At the beginning of 2017, I finally walked away from a chaotic on-again off-again relationship that had left me living in trauma for those past three years. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. It was a long time coming, but it was still so difficult, and so painful. One of the things that actually brought me a good laugh was when close friends of mine offered to prank my ex, or mess with him in whatever way— even though I knew I’d never take them up on the offers. It was comforting to know that I had friends who had my back in that way, and who knew how to give me a good laugh. It was also a bit awesome to imagine my ex spending days trying to figure out, for example, why his car smelled like a rotting fish! (Again, I never did any of the recommended pranks, but I still think of that particular recommendation with a laugh!)
I chose to approach the breakup—and my trauma recovery—with firm boundaries and with kindness, and I truly believe that this is how I was able to heal and find personal resolution and forgiveness toward my ex.
Boundaries
When we finally parted ways, I set a boundary of ZERO communication with my ex. This was hard—he had been my best friend for years and someone I still connected with in a lot of ways—but because of both his past patterns and my own, I knew that ZERO contact was the only way for me to move forward.
Boundaries will definitely look different for individuals actively in relationships—both romantic and platonic. Each person’s individual boundaries reflect their needs and values. I love how psychologist and researcher Brené Brown defines boundaries: “Boundaries are a clear understanding of what is okay for you and what is not okay for you.” She continues (and this ties into my next point), “There is no way that you can be deeply compassionate towards somebody if they are violating your boundaries at the same time.”
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Boundaries can be anything from a parent enforcing a bedtime, to a young adult maintaining work hours even if a social event conflicts with those hours. In a romantic relationship, boundaries could be anything from requesting a few minutes to decompress after work, to not performing certain sexual acts. Boundaries can be emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, or sexual. Of boundaries, author Melody Beattie elaborates, “We need to be able to be honest and direct in our relationships. One area we can be honest and direct about is the parameters of our relationships. …We can tell [a] person what to reasonably expect from us, because that is what we want to give. How the person deals with that is his or her issue. Whether or not we tell the person is ours.”
My boundaries with the people around me are constantly evolving as I learn more about myself and my own needs. In that moment with my ex, my immediate need was no contact at all for the foreseeable future. That gave me the space to not only move forward, but to begin to heal.
“Information is a powerful tool,” Beattie states, “and having the information about what a particular relationship is—the boundaries and definitions of it—will empower us to take care of ourselves in it.”
Choosing Kindness
“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
-Brene Brown
Toward the end of that relationship, as things were falling apart and trauma was building up, I remember driving through the mountains of Utah listening to a woman named Nicole share her story on the LifeBeats Project podcast. Nicole’s husband of nearly a decade had first asked for a divorce, which was painful enough alone, but later also admitted infidelity. Nicole then shared of her immediate decision to choose to be kind instead of cruel toward him. The whole interview was so, so good, and I highly recommend you listen to it! But the point is, it resonated with me. Nicole gave words to some of the feelings I had been experiencing. I felt pain and grief, but I could still choose kindness.
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I chose to be kind to my ex, but this does not mean that I was always perfect at it. I still felt hurt, and I felt frustrated as I experienced lingering trauma and triggers. I’m sure I badmouthed him too many times to friends of mine, and I do feel sorry about that (live and learn). But when a negative feeling came, I always aimed to redirect it to a neutral feeling—and eventually those neutral feelings became positive feelings.
Above everything else, I know that I never stopped caring about him. That care and seeking for kind thoughts and feelings eventually led me to peace.
Eventual Forgiveness
In time, the triggers and trauma from that relationship decreased. Life continued on. Thoughts of my ex caused less pain than before, and gradually I found peace with the situation. I remember the day I saw him drive by me as I sat in my car at a red light, and I felt no trigger, stress, or fear. I merely laughed. I finally, finally found the forgiveness and peace that I had been seeking.
Part of this healing came from simply living my life and seeking new experiences, including growing through new relationships. But I believe a big part of that forgiveness came from those base choices that I made from the beginning— to set and maintain my personal boundaries, and to consciously choose kindness. Forgiveness didn’t come overnight, but it came, and with it came the peace I had been craving for years.
Option 1: Identify a need you feel in your life— whether your need is being met or not. Create a boundary to help ensure this need is met. Share your need and boundary with someone close to you, ideally someone involved in helping you meet that need. (Example: You recognize that checking your work email in the mornings upon waking stresses you out, so you set a boundary to not open your email until you get into the office. You share this with your boss or a co-worker).
Option 2: When a negative thought toward someone comes into your mind, notice it, and consciously let it go. Perhaps think of a positive aspect to that individual, or ponder a way to give that person the benefit of the doubt. Consider writing these thought processes down.
References
Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency. “August 20: Honesty in Relationships,” 232-233. Hazelden Publishing.
Brown, B. (2015). Rising strong. New York: Spiegel & Grau, an imprint of Random House.
Johnson, B. (2007, February 14). Learning that kindness is a strength and not a weakness, especially when you are hurt by others | with Nicole Hudson of Bot Communications. [Audio Podcast]. Retrieved from https://www.thelifebeatsproject.com/nicole
Allie Barnes graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Studies, earned a certificate in Substance Use Disorder Counseling from Utah Valley University, and studied writing throughout her undergraduate career. In every professional role she’s filled since then, her focus remains the same: People.
Last year an acquaintance expressed a beautifully comforting sentiment: “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be ideal.” This person had been battling for over thirty years, what I have been battling for only three. He inspired me to learn to thrive within my pain rather than waiting to be happy.
Last week’s article addressed why happiness is not a viable goal, and how our lives can change when we replace a life goal of finding happiness for creating meaning. Today I want to provide some education on HOW to create meaning.
I have heard many people say that they don’t know where they are going in life. When we lose the things or people that bring us the most meaning in life, it can cause us to question everything. Some lose loved ones, fulfilling careers, are faced with infertility, serious medical illnesses, trauma or abuse. Our earth shatters and sometimes with it our sense of meaning. Some worry that they have never had a truly meaningful life and wonder where to even start. And some struggle to find meaning because mental illness or serious challenges cloud their view. They wait for the clouds to clear and the sun to come out before the meaning will present itself instead of learning to THRIVE WITHIN the storm.
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As Alan Watts put it, “There’s no point in going on living unless we make the supposition that the situation of life is optimal. And it makes you realize how great things are.”
Emily Esfahani Smith (a researcher and journalist) studies meaning. She has an awesome Ted Talk that you can listen to here, among many other great resources. She outlines 4 pillars for a meaningful life: belonging, purpose, transcendence and storytelling. I will briefly go over each, but I recommend looking into each pillar in more depth.
Belonging
Belonging is all about being valued for who you are intrinsically and valuing others equally. Remember that cultivating belonging is a choice (Smith, 2017). Belonging is not about having a whole group of people to run around with, or a ton of friends. “Belonging is being a part of something bigger than yourself, but it’s also the courage to stand alone and to belong to yourself above all else. …The opposite of belonging is fitting in because fitting in is assessing a group of people and thinking, who do I need to be….and changing who you are and true belonging never asks us to change who we are, it demands that we be who we are” (Howes & Brown, 2017). Lead with love to lift both yourself and others. Brené Brown described the ideal in an interview: “I belong everywhere I go no matter where it is or who I’m with, as long as I never betray myself. And the moment I become who you want me to be in order to fit in and make sure people like me is the moment I no longer belong anywhere” (Howes & Brown, 2017).
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Purpose
Finding your purpose is less about what you want and more about what you give. It is about more than just a job that makes you happy. It’s about using your strength to lift others. “Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder” (Smith, 2017). Increase the number of worthwhile things you do each day. This can be as simple as taking extra time to show affection to your partner or reading to your children. It can reach beyond you too – being more innovative to solve problems at work or home, volunteering in your community, learning something new that improves your sense of value, etc. (Barron & Barron, 2012).
Transcendence
Moments of transcendence are rare states when your sense of self dissipates and you can connect to a higher reality (Smith, 2017). Transcendence provides clarity of mind and soul, rejuvenation, and an expanse of one’s perspective. These moments can occur through art, religion, writing, music, dance, outdoor exploration, etc.
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Storytelling
Storytelling is increasing an awareness of the narrative of your life. Remember that you are the author. How are you editing your story? What do you want to change, and how do you use the previous chapters of your story to increase growth, purpose, healing and love? This can be about learning to thrive within the pain and struggle that life holds and doing something with it, instead of waiting for the moment when the storm will pass and we can be happy (Smith, 2017).
Try New Things
In addition to Smith’s four pillars, research demonstrates the importance of trying new things. In a recent (and very awesome) symposium I attended, Troy Faddis, LMFT shared with us, “Meaning is passion plus expertise plus your story” (Faddis, Barlow & Daley, 2018). So look inward. What are you passionate about? What is your story? What is your expertise? And when you add those up, you can find things that give you meaning. For example, I am passionate about helping others, learning and teaching. My expertise lies in family life, romantic relationships, and healthy sexuality. I have a complicated family life and my story is one of trauma, healing and adventure. When I blend the three, I see very obviously areas of my life in which I have created meaning: The Healthy Humans Project, volunteering as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, cultivating a beautiful home with my husband, etc.
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Life really doesn’t need to be perfect to be ideal. By creating meaning in our lives, we create a beautiful, ideal life worth living. We thrive within all of the pain and challenges that occur instead of putting our lives on hold and waiting for everything to be over. Because it will never be over. Life is about growth, and although moments and trials will pass, our journey towards becoming is a life-long one. So we ought to make something really beautiful out of all the loss and pain and struggle. Creating meaning out of the good and the bad makes it all worth it.
Write out the meaning equation discussed above (Meaning = Passion + Expertise + Story) within each of your roles. How does this equation look in your romantic relationship, as a parent, at work, and in your community?
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References
Barron, C., PhD, & Barron, A., MD. (2012). The creativity cure: A do-it-yourself guide to happiness. New York: Scribner.
Esfahani Smith, E. (2017, September 26). There’s more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith. Retrieved August 4, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Trdafp83U
Faddis, T., LMFT, Barlow, R., & Daley, D., SUDC. (2018). Nine lifestyles habits that lead to recovery. In Wilderness Therapy Symposium. Park City, UT: Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare Council.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
If your goal is happiness, you may be doing life wrong.
Of course we all want to be happy. We want our lives and the lives of our loved ones to be filled with happiness. But is that really the goal? Can we ever “achieve” happiness? A plethora of research says, “no”.
Because there is so much more to life than being happy.
Happiness cannot be a viable goal, because it is a fleeting emotion. Emotions don’t last. They come and go. In a recent study, researchers asked one group of participants to prioritize happiness, and another group to prioritize meaning. They evaluated the participants over a period of 12 months. The researchers found that in general the participants focusing on happiness were not happier. They had not met their goal. However, those who had sought meaning reported higher levels of satisfaction, resilience, and hope. Another study on meaning demonstrated that those who reported having highly meaningful lives were more resilient, had better academic and vocational performance, and greater longevity.
Martin Seligman is at the forefront of developing and researching positive psychology. He has discovered that happiness has very little to do with our circumstances. For example, people who win the lottery only experience increased happiness for about 3 months before returning back to their original degree of happiness. And after an average of 6 months of misery, paraplegics report the same degree of happiness as they experienced when they had all of their limbs. Happiness is not about circumstance. And because it is an emotion, it will come and go.
Creating meaning, on the other hand, is a viable and powerful goal, and happiness can actually be a byproduct of creating meaning. Many people talk about finding meaning, but I don’t like that idea because it removes personal ownership. My responsibility isn’t to find meaning and purpose, but to create it. I am the author of my own story. More than that, finding sounds like a happy accident. Creating illustrates that this is work. And it is. Creating a meaningful life is real, hard work.
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In 2011, I was told that I would have to have several major hip surgeries which would end my career as a contemporary dancer. I reacted to the change in circumstances with bitterness and anger. It took two years for me to be back on my feet and reasonably functioning.
On top of that was the loss of a dear friend, and some severe crises within my family. I was a bitter, broken, traumatized shell of a human with no direction and no sense of belonging, and I was so angry because of it.
Eventually I pulled together and began taking my own growth seriously. I studied and read everything I could find. I began seeing a therapist, and then I began volunteering in my community and things really started to look up. I also began building relationships around me, and their connection and support was invaluable. Many of these people literally saved my life, and more importantly, my sense of being. I have developed a great life that I absolutely love. Because life doesn’t have to be perfect to be ideal.
Photo by Aubrey Dawn-Palmer
How do we create meaning? Well, that’s another topic, which I will cover next week. For now, let me say, Meaning is deeper than happiness. According to Martin Seligman, “meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and developing the best within you.”
Life isn’t about being happy. We all have crises and challenges. Happiness will come and go. But developing a strong sense of meaning helps us thrive within the pain. It connects us to the world in a remarkable way. It gives us direction, gratitude, and I would even say, a sense of awe. Mostly, creating meaning helps us treasure the things that matter most.
Spend the next week examining your life goals and perspective. Are you more concerned about being happy or creating meaning? Identify at least one way to increase meaning in your life this week and work on changing your perspective from “When ____ happens, I’ll be happy” to “How can this make my life more meaningful?” The next article will specifically address ways to increase meaning in your life, but brainstorming ahead of time will really help you personalize it.
References
Barron, C., PhD, & Barron, A., MD. (2012). The creativity cure: A do-it-yourself guide to happiness. New York: Scribner.
Aubrey-Dawn Palmer was born and raised in Farmington, New Mexico, and she has a bachelor’s degree in family studies from Brigham Young University. She has two younger brothers and is married to her best friend, Richard. In addition to her research on relationships, human attachment, and healthy sexuality, Aubrey-Dawn volunteers with her husband as a teacher for the Strengthening Families Program, is a research director for a counseling center, and works as a home counselor at a residential treatment center.
How much sleep did you get last night? Did you stay up long past when you felt tired enough to go to bed? Why? Were you trying to finish a project for work? Were you caught up in a good book and unable to put it down? If so, you may have fallen into the trap of believing sleep to be a nuisance – something that just gets in the way of having fun or being productive. And you’re not alone – more than 80 million American adults are chronically sleep deprived (Finkel, 2018, p. 66).
Since the invention of electric lights, it’s easier to avoid sleep in favor of other activities. We try to make up for it with caffeine and power naps, but those aren’t solutions. Science tells us that there are reasons for getting good sleep every night – benefits of getting enough and detriments of not.
When you get enough sleep, you have improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, emotional regulation, quality of life, and mental and physical health (Bocknek et al., 2018). Sleep is when our brains stop collecting information and take the time to consolidate and edit the new information from the day. Our brains decide which memories to keep and which to toss. Sleep has an incredible power to reinforce memory – something I would think you’d especially want the night before a big test, rather than pulling an all-nighter to cram. Sleep also allows our brains to make connections you might never have consciously formed – there’s a reason for the adage: “sleep on it”.
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When you’re sleeping, your body makes physical and mental housekeeping and repairs. It’s time for your body to make sure it will keep working for you the way that it is supposed to. That time helps you maintain a healthy immune system, body temperature, and blood pressure. Certain hormones are best produced when you’re asleep, like human growth hormone – it’s why children sleep more during growth spurts, and it’s what helps adults maintain a healthy weight.
If you regularly sleep less than 6 hours a night, you have a higher risk of depression, psychosis, stroke, and obesity. You have an increased risk for injuries and hypertension. You can’t regulate your moods well or recover as swiftly from injuries. You weaken your immune system so you’re more likely to get sick.
Beyond the individual, widespread sleep deprivation is linked to reduced productivity, increased work absences, industrial and road accidents, healthcare expenses, and medical errors, which combined can literally cost countries billions of dollars per year.
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Given all these reasons, why do we still deprive ourselves of sleep? Who even knows how much sleep they’re supposed to be getting to not suffer from sleep deprivation? That number changes as you age and can be found below:
4-12 months old need 12-16 hours (including naps)
1-2 years old need 11-14 hours (including naps)
3-5 years old need 10-13 hours (including naps)
6-12 years old need 9-12 hours
13-18 years old need 8-10 hours
18+ years old need 7 or more hours per night
Tips for Getting Enough Sleep
If you’re struggling to get enough sleep, there are changes you can make to your daily habits to help yourself:
No screens for 30 minutes before bed. The light from the screens interrupts your body’s natural efforts to get ready to sleep. If you’re using screens in the evening, see if your device has a Night Light feature: it shifts the screen colors to the warmer end of the light spectrum that have less of an impact on your body.
No electronics in the bedroom. It’s easier to avoid screens before bed if they’re in a different room. If you need to keep your phone nearby, use the Do Not Disturb feature so it’s not vibrating with every notification – especially in the middle of the night.
Develop a bedtime routine. Having a routine can help both children and adults. Doing the same thing in the same order every night before bed tells your body it’s time to go to sleep. You can customize your routine to whichever tasks you need: wash your face, brush your teeth, read a book, pick out your clothes for the next day, etc.
Be consistent. Similar to having a routine, it’s easier on your internal clock if you go to bed and get up at the same time every day. There are certainly going to be evenings where you stay up late for something and mornings where you sleep in, but don’t let those be the norm.
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And in the end, remember, sleep is not an interruption of life. It is a necessity. So stop fighting it. You’ll see the benefits.
References
American Academy of Pediatrics Supports Childhood Sleep Guidelines. (2016, June 13). Retrieved from https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/American-Academy-of-Pediatrics-Supports-Childhood-Sleep-Guidelines.aspx
Bocknek, E. L., Richardson, P. A., van den Heuvel, M. I., Qipo, T., & Brophy-Herb, H. E. (2018). Sleep moderates the association between routines and emotion regulation for toddlers in poverty. Journal of Family Psychology, 32(7), 966–974. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/fam0000433
Finkel, M. (2018, August). Want to Fall Asleep? Read This Story. National Geographic, 40-77.
Gruber, R. (2013). Making room for sleep: The relevance of sleep to psychology and the rationale for development of preventative sleep education programs for children and adolescents in the community. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie Canadienne, 54(1), 62–71. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1037/a0030936
Mariah Ramage was born and raised in Bellevue, Washington with two older brothers. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development, and she is currently living in the Seattle area. Mariah is currently experiencing the joys of being a nanny to three-year-old boy-girl twins while she prepares to pursue graduate work in Human Development and Family Studies. She is passionate about mental health, abuse recovery, purposeful parenting, and healthy media usage.
As a recovering perfectionist, this is a truth I am learning to embrace.
I have always tried to justify my perfectionism by telling myself that perfectionism is a good thing, that perfectionism is just me striving to improve myself. In reality, though, perfectionism holds you and I back from being our very best selves.
In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,”Brené Brown describes that, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best….Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.… Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”
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Let that sink in a little. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live my life so worried about what other people think that I don’t live freely, bravely, and authentically.
In a recent study of 41,641 college students, researchers Curran and Hill (2017) found that perfectionism has increased significantly over the past twenty-seven years. Curran and Hill speculate that this increase is likely due to society becoming increasingly individualistic and materialistic. In addition, young people are faced with more unrealistic expectations than previous generations.
So what can we do about it?
First, calm the comparisons.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” In our current society, especially with the influence of social media, it can be so easy to compare ourselves with the best in other people, but this can steal our joy.
In her book “For the Love,” Jen Hatmaker describes how easy it is to fall into this trap of comparison. She explains, “the trouble is, we have close-up access to [people] who excel in each individual sphere. With social media and its carefully selected messaging… we make note of their achievements… then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman (or man) we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that.”
If we step back from the screen, however, we are able to recognize how unfair it is to compare ourselves with the very best in other people. Rather than compare, take time to recognize that we each have unique strengths and gifts that we bring to the world. Appreciate your own talents and successes and compliment the talents and successes of others without making it a competition.
Second, challenge the “all-or-nothing” mentality.
Perfectionism thrives on an “all-or-nothing” mentality. According to therapists at the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center of Los Angeles, “all-or-nothing thinking refers to thinking in extremes. You are either a success or a failure. Your performance was totally good or totally bad. If you are not perfect, then you are a failure. This binary way of thinking does not account for shades of gray, and can be responsible for a great deal of negative evaluations of yourself and others.”
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Here are a few examples:
Example 1:You lose your patience with your child. Rather than beat yourself up with thoughts like, “I am such a bad mom!” try something more kind such as, “I am a good mom who lost her patience.”
Example 2:You set a goal to exercise five days this week but you miss a day. Rather than jump to thoughts like, “I am so lazy! I never do what I say I am going to do!” try something like, “I did not exercise today, but I have done really well the other days. I am excited to try again tomorrow!”
Example 3:You show up late to a meeting. Rather than fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking with comments like, “I am always late! I am so irresponsible. Why do I even try?” try thinking something more positive such as, “I did not make it right on time to the meeting, but I still came which shows my dedication. I am proud of myself for showing up.”
Rather than only seeing yourself as a “success” or “failure,” try giving yourself a little grace and some space to be human.
Third, embrace being a beginner.
As a perfectionist, it is easy to fall into the trap of not trying things simply due to fear of failure or fear of what people might think. The trouble with that, though, is that when we cease to experience we cease to become. Trying things and learning from our experiences is an essential part of being human.
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AnxietyBC explains that, “having a problem with perfectionism is a lot like having a “phobia” of making mistakes or being imperfect… Facing fears in a gradual and consistent manner is the most effective way to overcome phobias, and is called “exposure”. For example, the best way to overcome a dog phobia is to gradually spend time with dogs, to learn that they are not as scary and dangerous as you initially thought. Similarly, overcoming your “phobia” of making mistakes or being imperfect involves doing just that–gradually and purposely making mistakes and coming across as imperfect. This technique also involves gradually putting yourself into situations that you usually avoid out of a fear that things won’t work out perfectly.”
So next time you want to bow out, avoid a situation, or say no simply because you are afraid of failure, choose courage. Enjoy the fun of giving yourself permission to be imperfect. Embrace mistakes as growth opportunities.
Conclusion
Overcoming perfectionistic tendencies isn’t easy, but it does open up a world of joy and opportunity we can’t fully experience when we are grasping onto the idea of “perfection”. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good, and remember, you are enough.
Do something that sounds fun to you without worrying about what other people might think! Turn up the music and dance your heart out, sing your favorite song with the windows rolled down, or wear that outfit you absolutely love but that hides in the back of your closet because it’s not “in style.”
References
Brown, B. C. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing.
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2017, December 28). Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138
Hatmaker, J. (2015). For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards. Nashville, TN: Nelson Books.
Aubrey Hartshorn is from Weiser, Idaho. She is happily married to her husband Joseph and is the proud mamma of a beautiful little girl. She recently graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Family Studies. She is passionate about mindfulness, minimalism, and motherhood.
