Have you ever seen someone else’s relationship and thought, “I want that”? Whether it’s another couple’s look, the fun they have together, how they serve each other, the love they have for each other, etc., it’s easy to compare yourself and your relationship to what others have. It’s also easy to feel discouraged and think that your relationship will never get to that point.
Knowing what you want in a relationship is an important part of finding a good match for you, as well as creating your dream relationship. However, making positive change requires more than just knowing what you want. Being willing to WORK for what you want is just as critical to molding your relationship into everything that you and your significant other want it to be. The good news is, each of us has the power to work on our relationships and help them move in a forward and upward direction.
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In 2020, we at The Healthy Humans Project want to challenge you to make your relationships a priority. Regardless of what your relationship looks like now, you have the power to make some #relationshipgoals that will help you work on connecting with those you love! Here are a few different types of goals you can include as part of your New Year’s Resolutions to work on your relationships!
P.S. These specific goals are written in a way that applies specifically to romantic relationships, but each of them can be modified to fit any important relationship in your life!
#1 – Create A Couple Motto
An important part of relationships is creating a shared identity and defining who you want to be as a couple (Maniaci, 2009). Working together with your significant other to write a motto (“a short sentence or phrase chosen as encapsulating the beliefs or ideals guiding an individual, family, or institution”) can help you identify what is important to you, and what you are working towards creating together! Your motto could just be for this year, or it could be for your relationship as a whole – you get to decide! Be sure to write down your motto and display it somewhere where you and your partner will both see it.
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#2 – Set a Healthy Boundary
Healthy boundaries are critical for healthy relationships (Strong, 2019). Ensuring that your romantic relationship is a safe space (emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.) both for you and for your significant other can be a determining factor in achieving your #relationshipgoals. Consider sitting down with your significant other and discussing boundaries in your relationship. How can you increase physical, emotional, or mental safety for one another? What other outside relationships affect the safety in your relationship, and what changes need to be made to increase that safety? How can you work to protect each other and put each other first? When you work on defining and setting healthy boundaries together, it shows your commitment, love, and respect for one another.
#3 – Sweat the Small Stuff
While large gestures of love and commitment are nice, the quality of your relationship is primarily defined by the small things you do every day to re-commit to each other. Sit down with your partner, and write down a few things you can do every day to check-in and connect. Having a meaningful routine or simple ritual when you part ways in the morning and reunite in the evening can natural times to fit in moments of connection (Gottman, 2015). Physical touch like kisses or hugs and verbal check-ins are examples of small and simple things you can do every day to let your partner know that they matter to you.
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#4 – Dream Together
Research has shown that dreaming about your future together strengthens the chances that you actually WILL have a future together (PREP Inc., 2015). If you want to protect your relationship from falling apart, dream together about what you want to be! What do you want your life together to look like in five, ten, or twenty years? What dreams do you each have as individuals, and how can you support each other in those dreams? What hopes do you have for your family and the life you create together? Set goals for things you can do NOW to help those dreams come to pass.
A final note:
Remember that relationships are two-way efforts! The most effective way to improve your relationship is to work on things together as a couple. If that is not possible for you at this moment, take comfort in knowing that you have power over yourself, and you CAN choose to work on your relationship as an individual.
Choose a goal that you would like to incorporate into your New Year’s Resolutions that focuses specifically on improving one of your relationships!
Maniaci, M. (2009). Couple identity. In H. T. Reis & S. Sprecher (Eds.), Encyclopedia of human relationships(pp. 336-337). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. https://doi/10.4135/9781412958479.n111
Prep Inc.. (2015). PREP 8.0 Leader Guide, Version 1.3. Greenwood Village, CO: Author.
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Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Choose a goal that you would like to incorporate into your New Year’s Resolutions that focuses specifically on improving one of your relationships!
