If your goal is happiness, you may be doing life wrong.
Of course we all want to be happy. We want our lives and the lives of our loved ones to be filled with happiness. But is that really the goal? Can we ever “achieve” happiness? A plethora of research says, “no”.
Because there is so much more to life than being happy.
Happiness cannot be a viable goal, because it is a fleeting emotion. Emotions don’t last. They come and go. In a recent study, researchers asked one group of participants to prioritize happiness, and another group to prioritize meaning. They evaluated the participants over a period of 12 months. The researchers found that in general the participants focusing on happiness were not happier. They had not met their goal. However, those who had sought meaning reported higher levels of satisfaction, resilience, and hope. Another study on meaning demonstrated that those who reported having highly meaningful lives were more resilient, had better academic and vocational performance, and greater longevity.
Martin Seligman is at the forefront of developing and researching positive psychology. He has discovered that happiness has very little to do with our circumstances. For example, people who win the lottery only experience increased happiness for about 3 months before returning back to their original degree of happiness. And after an average of 6 months of misery, paraplegics report the same degree of happiness as they experienced when they had all of their limbs. Happiness is not about circumstance. And because it is an emotion, it will come and go.
Creating meaning, on the other hand, is a viable and powerful goal, and happiness can actually be a byproduct of creating meaning. Many people talk about finding meaning, but I don’t like that idea because it removes personal ownership. My responsibility isn’t to find meaning and purpose, but to create it. I am the author of my own story. More than that, finding sounds like a happy accident. Creating illustrates that this is work. And it is. Creating a meaningful life is real, hard work.
Photo from pexels.com
In 2011, I was told that I would have to have several major hip surgeries which would end my career as a contemporary dancer. I reacted to the change in circumstances with bitterness and anger. It took two years for me to be back on my feet and reasonably functioning.
On top of that was the loss of a dear friend, and some severe crises within my family. I was a bitter, broken, traumatized shell of a human with no direction and no sense of belonging, and I was so angry because of it.
Eventually I pulled together and began taking my own growth seriously. I studied and read everything I could find. I began seeing a therapist, and then I began volunteering in my community and things really started to look up. I also began building relationships around me, and their connection and support was invaluable. Many of these people literally saved my life, and more importantly, my sense of being. I have developed a great life that I absolutely love. Because life doesn’t have to be perfect to be ideal.
Photo by Aubrey Dawn-Palmer
How do we create meaning? Well, that’s another topic, which I will cover next week. For now, let me say, Meaning is deeper than happiness. According to Martin Seligman, “meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and developing the best within you.”
Life isn’t about being happy. We all have crises and challenges. Happiness will come and go. But developing a strong sense of meaning helps us thrive within the pain. It connects us to the world in a remarkable way. It gives us direction, gratitude, and I would even say, a sense of awe. Mostly, creating meaning helps us treasure the things that matter most.
Spend the next week examining your life goals and perspective. Are you more concerned about being happy or creating meaning? Identify at least one way to increase meaning in your life this week and work on changing your perspective from “When ____ happens, I’ll be happy” to “How can this make my life more meaningful?” The next article will specifically address ways to increase meaning in your life, but brainstorming ahead of time will really help you personalize it.
References
Barron, C., PhD, & Barron, A., MD. (2012). The creativity cure: A do-it-yourself guide to happiness. New York: Scribner.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
