Power Couples

Stuck With Your Spouse? Keeping Love Alive During COVID-19

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Written by Rian Gordon
After you first get married, you go through an adjustment period of learning how to live with your spouse. This can be a really difficult adjustment for many couples as they may discover habits or personality traits in each other that they weren’t aware of, as little things that once seemed cute become more of an annoyance, and as more time together tends to reveal more gaps in “compatibility”. 
Many couples may find themselves experiencing this wearing off of the “honeymoon phase” all over again as they are spending more time together due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Between working from home, missing interactions with other friends, coworkers, and family, trying to balance homeschool and taking care of kids, and the general stress of life during a time of crisis, you may be feeling a little more stuck with your spouse rather than happily married to them. 
So how do you get back to that state of wedded bliss?? Is it even possible right now? While our current circumstances may present some unique challenges, there are a few practices that may help you and your spouse keep your marriage and love strong during this difficult time. 
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Photo from pexels.com

Practice Positivity

In their research on couples, John and Julie Gottman have found that for every negative interaction, happy couples are having five (or more) positive interactions with each other (Gottman, Coan, Carrere, & Swanson, 1998). This ratio particularly applied to when couples were in the middle of working through a conflict, not even regular day-to-day interaction. If these happy couples were having five positive interactions for every one negative interaction during a disagreement, how many more must they be having in the everyday goings-on in their relationship? 
This practice of positivity is not something that may come naturally, but it IS something we can be more intentional about, and therefore improve. Here are two ways you can more actively invite positivity into your marriage:
  • Emotional bids: Turn towards your partner
Sending out an “emotional bid” means making an attempt at connection (Lisita, 2018). Any time our partner sends us an emotional bid, it is an opportunity for us to turn towards them by responding in a way that validates and acknowledges their attempt. According to research by the Gottmans, “happy couples turn towards their partners approximately twenty times more than couples in distress during everyday, non-conflict discussions” (Lisitsa, 2018). Check out this post for more info on emotional bids, and how you can turn towards your spouse.
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Photo from pexels.com
  • Show gratitude and appreciation
Expressing gratitude is an excellent way to strengthen your marriage and increase relationship satisfaction (Gordon, Arnette, & Smith, 2011). While you are practicing social distancing together at home, look for things that you appreciate about your spouse. Are they working hard from home to provide for your family? Are they helping the kids stay focused as they tackle school from home? Do they make the bed, put the baby down for a nap, or brave the grocery store to find food and toilet paper? Focus on the details. Gratitude is something that increases as you focus on it (Bono, 2018), so the more you practice noticing things to be grateful for, the more you will find!

Support Each Other

One unique challenge of this COVID-19 pandemic is that it has merged together the realms of work and home. Couples who may be used to spending work time apart are now having to figure out how to balance work and home life in one single environment. This can be particularly difficult because it gets rid of the automatic boundaries between home and work. When one or both partners work out of the home, it allows them to leave work at work, and have a healthy mental and physical separation between work and home life. Furthermore, it automatically divides many of the work and home roles, particularly for couples where one spouse works outside the home, and one spouse works as a stay-at-home parent. 
Many couples may be struggling to find balance because of these blurred lines, which actually opens up the opportunity for more emotional sharing, empathy, and working towards a more equal partnership. Work together to have open and honest conversations about your needs during this time, and discuss how you can better support and help each other in your various roles and responsibilities. It may also be helpful to consider setting physical boundaries in your home to divide between work and family life. 
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Photo from pexels.com

Remember Conflict is Normal

Conflict is a normal, and even healthy, part of every marriage relationship. When two people with varying backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives come together, they are naturally going to disagree on at least a few things. More time together can also lead to more opportunities for disagreements. If you and your spouse are dealing with a lot of conflict right now, don’t get discouraged by thinking you are doing something terribly wrong. Take comfort in the fact that conflict can lead to growth and a stronger relationship when handled correctly (Tartakovsky, 2018). 
Here are a few things you can do to manage conflict in your relationship:
  • Take responsibility for your emotions
One way you can express taking responsibility for your own feelings is by using something called “I-Statements” (Darrington & Brower, 2012). Try this simple formula: “I feel ___________ when you ____________ because _____________.”
Saying “I feel” expresses ownership over your emotions. When we practice this in our disagreements, it helps us to focus on the problem at hand rather than become defensive and argumentative with our partner (Rogers, 2018).
  • Take time outs
When emotions start to escalate, our thinking brains shut down and it becomes easy for a disagreement to turn into a loud, angry fight (Gowin, 2011). One strategy to help you chill out when you are feeling emotionally flooded is to call a “time out”. Step away from the issue for a little bit, practice some self-soothing techniques, and return to the discussion after you are feeling calmer. 
  • It’s not about “winning” 
Don’t forget that the best way to “fight” in your marriage is to fight for your relationship. Ultimately, it isn’t about winning. Disagreements are about working together to find the best answer for your relationship – solutions that make both of you comfortable. Any time you reach a solution together, you win much more than you would have if you had gotten your way, or “beat” your partner.
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Photo by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash

Still Have Alone Time

Alone time is an important and necessary way for many individuals to re-charge and self-care. Even though you and your spouse may be stuck in the same physical space, make sure you are each taking the time you need to take care of yourselves individually. My favorite ways to do this are by soaking in the bath, practicing yoga or meditation, and reading or writing! For my husband, he loves to unwind by listening to music, drawing, or going for a jog. 

Make Time for Fun

Research has shown that one of the best ways we can keep our marriages strong is by intentionally having fun together (PREP Inc., 2015). With all of this extra time that we may not be used to having with our spouse, this is a great opportunity to get creative and have some fun!
Check out these posts for some ideas that you and your spouse can try for some fun at home:
P.S. Don’t forget about sex! Sex is a great way to incorporate fun and flirtatiousness into your marriage. During this time of high stress, make sure you are setting aside regular time to have fun in the bedroom together. 
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Photo by Eric Froehling on Unsplash

Final Thoughts

While this worldwide pandemic may add extra stress and create unique circumstances in our marriages, the truth is, hard work is always required to keep love alive. If we choose, we can decide to see this time as an opportunity for us to re-focus on our relationships, and to incorporate intentional practices that will help us strengthen our marriages. Practice living right now so that when things return to normal, you will miss having this extra time together! 
Personal Practice 1Read this post with your partner, and together choose one way to intentionally work on your marriage this week.

References

A Prioritized Marriage. (2020, March 28). At Home Date Night Ideas for When You Can’t Leave the House. Retrieved from https://aprioritizedmarriage.com/blog/at-home-date-night-ideas/
Benson, K. (2019, September 11). The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
Bono, T., PhD. (2018). When Likes Aren’t Enough: A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness. New York, NY: Grand Central Life & Style.
Darrington, J., & Brower, N. (2012, April). Effective Communication Skills: “I” Messages and Beyond. Retrieved February 28, 2018, from https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1791&context=extension_curall
Gordon, C. L., Arnette, R. A. M., & Smith, R. E. (2011). Have you thanked your spouse today?: Felt and expressed gratitude among married couples. Personality and Individual Differences, 50(3), 339–343.
Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(1), 5. https://doi.org/10.2307/353438
Gowin, J. (2011, April 6). Under Pressure: Your Brain on Conflict. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-illuminated/201104/under-pressure-your-brain-conflict
Lisitsa, E. (2018, September 12). An Introduction to Emotional Bids and Trust. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotional-bids-and-trust/
Prep Inc.. (2015). PREP 8.0 Leader Guide, Version 1.3. Greenwood Village, CO: Author.
Rogers, S.L. and Others. (2018) I understand you fell that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict. Retrieved March 14, 2019, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/
Tartakovsky, M. (2018, October 8). How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-conflict-can-improve-your-relationship/

 

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Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
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commUNITY

30 Ways to Strengthen your Relationships During COVID-19

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Written by Shirley Anderson
With the global issue of COVID-19, we’ve been given the instruction by our nation’s leaders and world health professionals to practice ‘social distancing’ for an undetermined amount of time. 
With this unique instruction, we may easily become lost in the sudden change of pace that we may overlook and therefore neglect one of our most basic human needs…. social connection. 
As human beings, we truly are hard-wired to connect with one another and for good reason too. “Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems (Canada Mental Health Association).” Research has even shown that a lack of social connection is an even greater detriment to our health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure (House et al., 1988). We need each other! Our physical and mental health depend on it. So while we are practicing social distancing, remember that maintaining social connection is paramount to our health. There are A LOT of ways to continue to build and strengthen our relationships. Here are just 30 ways I came up with. 
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Photo by bewakoof com official on Unsplash

30 Ways to Strengthen your Relationships While Practicing Social Distancing:

  1. Call a friend you’ve lost touch with
  2. Film yourself reading a book and send it to the children in your life
  3. Smile and wave from 6 feet away
  4. Leave anonymous supply items around your neighborhood
  5. Save money for a future outing or extravagant date
  6. Write an inspirational post on social media
  7. Use chalk to write words of encouragement around your neighborhood
  8. Make plans for a future trip
  9. Start a book club and meet via Zoom or Skype
  10. Start a ‘COVID-19 Coping’ text chat with your friends and share ideas of how to make the most of this situation
  11. Email your loved ones 
  12. Send a care package to someone who may be struggling
  13. Deep clean/organize your space so when this quarantine business subsides, you’ll be ready to socialize
  14. Ask your neighbors how they are doing and what you can do to help
  15. Dress up nice and have an indoor date night
  16. Try something new with a loved one – yoga, dancing, a new instrument…etc.
  17. Learn a language you’ve always wanted to so you can make even more connections
  18. Try a new recipe or cook an elaborate meal
  19. Create a game tournament with prizes
  20. Be active (indoor or outdoor)
  21. Call a loved one and tell them a joke
  22. Create a family or couple goal to work towards
  23. Write letters to the elderly people in your life
  24. Pray for your loved ones and their well-being during this difficult time
  25. Practice creativity! Write a musical piece, sketch, paint, knit, sew, build…etc.
  26. Turn up the tunes and have a dance party
  27. Read a book together (to a child or with a loved one)
  28. Camp indoors or in your backyard complete with a campfire and smores’
  29. Send a text and check in on a friend 
  30. Highlight the positive and make daily contact with loved ones through social apps (MarcoPolo, Whatsapp..etc.)
Personal Practice 1Choose a creative way to strengthen your relationships each day this week.

References

Griffiths, R., Horsfall, J., Moore, M., Lane, D., Kroon, V., & Langdon, R. (2007). Assessment of health, well-being and social connections: A survey of women living in Western Sydney. International Journal of Nursing Practice, 13(1), 3–13. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1111/j.1440-172X.2006.00606.x
House, Landis, Umberson (1988). Social Relationships and health Science. Department of Epidemiology, University of Michigan, Ann Harbor. Vol. 241, Issue 4865, pp. 540-545 https://doi.org/10.1126/science.3399889
Kobayashi, K. M., Cloutier-Fisher, D., & Roth, M. (2009). Making meaningful connections: A profile of social isolation and health among older adults in small town and small city, British Columbia. Journal of Aging and Health, 21(2), 374–397. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1177/0898264308329022
Thompson, T., Rodebaugh, T. L., Bessaha, M. L., & Sabbath, E. L. (2020). The association between social isolation and health: An analysis of parent–adolescent dyads from the Family Life, Activity, Sun, Health, and Eating Study. Clinical Social Work Journal, 48(1), 18–24. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s10615-019-00730-2

 

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Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.
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Guest Writers, Love, Me, Mental Notes

Self-Care Debunked: Self-Indulgence is Not Self-Care!

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Written by Rachael Porter
Tension and faint smoke filled the air as my roommates and I hunched over our kitchen table, overwhelmed with homework. Midterms were coming up, and we had been too preoccupied with studying to hear the oven buzz on our chicken nuggets. Abruptly, my roommate slammed her pen onto the table.
“I am too stressed,” she huffed. “I am going outside to cry. I’m setting my alarm, and I’ll be back in three minutes because SELF-CARE.” As I watched her leave and took the burning nuggets from the oven, a thought crossed my mind: “Why would she practice self-care by crying? Isn’t self-care supposed to make people happy?”
Your version of self-care might look similar to mine: a giant bowl of rich chocolate ice cream and a Disney movie night. I have heard my friends use massages, pedicures, and shopping sprees as other examples of self-care. I have also seen my friends shrug and say, “You know, self-care” as they dive into a massive plate of nachos or level up in the latest smartphone video game. 
I have found myself wondering: Is this truly self-care? When did self-care become synonymous with self-indulgence? If self-care is defined as “taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health” (as the Oxford dictionary states) we might re-examine whether our “self-care” choices are leading to better health or whether they might just be an attempt to make ourselves happy right now.
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Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash
While the occasional bowl of ice cream and movie night can be part of a long-term strategy, it’s probably not our best “go-to” if used too often. Rather, self-care should stem from making choices relevant to long-term health and happiness, not simply short-term gratification. 
Especially when stressed, we need to feed our body with sleep, fuel, and fulfillment, even if our immediate emotional response to a rough day is to forget all healthy practices in exchange for yummy treats and lazy pastimes. Chances are that mindless screen-scrolling, spending money, or indulging on junk food won’t quite do the trick in terms of replenishing our bodies or building our health. In fact, a Harvard study shows that regular physical activity and a healthy diet are factors that help add more than 10 years to your life (Li et al., 2018)! 
Here are some simple ideas to cope with stressful situations that are healthier for the body and mind.
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Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Care for Your Body

The way you care for your body will have direct effects on your health and happiness. Here are a few ideas of practices you might try to better care for yourself physically. 
Watch what you eat. Although there is no single dietary pattern that will benefit everyone, our bodies do react to what we put inside them. Sugar can increase our energy levels but it burns out fast, which won’t be helpful if you’re looking ahead at a long day. Feeling stress during the day can drain your energy levels. 
If you feel low on energy, you might want to add more nutritious fruits and veggies to your diet to stay full and fueled. Try buying a few fruits vegetables at the store, cut or divide them up, and distribute them into bags or containers that are perfect for grabbing at a moment’s notice. Experiment with healthy food options and recipes. Prepare a few healthy snack options. Listen to your body react to the food you put inside it and adjust accordingly. 
Engage in exercise. You’ve blocked out time in your schedule for physical activity but find yourself dreading it and make excuses to skip it. We know that exercise can improve strength, sleep, and mood. It decreases weight and lowers the risk of various diseases. However, exercise can be a mentally challenging task, especially on the days when we are stressed out. So, find ways to make exercise a natural part of your routine can actually relieve that stress as you accomplish a healthy goal. 
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Photo by Kike Vega on Unsplash
For example, try doing your favorite exercise first. Research shows that if you begin workouts with your favorite exercises, you will look forward to working out and have a better overall experience (Ruby, Dunn, Perrino, Gillis, & Viel, 2011). Experiment with different exercises. Listen to your body and figure out which exercises you love. Then, plan out a routine that allows for low-energy routines for when you are stressed–plan on a good workout for when you have a little more mental and physical energy. 
Stress Relief. You’ve had a hard day, come home from work with some frustrations that really can’t be resolved until tomorrow, but you know you need a little self-care and you do have an hour. Maybe begin by checking in with your body—what hurts? Tense shoulder muscles? Tired feet? Give them a little love. You might try a 10-minute yoga routine when you feel stiff, a stroll around the block to stretch your legs, or engage in a few prolonged toe touches when your backaches. Try soaking your feet in alternating hot and cold water or getting a foot massage to increase blood flow and reduce tension. 

Care for Your Mind

Your brain is the powerhouse of the body and can greatly affect your health and happiness. Here are a few tips to care for your mind and add a little calm to your day.
Nap time! Did you know that napping is good for your brain? An Oxford study tested students’ memory after napping, cramming, or taking a mental break (Cousins, Wong, Raghunath, Look, & Chee, 2018). Students who took a complete mental break did not improve their memory for test materials at all. Students who took a nap or crammed for the test remembered a lot more, but a week later, only those who napped still remembered any of the material! Try setting aside some time to wind down and take a few 10-minute naps this week to assess how it affects your body. 
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Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash
Inhale, exhale. If you don’t have time for a nap, at least try some deep breathing. Using deep breathing techniques improves the ability to manage stress in daily life (Perciavalle et al., 2016). Maybe try practicing mindfulness (Teper, Segal, & Inzlicht, 2013). Turn your attention inward until you become aware of your feelings, including negative ones. Next, accept those feelings as they are, even if they hurt. People who practice mindfulness feel more in control because they are aware of what is going on internally and they decide to be okay with that. Try practicing mindfulness and note how it affects your feelings of calm and control.
Cry me a river. Although I originally assumed that my roommate’s bout of tears was crazy, I learned later that she might actually be onto something. According to one investigation, both males and females generally experience a better mood after crying, especially if that crying is done in private (Becht, & Vingerhoets, 2002). Crying in private helps criers avoid self-consciousness or judgment from others and allows them to be authentic and let it out! Next time you feel your eyeballs welling up, try telling yourself that it is okay to cry once in a while. Find a space to be alone, let it leak, and see how the crying makes you feel. 
Your body and your mind are incredible tools that serve your needs every day. Do yourself a favor and take care of them! Avoid ‘self-care’ practices that are empty of benefits. Instead, find the practices that will replenish your body and mind. Today, pick out a few habits that you can begin so that tomorrow (and every day after) your body and mind will thank you.
Personal Practice 1Identify a form of self-care that nourishes, restores, and connects you, and implement that practice into your week.

References

Becht, M. C., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2002). Crying and Mood Change: a Cross-Cultural Study. Cognition and
Emotion, 16(1), 87-101.
Cousins, J. N., Wong, K. F., Raghunath, B. L., Look, C., & Chee, M. W. L. (2018, October 29). The long-term memory benefits of a daytime nap compared with cramming. Sleep, 42(1), https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsy207
Li, Y., Pan, A., Wang, D. D., Liu, X., Dhana, K., Franco, O. H., Kaptoge, S., Angelantonio, E. D., Stampfer, M., Willett, W. C., Hu, F. B. (2018, April 30). Impact of healthy lifestyle factors on life expectancies in the US population. Circulation, 138(4).
Perciavalle, V., Blandini, M., Fecarotta, P., Buscemi, A., Corrado, D. D., Bertolo, L., Fichera, F., & Coco, M. (2016, Dec 19). The role of deep breathing on stress. Neurological Science, 38(3), 451-458. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10072-016-2790-8
Ruby, M. B., Dunn, E. W., Perrino, A., Gillis, R., & Viel, S. (2011). The invisible benefits of exercise. Health Psychology, 30(1), 67-74. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021859.
Teper, R., Segal, Z. V., & Inzlicht, M. (2013). How mindfulness enhances emotion regulation through improvements in executive control. Current Directions in Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721413495869

 

IMG_20200315_142213 (1)Rachael Porter is from Saratoga Springs, Utah. Rachael is currently a Family Life major with a minor in gerontology at BYU. She is the oldest of four kids and is married to her best friend Matt. She works as a TA for online family life classes at BYU. Rachael looks forward to graduating in December 2020 and having children afterward. She enjoys ice cream, traveling, friends, hiking, camping, plants, and movie nights.

 

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Love, Me, Mental Notes

8 Ways to Keep Your Mental Health In Check During a Crisis

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Written by Anasteece Smith

1. Routine

Most of us have had disruptions occur in our normal every day or even weekly routines. You or your partner or even both may be working from home now, your kids may have had school canceled and you may not be able to do your regular grocery shopping because all the toilet paper or pasta is gone. #whydoyouneed5cases These changes to routines can be hard. Do the best that you can to stick to the routines that you had before they were interrupted. For example, if you get up in the morning and meditate keep doing that. Keeping the routines that we had can help ease the anxiety about what’s going on around us. While you probably can’t do your usual routine exactly the way you used to, practice flexibility, make adjustments, and if you have kids, help them adjust to changes in their everyday routines (Roe, 2020).

2. Feel and Validate

There’s a lot of emotions that come up during times of crisis and every person will experience different emotions. Don’t get me wrong, this can be frustrating because some people are so calm and collected while others are in full panic-mode #imapanicker. It’s okay to feel however you are feeling. We are all going to have to process and deal with the emotions that we are experiencing. It’s important that no matter what emotions you have, that they are validated. LCSW, Tiffany Roe suggests taking some time each day to write down how you are feeling whether it’s on an app or with paper and pencil. Then once you finish writing, tell yourself, “it’s okay how I am feeling,” and then move on to other things (Roe, 2020).
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Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash

3. Set Boundaries for Your Current Events Media Exposure

This is one that I personally struggle with, especially as a news junkie, but it’s taking a toll. The reality is, we need to put boundaries around what media we are consuming right now. There’s a lot of news outlets and sources that are spreading misinformation. Stick to reliable sources for news and updates about what is going on. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is one of the best and most accurate sources for news updates about what is going on. They will also have some of the most reliable information with which to educate yourself.  If you feel the need beyond the CDC to stay up to date about what’s going on, choose one news outlet and set a limit for how much time you spend watching or listening. It’s exhausting to see the news playing constantly and it takes an emotional toll, so please do your best to limit your media exposure. #keepcalmandturnoffthenews

4. Get Moving

Our bodies love to move! We’re designed to move and enjoy the movement that comes from our bodies. When you exercise, your brain releases chemicals like endorphins to help boost your mood and cope with the stress you’re experiencing. Plus, exercising helps increase circulation in your body and contributes to better overall health leading to a stronger immune system #nottodaycornonavirus (Harvard Health Publishing, 2014).
While you may not be able to go to the gym or your regular exercise classes, there are plenty of ways to get active at home. Turn on your favorite song and dance in your kitchen, get the whole family or your roommates involved and have a dance party. Hop onto YouTube and check out some free workout videos that you can do without the typical gym equipment. Dust off those video games that are active like Just Dance or Outdoor Adventure. If you have a yard, break out that Bocce ball set or even the baseball for some catch.
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Photo by Youssef Naddam on Unsplash

5. Social Support

While you may be asked to socially distance ourselves from others, that doesn’t mean we need to cut ourselves off from social support. In fact, we need the social support more than ever. We are all going through this together and we all are dealing with emotions that can be hard to bear on our own. Check-in with your loved ones and those in your community. Technology has made this so easy. We can send a text or message through social media platforms, make a phone call or spend some time talking on FaceTime. Or, you could really venture outside the box by getting out the stationery to write some letters. It’s vital for mental health that we have social support even if it’s not in person. So don’t be afraid to reach out a little more, find someone with whom you can regularly check in to see how the other is doing. #introvertshavebeenpreparingforthiskindofsocializing

6. Use Social Media Intentionally

Social media is a great tool to help us connect to other people but it can also expose us to more news and information than we care to be exposed to right now.  Rather than cutting yourself off from social media altogether, use your social media more intentionally. Share things on your feed that are positive and uplifting amidst the uncertainty. Share your favorite positive accounts to follow, and unfollow those who are toxic or just too much for you. A positive message can go a long way.  Limit your social media time to what works for you individually. #dontcutitoffuseitbetter
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Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

7. Do something on your want-to-do list

What’s something that you’ve been wanting to do but just haven’t had the time for? Maybe it’s starting on your To-Read pile or binge-watching a show on Netflix or Disney+. Maybe it’s breaking out the quilting supplies or doing that yard work. Maybe it’s taking a bubble bath. Doing something on your want-to-do list can ultimately be a form of self-care. It shows that you are prioritizing your own needs and desires, and can help you relieve stress. Doing even just one of those things will help your mental health because you will have gotten to do something that you wanted to do rather than only what you have to do. #streamingservicesandtoiletpapermanufacturersmayruletheworld

 8. Humor

If you haven’t noticed I’ve used random humorous hashtags throughout this post because humor is a great way to cope. Humor and laughing make serious situations feel a little less daunting and anxiety-provoking. \Watch a funny movie, find your favorite comedian and watch their routines, make jokes, post your favorite memes and comedy to social media. Humor is a great way to bring people together and to brighten someone’s day. #whatshumor #laugh
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Photo from pexels.com

Other notes:

If you are still struggling to maintain your mental health, please seek out help. NAMI has provided a list of places that individuals can reach out to from home. Many therapists and counselors are doing online therapy to help people with their anxiety. You are never alone and there is help. We can get through this and there is hope! #wegotthis 
Additionally, check out this link here for a list of mental health concerns and ways to cope with them. I have used this list and so have my family members, and it makes a difference – especially if you can’t afford therapy at this time. 
Personal Practice 1Choose one of the items listed in this post to implement into your quarantine routine! 🙂

References

Coping with a Disaster or Traumatic Event. (2019, September 13). Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://emergency.cdc.gov/coping/selfcare.asp
Harvard Health Publishing. (2014, September). How to boost your immune system. Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/how-to-boost-your-immune-system
Looking After Yourself. (n.d.). Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself
NAMI CVID-19 (Coronavirus) Information and Resources. (2020, March). Retrieved March 14, 2020, from https://www.nami.org/getattachment/About-NAMI/NAMI-News/2020/NAMI-Updates-on-the-Coronavirus/HelpLine-Coronavirus-Planning.pdf?lang=en-US
Roe, T, (2020, March 13), Fear, panic, anxiety and disease. Podcast Therapy Thoughts. Retrieved from https://anchor.fm/therapythoughts/episodes/Episode-29-Fear–panic–anxiety-and-disease-ebgcec

 

 

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Anasteece Smith is a Utah native who is now living it up as a Texas girl. She is the oldest of seven children and married her sweetheart in 2018 who happened to have her same last name. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life. In her free time, Anasteece likes to read, paint, swim, hike, camp, hammock, and do graphic design. She is passionate about mental health, healthy sexuality, family resilience, feminism, religion, and research on shame, vulnerability, and perfectionism.
 
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Love, Me, Mental Notes

Becoming More Intentional About Daily Happiness

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Written by Allie Barnes
Think of a great day you’ve had recently. What activities and tasks did you do that day? What made it great? Why did you enjoy your day, or feel fulfilled?
I did this exercise a couple years back and was surprised to find I could narrow my very good day down to three factors:
Creativity, Connection, and Movement.
I remember going for a run that morning. Later, in the middle of running errands, I had the thought to check in on a friend at work. We had a great conversation during her lunch break. Later in the day, I spent time on a creative project. By the time I was in bed that night, I felt fulfilled, satisfied, and whole. I had filled my cup.
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Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
While I encourage you to find your own components of a great day, I want to share more about mine–specifically tying them to research already found in articles on the Healthy Humans Project website. As you browse the articles that stand out to you, I encourage you to look at the “Related Articles” at the bottom of each page. As you start defining your own components of a great day, I encourage you to search for those topics on the sidebar. We have so many great resources here, and this is how I’m learning more about the things that I love!

Creativity

Creativity can mean a number of things–from singing in the car to writing in your journal to doodling, learning calligraphy, playing guitar, and more. I’ve always been creative, but as I’ve gotten out of the habit, I’ve had to be more intentional about making time to create. Right now, that looks like playing guitar on Sunday nights before bed. I also attended my first Paint Night recently, which destroyed my long-time limiting belief that I couldn’t paint! From the time I was a little, creativity has brought me so much joy. Research also shows that creativity can help manage stress, decrease symptoms of depression, and help individuals manage chronic illness, among obviously countless other benefits. A particular study a few years back examined the “relationships between creative activity, affect, and flourishing.” Researchers asked participants to keep a 13-day journal where they recorded their creativity throughout the day, how they were feeling at the end of the day, and if they felt like they were “flourishing.” Results showed that on days they practiced creativity, participants felt more “enthusiastic” and “energized.” Those results don’t surprise me at all.
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Photo from Unsplash
For me, it’s well worth the time and effort to keep creativity in my life.
Here are some articles on Healthy Human Project that talk about the value of creativity in our lives:
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish! Why We All Need to Renew, Refresh and Refuel, by Reva Cook
Self-Care for Busy Humans, by Rian Gordon
Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist, by Aubrey Hartshorn
The Antidote to Loneliness, by Mariah Ramage (this article also ties to my next factor…)

Connection

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash
I recently moved to a new town and for the first time, knew no one around me. Despite chatting with friends from back home on the Marco Polo app every day, I still didn’t have anyone beside me, in person, supporting me through this hard transition. At one point, I realized it had been a week since I had hugged anyone, or had any physical contact–and physical contact is SO good for us. It took weeks until I finally started to connect with people in my new town–I just needed to find that right person to reach out to for help.
Healthy Humans Project is FILLED with wisdom on finding and strengthening our relationships, both platonic and intimate. Here are just a few articles about the power of connecting with others:
CommUNITY – Why It Matters, by Aubrey-Dawn Palmer
Top 5 Communication Skills for Forming Healthy Relationships, by McKay Strong
Afraid to Connect, by Dray Salcido
Utilizing a Support System is NOT a Sign of Weakness, by Aubrey-Dawn Palmer
Our Human Need for Physical Touch, by Elisabeth Gray

Movement

Exercising has saved my life, both by temporarily and regularly increasing endorphins in my brain, but also by giving me purpose–I have to be committed if I’m going to wake up for early morning runs with friends, or train for and complete races. In the article “For Depression and Anxiety, Running Is a Unique Therapy” on the Runner’s World website, additional benefits of being physically active are highlighted. They include creating momentum and physical energy, providing space to process thoughts and clear brain fog, and increasing the production of beneficial chemicals in the brain. Here are some articles on Healthy Humans Project that highlight the benefits of movement and spending time outside:
“I Can Learn To Swim” And Other Truths the Growth Mindset Taught Me, by Allie Barnes
Go Outside: Your Mental Health Depends On It, by Aubrey-Dawn Palmer
Three Essentials of Family Travel, by Shirley Anderson
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Photo by Dane Wetton on Unsplash
The things that fill my cup may not be the things that fill your cup, but I hope my insights help you consider your own! Life is hard–and for every article about joy I’ve shared, I can share a billion more about grief, resiliency, and more. But it’s worth finding that joy in the everyday, and holding onto it. What are you going to do today to feel joy?
Personal Practice 1Find out what your favorite days are comprised of, and start doing more of those things every day. Be intentional about your happiness.
Bonus: Browse through Healthy Humans Project to learn more about the things that matter to you, the healthy habits you want to develop, and the topics you want to learn more about.

References

Conner, T. S., DeYoung, C. G., & Silvia, P. J. (2016). “Everyday creative activity as a path to flourishing.” The Journal of Positive Psychology, 13(2), as cited in Gregoire, C. (2016 December 2). Why Finding Time Each Day For Creativity Makes You Happier. Huffpost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/creativity-happiness psychology_n_58419e0ce4b0c68e0480689a
Douglas, S. (2019 May 2). For Depression and Anxiety, Running Is a Unique Therapy. Runner’s World. https://www.runnersworld.com/health-injuries/a18807336/running-anxiety-depression/
Hopper, E. (2015 September 30). The Link Between Creativity and Happiness. HealthyPsych. https://healthypsych.com/the-link-between-creativity-and-happiness/
Manning-Schaffel, V. (2018 October 25). The Health Benefits of Hugging. NBC Better. https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/health-benefits-hugging-ncna920751

 

 

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Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
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