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Written by Livy Andrus, Brigham Young University
The term “emerging adult” has taken on many names from “extended adolescence” to “delayed adulthood” to “those confused 20-somethings.” Correct terminology aside, all of these titles refer to the same group of 18- to 29-year-olds that seems to be caught between the dependency of adolescence and the independence of adulthood.
Emerging adulthood, as a stage of development, is relatively new in the realm of social science and has been the subject of many research studies. All of these studies have sought to answer one question: how can we better understand the experiences of emerging adults and help in the transition to adulthood?
The Myths of Emerging Adulthood
Jeffrey Arnett, the researcher who coined the term “emerging adulthood,” has described emerging adulthood as the age of identity exploration, instability, self-focus, and possibility (Arnett, 2021). These characteristics have given rise to many negative stereotypes around this stage of life, including the idea that emerging adults are selfish, depressed, and quick to participate in risky behaviors.
While these stereotypes may have some truth to them, Arnett argues that they have been blown way out of proportion. In fact, much of the behavior of emerging adults can be attributed to the “combination of changing social norms, shifting economic conditions, and advancing technology” (Schwartz, 2013).
For example, changing social norms have perpetuated the stereotype of selfishness. While the norm several generations ago was to settle into a career and a romantic relationship soon after graduating high school, today, a more competitive job market has pushed many young adults to pursue higher levels of education in order to compete for high-paying and satisfying jobs (Schwartz, 2013). This extended period of time pursuing higher education, combined with recent economic changes, has caused many emerging adults to refrain from settling down until they have secured a stable source of income. Thus, many emerging adults adopt independent lifestyles that are sometimes seen as self-gratifying.
Likewise, the stereotypes of depression and risky behaviors are fueled by the stress and instability that emerging adults face due to the competitive job market and growing social and educational expectations (Goldsmith, 2018).
How to Help and Support an Emerging Adult
For a generation of parents who were held to a very different set of expectations in their 20s, this new stage of development can be just as confusing for them as it is for their emerging adult. Jennifer Tanner, a social scientist whose research focuses on better understanding the transition to adulthood, said, “The problem is that we know how to steer emerging adults to get a ‘good’ job . . . and have a ‘good’ family. But we’re not so good at knowing how to help emerging adults explore and find themselves” (2010).
Tanner explains that no emerging adult is the same: Each one will require a different combination of support and motivation during this time of instability (2010). However, discovering this combination is often easier said than done. To provide a starting point, below is a list of things that parents can practice in order to foster a healthy relationship with their emerging adult:
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Help your emerging adult balance dependence with independence. Whether your emerging adult lives away from home or in your basement, they should be treated like, well, an adult. Even if you provide them with some financial support, setting boundaries and expectations for them to live up to, while also respecting their privacy and having faith in their ability to handle their own lives, will help them gradually transition into a state of complete independence (Alongi & Wolf, 2019).
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Be careful not to “jiggle the habitat.” Marriage and Family Therapist, Stephenie Lievense compared caring for emerging adults to caring for newly transformed butterflies (2013). She explains that although butterflies emerge from their cocoons with beautiful wings, they are not necessarily ready for flight right away. Those who care for butterflies must refrain from “jiggling the habitat” because doing so could further harm the butterfly.
Similarly, bombarding an emerging adult with questions or unsolicited advice could cause them more anxiety than motivation. While it can be difficult to simply sit back and watch your emerging adult make their own decisions in life, it is necessary if you wish to teach them how to gain their own footing.
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Maintain open communication. The only way to understand the complexity of an emerging adult is to establish an open, accepting, and honest line of communication (Goldsmith, 2018). This type of communication seeks to voice your concerns when necessary, but your emerging adult should also be able to ask for distance or support as they need it.
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Model a healthy lifestyle. Your emerging adult needs to see what a healthy lifestyle looks like in order to create their own (Alongi & Wolf, 2019). They need to be reassured that the best is yet to come and that having to struggle and ask for help is often healthy. One of the best ways to do this, in a manner that still respects their space and experiences, is through your example.
Take care of yourself. Be open about when you face hardships, and share resources that helped you overcome them. Be someone who your emerging adult can relate to, and it may motivate them to model their own lives after yours.
Following these principles can help you maintain a good relationship with your emerging adult and can provide them with more stability during an otherwise very unstable time. One of the healthiest things an emerging adult can receive during this period of development is the reassurance that they are valued and respected and that you have faith in their ability to build the life that is best for them.
If you are a parent of an emerging adult, consider how you can practice principles taught in this article. Perhaps work on establishing or strengthening open, accepting, and honest communication with your emerging adult, or consider how you can be healthier in your own life, to better model a healthy lifestyle.
References
Alongi, P. & Wolf, K. (2019) Parenting emerging adults. Be Strong Families. https://www.bestrongfamilies.org/news/2019/2/21/parenting-emerging-adults
Arnett, J. J. (2021). Emerging adulthood. In R. Biswas-Diener & E. Diener (Eds), Noba textbook series: Psychology. Champaign, IL: DEF publishers. https://nobaproject.com/modules/emerging-adulthood
Goldsmith, J. (2018) Emerging adults’ relationships with their parents. The Family Institute at Northwestern University. https://www.family-institute.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/csi-emerging-adults-relationships-with-parents.pdf
Lievense, S. (2013). The proper care and feeding of emerging adults. Fuller Youth Institute. https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/blog/the-proper-care-and-feeding-of-emerging-adults
Schwartz, S. (2013). Why are young adults so darn confused? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/proceed-your-own-risk/201308/why-are-young-adults-so-darn-confused
Tanner, J. (2010). Understanding 20-somethings is different from knowing a 20-something. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/becoming-adult/201010/understanding-20-somethings-is-different-knowing-20-something
Livy Andrus is from Ogden, Utah. She is currently a senior studying Family Life at Brigham Young University. She enjoys researching and writing about building healthy relationships within the family, and hopes to make this her life’s work. When she is not writing, she loves watching movies, traveling, reading, and doing anything creative.
