While your relationship with the earth may not be one you have given a lot of thought to in the past, it is an important one just like your relationship with your partner or your children. Connecting to the higher power of the earth grounds us spiritually, mentally, and even physically (ie. gravity). Furthermore, the earth literally provides us with life itself by giving us water to drink, food to eat, shelter to keep us safe, air to breath, and beautiful landscapes to enjoy. These are gifts we too often take for granted and are luxuries we won’t enjoy forever if we don’t all do our part to nurture our relationship with and care for Mother Earth.
If this is the beginning of your journey toward giving back to Mother Earth, “going green” may feel a bit overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. As a foundation remember these three simple rules: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
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Reduce Waste
You may have never given a second thought to the trash you take to your dumpster day after day, but did you know that Americans generate over 253 million tons of trash per year, an average of approximately 4.40 pounds of trash per person per day? (2016) While it may seem to be “out of sight, out of mind,” all of this trash is polluting our earth. By reducing what you use, you help limit the trash sent to landfills.
Take a moment to think about your average day. What do you throw away? What could you do to decrease that waste? Here are just a few examples: Consider using a toothbrush with a replaceable head so the handle doesn’t go in the trash each time you need a new toothbrush. Swap out disposable makeup wipes for a washcloth. Use a metal razor handle with replaceable, recyclable blades. Opt for cloth napkins instead of disposable ones. These are all little decisions that make an impact.
Reuse
Too often as a culture we have placed convenience over being good stewards of our planet. Just today in the United States, over 70 million disposable water bottles will have been used (Franklin), and 86% of these water bottles will end up in landfills or litter our streets and oceans (Arnold & Larsen, 2006). This is just one example of an area where being a conscious consumer can make a huge difference for the planet. Rather than buying single-use water bottles, opt for a refillable bottle and carry it with you throughout the day. If you’re looking for a great refillable bottle, we love the reusable water bottles by the company 4 Ocean. The use of these water bottles supports the ocean cleanup movement and helps prevent the use of single-use plastics. The same principle of reuse applies to other areas as well, so get creative and choose to reuse rather than go for earth damaging disposables.
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Recycle
Reducing waste is always the top choice, but in situations where you can’t reduce or reuse something, try to recycle wherever possible. Recycling decreases the amount of trash being sent to landfills, conserves natural resources, prevents pollution, and creates jobs. When recycling, remember to avoid contamination and know your area.
Avoid Contamination. If trash or a contaminated piece of otherwise recyclable material is put in with recycling, the whole load is ruined and will be dumped in a landfill. (Franklin) Do your part to help prevent contaminated recycling by learning the rules of recycling, such as cleaning food out of all containers, rinsing and drying bottles, and flattening boxes. And remember, greasy pizza boxes can’t be recycled – the grease contaminates the load (Franklin).
Know Your Area. Recyclable items can vary based on location. Visithttps://www.republicservices.com/recycling-guide?tab=facility#recyclables to learn what is recyclable in your area and download the materials guide for unaccepted and accepted recyclables in your city. There are so many amazing resources online to help you learn all the basics to successfully recycle, so don’t be afraid to dive right in!
With over 7 billion people on earth, your green choices to avoid plastic drinking straws, buy organic, or use a reusable shopping bag may not feel like they matter very much, but together we can make a change. Together we can make an impact. Strengthen your relationship with Mother Nature today by caring for her the way she cares for you.
This week, nurture your relationship with Mother Nature by trying out one of the 3 R’s listed above!
Aubrey Hartshorn is from Weiser, Idaho. She is happily married to her husband Joseph and is the proud mamma of a beautiful little girl. She recently graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Family Studies. She is passionate about mindfulness, minimalism, and motherhood.
Researchers John and Julie Gottman have observed thousands of couples in order to try and get down to the bottom of what makes a successful and long-lasting couple relationship. Through these observations, they have found that “happy couples turn towards their partners approximately twenty times more than couples in distress during everyday, non-conflict discussions” (Lisitsa, 2018). He calls this act of turning towards your partner, making an “emotional bid”, or in other words, making an effort to connect with your partner in some way. Making and responding positively to these emotional bids increases commitment, connection, and trust in a relationship — essential components of relationships that last. In this post, I want to talk about a specific type of emotional bid that can automatically deepen your relationship with your significant other.
Help! (I Need Somebody…)
One emotional bid that we should frequently be making when it comes to our romantic partner is asking them for help. This can be help with daily tasks, emotional help, help in staying accountable for a goal we have, help looking for something we’ve lost, even help in the form of asking our partner to pray for us (something that research has shown is incredibly beneficial for relationships). No matter what it’s for, asking our partner for help when we need it turns us towards them, and gives them an opportunity to feel wanted and needed by us.
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Asking for help can be vulnerable. From infancy we are working towards becoming independent human beings that survive and function on our own. As we become more independent, asking for help can be viewed in our minds as weak, unnecessary, or even bothersome to those around us. The truth is, however, WE NEED EACH OTHER. We simply cannot function entirely on our own in life, and our partner is an excellent built-in resource for us to receive help of all kinds. Asking for help creates space for vulnerability and connection, which are both crucial elements of strong relationships. It fosters closeness, and allows the helper to increase in confidence, which makes them more likely to share thoughts and feelings with their partner. It also requires humility, which is a helpful and important trait in all relationships.
Equal Partnership
Not only can our partner give us help that we may desperately need, but the simple act of asking them for help also sets a precedent in the relationship for equal partnership. Healthy relationships involve give and take. Both asking for help and in turn helping your partner creates interdependence in your relationship, and teaches you that you can rely on each other. It helps you move forward as a couple, and both emotionally and physically support one another in your individual and couple goals.
Photo by Laura Margarita Cedeño Peralta on Unsplash
One reason that we may be reluctant to ask our partner for help is because of the false relationship belief that someone who knows us well should be able to read our mind and know when we need something from them. This may sound silly, but many of us have fallen prey to this false “romantic” notion! Unless you are married to a medium, your partner is not going to be able to read your mind, even after years and years together. This assumption is actually detrimental to relationships, as it sets up unrealistic expectations for our partner. Over time and the more you get to know each other, the better you may be able to read each other’s signals, but it is NEVER realistic to expect your significant other to read your mind and know exactly what you need. Asking for help can increase the likelihood that your needs will actually be met rather than be missed by your partner.
Remember…
It is important to realize that our partner will not be able to fill every single need that we have. That is why it is necessary for us to maintain the other relationship networks we have in our lives with family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. even after we find our “one-and-only”. However, work to recognize opportunities in your daily life where you might be able to ask your partner for help rather than turning towards someone else. This is something I have personally been working on in my relationship, since my dad has been my go-to fix-it-man for my entire life. If something is ever broken, I just ask my dad for help and he can usually fix it. I’ve realized, however, my natural tendency to just ask dad has occasionally deprived my husband of opportunities to learn how to fix something, or to even use the skills that he already has to help me. My husband is an incredibly capable individual, and asking him for help rather than using my dad as an automatic resource shows him that I trust in his abilities, and that I want and need him in my life.
Now, if you’re on the receiving end of this emotional bid, it’s up to you to TURN TOWARDS your partner, whether or not you can actually help them in that moment. Sometimes you aren’t able to help, and that is okay! But acknowledging your partner’s bid, and letting them know that you love them and care about them is essential.
This week, think of something you need help with, and ask your partner to be the one to help you with it!
References
Bella M. DePaulo & Jeffrey D. Fisher (1980) The Costs of Asking for Help, Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 1:1, 23-35, DOI: 10.1207/s15324834basp0101_3
Lambert, Nathaniel & Fincham, Frank & C. LaVallee, Dana & Brantley, Cicely. (2012). Praying Together and Staying Together: Couple Prayer and Trust. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality. 4. 1-9. 10.1037/a0023060.
Ogolsky, B. G., Monk, J. K., Rice, T. K. M., Theisen, J. C., & Maniotes, C. R. (2017). Relationship Maintenance: A Review of Research on Romantic Relationships. Journal of Family Theory and Review, 9(3), 275-306. https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12205
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Keto. Intermittent Fasting. Whole 30. Low-carb. Vegan. Weight Watchers. Juice fasts. Clean Eating. There is no end to the variety of diets that are competing for your attention when it comes to your weight and health. Many of them tout guidelines and science-backed principles that openly conflict with one another. While they differ in some ways, all diets come back to the same principle of restriction. They require meticulous counting and measuring, eradication of certain food groups, as well as other rules and regulations to guide the eating experience. Add that to all of the social expectations about how your body “should look” and it is no wonder that so much of our time and energy is consumed by dieting and body thoughts. Registered dietician Christy Harrison aptly calls dieting “the life thief”. (Harrison, 2017)
At its core, the idea of dieting for the purpose of improving one’s health seems harmless. However, contrary to what the diet and fitness industry is telling us, studies show that dieting has a 90-95% failure rate. (Grodstein, et al., 1996) An additional study also documented that dieting as a result of weight stigma poses a significant threat to psychological and physical health and presents significant risk factors for depression, low-self esteem, and body dissatisfaction. (Andreyeva, Puhl, & Brownell, 2008)
The more you diet, the more your confidence and self-trust gradually erodes.
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In 1995, two registered dieticians published a new book, Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works. Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch were working independently but had both noticed that no matter what they did to help their clients lose weight and keep it off their clients kept coming back, filled with guilt and shame, having regained the weight. They realized that dieting was not working and they decided to dive deep into the data. What resulted from their research were the life-changing principles that are found in their book. Now they teach about the importance of rejecting the diet mentality and making peace with food. They teach how to cope with your emotions without using food and learn to respect your body and find joy in movement and exercise. (Tribole, & Resch, 2019)
But intuitive eating is so much more than a new “plan.” At its core, Intuitive Eating is about taking your power back. It’s about learning to trust your natural instincts and to ignore all the different outside messages telling you who you need to be, what you need to look like, how much you should weigh, what you can eat, when you can eat it, how much of it you can eat, etc.. Intuitive eating is about tuning in to your body and re-learning how to trust and truly take care of yourself. It is about finding pleasure and satisfaction in food again while living your most fulfilling life, free of the shame and guilt that often accompanies dieting.
There is a large misconception that when we let go of all the diet rules and practice intuitive eating that we are “letting ourselves go.” This could not be more opposite from the truth. When you truly give yourself permission to eat and to rely on your body’s signals of hunger, fullness, and satiety, you are allowing yourself to be! You are giving yourself permission to take up space and to live a purposeful life without measuring your worth by the number of calories you consume or whether or not you were able to achieve ketosis. Eating intuitively requires that you are present in your life and are aware of your emotions and thoughts surrounding food. The more you come to know and value your own inner voice, the more you will learn to give your body what it truly needs, whether that be cake or kale. Many people I have worked with have been surprised at what happens when they begin to trust themselves. While they originally thought that they would end up living off a diet of candy and chips, they learned that when they took the time to listen to their body their body provided them with cravings for a variety of nutrients and foods. In my opinion, learning to listen to and trust your body with food is one of the most powerful and effective means of self-care.
If you have spent a good part of your life on a diet, it may feel really intimidating to dive into intuitive eating. But know this: unlike a diet, you cannot fail at intuitive eating! (Tribole, & Resch, 1995) It is all a learning process and it looks different for every person. Your journey will be different, but even moments of cleaning out an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting can provide an opportunity to check in and reconnect with yourself.
Here are some steps that you can take towards learning how to trust your own intuition with food and make peace with your body:
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1. Learn to ask questions
We have been sold a lot of ideas about health and wellness that at first glance may seem like good things. But it is important to ask yourself questions like, “Who decided that _____ is the way that we should all look?” “Who benefits from me buying that product/participating in that diet?” “Why do I believe that changing my body in this way will allow me to feel ____? Is that true?” You can also use this tool to help you as you navigate intuitive eating and re-learn what your body needs, what foods truly taste good to you, what type of exercise and movement brings you joy.
2. Get rid of external measuring sticks
Have you ever watched a young child eat? When you were a toddler, you ate when you were hungry and you stopped when you were full. You found joy and satisfaction in food. Your body was created and developed from a small group of cells into a full human infant without any kind of external influence. Your body still has every system and regulator it needs to continue to help you thrive and grow. The problem is that we have learned to ignore those internal regulating systems and intuition and instead rely on food pyramids, fitness trackers, and scales to tell us what, when, and how we should be eating. Go back to the basics, learn to trust yourself by how you feel and experience food. You are your own best measuring stick.
3. Practice self-acceptance
Have you ever told yourself “I’ve got to work off that extra cookie I ate last night” or “As soon as I am ___ lbs, then it will be easier to love myself.” Punishing yourself out of disgust or waiting until a future day to love yourself are rooted in the idea of fear. Fear that you won’t be accepted by others as you are, fear of gaining weight, or fear of not measuring up to our own self-inflicted standards. The antidote to fear is love, but proclaiming “I love my body and I love myself” can sometimes be a hard jump for some people. The small starting step is to practice acceptance for who you are at this moment and recognize that nothing is going to change your body in that instant. Don’t allow the ever-fluid future to rob you of the beauty happening in your life today. Start living and experiencing the life you are waiting for right now!
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4. Give yourself grace
Starting something new can be hard. Unlearning years of diet lies and gimmicks can be especially tricky. It is most definitely a process that takes a lot of time and intention and you can’t measure or compare your journey to anyone else’s. Each day you will need to give yourself grace and be curious instead of critical. Give yourself permission to feel sad or angry at the lies that you have been sold about your body. Offer kindness and patience to yourself as you navigate learning how to trust yourself again. We are often so much more charitable to those around us than we are to ourselves but in the end, one of the most important relationships we have is with ourselves and investing in self-kindness and self-compassion is key.
5. Read the book Intuitive Eating
Intuitive eating has become somewhat of a buzzword in the social media community. While it is incredible and exciting that it is finally getting the attention it deserves, there are many sources that claim to be intuitive eating focused while still holding on to dangerous aspects of diet culture. Go to the original source! If you have spent part of your life caught up in diet culture and experiencing poor body image, implementing the principles from that book has the power to help you make peace with food and your body and has the potential to ultimately change your life.
This week, spend at least one meal eating mindfully. Before you take your first bite, notice the smell and look of your food. Anticipate what it will taste like. As you tuck in, chew slowly. Notice the texture and feel of the food. Really relish in the taste. Eating in this mindful way can help you be more in-tune with the needs and desires of your body. Be sure to pay attention to when you feel full!
Grodstein, F., Levine, R., Spencer, T., Colditz, G. A., & Stampfer, M. J. (1996). Three-year follow-up of participants in a commercial weight loss program: Can you keep it off? Archives of Internal Medicine 156(12), 1302.
Andreyeva, T., Puhl, R. M. & Brownell, K. D. (2008). Changes in Perceived Weight Discrimination Among Americans, 1995–1996 Through 2004–2006. Obesity, 16: 1129–1134. doi:10.1038/oby.2008.35
Wedding night jitters are a REAL THING — especially if you are a virgin. I grew up in a very conservative and highly religious community where most parents encourage their children to wait until marriage to have sex. This is something that I am proud of and very grateful for, since waiting until marriage was exactly the right choice for my husband and I (there are lots of emotional, mental, and physical benefits to waiting for sex) (Abbott, White, & Felix, 2010). However, when parents are concerned about their children waiting to start having sex until they are married, they often unintentionally (or intentionally) create a lot of unnecessary fear and worry in their children about the subject (Brotherson, 2015). I was lucky enough to have parents and teachers who were helpful at educating me about sex in a healthy way, but I know that is not the case for everyone (click here for information on how to have healthy conversations with your kids about sex). In this post, I intend to hopefully take away some of the nerves you may be feeling about your wedding night and empower you to have a wonderful, joyful, and unifying experience with your spouse when you make love for the first time.
Warning: This post will most definitely contain words that might make some people a little uncomfortable. I get pretty candid here, but I promise to avoid being explicit. Just be prepared for some good, honest talk about sex.
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
– Before –
Do Your Research!
Something that can really help when it comes to preparing for your wedding night is doing a little research beforehand. Having regular exams with your doctor can help you be physically ready and identify any potential problems you may encounter (Note: It’s a great idea to get these exams yearly. You do NOT have to be getting married to have a physical with your doctor). Talk with your fiancé and doctor about your expectations about family planning, and make sure you have everything you need if birth control is in your plan (be aware that some methods can take some time before they start working). Books and classes can also be a great resource to help you learn more about how to prepare for sex. If you are in school, check and see what marriage preparation or healthy sexuality classes they might have available. If you are finished with school, or if there aren’t any available at your school, check and see if the community offers any sort of classes or workshops for engaged couples. Online courses are also a great option.
There are all sorts of different books on sex and lovemaking, but here are a few that I have liked, and that have been recommended by marriage and sex therapists:
Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean Busby PhD, Jason Carroll PhD, and Chelom Leavitt JD MS
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Kevin Leman
You, Me, and We: A Practical Guide to Marital Intimacy by Dr. Anthony Hughes PhD
A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds by Douglas Roseneau
What Your Parents Didn’t Tell You about Sex: An LDS Guide to Sexual Intimacy by Dr. Anthony Hughes PhD
The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye
And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura M. Brotherson CFLE
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It may be a good idea to read books (especially very descriptive ones) separately before your married, since reading about sex can really turn you on. If this happens to you, just be aware that it’s normal, and it’s good! You want to be excited about being with your spouse! Just be aware of how sexual materials affect you, and make choices that will help you reach your personal and couple sexual goals.
Note: Not all of the information in each of these books may be applicable to you. Take what you need, and run with that.
Talk About Expectations
Expectations can make or break a relationship, and they are particularly important when it comes to having a successful wedding night. Before the day of your wedding (I would recommend the day before, but talk about what will work best for you as a couple), it is a REALLY good idea to talk with your fiancé about how you would like your first night of wedded bliss to go. Talk about timing, what to wear, foreplay, how you would like intercourse to play out, whether or not you would even like to try having intercourse the first night, etc. It sounds counter-intuitive, since Hollywood has really made it look like spontaneity makes for the best sex, but talking about it beforehand can help to get rid of any of the fears or worries that you are both having, and it can help you to work together as a couple to meet each other’s expectations.
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Remember There’s a lot more to be Excited About
Despite all of the hype, keep in mind that sex isn’t the only thing to look forward to in marriage! Take some of the pressure off yourself and your partner by focusing on some of the other benefits of tying the knot. Keep dating, keep getting to know each other and having fun together, keep building trust, and keep strengthening your partnership as a couple (remember that great sex isn’t the only thing that makes a great marriage!).
– The Night Of –
Take Your Time
Once you get to the hotel, don’t feel like you have to rush right into things. It’s okay to take some time to get comfortable with the fact that you can do more than just kiss each other. Be open about the expectations that you discussed, and be willing to be flexible with them as feelings or desires may have changed now that the moment is actually here. Foreplay (such as undressing each other, taking a shower together, giving each other a massage, etc.) can be really helpful in helping you both relax and get into the mood. Remember that most women take at least 4x as long as men to get warmed up and ready to go (Busby, Carroll, & Leavitt, 2013)! Because of this, it can be a good idea for the woman to dictate timing — especially since intercourse can be a little painful the first time** (don’t let this scare you! Getting to know your body and talking with a doctor can help you determine what you can personally do to help your body prepare so that pain is minimal. One of them is using lots of lubrication). Also, do not get discouraged if ejaculation happens before you can get to intercourse. That is pretty common, particularly for virgins. Wait a little bit, keep enjoying each other, and try again later, if you like.
You should also realize that although orgasm is most often associated with penetration, it’s actually clitoral stimulation, not penetration, that leads to orgasm for most women (Nagoski, 2021). This is a biological sexual difference that can help husbands and wives attend to one another and practice selflessness and mindfulness in lovemaking. Take the time to discover one another’s preferences, and be patient as you try different things and learn what works best for the both of you.
** Although there may be a small amount of pain the first time penetration occurs, please be aware that sex is not meant to be a painful experience! If the pain persists, and you find that you cannot relax and enjoy intercourse, consider consulting with your OBGYN.
It’s Messy
This is the part of sex that the movies never tell you about. There is often a little bit of blood after first-time intercourse. Semen is also gloopy and dries sticky and, depending on what birth control you are using, it can make a bit of a mess. Be sure to lay out a towel if you want to be able to sleep in your wedding bed sheets. Packing some disposable wipes in your honeymoon luggage is a good idea. It is also a good idea for women to go to the bathroom and urinate after intercourse to help with cleanliness and prevention of urinary tract infections, and to help keep things clean. But don’t feel like you have to do this immediately. Feel free to cuddle first!
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Also be aware that you or your partner might make weird noises while you’re having sex. Releasing your inhibitions and completely relaxing together may bring on sounds that you didn’t know you could make. This is totally normal, and is all part of the fun. Don’t worry too much about making a silly noise, and if a noise that your partner is making turns you off, or makes you feel uncomfortable, find an appropriate time to kindly talk with them about it (just like you would with any other aspect of your relationship).
It Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect
The goal of your first time is not to end with both of you in simultaneous orgasm. The goal is to express your love for one another, be open with each other, and to explore each other. Don’t feel like your first time having sex together has to be perfect in order for it to be a wonderful and valid experience. Your first time does not determine the health of your future sex life. Be open to helping each other, feeling a little bit vulnerable, and maybe even giggling together as you try something totally new for the both of you. And remember — practice makes perfect!
– After –
Sex is an Ongoing Conversation
The key to having a great sex life is not hot young bods, spontaneity, or forbidden romance — the key is communication and continuing to get to know each other over time (Busby, Carroll, & Leavitt, 2013; Gottman, & Gottman, 2016; Leman, 2008). This is true from your first time making love, all the way through to the end of your life! Don’t ever stop talking with your spouse about your sexual needs and desires. Keep up an honest and open ongoing conversation about what you like or don’t like, how often you’d like to have sex, things you might like to try, whether or not your needs are being met, etc. These needs change over time, and expecting your spouse to read your mind (even after years of being together) is not realistic. Keeping the conversation going will help keep both your emotional and your sexual relationship strong, and will help you to continue to keep the spark alive throughout your marriage.
If you aren’t yet married: Write down hopes and expectations that you have for your wedding night. How would you like things to go?
If you are married: Put into practice the principle that sex is an ongoing conversation. Have fun practicing making love with your spouse, and then talk about it! 🙂
References
Abbott, D., White, J., & Felix, D. (2010). NOT READY FOR SEX: An Endorsement for Adolescent Sexual Abstinence. International Journal of Sociology of the Family,36(2), 159-179. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/23028827
Brotherson, L. M. (2015). And they were not ashamed: Strengthening marriage through sexual fulfillment. Boise, ID: Inspire Book.
Busby, D. M., Carroll, J. S., & Leavitt, C. E. (2013). Sexual wholeness in marriage: An LDS perspective on integrating sexuality and spirituality in our marriages. United States.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2016). The man’s guide to women: Scientifically proven secrets from the “love lab” about what women really want. New York City, NY: Rodale Books.
Leman, K. (2008). Sheet music: Uncovering the secrets of sexual intimacy in marriage. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House.
Nagoski, E. (2021). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
Sandfort, T. G., Orr, M., Hirsch, J. S., & Santelli, J. (2008). Long-term health correlates of timing of sexual debut: results from a national US study. American journal of public health, 98(1), 155–161. doi:10.2105/AJPH.2006.097444
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Summer is here and with that comes a host of fun trips and vacations with the people we love most- family! These travel plans while providing a break from the mundane, can also play a central role in increasing long term familial quality of life and relationship satisfaction.
Experiencing events together as a family facilitates collective memory creation, familial bonding and creates ‘we-relationships’ which form the basis of family identity and culture (Jepson, 2019). Family travel has been found to improve communications, reduce the possibility of divorce, strengthen family bonds, and increase a sense of well-being in persons of all ages (Durko & Petrick, 2013). However, to enjoy these many benefits, a certain degree of preparation is required. Here are three essentials of family travel to help you get the most out of your next trip.
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If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail
The success of your trip is largely determined by your preparation. Planning ahead is crucial and helps avoid unnecessary stress. Whether you are a self-proclaimed “planner” or a “wing-it” kind of person, it’s important to know the basic outline of your travel itinerary and goals. Often one person is left to do most of the planning but this responsibility can and should be shared with other family members to ensure everyone is on the same page and individual needs and expectations are met. Planning together can be a fun way to bond as you create opportunities to make collective memories.
You’re Still You When You Travel
As comically said in a recent SNL skit, “you’re still you when you travel.” I think we often forget that when we travel, we are still the same people, just in a different place. So if you don’t enjoy hiking at home, you likely won’t enjoy it abroad. Similarly, If your family dynamics are strained at home, you can expect them to be strained while you travel as well. Time away from our day to day lives can be rejuvenating and serve as a needed ‘reset’ but unfortunately our problems and worries may very well accompany us on our adventures. Understanding this will help you tailor your travels to your family’s specific situation.
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Disconnect to Connect
My little family and I lived in Europe the last few years and found time and time again that the most meaningful experiences we shared were the ones we never took a picture of or even had our phones with us. We’ve been shocked to visit some of the world’s most beautiful sights and cities only to find a lot of people staring at a screen or seeing life through a lens rather than connecting with those around them. We often spend so much time trying to capture the perfect photo for our instagram feeds that we completely miss out on the lasting benefits of family travel. Of course, taking occasional photos can be a fun way to capture moments to look back on, but if there are no family memories to accompany them, the photos are ultimately worthless. Frequently disconnecting from technology will open the door to family connection and improved communications.
Putting these three family travel essentials in practice will prepare you for a summer filled with family fun and most importantly, strengthen your most valued relationships.
Sit down with your family and review your summer calendar with these essentials in mind!
References
Agate, J. R., Zabriskie, R. B., Agate, S. T., & Poff, R. (2009). Family leisure satisfaction and satisfaction with family life. Journal of Leisure Research, 41(2), 205–223.
Dolnicar, S., Yanamandram, V., & Cliff, K. (2012). The contribution of vacations to quality of life. Annals of Tourism Research, 39(1), 59–83. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.annals.2011.04.015
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Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.
This week, nurture your relationship with Mother Nature by trying out one of the 3 R’s listed above!
