knowing what the steps are to accomplishing things, so here are a few tools that might help you in connecting and empathizing with someone.
1. Appropriate Self-Disclosure
This is a tricky one because it can be helpful, but if used inappropriately can either lead to discomfort or betrayed trust (for example, if we offer more vulnerability and disclosure than a relationship is ready for), or it can turn into a “my car is bigger than your car” kind of thing. So here are a few guidelines:
Make sure it benefits the other person and not yourself
Avoid being a “thunder-stealer”
Make sure its relevant to the situation
Share your own experiences, not others
Photo by Marie-Michèle Bouchard on Unsplash
2. Active Listening
This is key to really any productive and successful conversation. Humans have a great desire to be heard and understood so learning to be a good listener will help you be a better spouse, friend, employee/employer, etc. Here are a few guidelines:
Ensure your body language shows you are listening – have a relaxed posture, put aside any distraction, maintain appropriate eye contact.
Respond at the right times. It’s okay to not have a response for everything. You can still be actively listening by stating, “Wow, I don’t know what to say. That has to be so hard.” Learn to be comfortable with silence – sometimes all that someone needs is solidarity.
3. Unconditional Acceptance
This means that judgments and your evaluation of their feelings are not offered. This is not the time to give suggestions or do a psychoanalysis. Those conversations can happen later, but to really create openness and understanding we just need to listen and validate. In order for someone to feel safe to share with you, it is important to establish a pattern of loving and accepting them unconditionally.
Photo from pexels.com
4. Take on their perspective and lay yours to the side
This is a good time to apply the old adage that to truly know someone we must walk a mile in their shoes. Know that this takes practice. It isn’t easy to set aside prejudices or assumptions that have sometimes been drilled into our subconscious since birth. It takes courage and conscious thought to step outside of our limited reality, and to try and see the world as someone else does.
Brené says it perfectly: “Empathy is a CHOICE.” It is up to us to choose whether or not we will allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to truly connect and feel with others. The next time someone you love approaches you with a call for connection, take a chance on responding with empathy – it’ll only bring you closer.
References
Brown, B. C. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing.
Riker, J. H. (2020). Empathy, compassion, and meditation: A vision for a Buddhist self psychology. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 40(5), 327–339. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1080/07351690.2020.1766323
Sinclair, S., Beamer, K., Hack, T. F., McClement, S., Raffin Bouchal, S., Chochinov, H. M., & Hagen, N. A. (2017). Sympathy, empathy, and compassion: A grounded theory study of palliative care patients’ understandings, experiences, and preferences. Palliative Medicine, 31(5), 437–447. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1177/0269216316663499
Soto-Rubio, A., & Sinclair, S. (2018). In defense of sympathy, in consideration of empathy, and in praise of compassion: A history of the present. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, 55(5), 1428–1434. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2017.12.478
Wieck, C., Kunzmann, U., & Scheibe, S. (2021). Empathy at work: The role of age and emotional job demands. Psychology and Aging, 36(1), 36–48. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/pag0000469
Elisabeth Gray is from Orem, Utah, but she is currently living in Tulsa, Oklahoma while her husband attends medical school. Betty graduated from Brigham Young University in April of 2016 with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and is a Registered Nurse. She has experience with pediatric home health patients, but she currently works from home so she can be with her two-year-old twin girls.
This week, look for opportunities to engage in appropriate, consensual physical touch.
