One of the most difficult things about anxiety is that it is a vicious cycle – once the worry begins, it can be difficult to get your brain to stop, particularly if you aren’t aware of what is triggering the stress. Luckily, there are quite a few simple research-proven tricks that you can do every day to help calm down your racing brain, and stop the worry cycle. And the best part is, most of them don’t need any sort of special equipment or training, and you can do them almost anywhere!
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is defined as an “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” (Kabat-Zinn, 1994) Because anxiety often stems from worrying about the future or the unknown, focusing on the present moment non-judgmentally by practicing mindfulness can help reduce the anxiety that you experience from day-to-day (Davis & Hayes, 2012; Evans, et. al, 2008; Hoffman, Sawyer, Witt, & Oh, 2010).
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There are several different ways that you can practice mindfulness in your life. Here are just a few for you to try:
Grounding exercises: Grounding exercises are an excellent way to help bring yourself into the present and keep your thoughts and anxiety from spinning out of control. These exercises involve honing in on one or more of the five senses to help take your focus off of the future and the unknown, and bring it back to the present. For example, if you notice yourself feeling anxious, take a few minutes to hyper-focus in on what you hear in that moment – your own breath, the rustling of your clothes, the air conditioning, someone talking in the cubicle next to you, etc. The same goes for any of the other senses. You can choose to focus on just one sense or multiple. As you practice these grounding exercises, they will help switch your brain out of panic mode, and into the present.
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Deep Breathing: Connecting to your breath is another quick and easy way to pull your mind out of anxiety and into the present moment. Breathing slowly and deeply signals to your brain to relax, and restores a sense of control and peace to your entire body. If you find yourself feeling anxious, try taking even just 3-5 deep breaths. If you need a little more, try one of these breathing exercises, or one of these options here.
P.S. There are also a lot of great phone apps that you can download that focus on helping with deep breathing!
Brushing your teeth: The art of mindfulness does not come naturally or easily to everyone, but it is something we can all practice and improve. An easy way to strengthen your own mindful awareness skills is by practicing while you perform a common everyday routine such as brushing your teeth! Move slowly and thoughtfully, and pay careful attention to the sensations. How does it feel as the bristles of the toothbrush move across your teeth, mouth, and tongue? What does the toothpaste taste like? Try to focus solely on the moment, and what you are experiencing right now. If you find your thoughts starting to wander, don’t panic! Just gently direct them back to thinking about brushing your teeth. The more you practice this, the easier it will get. You can also try this exercise with washing your hair, or eating your breakfast.
Set aside designated worry time
While it may sound counterintuitive, research has actually shown that setting aside a designated time to feel worried can reduce overall anxiety (Borkovec, Wilkinson, Folensbee, & Lerman, 1983; Mcgowan & Behar, 2013)! The idea is that setting aside time to think about your worries can help you train your brain to control how often and when you worry. This way, when you are trying to sleep, work, engage with loved ones, etc. you can calm your mind and put a stop to the anxiety cycle before it spirals out of control. Here’s how it works (adapted from Kim Pratt’s Psychology Tools: Schedule “Worry Time”):
Schedule between 15-30 minutes each day for one week as your designated “worry time”. Put it in your calendar or set an alarm to help remind you.
During your designated worry time, write down all of your worries that you can think of. Don’t feel like you have to solve them during this time. When your worry time is up, put your list away and move on with the rest of your day.
Between worry times: if you start to worry, tell yourself to let go of those thoughts until the next designated worry period. Don’t get frustrated if this is difficult at first. You may need to remind yourself over and over to let go of your worries until it’s your worry time.
At the end of the week, consider reviewing what you wrote down over the course of that week and reflect on what you see. Noticing patterns or repeat worries can help you prioritize and better address what is causing you to worry.
Repeat. Start again at the beginning of a new week! The more you practice, the better you will get at controlling when and where you worry. You can even reduce your amount of designated worry time as you improve.
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Giving voice to your emotions
Acknowledging the feelings and emotions that you are experiencing is an important way to allow them to move through you rather than hold you back as you keep them bottled up inside. One of the ways to do this is through journaling. Keeping a journal that acts as a place where you can openly and freely express your thoughts and emotions is a great way to process the worries that you are experiencing. Sometimes writing it down will be all it takes for you to feel better about a problem. Journaling can also help you keep track of things that trigger your anxiety. Understanding how your worry works can be a key to helping you learn how to manage it better!
While journaling can help you process your emotions and anxiety, it can also be really helpful to verbally acknowledge your feelings and talk with someone about what you are experiencing. Find a trusted friend or family member that you feel like you can talk to! Sometimes just saying what you are feeling can be a release, and can help you start on a path to healing. Sharing experiences also creates opportunity for empathy, for learning, and for mutual understanding. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open up to someone can also present opportunities for you to get the help you need to get through the tough days.
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Be aware that while friends and family are excellent resources, sometimes you need a little more guidance. A professional counselor or therapist can help you further process your anxiety, and give you more tools to help you manage it. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about seeing someone who has been trained for this specific purpose (read hereto learn more about why everyone needs therapy in their life)!
Remember
It’s important to acknowledge that even if you practice all of these techniques, you may still struggle with managing your anxiety. THAT IS OKAY. Be patient with yourself. As you learn to use the resources that are available to you, you will be able to manage the difficulties that life throws at you. Take it a day at a time, and focus on the present, and always remember that you are not alone.
Pick one of these anxiety-busting tricks to try out this week, and share with us how it works for you!
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Over the past few years, mental health is something that has been discussed more and more openly; something that I believe is incredibly important, and worthy of celebration. There is still a lot of work to be done, however, on educating the general population about various mental illnesses, and on working to get rid of the stigma that has long surrounded the topic. That is why today, I would like to give some general information about clinical depression. I hope that knowing this information will empower you to better manage your own mental and emotional health, and will also help you recognize when those around you may be in need of some extra love, care, and help.
Here are five things you need to know about depression:
1. Depression doesn’t just mean feeling sad.
Depression is a real illness that can affect people in many different ways. While feeling sad, or having a “depressed mood” is a very common symptom, depression can also cause loss of interest in activities that normally bring you pleasure, appetite changes, issues with sleep, lack of energy or sluggishness, nervous ticks or restless activity, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, trouble concentrating, and suicidal thoughts. For me personally, depression makes me feel very tired, worthless, and apathetic towards pretty much everything. It’s not something that I can just pull myself out of or “get over”.
You need to have been experiencing symptoms of depression for 2 weeks to be diagnosed.
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It’s important to acknowledge that we all experience times of sadness in our lives. The death of a loved one, losing a job, or a difficult breakup will of course bring sadness and grief. These emotions are natural, and even a healthy part of healing. However, just because we are going through a time of difficulty does not mean that we are depressed. There are a few important distinctions outlined by the American Psychiatric Association that can help us determine if we are experiencing normal grief, or if we need to seek help and treatment for depression:
“In grief, painful feelings come in waves, often intermixed with positive memories of the deceased. In major depression, mood and/or interest (pleasure) are decreased for most of two weeks.”
“In grief, self-esteem is usually maintained. In major depression, feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common.”
For some people, traumatic life events can bring on both grief and depression. “When grief and depression co-exist, the grief is more severe and lasts longer than grief without depression.”
Here is a quick little 3-minute survey that can help you determine whether or not you are experiencing depression.
2. Depression can affect anyone.
This instagram campaign from 2017 #faceofdepression shows that people of all ages, races, nationalities, and backgrounds can experience depression. According to the World Health Organization, 300 million people around the world have depression, and the APA estimates that one in six people will experience depression at some point during their lifetime. There has also been a recent increase in depression among adolescents. Having money or fame, getting good grades in school, or being married or in a relationship do not make you immune. If you find yourself suffering from depression, know that you are not alone and that you are in good company (if you don’t believe me, check out this WebMD slideshow of famous people with depression that includes JK Rowling, Kristen Bell, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson).
3. Depression can be caused by a variety of things.
While depression can be triggered by many different things, there are a few factors that can make you more likely to experience depression.
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Brain Chemistry: Chemical imbalances in the brain can cause depression.
Genetics: If someone in your family suffers from depression, you are more likely to experience it as well.
Health Problems: Depression can sometimes be a side-effect of other health problems such as thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, or hormone imbalances. If you are experiencing depression, it is important to get checked for these other problems so that they can be treated (this will often help with the depression symptoms).
Personality: People who struggle with low self-esteem, who are dealing with stress, or who are generally more pessimistic are more likely to experience depression.
Trauma: Abuse, neglect, and other traumatic or life-altering experiences can make you more susceptible to depression.
Sex: Women are actually more likely to experience depression than men.
4. Depression doesn’t have to win.
If you or someone you love is experiencing depression, there is hope! Depression is actually a very treatable disorder, and according to the APA, “between 80 percent and 90 percent of people with depression eventually respond well to treatment”. There are many different resources and options for dealing with depression, the most effective usually being a combination of talk therapy and medication. The first step in getting help would be to talk to your doctor. They can help recommend treatment options and refer you to other mental health resources in your area. Other important things that you can do to help beat depression are exercise, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and taking time for self-care.
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5. When in doubt, reach out!
If you are unsure whether or not the symptoms you are experiencing are actual diagnosable depression, it is always best to reach out for help. Talk with a doctor, partner, or trusted friend or family member, and let them know you are struggling. The more we get comfortable talking about depression (and other mental illnesses), the less scary or daunting it will seem, and the more people we will empower to get the help they need!
This week, share your favorite thing you learned about depression from this article on social media. Let’s spread the word and stop the stigma!
Rian Nicole Gordon is from Orem, Utah, and graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development. She has been married to her best friend Mark for five years, and they have two beautiful children, one boy and one girl. Apart from her full-time job as a stay-at-home mom, she works for The Dibble Institute, which specializes in relationship education for youth.
Think of the last time you felt lonely. Now think of the last time you were isolated. Did you think of the same time for both? Or were you isolated and not lonely, or lonely but not isolated? For me, the last time I felt lonely was when I was in a crowd – lonely, but not isolated. When I missed church due to illness, I appreciated the break from people – isolated, but not lonely. The second week in a row that I missed church due to illness, I’d had my break and I wanted to see everyone again – isolated and lonely.
Do you see the difference now? In regular life, we often don’t differentiate between feeling lonely and being isolated. In research, these are distinct concepts that must be defined: Isolation isn’t about feelings. It’s when you have few social relationships or do not have frequent social contact. Loneliness, on the other hand, is the feeling you get when you have less social connection that you want to have.
Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash
And so it is that being isolated is not inherently unhealthy, but loneliness is. Of course, everyone feels lonely now and again. That’s perfectly normal. It is in excess when loneliness becomes dangerous. An article that looked at data from 148 different studies on social connection and mortality found that loneliness is as damaging to physical health as smoking and alcohol and is more damaging than obesity and lack of exercise.
Feeling lonely most of the time isn’t just unpleasant– It can actually shorten your lifespan.
So what do you do if you are both isolated and lonely? Start by decreasing your isolation:
Attend a creative class: Your local YMCA, community center, or craft shops likely offer classes for different creative activities – cooking, crafts, etc. You may never get good at whatever it is, but it will still give you the chance to meet people and bond over your mutual inability to make a clay mug that actually looks like a mug.
Join a local sports team or club: Explore the options in the community for competitive or recreational adult sports. If you’re into team sports, join a team – it’ll get you out of the house, get you exercise, and give you the opportunity to bond with your new teammates. If you’re into solo sports like tennis, you still need someone to play against – join a club where you can regularly find opponents, and reach out to the other players you regularly see there.
Make an effort at work: Spend time in the common areas at work, especially while those areas are being used for lunch – the more you eat lunch and make conversation with your coworkers, the more likely that you will start spending time with them outside of work too.
Volunteer: Pick a cause that means something to you and find a place nearby where you can volunteer – you’ll be making the world a better place and meeting new people at the same time.
Attend community events: Find inexpensive or free events in your community that interest you and make the time to attend some of them. While you’re there, don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with a stranger – the fact that you both thought the event was worth attending means you already have something in common (even if you’re both just there for the free food).
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Now raise your hand if you’ve tried all these things and you’re still feeling lonely. If this is you, think about this:
“In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”
This idea of allowing ourselves to be seen – that is vulnerability. It is taking the risk, exposing ourselves to another person, not knowing how they are going to react. It is being courageous – telling “the story of who you are with your whole heart” (Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability).
Brené Brown’s research tells us that those who are courageous, those who are whole-hearted, “They [have] connection… as a result of authenticity. They [are] willing to let go of who they [think] they should be, in order to be who they [are].”
They allow themselves to be seen.
It is the quality of connection that matters, not the quantity. And to truly create quality connections with others, we must be authentic. We must have the courage to be vulnerable, to open up, to share things that matter deeply to us. Vulnerability is not comfortable, but it is necessary. It is fundamental to building connections with others – the connections we need in order to not feel lonely whether we’re in a crowd or staying home tonight.
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“Vulnerability is … the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”
-Brené Brown
When you dare to be vulnerable, you don’t just open yourself up to deeper social connections. You also open yourself up to all the positive emotions — from not having to hide who you are for fear of judgment; from allowing yourself to really be seen and having someone accept you for who you are in your entirety. That can change your life, if you let it.
Embracing vulnerability takes time, but you can take the first step on that journey now. This week, pick one person in your life with whom you would like a deeper connection. Think about everything that person doesn’t know about you, and pick one of those things to tell that person this week. Try to not pick a safe option, something that you can predict their response to. Try to pick something to share that you aren’t sure will garner a positive reaction. See how your connection can deepen as you allow yourself to be seen.
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. New York: Random House.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Med 7(7), 1-20. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
Koyama, Y., Nawa, N., Yamaoka, Y., Nishimura, H., Sonoda, S., Kuramochi, J., Miyazaki, Y., & Fujiwara, T. (2021). Interplay between social isolation and loneliness and chronic systemic inflammation during the COVID-19 pandemic in Japan: Results from U-CORONA study. Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, 94, 51–59. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1016/j.bbi.2021.03.007
Mariah Ramage was born and raised in Bellevue, Washington with two older brothers. She graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development, and she is currently living in the Seattle area. Mariah is currently experiencing the joys of being a nanny to three-year-old boy-girl twins while she prepares to pursue graduate work in Human Development and Family Studies. She is passionate about mental health, abuse recovery, purposeful parenting, and healthy media usage.
As a recovering perfectionist, this is a truth I am learning to embrace.
I have always tried to justify my perfectionism by telling myself that perfectionism is a good thing, that perfectionism is just me striving to improve myself. In reality, though, perfectionism holds you and I back from being our very best selves.
In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection,”Brené Brown describes that, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best….Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.… Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.”
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Let that sink in a little. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live my life so worried about what other people think that I don’t live freely, bravely, and authentically.
In a recent study of 41,641 college students, researchers Curran and Hill (2017) found that perfectionism has increased significantly over the past twenty-seven years. Curran and Hill speculate that this increase is likely due to society becoming increasingly individualistic and materialistic. In addition, young people are faced with more unrealistic expectations than previous generations.
So what can we do about it?
First, calm the comparisons.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” In our current society, especially with the influence of social media, it can be so easy to compare ourselves with the best in other people, but this can steal our joy.
In her book “For the Love,” Jen Hatmaker describes how easy it is to fall into this trap of comparison. She explains, “the trouble is, we have close-up access to [people] who excel in each individual sphere. With social media and its carefully selected messaging… we make note of their achievements… then we combine the best of everything we see, every woman (or man) we admire in every genre, and conclude: I should be all of that.”
If we step back from the screen, however, we are able to recognize how unfair it is to compare ourselves with the very best in other people. Rather than compare, take time to recognize that we each have unique strengths and gifts that we bring to the world. Appreciate your own talents and successes and compliment the talents and successes of others without making it a competition.
Second, challenge the “all-or-nothing” mentality.
Perfectionism thrives on an “all-or-nothing” mentality. According to therapists at the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Center of Los Angeles, “all-or-nothing thinking refers to thinking in extremes. You are either a success or a failure. Your performance was totally good or totally bad. If you are not perfect, then you are a failure. This binary way of thinking does not account for shades of gray, and can be responsible for a great deal of negative evaluations of yourself and others.”
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Here are a few examples:
Example 1:You lose your patience with your child. Rather than beat yourself up with thoughts like, “I am such a bad mom!” try something more kind such as, “I am a good mom who lost her patience.”
Example 2:You set a goal to exercise five days this week but you miss a day. Rather than jump to thoughts like, “I am so lazy! I never do what I say I am going to do!” try something like, “I did not exercise today, but I have done really well the other days. I am excited to try again tomorrow!”
Example 3:You show up late to a meeting. Rather than fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking with comments like, “I am always late! I am so irresponsible. Why do I even try?” try thinking something more positive such as, “I did not make it right on time to the meeting, but I still came which shows my dedication. I am proud of myself for showing up.”
Rather than only seeing yourself as a “success” or “failure,” try giving yourself a little grace and some space to be human.
Third, embrace being a beginner.
As a perfectionist, it is easy to fall into the trap of not trying things simply due to fear of failure or fear of what people might think. The trouble with that, though, is that when we cease to experience we cease to become. Trying things and learning from our experiences is an essential part of being human.
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AnxietyBC explains that, “having a problem with perfectionism is a lot like having a “phobia” of making mistakes or being imperfect… Facing fears in a gradual and consistent manner is the most effective way to overcome phobias, and is called “exposure”. For example, the best way to overcome a dog phobia is to gradually spend time with dogs, to learn that they are not as scary and dangerous as you initially thought. Similarly, overcoming your “phobia” of making mistakes or being imperfect involves doing just that–gradually and purposely making mistakes and coming across as imperfect. This technique also involves gradually putting yourself into situations that you usually avoid out of a fear that things won’t work out perfectly.”
So next time you want to bow out, avoid a situation, or say no simply because you are afraid of failure, choose courage. Enjoy the fun of giving yourself permission to be imperfect. Embrace mistakes as growth opportunities.
Conclusion
Overcoming perfectionistic tendencies isn’t easy, but it does open up a world of joy and opportunity we can’t fully experience when we are grasping onto the idea of “perfection”. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good, and remember, you are enough.
Do something that sounds fun to you without worrying about what other people might think! Turn up the music and dance your heart out, sing your favorite song with the windows rolled down, or wear that outfit you absolutely love but that hides in the back of your closet because it’s not “in style.”
References
Brown, B. C. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing.
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2017, December 28). Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138
Hatmaker, J. (2015). For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards. Nashville, TN: Nelson Books.
Aubrey Hartshorn is from Weiser, Idaho. She is happily married to her husband Joseph and is the proud mamma of a beautiful little girl. She recently graduated from Brigham Young University with a degree in Family Studies. She is passionate about mindfulness, minimalism, and motherhood.
As a new mom myself, I am all too familiar with the many changes that accompany postpartum. The complete joy; the exhaustion; the new family dynamics; the physical recovery; the bonding; the new body; modified social and work dynamics and countless other changes that one truly can’t prepare for.
Experiences during postpartum vary widely, ranging from tears of discouragement to inexplicable joy—sometimes within a matter of minutes! In hopes of shedding some light on the realities of postpartum, I’ve asked over a dozen new moms about their experiences. These brave mothers candidly share the highs and lows of their transition into motherhood; how they find solace on hard days and invaluable advice for expectant moms. The full interview can be found here.
In this post, I’ve summarized their responses into four essential tips on how to thrive in postpartum, and included some experiences of women with postpartum depression and/or anxiety integrated with what the experts have to say about it.
#1 Be Patient With Yourself
Being patient with yourself is key in postpartum! It takes practice to learn how to best meet your baby’s needs, and communication with an infant can be tricky. Be kind to yourself as you learn the ropes of motherhood.
Photo by Jenna Christina on Unsplash
“It is easy to be overwhelmed and feel like I am not enough or I am not doing enough. Even if I feel like I am a good mom 99% of the time I tend to dwell on the one moment I lost my patience for a second.”
Remember to avoid comparing your progress with your perception of other moms. Everyone’s journey looks different, and things are rarely as they seem.
“Nowadays with social media you can see everybody’s perfect moments, and not their everyday, and so that’s what you compare to. They look happy, their house is so clean, why isn’t mine? But you have to remember that every situation is different and what people post isn’t always reality.”
#2 Take Time to Recharge
Being 100% responsible for a little one can be really taxing. Surrounding yourself with family and friends who can support you in this new endeavor makes a world of difference. Research has shown that the well-being of first time mothers is indicative of the support of her social network (Leahy et al., 2012).Just as the old proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Use your village!
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“Bring on a trusted team of helpers to help care for your baby, husband, kids and you. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You need all of the strength to get you through the first few months, especially.”
Self-care is crucial to maintaining our identity outside of motherhood. Try making a list of things you enjoy doing and then make the time to do them! You will feel refreshed and be better able to care for your loved ones.
“I think once I get out of the house I feel a lot better. Even if it’s just for a walk around the block. Sometimes the only way to get out of the house is with messy hair and no makeup but I always feel better.”
#3 Trust Your Intuition
Many people will have opinions on what is ‘best.’ Trust your intuition! You are more than capable to care for your baby as you see fit.
Photo by Dakota Corbin on Unsplash
“DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. Mom-guilt is real and I can really be hard on myself, especially when I feel like I’m not living up to expectations (either ones that I have set for myself, or ones that I feel like others have for me).”
Our motherhood journeys will all look different because each mother, baby and situation are unique. Remember to “go with your gut” and do what you feel is best—even if it isn’t popular among friends or family.
“Rather than doing what the books tell you to do or everything that others tell you to do, trust yourself. You do have motherly instincts and they’ll kick in to help you. Books and advice from others are there to simply make your life easier and bring you more joy, so if that advice is taking away the joy of motherhood, then let it go and do things your way.”
#4 Redefine Success
Success in motherhood looks different! In the first few weeks after my baby was born, I had a hard time feeling successful at the end of each day. My to-do list became extremely simple (ex. ‘take a shower,’ or ‘clip baby’s nails’). I became disenchanted with the monotony of my small accomplishments.
“When another person depends on you for everything, suddenly the easiest household tasks seem monumental—especially on limited sleep.”
I’ve since learned that success isn’t completing a well thought out to-do list! I fed, diapered, sang to, read to, played with, soothed and cherished my baby all day long (tasks that didn’t appear on my to-do list). To me, that has become success.
“…this tiny sweet person will only be little for so long. I am slowly learning to not sweat the small things and that playing hide and seek is much more important than finishing the laundry.”
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
“Postpartum depression is a real thing, and I think every new mom no matter if she experiences it or not, is a soldier for what she goes through. Virtually no part of your body, mind, or soul goes untouched after becoming a mother.”
Approximately 8–14 % of US women experience postpartum depression, yet fewer than half of these women ever receive treatment (Farr et al., 2016). This often stems from the notion that postpartum depression and anxiety are not permanent conditions and that you can just “ride-it-out.” When left unacknowledged or untended, these conditions can have lasting effects and overshadow the joys of motherhood.
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It’s important to educate yourself on both the typical and atypical symptoms of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety/OCD. Click here and here for two different articles that help explain these symptoms.
After giving birth, there is a significant shift in hormones that often cause mothers to experience mood swings. A few blue days of feeling tired and overwhelmed are considered ‘typical’ while extended periods of feeling hopeless are not. If you are consumed by feelings of sadness, guilt or anxiousness, reach out and get the help you need.
“DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. I started seeing my therapist as soon as my anxiety felt higher than normal after giving birth. I have generalized anxiety disorder, so my husband and I were on alert, knowing that I was at a higher risk for postpartum. Getting professional help has really helped me to keep going.”
“I now know I had postpartum anxiety/OCD after B was born. For the first few months I hardly slept or would leave my baby alone in a room. I was so worried about him and his safety. It was hard because I was worried that I would feel like that forever. I of course still worry about him but not in the same obsessive way. I was ashamed to tell anyone my “crazy” thoughts and feelings and didn’t reach out when I needed to the most.”
Conclusion:
The key to THRIVING in postpartum is not going at it alone or with unrealistic expectations. Celebrate the mundane but important victories and surround yourself with a support network that validates you in the most important undertaking you will ever face!
As you hit that daily wall of “I have no idea what I am doing” or experience the euphoria of “I’m so happy my heart could burst”, take a step back and remember that this is the nature of motherhood and that you are in good company.
References
Farr, S. L., Ko, J. Y., Burley, K., & Gupta, S. (2016). Provider communication on perinatal depression: A population-based study. Archives of Women’s Mental Health, 19(1), 35–40. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s00737-014-0493-9
Hussmann, M. D. (2021). Demystifying first-time mothers’ postpartum mental health: A phenomenological study of the transition to becoming a mother [ProQuest Information & Learning]. In Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering (Vol. 82, Issue 8–B).
Leahy, W. P., McCarthy, G., & Corcoran, P. (2012). First‐time mothers: Social support, maternal parental self‐efficacy and postnatal depression. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 21(3–4), 388–397. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1111/j.1365-2702.2011.03701.x
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Shirley Anderson is a Utah native and the youngest of five children. She has been married to her sweetheart for three years, and together they have recently begun the journey of parenthood to a darling little girl and are currently living in Stuttgart, Germany. Shirley graduated from Brigham Young University with a Bachelor of Science in Family Life and Human Development.
Pick one of these anxiety-busting tricks to try out this week, and share with us how it works for you!
