I sat in a church pew next to my husband. A familiar hymn played in the background, and I heard my husband’s sweet tenor voice join the rest of the congregation. I was overcome with a sense of gratitude that we shared the same faith. We grew up singing the same sacred songs and reading the same sacred scriptures. Sharing the same faith-based practices and background helps us to connect on a deeper level and build a stronger relationship.
When couples engage in faith-based practices together, positive results tend to emerge. According to W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, “Religion generally fosters more happiness, greater stability, and a deeper sense of meaning in American family life, provided that family members – especially spouses – share a common faith” (Wilcox, 2017).
Faith-based practices like praying as a couple and attending church are not only beneficial to one’s personal spirituality, but they may also lead to a stronger foundation with your partner. This stronger foundation can fortify marriage against life’s inevitable storms, providing additional resources to overcome challenges together.
Praying Together
While there are many benefits associated with individual prayer, there are also benefits that come from praying with your partner. According to a studyconducted by the American Psychological Association, partner-focused petitionary prayer is often associated with increased commitment in romantic relationships (Fincham, 2013). Praying together tends to help couples feel bonded on a spiritual level and can help each partner be more dedicated to making the marriage flourish.
Praying with or for your partner is associated with higher levels of selfless love, which leads to a greater willingness to forgive (Lambert et al., 2009). In turn, a greater willingness to forgive can help marital disputes to be resolved more quickly. In a studyconducted by Florida State University, researchers developed a series of three studies examining how prayer and relational trust were correlated (Lambert et al., 2011). The study found that praying with and for a partner was related to higher levels of trust and unity within the relationship. It has also been shown that praying with a partner can lead to decreased likelihood of infidelity and greater levels of relationship satisfaction (Partrick, 2017). Couples who pray together, it seems, are in fact better equipped to stay together.
The same might be said about attending church. Researchconducted by W. Bradford Wilcox examined the role of couples’ church attendance and its effects on overall marital satisfaction (Wilcox, 2017). The results showed that couples are more likely to report higher levels of marital happiness when both partners are attending church compared to couples where neither partner attends church. This trend can be seen across several racial demographics including black, white, and Latino couples.
One of the benefits of attending church together is that it allows couples to engage in a shared spiritual experience. The shared experience of going to church with my husband continuously helps us to strengthen the spiritual aspect of our relationship together. Not only do we engage in religious practice as a couple, we also engage with other members of our religious community. Research suggests that “couples who attend church together enjoy significantly happier relationships . . . because they socialize with friends who share their faith and especially because they pray with one another” (Wilcox, 2017). Friends and members of the faith community can also act as a support for the couple when they face challenges in life or in their marriage. This extended support system may increase happiness within marriage and be another positive outcome of attending church together.
While we may value having religious texts within our home, we may not readily recognize the marital benefits of reading religious texts with our spouse. According to the American Families of Faith project, which researched the role that religion played in the lives of individuals, couples, and families, many couples of various religions rely on religious texts as if they were “self-help” books (Marks & Dollahite, 2016). This can be beneficial when we, along with our spouse, seek answers to the challenges we face on a regular basis. We may experience added comfort and assistance, especially when faced with conflicts.
When we experience conflicts within our marriages, we can turn to our faith practices in order to find comfort. According to a studyconcerning spiritual intimacy, “[G]reater spiritual intimacy offers couples a spiritual resource to motivate them to remain kind and resist the urge to ‘go negative’ when they discuss their core conflicts” (Briggs, 2014). The religious aspect of marriages can have tremendous power to provide a broader perspective when conflicts arise, possibly allowing the disagreement to come to a resolution sooner.
Continuing to develop a spiritual foundation has also been shown to increase feelings of calm and hopefulness which may help each partner be more optimistic, altruistic, and forgiving. Participating in shared religiosity provides us with more resources from which we can draw upon (Briggs, 2014). For example, a couple may pause a fight in order to pray together which could have a significant influence on how the argument is resolved and how the couple feels about each other after the issue is solved (Dallas, 2017). Ultimately, a shared religious foundation has the potential to help marriages endure the challenges of life.
Although we can all find areas to improve upon within the spiritual aspects of our lives, it is important to notice the fruits of our religion-focused labors. As we continually build upon a spiritual foundation with our spouses, we can feel a sense of hopefulness as we take a step back and recognize the tremendous blessings that come into our marriages as we engage in faith-based practices.
Choose a faith-based practice to focus on with your partner this week. Make it a priority together.
Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R., (2013). I say a little prayer for you: Praying for partner increases commitment in romantic relationships. Journal of Family Psychology,28(5), 587-593.https://doi.org/10.1037/a0034999
Lambert, N. M., Fincham, F. D., LaValee, D. C., & Brantley, C. W., (2011). Praying together and staying together: Couple prayer and trust. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 4(1), 1-9. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023060
Lambert N. M., Fincham F. D., Stillman T. F., Graham S. M., & Beach S. R., (2009). Motivating change in relationships: Can prayer increase forgiveness? Psychological Science, 21(1), 126-32. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797609355634
Sarah Watt graduates from Brigham Young University this year with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies. She also has an associate degree in paralegal studies from the University of Alaska Fairbanks and plans to start law school next year. She was born and raised in Alaska but loves the warm and sunny weather of Utah. She married her best friend, Jace, last year and they love hiking, camping, and adventuring together.
Choose a faith-based practice to focus on with your partner this week. Make it a priority together.
Sarah Watt graduates from Brigham Young University this year with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies. She also has an associate degree in paralegal studies from the University of Alaska Fairbanks and plans to start law school next year. She was born and raised in Alaska but loves the warm and sunny weather of Utah. She married her best friend, Jace, last year and they love hiking, camping, and adventuring together.
