Love, Me, Mental Notes

Distress Management 101

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Cover photo by Finn Hackshaw on Unsplash

Written by Anasteece Smith
Feeling overwhelmed? Exhausted? Irritable? Discouraged? Stressed? 
You are not alone. We are living in unprecedented times, and that tends to stress us out. A lot of the outlets that we may normally use to cope with our stress have been restricted or taken away and that makes it harder to maintain fluctuating levels of stress. 
Let’s talk about some ways you can better manage your stress, because, as a professor of mine would so lovingly remind me, “stress management is life management.” 

Prioritize 

When we’re stressed, it can be really hard to figure out what we need to do and how to accomplish it. What things absolutely have to get done and what things can wait? There is a wide variety of resources out there to help answer this question, such as the Covey Quadrant Method, the prioritized to-do list, Productivity Boot Camp, etc. My personal favorite is the sticky note method, which essentially gives you a visual representation of what you’ve accomplished. 
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Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels
The sticky note method goes like this (Wheeler, 2019):
  1. Get a pad of sticky notes
  2. Write down what you need to get done, one task per sticky note
  3. Make sure that when you write the task you are specific. For example, “spend 30 minutes trimming the bushes” instead of “yard work”
  4. Once you have the tasks you need to get done written out, take the sticky notes and put them somewhere you can see them in order from most important to least important 
  5. When you finish a task, take the sticky note off and throw it away
If you don’t finish all of the tasks by the end of the day, that’s okay! Rarely do we finish everything we intend to accomplish all in one sitting. Leave the sticky notes up and then keep working on them the next day. 
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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Self-Care

We have talked a lot about self-care here at the Healthy Humans Project, and that’s because it is so important! Being stressed out all the time often leaves us feeling like we don’t have the time or energy to take care of ourselves, but it’s absolutely vital that we do. It may seem more important to get those dishes done or disinfect the high-touch services for the third time this week, but this will ultimately leave you feeling tired and even more exhausted than before. Make the time each day to take care of yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to take three hours for self-care! Your self-care is going to look different depending on your current level of stress, and on your needs for that day (Gordon, 2019). One day it may be taking 20 minutes to watch an episode of your favorite show, doing a face mask, or even taking a nap. Other days you’ll have more time to take that bubble bath or watch that movie on your watch list. What matters is that you are taking the time to take care of yourself. 

Exercise

Exercise is one of the best forms of stress relief. The type of exercise you choose doesn’t really matter, what matters that you move your body on a daily basis. Find what makes you feel good! Moving your body can mean dancing in the kitchen to blasting music, going for a run, doing a workout video from YouTube, or going to the gym (if, you know, that’s an option). Exercise has many benefits for stress. When you exercise your body naturally releases endorphins (sometimes known as a runner’s high), which makes you feel happier. When you exercise consistently it can boost your mood and help with mild depression and anxiety (Exercise and Stress, 2018). 
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Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
Additionally, exercise is great for helping ease the body’s response to stress. Our bodies have two major nervous systems that govern a wide variety of physiological responses, known as the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous systems. The parasympathetic system is commonly referred to as the “rest and digest” system, and the sympathetic as the fight, flight or freeze response. When we are stressed, our body triggers the sympathetic nervous system, causing muscle tension, a racing heart, and adrenaline release throughout the body to prepare for fight, flight or freeze. As we exercise, our body is able to use this stress response to actually benefit our body by building muscle and strengthening our cardiovascular system. It also helps to regulate our body’s stress response. Check out this video here, and this one here if you would like to learn more.

Sleep

Stress can impact our ability to sleep, which is problematic because we also need sleep to help combat stress! While we sleep, our bodies do maintenance to repair and heal our bodies, as well as helping with memory consolidation (Stress and Sleep, 2013). When we are stressed, we often don’t get enough sleep, leaving us tired or even more stressed (anyone else stress how much sleep they aren’t getting??). Most often, stress leaves us unable to get high-quality sleep, which then affects our mood and our ability to cope with life. 
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We need to make sure that we are getting at least 8 hours of sleep at night regardless of age (kids, babies and teens are in the group that needs more than that). Thankfully, there are some things we can do to help us sleep better. First, establish a routine around bedtime. For example, take a shower, brush your teeth, read for 30 minutes, and then go to sleep. Sticking to a routine signals to the body that it is time to go to sleep. Second, turn off electronics two hours before bedtime. Blue light is notoriously known for interfering with the ability to sleep. Or, if you have to use a device, switch it to night mode where it turns down how much blue light your screen emits. Third, save the bed for sleeping and sex with your partner. The less we do in bed, the more the brain will associate it with sleeping, making it easier to actually get sleep. (How to Sleep Better, 2020)

Mindfulness—Breathing 

Mindfulness and its various practices have endless benefits. But I want to talk specifically about breathing because it’s one of the most underrated stress management techniques. As we all know, we have to breathe in order to survive. But our breathing has a greater effect on our bodies than we sometimes realize. Our breathing has the ability to help calm the sympathetic nervous system (remember that fight, flight, freeze response?) by lowering our heart rate, relaxing our muscles, and helping us get back to our thinking brain. 
Here is an easy breathing technique you can try, taught by LMFT Tammy Hill: 
  1. Close your eyes and sit comfortably 
  2. Inhale for three counts 
  3. Hold at the top for three counts
  4. Exhale for three counts
  5. Repeat as needed

Connect

“We are neurobiologically hardwired for connection with other people. In the absence of connection, love, and belonging, there is always suffering.”– Brené Brown, Netflix Special The Call to Courage
We are hardwired for connection, and that connection helps us to deal with our stress. We need other people to talk to, to vent to, to support, and to support us. Being around others and interacting with others helps to ease the stress of everyday life. When we feel we have people we can turn to, or know that we have people supporting us, we can get through difficult times because we know we are loved regardless of our personal successes or failures. While it may not be possible to connect with people in person right now, we can video chat, text, call, write letters, etc. to keep connected with others.
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Photo by Helena Lopes from Pexels
For me personally, it has been so hard to not have in-person interaction with people outside of my spouse. Yes, I have been able to video chat and text, but it’s not the same as sitting down with friends at a restaurant or participating in in-person church services. It feels isolating to sit behind a screen and not be able to give someone a hug or be there for them when it feels like everything is falling apart for them or to be able to celebrate a graduation or marriage. Just know that if you are struggling too, you are not alone.

Gratitude

Sometimes in the mounds of stress, it’s easy to forget that there is more to life than just getting our to-do list done. Being grateful doesn’t take a lot of time,. It can simply be saying, “Today I am grateful to be alive,” or “I’m grateful that I got out of bed today.” It can be sitting down at the end of the day and writing down three things you’re grateful for in a journal. These few moments may seem insignificant, but they can literally re-wire our brains. Research has found that people who keep a gratitude journal see a decline in perceived stress in as little as two weeks, meaning that when we are grateful we see things more as they truly are rather than just what we are stressed about (UC Davis Health, 2015). As we look for things to be grateful for, our perspective shifts and it makes it easier to cope with our day-to-day lives. So, right now, pause to write down three things you’re grateful for, send a text saying thank you to someone, and remember that life won’t always be like this!
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Photo by Taisiia Stupak on Unsplash

Self-Compassion

Finally, when we are stressed, one of the most important things we can do is to remember to have compassion for ourselves. Often, we won’t get everything done that we would like to, and that’s okay! Some days we won’t get anything done because stress, mental health etc. require us to step back and take a do-nothing day to take care of ourselves. When those days and moments come, it’s imperative that we have compassion for ourselves. It’s okay to step back and say, “I’m struggling right now and so are others. I can be mindful of my emotions and acknowledge them without being consumed by them. I can be kind and understanding to myself regardless of whether I got everything done that I would have liked.” Self-compassion is a powerful principle! If you’d like to learn more about it, I would recommend checking this Ted Talk by self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff.
Don’t let your stress get the best of you. Take things a day at a time, don’t give up, and be kind to yourself. We’re all figuring this out, and we’ll make it through together!
For more ways to cope with distress, check out The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook from the New Harbinger Institute. 
Personal Practice 1Choose one of the strategies listed in this article to implement into your life this week to help you better manage your distress. 

References

Brown, B. (2019). The Call to Courage [Video file]. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://www.netflix.com/title/81010166
Exercise and stress: Get moving to manage stress. (2020, August 18). Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469
Gordon, R. (2019, August 29). Self-Care for Busy Humans. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://www.healthyhumansproject.com/self-care-for-busy-humans/
How to Sleep Better. (2020, August 13). Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/healthy-sleep-tips
Stress and Sleep. (2013). Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2013/sleep
UC Davis Health, P. (2015, November 25). Gratitude is good medicine. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://health.ucdavis.edu/medicalcenter/features/2015-2016/11/20151125_gratitude.html
Wheeler, C. (2019, May 20). How to Get Way More Done Using the Sticky Note Technique. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://academysuccess.com/sticky-note-technique/ 

 

 

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Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
 
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Caregiving and Connection: Tips for Strengthening Relationships with Aging Adults

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Cover photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Written by Emma Smith
Many of us have heard the sarcastic phrase “ok, boomer” uttered in reference to advice given by a member of the baby boomer generation. Babies born between 1946 and 1964 as part of this baby boomer generation were plentiful, especially when compared to present day. Below, we see a population pyramid from 1960 and below that, we see a pyramid from 2019. The population boom that occurred with the baby boomers is evidenced by the bulge in the number of people age 0-14 in the 1960 pyramid. Now, in the 2019 pyramid, we see no such distribution. In fact, we see the opposite. There is a tapering in the population, with the number of children being less than the number of adults, particularly aging adults like our beloved “boomers”. 

1960 Pop Pyramid

2019 Pop PyramidCaregiving to Aging Parents

The question many may ask is, “so what?” What does an aging population mean for those of us who are not yet in that stage of life? For a percentage of the population it means that their parents are aging and approaching, if not already in, the stage of life that requires more care and attention. For about 25% of the population, having aging parents also means caring for aging parents (Hyer, Mullen & Jackson, 2017). That was 25% of the U.S. population in 2017; as the baby boomer generation reaches the age that caregiving is needed the percentage will only increase.
Caregiving for an aging parent can be both difficult and rewarding. It was found that the role of caregiving for an aging parent became a real emotional strain only when the role of caregiving became all-consuming (Dautzenberg et al., 1999). In other words, caregiving became the only role of the adult child. Singer, Lena Horne put it this way; “It is not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.” If an adult child were to take the full load of caregiving upon their shoulders without having an outlet or a moment to step away, the load could break the caregiver down. The need to take a break can cause some guilt in caretakers and even the most devoted caregivers can feel resentful, depressed, or even angry about their role (Hyer, Mullen & Jackson, 2017). These effects can be lessened or even eliminated by allowing breaks in the caretakers’ lives.
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Photo by Matthias Zomer from Pexels
Caring for adult parents can also be a financial hardship. The level of care needed may require an adult child to retire from work to provide full-time care for an aging parent. That’s if the aging parent is able to remain at home and in the family’s care; the average annual cost of a family member in a nursing home is between $89,297 and $100,375 annually, and unfortunately, these rates are expected to rise (Witt & Hoyt, 2019). This stage of life may often coincide with the children of the caregiver attending and needing financial help in college, all of which create a great financial strain.
Caring for aging parents is not without rewards. Many adult children report caregiving as a rewarding opportunity to reconnect with parents and feel as though they are giving back (Miller et al., 2008). In addition, the presence of grandparents as a result of caregiving fosters emotional closeness with their grandchildren. Emotional closeness to grandparents is associated with an increase in empathy and kind acts towards others in adolescents (Attar-Schwartz & Khoury-Kassabri, 2016). Aging adults needing care in the home are an opportunity to nurture relationships that can be a blessing to your family. Older adults often have so much that they want to teach and share with their families. Theorist Erik Erikson suggested this desire to share and concern for the next generations is innate in middle age and older adults (Erikson, 1982). Older adults have so much to offer.
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Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash

Coming Closer through Caregiving

Now, if I could get personal for a moment. I’ve got a soft spot for the elderly, my grandparents in particular, and they are amazing. However, it’s fairly common for younger people to feel uncomfortable around older adults. Is bingo the only thing they like to do? Here are a few tips for strengthening your connections with the older people in your life:
  1. Get them talking!
It’s totally normal to not really be sure what to say around someone who is significantly older than you are. What do they even like to talk about? Honestly, anything. My grandparents will talk about anything and everything, and as it turns out, we have plenty to discuss because they were young once too! My Oma (grandma) remembers what it was like to have a boyfriend and what her wedding day was like. My Opa (grandpa) remembers amazing stories from his life emigrating to the US from Germany and enlisting in the army. Talk to them about anything in your life and ask them about what their lives have been like – they probably have a LOT of wisdom, stories, and memories to share. 
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Photo by Rene Asmussen from Pexels
  1. Find out common likes and dislikes
As for the bingo, while that might be something they enjoy, I can guarantee that it’s not the only thing. Just because a person gets older doesn’t mean they lose interest in their favorite hobbies! Do they like movies? Cooking? Cycling? Stand-up comedy? Find out what they love and do it with them. You may even find out that you have a lot in common! As for my grandparents, they both still love swimming, going to the beach, making dinners, and playing Rummikub. 
  1. See what you can teach each other
It is very likely that the older people in your life have learned a thing or two over their lifetime. It is also likely that you may know a few things that they haven’t yet had the chance to learn about. Look for opportunities to teach and learn from each other. My Opa tinkered with car engines until he couldn’t crawl under a car anymore and he still tells us all what to do with our cars when we go to him for his expertise.
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Photo by Edu Carvalho from Pexels
Now is the time to evaluate our interactions with others, particularly the “boomers”. Rather than responding tiredly with “ok, boomer” we can respond compassionately and conversationally and create connections and relationships that we all long for. Leo Buscaglia put it this way, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Let us all seek to fulfill our potential to touch the lives of others, particularly those in the aging portion of the population. Spending these parcels of time with them is more precious than you know.
Personal Practice 1Test out one of the tips for connecting with one of the elderly people in your life!

References

Attar-Schwartz, S., & Khoury-Kassabri, M. (2016). The moderating role of cultural affiliation in the link between emotional closeness to grandparents and adolescent adjustment difficulties and prosocial behavior. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 86(5), 564-572. https://doi.org10.1037/ort0000195
Dautzenberg, M. G. H., Diederiks, J. P. M., Philipsen, H., Tan, F. E. S. (1999). Multigenerational caregiving and well-being: Distress of middle-aged daughters providing assistance to elderly parents. Women & Health, 24(4), 57-74, https://doi.org/10.1300/J013v29n04_04
Erikson, E. H. (1982). The life cycle completed: Review. New York: Norton.
Geriatrics Workforce By the Numbers. (n.d.). Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.americangeriatrics.org/geriatrics-profession/about-geriatrics/geriatrics-workforce-numbers
Hyer, L., Muller, C. M., & Jackson, K. (2017). The unfolding of unique problems in later life families. In G. L. Welch & A. W. Harrist (Eds.) Family resilience and chronic illness: Interdisciplinary and translational perspectives (pp. 197-224). New York: Springer.
Miller, K. I., Shoemaker, M. M., Willyard, J., & Addison, P. (2008). Providing care for elderly parents: A structural approach to family caregiver identity. Journal of Family and Communication, 17, 3-26, https://doi.org10.1080/15267430701389947
Witt, S., & Hoyt, J. (2019, June 22). Nursing Home Costs in 2020 by State and Type of Care. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from https://www.seniorliving.org/nursing-homes/costs/

 

 

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Emma Smith is from San Diego, California. Emma is currently a Family Life major with an emphasis in social work at BYU. She met her best friend and husband Dallin at BYU her first semester home from her mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She enjoys horseback riding, swimming, reading, painting, and anything outdoors. In everything she does, she has one goal: to help others.
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Heartfulness: Understanding Our Deep Feelings and Empathic Nature

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Written by Dray Salcido
“To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.” 
– Anthon St. Maarten
Heartfulness is more than mindfulness. It’s embracing our imagination and feelings, and is meant to awaken in us that which was sleeping. A study revealed, “the magnetic field produced by the heart is 5,000 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain and can be detected and measured several feet away from the body, in all directions (Watkins, 2014). Essentially, the ability to feel has more influence on life than anything else. This time of pandemic and collective grief may be our chance to understand ourselves and live more fully. Allow me to share some research, and thoughts on why a more heartful way of living is essential to make it through 2020. 

The Elements

At some point in history, it was decided that removing emotion from decision making, and intellectual pursuits was the right thing to do. I recognize the successes that come with objectivity, but also think we’ve done ourselves a disservice by valuing logic too highly. Placing reason above connection will be more detrimental than beneficial, and scientific research validates this presumption.
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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
When emotion is measured, it appears faster and more apparent than our cognitions. The brain is there to make sense of our feelings, but it also stores conflicting information. The more data in our mind, the longer it takes to process emotion. Our intuition, however, is faster than our mind. Research shows that making decisions based on our gut improves cognitive functioning and produces more satisfying results for people (Yip et. Al, 2020). Perhaps it’s most apparent with big decisions like, “Who will I marry?”, “How will I vote?”, “How will I raise my children?”, “What career will I pursue?” etc. When we act solely on logic we often betray ourselves, and experience regret down the road. Ever found yourself in a job you hate, but chose because it makes good money? Or, stayed in a relationship because “they’re perfect”, but you’re not happy? We need our emotions to guide us, not only to what makes sense, but to what we really want. There’s enough evidence to prove any and everything. But, only one heart knows what’s best for you. 

The Experience

Our conditioning has inhibited our heartfulness. Most of us have received messages like “you’re too much, don’t be angry, don’t cry, it’s not that big of a deal” etc. The truth is, not being free to feel our feelings completely is what’s created a pandemic of emptiness and dissatisfaction with ourselves and our relationships. Empathy is an important factor in thriving relationships. Essentially, it’s in our biology to give and receive empathy (Wearne, 2020). Our lifetime of resisting feelings deliberately contradicts our scientific makeup.
I remember being in kindergarten and sensing that my dad was cheating on my mom. I kept this awareness to myself for many reasons: I had no evidence, it was illogical, I didn’t want to hurt anyone, I was afraid to be mocked, and a big part of me wanted to be wrong. Years went by and this gut feeling got stronger. When I was eleven, or so, I finally told my mom that my dad was cheating on her. She asked how I knew. I explained that I had no proof, but felt a strong feeling. The following year he confessed his infidelity. My feeling wasn’t crazy, it was prophetic.
Have you ever felt sad when you walked in the house, only to find out your partner had had a rough day? Have you ever felt a random burst of anxiety while your friend was driving, and they tell you they just saw a police car? According to Dr. Watkins, “the electromagnetic field of the heart carries information that can not only be detected in the behaviors of other people in close proximity, but also has measurable, physiological effects on them” (Watkins, 2014). This isn’t just woo woo, feelings stuff. This is scientific. We feel each other’s feelings both unintentionally and intentionally, and we are hardwired to do so. 
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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The Embrace

Glennon Doyle tells a story of her daughter’s sensitivity. In school, the kids were taught about the polar bears struggling to survive because of the melting ice caps. Glennon’s daughter preoccupied herself with the polar bears for months and asked, “Who’s going to help them?” and “Where’s the polar bear’s mommy to take care of them?” One night she told Glennon, “It’s the polar bears now but nobody cares…so soon it’s going to be us.” Glennon realized her daughter wasn’t crazy to be heartbroken about the polar bears. The rest of us are crazy not to be heartbroken about the polar bears (Brown, 2020). Angry, devastated people aren’t weird or insane. They just may be the only ones responding appropriately to a damaged world. It’s the shamans, clergy, healers and poets that see what other people can’t, and are willing to feel what other people refuse. They follow their gut. They’ve embraced their heartfulness.
The problem with numbing, masking or resisting emotion is that we stop trusting ourselves. Goethe said, “as soon as you learn to trust yourself, you will know how to live.” We all start out hopeful, happy and trusting. Then life challenges us and breaks us down. Rather than leaning into and learning more about our hearts, we often put up walls and armor of protection. It’s time for us to unlearn our doubt and fear. Let’s unpack our way back to ourselves and each other. 
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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
So, what if we embraced our deep feelings? What if we got back to caring for the collective good? Leaning into emotion may be the most difficult thing you ever do. When we become heartful, we feel more, and the more we feel, the more ups and downs we will experience. We will be confronted with our own light and darkness. You may realize just how permeable you are, and how vulnerable we all are (McConkie, 2017). But it also clears up the way for real connection, and demonstrates how capable of emotions, like love, we can be. It will be painful and beautiful, and totally worth it!
Personal Practice 1This week, express your true feelings to yourself and those around you. Be unapologetic in your emotions. Hold space for yourself, even if you don’t think what you feel is logical or valid. Practice holding nonjudgmental space for others as well. Record your realizations that arise from this emotional embrace.

References

Brown, B., (Producer). (2020, March 24). Glennon Doyle and Brené on Untamed [Audio Podcast]. Retrieved from https://brenebrown.com/podcast/glennon-doyle-brene-on-untamed/
McConkie, T., (Producer). (2017, November 15). Heartfulness [Audio Podcast]. Retrieved from https://www.mindfulnessplus.org/episodedetails/2017/11/15/26-heartfulness
Watkins, A. R., (2015). Coherence: The secret science of brilliant leadership. KoganPage.  
Wearne, T.A., Osborne-Crowley, K., Logan, J.A., Wilson, E., Rushby, J., & McDonald, S. (2020). Understanding how others feel: Evaluating the relationship between empathy and various aspects of emotion recognition following severe traumatic brain injury. Neuropsychology, 34(3), 288-297. https://doi-org.ezporxy.uvu.edu/10.1037/neu0000609
Yip, J.A., Stein, D.H., Cote, S., & Carney, D.R. (2020). Follow your gut? Emotional intelligence moderates the association between physiologically measured somatic markers and risk-taking. Emotion, 20(3), 462-472. http://doi-org.ezproxy.uvu.edu/10/1037/emo00000561.supp (Supplemental)

 

 

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Dray Salcido is from Elkridge, Utah. She is the youngest of seven and enjoys close relationships with her siblings. She graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work from Utah Valley University. She works at a law firm and volunteers with various populations. She enjoys researching and writing about the human experience, and hopes to make that her creative life’s work.
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30 Ways to Strengthen your Relationships During COVID-19

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Written by Shirley Anderson
With the global issue of COVID-19, we’ve been given the instruction by our nation’s leaders and world health professionals to practice ‘social distancing’ for an undetermined amount of time. 
With this unique instruction, we may easily become lost in the sudden change of pace that we may overlook and therefore neglect one of our most basic human needs…. social connection. 
As human beings, we truly are hard-wired to connect with one another and for good reason too. “Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems (Canada Mental Health Association).” Research has even shown that a lack of social connection is an even greater detriment to our health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure (House et al., 1988). We need each other! Our physical and mental health depend on it. So while we are practicing social distancing, remember that maintaining social connection is paramount to our health. There are A LOT of ways to continue to build and strengthen our relationships. Here are just 30 ways I came up with. 
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Photo by bewakoof com official on Unsplash

30 Ways to Strengthen your Relationships While Practicing Social Distancing:

  1. Call a friend you’ve lost touch with
  2. Film yourself reading a book and send it to the children in your life
  3. Smile and wave from 6 feet away
  4. Leave anonymous supply items around your neighborhood
  5. Save money for a future outing or extravagant date
  6. Write an inspirational post on social media
  7. Use chalk to write words of encouragement around your neighborhood
  8. Make plans for a future trip
  9. Start a book club and meet via Zoom or Skype
  10. Start a ‘COVID-19 Coping’ text chat with your friends and share ideas of how to make the most of this situation
  11. Email your loved ones 
  12. Send a care package to someone who may be struggling
  13. Deep clean/organize your space so when this quarantine business subsides, you’ll be ready to socialize
  14. Ask your neighbors how they are doing and what you can do to help
  15. Dress up nice and have an indoor date night
  16. Try something new with a loved one – yoga, dancing, a new instrument…etc.
  17. Learn a language you’ve always wanted to so you can make even more connections
  18. Try a new recipe or cook an elaborate meal
  19. Create a game tournament with prizes
  20. Be active (indoor or outdoor)
  21. Call a loved one and tell them a joke
  22. Create a family or couple goal to work towards
  23. Write letters to the elderly people in your life
  24. Pray for your loved ones and their well-being during this difficult time
  25. Practice creativity! Write a musical piece, sketch, paint, knit, sew, build…etc.
  26. Turn up the tunes and have a dance party
  27. Read a book together (to a child or with a loved one)
  28. Camp indoors or in your backyard complete with a campfire and smores’
  29. Send a text and check in on a friend 
  30. Highlight the positive and make daily contact with loved ones through social apps (MarcoPolo, Whatsapp..etc.)
Personal Practice 1Choose a creative way to strengthen your relationships each day this week.

References

Griffiths, R., Horsfall, J., Moore, M., Lane, D., Kroon, V., & Langdon, R. (2007). Assessment of health, well-being and social connections: A survey of women living in Western Sydney. International Journal of Nursing Practice, 13(1), 3–13. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1111/j.1440-172X.2006.00606.x
House, Landis, Umberson (1988). Social Relationships and health Science. Department of Epidemiology, University of Michigan, Ann Harbor. Vol. 241, Issue 4865, pp. 540-545 https://doi.org/10.1126/science.3399889
Kobayashi, K. M., Cloutier-Fisher, D., & Roth, M. (2009). Making meaningful connections: A profile of social isolation and health among older adults in small town and small city, British Columbia. Journal of Aging and Health, 21(2), 374–397. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1177/0898264308329022
Thompson, T., Rodebaugh, T. L., Bessaha, M. L., & Sabbath, E. L. (2020). The association between social isolation and health: An analysis of parent–adolescent dyads from the Family Life, Activity, Sun, Health, and Eating Study. Clinical Social Work Journal, 48(1), 18–24. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s10615-019-00730-2

 

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Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.
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Love, Me, Mental Notes

8 Ways to Keep Your Mental Health In Check During a Crisis

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Written by Anasteece Smith

1. Routine

Most of us have had disruptions occur in our normal every day or even weekly routines. You or your partner or even both may be working from home now, your kids may have had school canceled and you may not be able to do your regular grocery shopping because all the toilet paper or pasta is gone. #whydoyouneed5cases These changes to routines can be hard. Do the best that you can to stick to the routines that you had before they were interrupted. For example, if you get up in the morning and meditate keep doing that. Keeping the routines that we had can help ease the anxiety about what’s going on around us. While you probably can’t do your usual routine exactly the way you used to, practice flexibility, make adjustments, and if you have kids, help them adjust to changes in their everyday routines (Roe, 2020).

2. Feel and Validate

There’s a lot of emotions that come up during times of crisis and every person will experience different emotions. Don’t get me wrong, this can be frustrating because some people are so calm and collected while others are in full panic-mode #imapanicker. It’s okay to feel however you are feeling. We are all going to have to process and deal with the emotions that we are experiencing. It’s important that no matter what emotions you have, that they are validated. LCSW, Tiffany Roe suggests taking some time each day to write down how you are feeling whether it’s on an app or with paper and pencil. Then once you finish writing, tell yourself, “it’s okay how I am feeling,” and then move on to other things (Roe, 2020).
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Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

3. Set Boundaries for Your Current Events Media Exposure

This is one that I personally struggle with, especially as a news junkie, but it’s taking a toll. The reality is, we need to put boundaries around what media we are consuming right now. There’s a lot of news outlets and sources that are spreading misinformation. Stick to reliable sources for news and updates about what is going on. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is one of the best and most accurate sources for news updates about what is going on. They will also have some of the most reliable information with which to educate yourself.  If you feel the need beyond the CDC to stay up to date about what’s going on, choose one news outlet and set a limit for how much time you spend watching or listening. It’s exhausting to see the news playing constantly and it takes an emotional toll, so please do your best to limit your media exposure. #keepcalmandturnoffthenews

4. Get Moving

Our bodies love to move! We’re designed to move and enjoy the movement that comes from our bodies. When you exercise, your brain releases chemicals like endorphins to help boost your mood and cope with the stress you’re experiencing. Plus, exercising helps increase circulation in your body and contributes to better overall health leading to a stronger immune system #nottodaycornonavirus (Harvard Health Publishing, 2014).
While you may not be able to go to the gym or your regular exercise classes, there are plenty of ways to get active at home. Turn on your favorite song and dance in your kitchen, get the whole family or your roommates involved and have a dance party. Hop onto YouTube and check out some free workout videos that you can do without the typical gym equipment. Dust off those video games that are active like Just Dance or Outdoor Adventure. If you have a yard, break out that Bocce ball set or even the baseball for some catch.
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Photo by Youssef Naddam on Unsplash

5. Social Support

While you may be asked to socially distance ourselves from others, that doesn’t mean we need to cut ourselves off from social support. In fact, we need the social support more than ever. We are all going through this together and we all are dealing with emotions that can be hard to bear on our own. Check-in with your loved ones and those in your community. Technology has made this so easy. We can send a text or message through social media platforms, make a phone call or spend some time talking on FaceTime. Or, you could really venture outside the box by getting out the stationery to write some letters. It’s vital for mental health that we have social support even if it’s not in person. So don’t be afraid to reach out a little more, find someone with whom you can regularly check in to see how the other is doing. #introvertshavebeenpreparingforthiskindofsocializing

6. Use Social Media Intentionally

Social media is a great tool to help us connect to other people but it can also expose us to more news and information than we care to be exposed to right now.  Rather than cutting yourself off from social media altogether, use your social media more intentionally. Share things on your feed that are positive and uplifting amidst the uncertainty. Share your favorite positive accounts to follow, and unfollow those who are toxic or just too much for you. A positive message can go a long way.  Limit your social media time to what works for you individually. #dontcutitoffuseitbetter
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Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

7. Do something on your want-to-do list

What’s something that you’ve been wanting to do but just haven’t had the time for? Maybe it’s starting on your To-Read pile or binge-watching a show on Netflix or Disney+. Maybe it’s breaking out the quilting supplies or doing that yard work. Maybe it’s taking a bubble bath. Doing something on your want-to-do list can ultimately be a form of self-care. It shows that you are prioritizing your own needs and desires, and can help you relieve stress. Doing even just one of those things will help your mental health because you will have gotten to do something that you wanted to do rather than only what you have to do. #streamingservicesandtoiletpapermanufacturersmayruletheworld

 8. Humor

If you haven’t noticed I’ve used random humorous hashtags throughout this post because humor is a great way to cope. Humor and laughing make serious situations feel a little less daunting and anxiety-provoking. \Watch a funny movie, find your favorite comedian and watch their routines, make jokes, post your favorite memes and comedy to social media. Humor is a great way to bring people together and to brighten someone’s day. #whatshumor #laugh
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Photo from pexels.com

Other notes:

If you are still struggling to maintain your mental health, please seek out help. NAMI has provided a list of places that individuals can reach out to from home. Many therapists and counselors are doing online therapy to help people with their anxiety. You are never alone and there is help. We can get through this and there is hope! #wegotthis 
Additionally, check out this link here for a list of mental health concerns and ways to cope with them. I have used this list and so have my family members, and it makes a difference – especially if you can’t afford therapy at this time. 
Personal Practice 1Choose one of the items listed in this post to implement into your quarantine routine! 🙂

References

Coping with a Disaster or Traumatic Event. (2019, September 13). Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://emergency.cdc.gov/coping/selfcare.asp
Harvard Health Publishing. (2014, September). How to boost your immune system. Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/how-to-boost-your-immune-system
Looking After Yourself. (n.d.). Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself
NAMI CVID-19 (Coronavirus) Information and Resources. (2020, March). Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://www.nami.org/getattachment/About-NAMI/NAMI-News/2020/NAMI-Updates-on-the-Coronavirus/HelpLine-Coronavirus-Planning.pdf?lang=en-US
Roe, T, (2020, March 13), Fear, panic, anxiety and disease. Podcast Therapy Thoughts. Retrieved from https://anchor.fm/therapythoughts/episodes/Episode-29-Fear–panic–anxiety-and-disease-ebgcec

 

 

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Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
 
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