“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take the time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
–Eleanor Brown
Many of us are serving from empty vessels on a daily basis.
A Gallup news poll from December 2017 indicated that on average, 44% of Americans feel stressed. That number increases to 49% if you are female. If you have a job and a child, that number goes up to 59%. And people ages 18 to 49 experience the most stress at 54 and 56%. For most of us, life moves quickly and there are many demands on our time, energy, and mental load. Many of us feel overloaded. The effects of this are bigger than just feeling unhappy.
Stress can cause a myriad of issues, resulting in depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, irritability, and general unhappiness. Our bodies often will manifest our stress as well. Our emotions play a role in many types of chronic conditions — in how they progress or how we experience the illness. Reviews of the research have indicated since the 1970’s that 60-80% doctors’ visits are stress related. Many of our common chronic physical complaints (i.e. chest, heart and abdominal pains, headaches, gastrointestinal issues) have been showed to be affected, caused or made worse by stress. This is not new information, yet we still aren’t taking it seriously.
Running on Empty
The analogy of a car can help us visualize why self-care is important and what kinds of self-care we need.
Our cars take a certain amount of attention to keep functioning. If we ignore the “E” light on our gas gauge or neglect regular maintenance, there are consequences. Not taking care of our vehicle means that it may stop running properly and it is no longer able to help us.
Our bodies and our minds also need attention. Eventually, neglect catches up. We may experience physical or emotional breakdown. To prevent that, we all need to have activities that maintain and repair.
A literature review of research studying the effects of self-care on those in caregiving professions (such as hospice workers and social workers), found that self-care was helpful in reducing burnout and symptoms of secondary trauma, and that it improved happiness. The review also showed that engaging in several types of self-care is more effective and protective than just doing one type of self-care. It would seem logical that what helps professional caregivers would be worth keeping in mind for all of us.
So What Is Self Care?
Self Care isn’t just bubble baths and chocolate. It isn’t just exercise and eating healthy. It isn’t just vacations or walks in the woods. It can be those things. And a hundred others….
Self Care isn’t one specific thing……..
It’s many habits, big and small, which together soothe and make sure we are functioning at our best — emotionally, mentally and physically.
Why is developing a habit of self-care important?
Your health and happiness depends on it.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
Martyrdom is overrated. We don’t have to suffer and sacrifice our happiness and wellbeing for the sake of others. What good are we then?
You are worth it.
Self-care needs to reflect and be flexible to our specific circumstances. Both our all-caps CIRCUMSTANCES — which are things not easily changed like your life stage or physical limitations, and our lowercase circumstances — which are things that change more frequently like if your kids are sick, if you have a really busy week. What you can do for self-care today may not be the same as what you could do last year, or even what you will be able to do next week.
Recognize You Need and Deserve It
“Taking care of your self doesn’t mean me first. It means me too.”
-L.R. Knost
Self-care isn’t selfish. Self-care doesn’t mean neglecting other people. Self-care allows you to have the emotional and physical resources to do all the things you want to do in your life.
If this is a hard idea, perhaps start thinking about the reasons to engage in self-care, about what it will do for you.
Still too hard?
Maybe all you can do is think about what you HOPE it will do. That’s a good enough place to start.
Then think about what is getting in your way. Do you need permission? Consider this your permission!
What else is in the way? Time? Money? Feeling unworthy of it?
Problem solve with someone who loves you and supports your efforts to care for yourself. It is possible to find things that refuel and renew with any budget and any time frame.
Make Time
“When you discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.”
– Jean Shinoda Bolen
Identify what refuels, rejuvenates and refreshes you. A self-care assessment can clarify what you are already doing and where gaps are in your self-care practices. Click this link for a self-care-assessment that identifies different kinds of self-care.
If you haven’t done anything for yourself in a while, you might have forgotten what you like!
Now build your self-care plan. Click here for a worksheet that will help you in creating your own personal self-care plan. Once you’ve identified a variety of activities that might work for you, it’s easier to schedule them into your day and your life.
Self-care can be big or small. Try to do something every day that is enjoyable for you. It may be a small thing, like savoring your favorite cold drink. It may be bigger like hanging out with a friend. You might already do something enjoyable every day, but not be aware of it. Bring your awareness to it, tell yourself “This is for me.” This acknowledgment increases your enjoyment, and increases its power to refresh you.
Self-care is by nature kind and self-compassionate. Be gentle to yourself as you try to learn this new habit. Anything you do is better than nothing. Start where you are. Make one small change, then another. And as you make those small changes, like adding coins to a pile, the effects of them grow. Soon you will find that your ability to handle stress increases, your tension is reduced and your love and appreciation for yourself grows. And that’s a nice way to live a life.
Reva Cook grew up around the world as an Air Force brat, gaining an appreciation and love for people of all walks of life. She received her BS degree from Brigham Young University and her MSW from the University of Utah. She has many years of experience working with those who are finding life hard to navigate. She has worked for Intermountain Healthcare as an ER crisis worker, and as Utah Valley Live Well Center’s LCSW. She is a therapist with The Healing Group, specializing in maternal mental health, motherhood, anxiety, and life transitions. She preaches the message of learning to love your real, imperfect, complicated life as a reoccurring guest on KSL’s Studio 5, in FB Live interviews with the baby cubby and Intermountain Moms, and on FB as Reva Cook and Instagram as @revacooklcsw. In her spare time, she juggles life with her husband Clint and their 4 kids and 3 cats.She enjoys funny memes, Diet Coke, and planning home DIY projects that occasionally actually happen.
