At the beginning of 2017, I finally walked away from a chaotic on-again off-again relationship that had left me living in trauma for those past three years. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. It was a long time coming, but it was still so difficult, and so painful. One of the things that actually brought me a good laugh was when close friends of mine offered to prank my ex, or mess with him in whatever way— even though I knew I’d never take them up on the offers. It was comforting to know that I had friends who had my back in that way, and who knew how to give me a good laugh. It was also a bit awesome to imagine my ex spending days trying to figure out, for example, why his car smelled like a rotting fish! (Again, I never did any of the recommended pranks, but I still think of that particular recommendation with a laugh!)
I chose to approach the breakup—and my trauma recovery—with firm boundaries and with kindness, and I truly believe that this is how I was able to heal and find personal resolution and forgiveness toward my ex.
Boundaries
When we finally parted ways, I set a boundary of ZERO communication with my ex. This was hard—he had been my best friend for years and someone I still connected with in a lot of ways—but because of both his past patterns and my own, I knew that ZERO contact was the only way for me to move forward.
Boundaries will definitely look different for individuals actively in relationships—both romantic and platonic. Each person’s individual boundaries reflect their needs and values. I love how psychologist and researcher Brené Brown defines boundaries: “Boundaries are a clear understanding of what is okay for you and what is not okay for you.” She continues (and this ties into my next point), “There is no way that you can be deeply compassionate towards somebody if they are violating your boundaries at the same time.”
Photo from pexels.com
Boundaries can be anything from a parent enforcing a bedtime, to a young adult maintaining work hours even if a social event conflicts with those hours. In a romantic relationship, boundaries could be anything from requesting a few minutes to decompress after work, to not performing certain sexual acts. Boundaries can be emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, or sexual. Of boundaries, author Melody Beattie elaborates, “We need to be able to be honest and direct in our relationships. One area we can be honest and direct about is the parameters of our relationships. …We can tell [a] person what to reasonably expect from us, because that is what we want to give. How the person deals with that is his or her issue. Whether or not we tell the person is ours.”
My boundaries with the people around me are constantly evolving as I learn more about myself and my own needs. In that moment with my ex, my immediate need was no contact at all for the foreseeable future. That gave me the space to not only move forward, but to begin to heal.
“Information is a powerful tool,” Beattie states, “and having the information about what a particular relationship is—the boundaries and definitions of it—will empower us to take care of ourselves in it.”
Choosing Kindness
“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
-Brene Brown
Toward the end of that relationship, as things were falling apart and trauma was building up, I remember driving through the mountains of Utah listening to a woman named Nicole share her story on the LifeBeats Project podcast. Nicole’s husband of nearly a decade had first asked for a divorce, which was painful enough alone, but later also admitted infidelity. Nicole then shared of her immediate decision to choose to be kind instead of cruel toward him. The whole interview was so, so good, and I highly recommend you listen to it! But the point is, it resonated with me. Nicole gave words to some of the feelings I had been experiencing. I felt pain and grief, but I could still choose kindness.
Photo from pexels.com
I chose to be kind to my ex, but this does not mean that I was always perfect at it. I still felt hurt, and I felt frustrated as I experienced lingering trauma and triggers. I’m sure I badmouthed him too many times to friends of mine, and I do feel sorry about that (live and learn). But when a negative feeling came, I always aimed to redirect it to a neutral feeling—and eventually those neutral feelings became positive feelings.
Above everything else, I know that I never stopped caring about him. That care and seeking for kind thoughts and feelings eventually led me to peace.
Eventual Forgiveness
In time, the triggers and trauma from that relationship decreased. Life continued on. Thoughts of my ex caused less pain than before, and gradually I found peace with the situation. I remember the day I saw him drive by me as I sat in my car at a red light, and I felt no trigger, stress, or fear. I merely laughed. I finally, finally found the forgiveness and peace that I had been seeking.
Part of this healing came from simply living my life and seeking new experiences, including growing through new relationships. But I believe a big part of that forgiveness came from those base choices that I made from the beginning— to set and maintain my personal boundaries, and to consciously choose kindness. Forgiveness didn’t come overnight, but it came, and with it came the peace I had been craving for years.
Option 1: Identify a need you feel in your life— whether your need is being met or not. Create a boundary to help ensure this need is met. Share your need and boundary with someone close to you, ideally someone involved in helping you meet that need. (Example: You recognize that checking your work email in the mornings upon waking stresses you out, so you set a boundary to not open your email until you get into the office. You share this with your boss or a co-worker).
Option 2: When a negative thought toward someone comes into your mind, notice it, and consciously let it go. Perhaps think of a positive aspect to that individual, or ponder a way to give that person the benefit of the doubt. Consider writing these thought processes down.
References
Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency. “August 20: Honesty in Relationships,” 232-233. Hazelden Publishing.
Brown, B. (2015). Rising strong. New York: Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House.
Johnson, B. (2007, February 14). Learning that kindness is a strength and not a weakness, especially when you are hurt by others | with Nicole Hudson of Bot Communications. [Audio Podcast]. Retrieved from https://www.thelifebeatsproject.com/nicole
Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
A first century Roman satirist once stated that couples should “give up all hope of peace as long as your mother-in-law is still alive” (Shih, 2015). Believe it or not, negative stereotypes and degrading jokes about mothers-in-law have been around since the dawn of time. Contrary to prevailing societal norms, our relationship with our mother-in-law can be amicable and even enjoyable when grounded in mutual love and respect. Below are 4 simple ways to help you jump-start this fruitful relationship.
#1 Have an Attitude of Gratitude
When was the last time you genuinely thanked your mother-in-law? Did you thank her for remembering your birthday, calling to check-in, or for striving to be involved in your family’s life? If it proves difficult to find things you’re grateful for, remember that she raised, loved, and shaped your companion into the person he/she is today- the person you chose to spend your life with! Many of the talents and attributes you love in your spouse may be directly attributed to her. Being grateful is an important habit to utilize when a relationship is strained. Expressing gratitude often will help you maintain a favorable perspective of your mother-in-law.
#2 Rethink Your Expectations
The majority of issues that arise in the in-law relationship (and any relationship, for that matter) emerge from unknown, unspoken and therefore unmet expectations. Research has found that women often “evaluate their mothers-in-law relying on their own mothers as the standard for comparison” (Shih, 2015). And while they “expect [their own] mothers to be very involved in their lives as an extension of their close bonds, they want mothers-in-law to walk a tightrope between close emotional bonds and noninterference.” Is it any wonder that so many unspoken and unrealistic expectations are never met?
Photo by Dario Valenzuela on Unsplash
Practice verbalizing your expectations with your spouse, and directly with your mother-in-law. As you invite open communication you will realize which of those expectations are realistic and which need to be modified or set aside. Equally important is asking your mother-in-law about her expectations. An open dialogue will diminish the strain of complicated unknown and unspoken expectations and feelings.
#3 Set Healthy Boundaries
Mental health professionals have said, “Healthy boundaries can be the difference between a healthy, happy relationship and a toxic, dysfunctional relationship….because one may feel that they have no privacy anymore” (Hall Health Center Health Promotion staff, 2014).A key to being able to love wholeheartedly, void of resentment, is to create and maintain healthy boundaries. Remember that your responsibility first and foremost is to your nuclear family (spouse and children), and sometimes this means setting boundaries with well-intentioned extended family. Too often we let feelings of indebtedness overshadow our needs as individuals or family units, which inevitably leads to resentment. Research shows that, “when one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom” (Cloud & Townsend, 2002). Study out what is important to you and your spouse and create ways in which you can diplomatically set boundaries which will increase love and connection without jeopardizing your own self-control and privacy.
Photo from pexels.com
#4 Be a Kinkeeper
A kinkeeper refers to the wise individual who keeps the larger perspective and end goal in mind–the perpetuation of familial solidarity and cohesion. This person puts forth concerted effort to initiate the nurturing of family relationships and maintains connection throughout the highs and lows of life. It is far too easy and common to criticize or distance ourselves when difficult situations arise, but a kinkeeper values family relationships above personal pride and petty preferences. The kinkeeper will reflect on the issue and initiate whatever measures are necessary to mend and maintain the relationship. Developing the habit of kinkeeping can greatly increase daughter/son and mother-in-law relationships and significantly decrease family tension.
Conclusion:
These four practices will certainly not eliminate all disappointment, frustration or misunderstanding. However, as these practices become habits, they will enable you to create a deep familial bond with your mother-in-law that will set the tone for your shared family culture and influence generations to come.
Choose one of these practices to implement with your mother-in-law this week!
References
Adler, L. L., Davis, W. M., Ahmed, R., Mrinal, N. R., Mukherji, B. R., & Morgan, N. (1989). The perception of mother-in-law and father-in-law in cross-cultural perspective. International Journal of Group Tensions, 19, 245–254.
Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries in Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
Shih, K. Y., & Pyke, K. (2015). Seeing mothers-in-law through the lens of the mothering ideology: An interview analysis of Taiwanese, Taiwanese American, and Mexican American daughters-in-law. Journal of Family Issues37(14), 1968–1993. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1177/0192513X15570319
Turner, M. J., Young, C. R., & Black, K. I. (2006). Daughters-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law Seeking Their Place Within the Family: A Qualitative Study of Differing Viewpoints. Family Relations: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Studies, 55(5), 588–600. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00428.x
Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.
A few weeks ago I asked my mom probably one of the most vulnerable questions I have ever asked her to answer: “Do you ever regret marrying dad?”
The question sounds far more dramatic than it is: I am not aware of any earth-shaking quarrels, abuse, heartache, or what have you in my parent’s relationship. They have been pretty happily married for over 30 years.
The question came about because of one simple fact: my parents do not hold the same religious beliefs.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Has this difference brought regret to my parents’ marriage? Can two individuals with differing core beliefs make a relationship last? And is it even worth it?
In the article “Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate”, Dr. Ted Hudson of the University of Texas answers this question simply, “…a successful relationship does not hinge its posterity on how alike you are, instead it hangs on by the sheer will power and want to stay in a relationship.” The author elaborates further by saying, “…it’s not who you are or what you do that will prolong or help you find the perfect mate. It’s how you speak to each other, how well you get along, and how you move through time together.”
My mom answered similarly. While she acknowledged that the difference in religious beliefs has sometimes been difficult, she loves my dad, and she loves the good man he is. She also noted that while she chose to marry someone who didn’t share her same religious convictions, she has seen other couples begin their marriages with mirrored beliefs, only to have one change their beliefs later. As Dr. Hudson said, relationships last through “the sheer will power and want to stay in a relationship” more than through shared core beliefs—though that certainly may help.
Photo from pexels.com
There are countless other core beliefs that partners could disagree on, including beliefs about politics, finances, parenting, and more. One of the most important ways to approach these differing beliefs is simply through respect—and that includes accepting your partner’s viewpoints and beliefs without trying to change them (for other ideas on how to approach the topic of core beliefs, read Aubrey-Dawn’s article here).
Regarding couple communication in the midst of conflict, Dr. Marni Feuerman states that couples should consider how “each partner may be able to find a way to honor their partner’s dreams, which often amounts to fulfilling a core need regarding the issue at stake. Those couples who successfully navigate a recurring problem in their relationship [or, I might add, an enduring difference in core beliefs] have learned to express acceptance of their partner’s personality, and they can talk about and appreciate the underlying meaning of each other’s position on the issue.”
Approaching differing core beliefs with respect, communication, and even curiosity creates an opportunity for greater understanding and empathy in any relationship, and can particularly foster greater emotional attachment within the couple relationship. What are some ways that you’ve grown closer in your relationships (friendship/dating/marriage/etc.) despite —or even because of— differing core beliefs?
Kelley, H. H., Marks, L. D., & Dollahite, D. C. (2020). Uniting and dividing influences of religion in marriage among highly religious couples. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 12(2), 167–177. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/rel0000262.supp (Supplemental)
Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
Type the word Empathy into Google Scholar, Wikipedia, any library search function, or scholarly works database and I’ve found that you can access enough information to spend the rest of your life studying the topic. Empathy, as well as compassion and connection, are heavily studied topics in today’s society and skills that are slipping away from a very disconnected and “plugged in” people. My purpose in writing this article is to help us all improve our ability to respond empathetically to those we associate with and in so doing increase satisfaction with our relationships.
So why is it important to have empathy, and not just sympathy for others?
In Brené Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, she illustrates beautifully how compassion and empathy work together to create connection and understanding. Brené shares an experience where she felt embarrassed and mortified in front of a crowd and how she then turned to her sister, Ashley, as a listening ear to share her feelings with. “Ashley was amazing. She listened and responded with total compassion. She had the courage to tap into her own struggles with worthiness so that she could genuinely connect to what I was experiencing. She said wonderfully honest and empathetic things like, “Oh man. That’s so hard. I’ve done that dance. I hate that feeling!…Ashley was willing to be in my darkness with me. She wasn’t there as my helper or to fix me; she was just with me – as an equal – holding my hand as I waded through my feelings.”
Where empathy creates and fuels connection, sympathy actually causes disconnection. Having sympathy for others rather than empathy automatically places them on a lower level than us. It drives us to try and “fix” the problem (or even the person!) rather than helping us meet them as an equal to share in an experience of feeling together.
We’ve shared this video before, but I think it is an excellent explanation of the differences between sympathy and empathy.
Pema Chodron (an American Tibetan Buddhist, ordained nun, acharya and disciple of Chögyam Trungpa) states beautifully, “Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” I feel that to really empathize best, we have to cast aside our pride and our desire to gain any advantage in the conversation and then be willing to put ourselves in a vulnerable place. A stumbling block for me when trying to respond empathetically has been the fear of feeling vulnerable and taking on someone else’s emotions. Maybe some of you reading this have the same fears. Take comfort in the fact that vulnerability and the possibility of rejection is scary for everyone, and the fact that someone is opening up to you most likely means that they trust you and are willing to offer you the same grace that you extend to them.
I like lists and I like knowing what the steps are to accomplishing things, so here are a few tools that might help you in connecting and empathizing with someone.
1. Appropriate Self-Disclosure
This is a tricky one because it can be helpful, but if used inappropriately can either lead to discomfort or betrayed trust (for example, if we offer more vulnerability and disclosure than a relationship is ready for), or it can turn into a “my car is bigger than your car” kind of thing. So here are a few guidelines:
Make sure it benefits the other person and not yourself
Avoid being a “thunder-stealer”
Make sure its relevant to the situation
Share your own experiences, not others
Photo by Marie-Michèle Bouchard on Unsplash
2. Active Listening
This is key to really any productive and successful conversation. Humans have a great desire to be heard and understood so learning to be a good listener will help you be a better spouse, friend, employee/employer, etc. Here are a few guidelines:
Ensure your body language shows you are listening – have a relaxed posture, put aside any distraction, maintain appropriate eye contact.
Respond at the right times. It’s okay to not have a response for everything. You can still be actively listening by stating, “Wow, I don’t know what to say. That has to be so hard.” Learn to be comfortable with silence – sometimes all that someone needs is solidarity.
3. Unconditional Acceptance
This means that judgments and your evaluation of their feelings are not offered. This is not the time to give suggestions or do a psychoanalysis. Those conversations can happen later, but to really create openness and understanding we just need to listen and validate. In order for someone to feel safe to share with you, it is important to establish a pattern of loving and accepting them unconditionally.
Photo from pexels.com
4. Take on their perspective and lay yours to the side
This is a good time to apply the old adage that to truly know someone we must walk a mile in their shoes. Know that this takes practice. It isn’t easy to set aside prejudices or assumptions that have sometimes been drilled into our subconscious since birth. It takes courage and conscious thought to step outside of our limited reality, and to try and see the world as someone else does.
Brené says it perfectly: “Empathy is a CHOICE.” It is up to us to choose whether or not we will allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to truly connect and feel with others. The next time someone you love approaches you with a call for connection, take a chance on responding with empathy – it’ll only bring you closer.
References
Brown, B. C. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing.
Riker, J. H. (2020). Empathy, compassion, and meditation: A vision for a Buddhist self psychology. Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 40(5), 327–339. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1080/07351690.2020.1766323
Sinclair, S., Beamer, K., Hack, T. F., McClement, S., Raffin Bouchal, S., Chochinov, H. M., & Hagen, N. A. (2017). Sympathy, empathy, and compassion: A grounded theory study of palliative care patients’ understandings, experiences, and preferences. Palliative Medicine, 31(5), 437–447. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1177/0269216316663499
Soto-Rubio, A., & Sinclair, S. (2018). In defense of sympathy, in consideration of empathy, and in praise of compassion: A history of the present. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, 55(5), 1428–1434. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2017.12.478
Wieck, C., Kunzmann, U., & Scheibe, S. (2021). Empathy at work: The role of age and emotional job demands. Psychology and Aging, 36(1), 36–48. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/pag0000469
Elisabeth Gray is from Orem, Utah, but she is currently living in Tulsa, Oklahoma while her husband attends medical school. Betty graduated from Brigham Young University in April of 2016 with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing, and is a Registered Nurse. She has experience with pediatric home health patients, but she currently works from home so she can be with her two-year-old twin girls.
Infertility is typically defined as not being able to get pregnant after one year (or longer) of unprotected sex. Just about everyone knows at least one person who is struggling to get pregnant. And if you can’t think of someone right off the bat, I can guarantee that there is someone close to you that maybe just hasn’t told you they are struggling. In fact, according to the CDC, 1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy.Furthermore, after six months of trying, only 60% of couples will conceive without medical assistance. That leaves 40% that may end up needing some type of fertility treatment! Usually when we think about infertility we only think about the woman’s side of things. While this is very important and we should be sensitive with this topic, men are often forgotten in the equation. Truth be told, infertility is oftentimes just as hard on men as it is on women. In this article, I’d like to share about some of my own personal struggles with infertility, and address some of the common responses that I have received as I have opened up to people about the battle my wife and I are enduring.
Note: This post largely consists of my own personal experiences. Be aware that everyone’s journey with infertility is different, and therefore, someone may wish to be approached about their own personal journey in a different way from mine.
First reactions.
When talking to people about future plans or about any topic related to families, most people will ask “so do you want kids”? Before I say anything else, let me first address the fact that someone else’s family planning is not your business. You never know what someone may be going through, so unless they bring it up themselves, or it is someone that you are really close with, don’t ask that question in the first place. Whenever I am asked this question, my response is always the same, “Of course I do. Unfortunately, my wife and I have been blessed with infertility and are currently going through treatments so that we can.” (More on why I say “blessed with,” later) More often than not people will get very quiet and give me a look as if I had told them that I enjoy sticking pencils up my nose. Then, without a doubt, I get one of three responses. First, I will either get a question about adoption, second, I’ll hear a statement about how lucky I am, or lastly, I’ll get a story about how they knew of someone else who did this random thing and got pregnant. To be honest, these responses are incredibly frustrating. I do understand that people are trying to help and be comforting. Let’s be real, though, these responses are not helpful. All I really want is for someone to say, “Dude that sucks, I am sorry that’s happening,” and move on.
Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash
“You could always just adopt.”
Adoption is a wonderful blessing for so many people. And I can guarantee that the majority of couples who are struggling with infertility have had many conversations with each other about the possibility of adoption. But to someone in the thick of a battle with infertility, saying things like, “Well, you can always adopt!” can really hurt. For some, adoption is just not a currently viable option due to cost or living situation. For others, the pain of thinking about giving up on having their own biological child is just too much. The best move is to assume that the couple has already considered this option, and to allow them to bring it up themselves if it is something they want to discuss with you.
I am lucky?
Hearing that I am lucky that I can’t have kids right now is one of the most frustrating comments to receive. Oftentimes, the people who tell me I am lucky are single and have no ambition to have a family in their current lifestyle (note that I have gotten this comment from both men and women). To me, infertility is not luck, it is a difficult and unfortunate part of life that my wife and I have to struggle through together. I do not care that we’re not at risk of having an “oops baby”, or that I get “unlimited sex”. I do not care that it means my wife and I don’t have to take care of a crying baby all through the night. I would take an “oops”, I would give up “unlimited sex”, I would gladly rock my crying baby all through the night if it meant that I got to be a father. If you are ever tempted to tell someone who is struggling with infertility how lucky they are, stop and think. Try stepping into their shoes to gain an understanding of what it means to feel such an incredible yearning and loss for something that can’t yet be part of your life.
Photo by Nynne Schrøder on Unsplash
Why advice does not help…and what you can do instead.
Oftentimes, we use advice as a defense mechanism. When we are uncomfortable, we try and offer a bit of wisdom to help make a trial that someone is going through seem a little more manageable, and a little less scary. While advice-giving is well-meaning, it can feel like a punch to the gut. As if my wife and I haven’t already tried everything we could think of (and that the internet and doctors could think of) to help us get pregnant. Almost two years ago, I was talking to an older man who had gone through the same thing earlier in his life. After struggling with infertility, he and his wife chose to adopt two girls from Korea (where his wife is from). As we were talking, he said a few things that stood out to me. First, he said that “he and his wife were blessed with infertility”. Second, he mentioned that, “It’s a pain no one can understand without going through the fire of doctors and medicine”. And third, “People’s advice is the hardest thing to hear. They speak on a matter they know nothing about, but act as if they are experts. Talking about their friend’s sister’s uncle who had issues and miraculously got pregnant because of a diet they did, or a sex position they tried.” For me, this man hit the nail on the head. Unless they have gone through it themselves, people don’t truly understand the pain of battling the “blessing of infertility”, but they still talk like they get it. Rather than acting like you know how to solve the problem, instead reach out with love, kindness, and a desire to understand. You don’t have to fix someone’s struggle in order to help them. Silent solidarity, a hug, or even just an acknowledgment of their struggle (again, “Man, that sucks. I’m sorry you have to go through that”) is often far better than trying to offer up what will most likely be not very helpful advice. Also, it’s important to remember that unless someone directly asks for ideas for sex positions to try, assume they don’t want to know. That is a private and intimate part of life that should remain between partners.
Photo from pexels.com
So What DO You Say?
When discussing someone’s struggle with infertility (or any struggle really), the best policy is to “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Personally, all I really want is to be treated normally. And I believe that the majority of people who are experiencing infertility are in the same boat. We are not a ticking bomb that you have to walk on eggshells around. It’s lonely knowing that you are part of such a small community in the world that has this issue, and the best way to remedy that loneliness is through genuine connection. Be honest about your comfort level with the subject — if it makes you uncomfortable to talk to someone about their infertility, then let them know. That is okay! And feel free to ask non-invasive questions. Stop, think, and reach out in empathy.
Figure out where you are with talking about infertility. Talk to your partner about what it means to you to have a child or to want a child, and cherish the heck out of your family or significant other.
Richard Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and then moved on to live in Alaska and Texas before finally marrying his high school best friend, Aubrey-Dawn. He works at a residential treatment center, and specializes in working with ASD adolescents. He is studying recreational therapy and art.
