For as many different ways as there are to self-care, there are just as many different excuses that people come up with for why they don’t self-care. The three most common that I have encountered are these:
“I don’t need it, I’m doing fine.” If you are using this as an excuse to not self-care, then you either don’t understand what self-care is, or you are lying to yourself. Believe it or not, self-care is actually not just a want, it is a NEED. A lot of people misconstrue self-care for a general “treat yo’self” attitude where you just do whatever you want whenever you want. While treating yourself to something you love or crave can certainly be a part of self-care, that is not all that it means. Self-care is taking an active role in protecting, preserving, and improving one’s own health, well-being, and happiness (Lexico, 2019). It is what keeps us living, growing, and thriving. We ALL need self-care, even during the times in our life when we are doing well, so please don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s not for you!
“I feel like I’m being selfish.”Friends, self-care is NOT selfish! When all we do is give constantly, it can leave us feeling drained and burned out. Self-care is what fills our cup so that we can then go on and give to others. Of course, it is important to find a balance between giving and receiving, and of course, anything good can be misused or extorted when pushed to an extreme. It’s important to discover that balance for yourself as an individual and to be true to your own needs and the needs of your loved ones.
“I just don’t have time!”Between work, school, kids, social life, housekeeping, etc., it can feel like there is never enough time to do what is required of us, much less to take time for self-care. This is the excuse that I most what to address today because it is one that I know many people struggle with and because there are really some easy fixes that can help us move past the time-crunches, and into caring for ourselves in healthy and important ways.
Here are a few research-supported suggestions I have to help you find time for self-care:
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Make your own time
This sounds impossible, but I promise it’s a lot simpler than you might think. For this suggestion, I want you to think specifically about your personal relationship with technology in your daily life. Did you know that the average human spends 41% of their time in front of a screen!? THAT’S MORE THAN WE SLEEP. If you currently believe that you do not have time for self-care, take just 2 or 3 days to track how much time you are spending in front of a screen – scrolling through social media, watching Netflix, reading the latest celeb gossip, etc. You can use an app, or keep track of it on paper. Next, consciously replace that screen-time with some intentional self-care. I can guarantee that you will find at least five minutes in your day to spend taking care of yourself.
If you do this and are still struggling to find time to take care of you, here is what I suggest: practice self-care FIRST. This can be hard and feel selfish, but when you take the time to physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually care for yourself first, you may be surprised how much more energy and motivation you have to get done what else needs to be done.
Note: For some people, scrolling through social media or watching Netflix is actually part of their self-care. That is okay! Just make sure you are being intentional about the time you are spending in front of a screen, and be sure that if you are including it in your self-care, it is actually renewing you.
Self-care for different situations
While re-purposing unneeded screen-time can help you make more time for self-care, it can still be difficult to juggle everything that needs to get done throughout the day and carve out intentional time for nourishing, restoring, and reconnecting with yourself. The good news is, self-care doesn’t just mean spending an hour doing at-home yoga or meditation! It is possible to do some self-care at work, while parenting, while waiting in line at the grocery store, etc. Here are some things you can do in every-day situations to care for yourself:
Practice being mindful
Listen to music that inspires you
Go outside
Try doing some yoga at your desk (here’s a great video for that)
Eat a snack (something that nourishes you – you decide what this means)
Organize your physical space
Look for something new to learn
Stretch
Make an effort to talk with someone around you (connection can be so revitalizing!)
Laugh
Practice communicating your needs and setting healthy boundaries (with your children, co-workers, roommates, etc.)
Self-care looks different for everyone, so get creative with this one. What do YOU need to recharge? Think outside the box!
Photo by Allie Smith on Unsplash
A little goes a long way
You don’t have to spend hours every day doing self-care in order to reap its many benefits. Taking even just 10 minutes a day to intentionally nourish, restore, and re-connect can help you find balance and a more whole and complete health in every aspect of your life. In particular, taking a little time to care for yourself will go a long way in your relationships. The more you work to fill your emotional/physical/mental/spiritual/etc. well, the more YOU there will be to give and share with those you love. The key is to find what forms of self-care are particularly relevant and effective for you. If you aren’t sure what those are, try some of the suggestions from “Self-Care Bully” Reva Cook at the tail end of her HHP guest post here. Start with just a little bit of personalized self-care a day, and watch your capacity for connection and giving increase ten-fold.
I know that making time for yourself can be hard – especially in today’s world. But in order for you to not just survive, but THRIVE in your life and in your relationships, daily self-care is critical. So for all you busy humans out there, stop with the excuses! Make time for self-care because you (and everyone you love) are worth it.
This week, replace 10 minutes a day of screen-time with self-care time.
Mills, J., Wand, T., & Fraser, J. A. (2018). Exploring the meaning and practice of self-care among palliative care nurses and doctors: a qualitative study. BMC palliative care, 17(1), 63. doi:10.1186/s12904-018-0318-0
Stockwell, Angie. (2017). Effectiveness of Self-Care in Reducing Symptoms of Secondary Traumatic Stress. Retrieved from Sophia, the St. Catherine University repository website: https://sophia.stkate.edu/msw_papers/797
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
This week, replace 10 minutes a day of screen-time with self-care time.
