Let’s be honest, dating is HARD. And sometimes it can really stink! Navigating the dating pool in a world where expectations can be unrealistically high (have you SEEN those girls on the cover of Fashion magazine?), and where we are so much more used to communicating with an instant message than we are in person is intimidating and frustrating. However, there are some things that we can do to really improve our dating experiences, and that can help us in our journey towards creating and maintaining healthy romantic relationships. Here are just a few:
1. Be courteous
When you are looking to ask someone out, take into consideration the preferences of the person that you are interested in. How would they like you to ask them out? (Do they want a phone call, would they like to be asked in person, would a text be okay, etc.? Click here for a fun article that goes through the pros and cons of making a phone call vs. texting.) What is their schedule like? What kind of date do they have time for? If you aren’t sure what the answer would be, ASK. Don’t feel like you have to over-analyze, but it helps to make a great impression when you have thought ahead about these things.
If you are the one being asked out, be sure to always be courteous in the way that you accept or turn down a date. It takes a lot of guts for someone to put themselves out there, so keep that in mind when you respond. Remember that “good things take time” (see our video “6 Aspects of a Healthy Relationship”), and you have to give someone a chance in order for something good to develop between you.
Photo by Tibor Pápai on Unsplash
2. Be yourself
Authenticity is key! When we go on a date, we often worry that being ourselves will lead to some sort of rejection. “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I say something stupid?” “What if they don’t laugh at my jokes?” These are very valid fears, but think about it: the point of dating is to form meaningful relationships, and you are not going to want to have to pretend to be someone else for the rest of your life! Honesty is the best policy when it comes to getting to know someone on a date. Of course put your best foot forward, but don’t feel like you have to put on a show. If your date doesn’t wind up being interested, that’s okay! There will be someone else who appreciates you for who you are, and who will be more worth your time and energy.
P.S. This is how I knew that I wanted to marry my husband. I always felt safe to be myself around him, and because of that, I knew that he was interested in ME — not just someone that I was pretending to be. Being authentic is how the good stuff happens, people! Don’t sell yourself short by trying to be who you think someone wants you to be.
Put some thought into your date activity beforehand, particularly if it’s a first date. Planning ahead really shows when it comes to taking someone out. It lets your date know that you care enough to think ahead, and to put some effort into helping them have a good time. On that note, think of something fun to do that your date would enjoy! You might be tempted to choose something that helps you feel the most comfortable, but when you focus on helping your date feel in their element, it puts them more at ease, helps them have more fun, and will help you make a great impression. Click herefor some fun and inexpensive date ideas that are guaranteed to impress.
One more suggestion for making the date more fun and comfortable — put the phones away. We are so used to using our phones as a shield and pulling them out when we aren’t sure what to say or when we aren’t feeling a spark, but this can really sabotage our ability to connect at a more authentic level! Turning off your phone (or at least keeping it tucked away in your purse) shows your date that you are 100% present and that you care about what they have to offer you.
4. Be kind
Kindness is always the best policy, especially in a situation like a date where both of you are putting yourselves out there and feeling more vulnerable. Always be kind no matter what, but ESPECIALLY when you aren’t interested in taking the relationship any further. Rejection is tough — don’t make it tougher by being insensitive about it. Always be sure to thank your date for their time, and be honest in the way that you feel. Remember, avoiding the truth just to spare someone’s feelings is NOT being kind.
Following these four “Be’s” won’t guarantee that you’ll have guys or girls falling at your feet waiting for you to ask them out, but it can help you to have a more enjoyable and successful dating experience. Take responsibility for your own dating, and choose to be kind, creative, courteous, and your authentic self! For one bonus “Be”, remember to BE PATIENT. It takes time and effort to build successful relationships — even dating ones. If things don’t work out right away, keep trying. You are worth it.
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
